Chapter 3
Third year began much as any other year except more homework was being given due to the extra two subjects they'd had to take. James and Sirius didn't really mind, both being highly intelligent, the extra work didn't pose a problem to them. Remus, although he wouldn't admit it, rather enjoyed it. He got to read more books this way. Although not naturally as clever as his two raven haired friends it was widely acknowledged that Remus was the most studious. Their fourth friend Peter, however, was rather lacking in the school- work department and had struggled through both the previous two years and was horrified by the extra homework and was convinced if it weren't for Remus' patience that he would have failed in all subjects. Consequentially it was late that night when the four of them retreated to bed.
Apart from Remus, none of them seemed aware of their bodies and changed in front of each other into their pyjamas. The young werewolf was very conscious of his scars and thin body so always got changed behind the curtains on his bed. Before doing so though, he couldn't help but notice that James and Sirius had both grown and Sirius in particular had filled out, not in a Peter type of way, in a muscular toned sense. He looked nice. Remus realised he had just thought his friend was attractive and scuttled behind his curtains and pulled off his clothes, aware his face had changed from its usual eggshell pallor to a red as deep as the Gryffindor drapes in the dormitory.
The following morning over breakfast Remus sat quietly, which wasn't particularly unusual, so nobody seemed to notice anything different. However, it wasn't the normal sleepiness keeping him from participating in the game between James and Sirius, who were trying to feed each other with both eyes closed and consequentially getting food all over, but deep thoughts. What had made him look at Sirius the previous night, why not at the other two? Ok, well at least why not James, Peter didn't exactly have much going for him, horrible as it may seem. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Sirius just clad in his underwear before, hell he'd seen him stark naked regularly! Saying that Sirius wasn't shy was a massive understatement. But last night had brought a definite blush to his cheeks as he took in Sirius' strong chest and broadening shoulders.
He glanced over at Sirius, who was now howling with laughter, his oceanic eyes twinkling with glee at James, who now had baked beans down his front and was getting up to hurry back upstairs before transfiguration to get changed, McGonnagal didn't approve of tardiness! He felt colour rising in his cheeks once again. Why was Sirius so good-looking? Remus knew he shouldn't be thinking like this, he wasn't gay was he? So why did he look upon Sirius as gorgeous?
He was jolted from his thoughts by Peter. "I'd eat up if I was you or we'll be late."
Transfiguration wasn't one of Remus' favourite subjects. He was better at Defence Against the Dark Arts. Sirius and James, however, were much better. In the past James had been better at Charms but in second year he got the highest mark in the year from McGonnagal for his Transfiguration exam.
"Settle down!" McGonnagal came sweeping into the classroom and everyone fell silent. Although she was head of Gryffindor house she had no qualms at taking points from its pupils should she see it fit. "Today we are going to learn about Animagi." She stated with her crisp voice. "This is a particularly difficult transformation, above the level of wizards and witches of your own ability."
Suddenly in her place sat a tabby cat and as quickly as she had turned into it she changed back. "To be an animagus you must be registered with the Ministry of Magic. There are very few registered cases as it is such a complicated transformation. What the animagi spell allows a person to do is to transform from a human to an animal."
Remus nudged James who was sitting beside him listening to McGonnagal intently. "I can do that without the spell." James nodded and smiled back, glad that Remus was less touchy about his condition now with his friends.
"Mr. Lupin! If you have something to say would you mind sharing it with the class?" Remus looked down at his desk. "I thought not!" She pursed her lips at him as he glanced up apologetically.
Later, when Remus was in the library, Sirius spoke to James and Peter. "I don't know what you think about this, and it's probably just about impossible but I think it is definitely worth a try." He looked determined and his eyes gleamed.
"Sirius, we've already had detention four times this term in just as many weeks!" Peter said nervously, not liking standing up to Sirius but often concerned by his rashness.
"No you idiot! Listen!"
James looked up from 'Quidditch through the Ages' "I'm listening."
"It's nothing that breaks school rules, well actually...erm ok I take that back it kind of breaks the law!" Sirius thought momentarily that this wasn't such a clever idea after all, but then had a change of heart and went on anyhow, despite the look of terror on Peter's podgy face. "Why don't we try to become animagi?" He waited a grin on his face thinking this was actually a very good idea.
"Yeah!" James said to Sirius' delight, which was rapidly erased. "Let's rob Gringotts!"
Sirius looked offended. "It's not that bad James! I mean, I know we're too young to register and all that, but it's hardly like we're causing harm! But if you two aren't interested that's fine, I'll do it myself!" He said with a touch of huffiness.
What's the point though?" Peter asked, worried by the hurt look on Sirius' face. Sirius, when upset could be rather volatile to say the least!
"The point is, Remus goes through his transformation every month and he's lonely and scared!"
"And? I know it's awful for him but there's nothing we can do, I mean none of us can go with him, he'd bite us! And much as I love Remy, I don't really fancy becoming a werewolf myself!" James said with a tone filled with logic.
Sirius sighed. "And here was me thinking you'd have cared enough about Remus to have read a little more into his condition!"
James slammed his book shut. "Are you forgetting it was actually me who worked out what Remus was? It was me that read all about it. Anyhow, I still don't see what you're getting at?"
Sirius scowled. "Animals can't become werewolves! Only humans can!"
James, feeling annoyed by Sirius, snapped at him. "An animagus isn't an animal; it's a human in animal form!" Peter sat quietly, not wanting to get caught in an exchange between the two of them.
"You're wrong!" Sirius stated. "Anyhow, it'll probably never work." He added calming down, realising having an argument with James wasn't the way forward. "I just think we should read into it. It'd make Remus really happy. He's done so much for all of us in the last few years it's a small sacrifice to make doing a bit of research into it isn't it."
James' face softened, he understood what Sirius was meaning and knew he was only doing it because his heart was in the right place. "Alright, we'll give it a go. But we shouldn't say anything to Remus. If it isn't going to work I don't want us to be getting his hopes up."
***
"I wish that James and Sirius would get back from quidditch practise so we can go!" Peter said impatiently. "I can't wait to see what Honeydukes is like!" It was the first Hogsmeade weekend that Saturday and Remus and Peter were waiting eagerly for the return of their two friends.
"I'm knackered!" Sirius said, flinging down his things as he came into the bedroom.
"Just have a quick wash and then we'll be ready." James puffed, red in the face.
Sirius pulled on a pair of hugging jeans. Remus tried to look the other way as Sirius dressed but found that his eyes kept being dragged back to the trim figure before him.
"Does my bum look big in this?" Sirius winked at Remus, noticing him looking.
Stuttering, Remus replied "It looks lovely." Merlin! Had he just said what he thought he had? He'd meant it looked fine, not lovely! Even if that's what he'd secretly thought!
Sirius laughed at Remus' flushed face. "Don't be embarrassed Remy, you've got good taste, I think my rear end is rather lovely too!"
Remus swallowed hard. Was Sirius flirting with him? He shook his head and turned away. Don't be ridiculous Remus; he flirts with everyone. Not that he blamed Sirius, if he looked half as good as Sirius did, he thought, he'd flirt lots because he would have the confidence. As it was, he felt ugly next to Sirius, scrawny and scarred, with grey in his hair. Even if Sirius did like boys, which he didn't, Remus assured himself, because of all the girls he flirted with these days, he wouldn't be interested in someone such as himself.
The four boys collapsed into a booth in The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade after some furious shopping. Sirius had bought himself some exploding stink pellets "To throw at Snape" along with a set of wizard chess, they would all enjoy playing that.
James had bought a cleaning kit for his broomstick, knowing full well that Sirius would no doubt help himself to it, not that he minded sharing it with his best friend. Remus had had to be dragged from the bookshop, quite literally, when James and Sirius threatened to pick him up and physically remove him, but he had still managed to buy three new books, having been saving his money up for this occassion. However the biggest buy of the day was enough sweets to feed an army. Between the four of them they must have had at least 20 different types of sweets, enough to last a whole term, but they knew they'd probably have eaten them by the end of the week!
"Four butterbeers darling" Sirius said with a wink and a charming smile at Madame Rosmerta, the young and ample-chested barmaid. Remus' heart sunk. He didn't know why he let it bother him. Sirius had, after all, behaved like this for years but somehow now it was different. He felt.jealous!
"Hi James." The pretty redhead girl, Lily, said as she and her friends walked past them. "You were good in quidditch practise this morning. You too Sirius." She smiled at them both. "Anyhow, we're just going to have a quick drink before we go back to school. See you later." She left, leaving James blushing.
"Sirius? Can I talk to you?" James asked that night after Remus and Peter had gone up for a shower.
"Hmm?"
James was shuffling on his bed, finding his sherbet lemons very interesting.
Sirius noticed and looked up from the broomstick kit he'd been looking at. "What's worrying you?"
James sighed and looked like he was gathering courage. "It's a bit embarrassing. I...I...I like Lily Evans."
Sirius looked perplexed. "Yeah, she's a nice enough girl, her friends are a bit giggly."
"No." James said his ears going red.
"Oh!" Sirius said it suddenly dawning on him. "You like her."
James nodded and looked away. "She's really pretty and she's always so friendly. I just don't know if I should do anything about it. I mean she kissed me at the end of last year on the cheek but I mean, it probably means nothing."
Sirius looked thoughtful. "She came up to you today in the inn though, and she seems to like you too."
James wrinkled his nose thoughtfully, making his glasses slip. Pushing them back up he shook his head. "I dunno Sirius, she spoke to you as well."
"She only spoke to me as an afterthought though. I think she likes you as well. Anyhow, she always smiles at you. If I was you, I'd talk to her. Just ask her if she'll help with charms or something, she's good at that."
James shook his head in disagreement. "I'm quite good at charms, it used to be my best subject; it'd look obvious."
"It's meant to be James! Either that or just ask her if she'll go out with you!"
James nodded. "Alright I'll ask her tomorrow. Thanks Siri."
"Anytime my dearest. Agony Uncle Sirius is here to help with all these teenage angsty situations!" James attacked him with a pillow.
***
The next morning James was up earlier than usual and was surprised to see Remus also awake. "You're up early."
"Had a funny dream." Remus said.
"Poor you, I hate nightmares."
Remus nodded, knowing he hadn't exactly lied. In fact, he'd enjoyed the dream rather a lot more than he should have done.
"What happened in it?" James enquired pulling on his clothes.
"Can't really remember." Remus lied, knowing he could never tell the truth to James, he'd think he was crazy.
Sirius stretched languidly and pulled himself from the warmth of his bed and removed his pyjamas before wrapping a towel around his slender hips. "Going for a shower. Wait for me before you go to breakfast. You'd better wake up Pete, you know what he's like for getting out of bed."
James made no move to awaken Peter from his sleep, his eyes watching Remus carefully. "Rem?" He questioned.
"What?" Remus jumped turning quickly, realising with horror that he'd yet again been staring at Sirius.
"Do you fancy Sirius?"
Remus feigned a surprised look, amazed when he felt it had come off all right, when really he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. "Where the hell did you get that from?" He struggled to prevent his voice from shaking from the fear at his secret being discovered.
"You were staring at him without his clothes on."
"I was not!" Remus retorted hotly. "Honestly James! What a ridiculous suggestion. We're both boys for goodness sake!"
Remus laughed, although James noticed it didn't sound like the usual tinkle, more of a hollow forced laugh. He wondered what was really going on in Remus head, but his amber eyes which usually reflected his thoughts had shut down, blocking out any emotion, realising he'd have to be more careful and discreet in future.
"Lily?" James called after her on the way to his first class, muggle studies ("It can't be that hard." Said Sirius. "It'll be interesting." Said Remus)
"Hi James." She smiled broadly, showing perfect white teeth.
"Can I talk to you?" James wished her friends would go away.
"Of course." She noticed he was holding back. "You go ahead, I'll catch you up." She said to her friends who were looking appreciatively at James.
"I..." James cleared his throat as she looked imploringly into his deep eyes. "I think you're really pretty and I was wondering if you'd." He paused, wishing he had Sirius' fearlessness at talking to the opposite sex. "If you'd go out with me?" He blushed furiously.
"That's really sweet of you James. I'm really sorry but I'm sort of attached already. Matthew Brown, you know, the seeker on the Hufflepuff team?" James nodded sadly, feeling incredibly stupid. "I really am sorry James." She said looking a little guilty and pulled him into an amicable hug. "You're lovely James, it isn't you, and I'm really flattered. If the situation were different I'd have been delighted."
James nodded feeling thoroughly deflated. "I'll see you in History of Magic then." He dejectedly headed towards his lesson wishing he'd just kept quiet.
***
Sirius didn't know why he couldn't sleep. It was about six in the morning late in March that year. He looked around the dormitory. Peter was, as usual, snoring. His round body curled up, practically covered, apart from a tuft of his washed out blond hair. James too was fast asleep, his mouth slightly ajar, lean body stretched out with the covers around his waist. The fourth bed in the room was empty.
Last night had been the full moon.
Remus should have been back in human form now. Usually he would bring himself back through the passageway and head to the hospital wing. Sirius went to the window, wondering if he would see Remus coming back through the branches of the Whomping Willow. He must have sat there for nearly half an hour, wondering perhaps if Remus was already in the hospital wing having his cuts bathed when suddenly the boy crawled from under the tree.
Sirius' breath caught in his throat as he saw Remus pull himself on hands and knees out of harm's reach from the lethal tree, before falling forwards lying on the ground.
Not even thinking to pull a cloak around himself the black haired boy flew down the stairs from the dormitory into the common room before going through the portrait hole ignoring the fat lady's irritated tone "Just a touch early don't you think!" and haring down to the grounds and to Remus' limp body.
"Remus, Remus!" He panted, falling to his own knees, not caring as the dewy grass soaked through his thin striped pyjama bottoms.
Remus turned his head and groaned with the effort to look up at Sirius. "Thank goodness you're here." He managed to say, as Sirius helped him up. Remus yelped in pain as Sirius' hand pressed into a deep wound on his side.
"Oh Remy, you poor little soul." Sirius felt like he could cry at the state of his best friend. He'd never seen him look so pallid and the blood from his wounds seeped through the cloak wrapped around the shivering body of the young werewolf. "Hold onto me. I'll get you to Madame Pomfrey." Sirius carefully wrapped an arm around Remus' tiny waist and helped him to put his arm over his own shoulder.
"I feel sick." Remus muttered.
"Poor darling." Sirius said "Just hold onto me and I'll get you into bed.
"Thanks you're.." Remus gagged and Sirius gently pushed his head downwards as he threw up over both of their feet. Sirius realised at this point that he had no shoes on with an unpleasant shock! "I'm sorry." Remus wept softly.
"Don't worry about it. Like I've told you before, if I remember rightly, you can't help vomiting. You've had a rough night haven't you?" Remus nodded and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Come on, I'm going to carry you."
Remus didn't have strength to protest, as Sirius gently lifted his tired body into his arms and took him to the hospital wing. "Thanks Siri, you're so lovely."
"Where've you been?" James asked, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes before placing his glasses on so he could focus better.
"Eurgh!" Peter screwed up his face, "What's that smell?!"
Sirius looked down at his pyjama bottoms. "Remus was sick on me." He took the offending garment off and explained exactly what had happened to the other two before going for a very quick shower.
"Right, we should get upstairs to the hospital wing to him. He's not well bless him, I think he'd like the company." Peter was about to say something about breakfast but decided against it when James agreed with Sirius.
"I think we need to really work on this whole animagi thing you know." Sirius said as they hurriedly paced towards the hospital wing. "I don't think I ever want to see him like that again, it was scary!"
Peter nodded.
"We need to get in the restricted section though and there is no way any of the teachers are going to trust us with our track record for causing trouble no matter how good at Transfiguration James is."
James looked round before whispering. "Next full moon, when Remus isn't here, we'll get the invisibility cloak and borrow one and then copy what we need out of it while it's still dark then take it back before Madame Pince gets into the library. It shouldn't be too hard if we're careful."
Remus was sat up in bed now with a cup of tea and a piece of toast he was cautiously nibbling at, not wanting to throw up again, when the other three boys rushed in. Madame Pomfrey made disapproving noises about Remus needing rest but relented when Remus begged her to let them stay.
"How are you feeling?" James asked, taking in the bandages around Remus' arms, and taking a seat beside the bed. Peter sat on the other side leaving Sirius nowhere to sit down.
"I've felt better." Remus smiled sheepishly. "I seem to have torn myself up a bit!"
Peter, who still found it quite difficult to take that Remus bit and clawed so much at himself, sat quietly, wishing Remus would either eat the toast or give it to him, his stomach thought his throat had been cut!
"Sit here." Remus shuffled over in the bed slightly to allow Sirius to sit beside him.
"Thanks Rem. You really scared me there Remy, I'm so glad you're alright!" He said clasping Remus' hand and thinking how tragically beautiful he looked.
"Only thanks to you." Remus squeezed Sirius hand back, never wanting to let him go. "I felt like I was going to die." A sob caught in his throat. Peter looked away, always uncomfortable when people cried.
"Come here." Sirius sounded soft and gentle as he reached out and held Remus, tenderly stroking circles on Remus' shuddering back.
"You were so kind Sirius."
Sirius spoke softly into Remus' ear. "I only did what you'd have done for me if it was the other way round. I couldn't just leave you there now could I?"
James watched the scene before his eyes. He'd always been Sirius' best friend from childhood and now it felt as if he was drifting away from him. He didn't resent this, somehow the way in which they were moving apart wasn't in a loss of friendship, it was something deeper between Sirius and Remus, the pair seemed to have some deep routed connection that appeared delicately special.
***
"A Guide to the Wizarding World's most complex Transfigurations." James read.
"Sounds good." Sirius answered. "Let's get out of here and have a look." They bustled off towards the dormitory. Now they had grown it was getting increasingly difficult to fit all of them underneath the invisibility cloak and keep everything fully concealed. It was even more difficult when all four of them were together but tonight Remus was in the Shrieking Shack.
Walking along the corridor once upstairs Sirius, who was in front, stopped dead suddenly, causing James to tread on his foot. "OW!" Sirius yelped before he could stop himself.
"Students!" They heard footsteps coming up behind them.
"Filch!" Peter hissed, feeling his legs getting weak beneath him, Filch always gave such awful punishments! Picking up pace they strode on, hoping to get through the doorway before Filch caught them up, it would be awful if he should bump into them when they were invisible, the cloak would no doubt be confiscated, along with the book.
"Is there a problem Mr. Filch?" James thought his heart would stop beating. Professor McGonnagal stood in the doorway, which they wanted to get through. They'd had it!
"Hold onto me!" Hissed Peter reaching for his wand. Sirius braced himself for whatever damage Peter was about to do. "Acendio!" He tapped the statue of the witch beside him and suddenly they disappeared down into a passageway, out of harm's reach."
James slumped down against the side of the dusty tunnel. "Where did that come from?" He asked a look of sheer admiration on his face. That was bloody brilliant Pete! Question is where are we?"
Peter flushed with pride, it was unusual for him to do anything groundbreaking, that tended to be Sirius' job! "I don't know, I just remembered from somewhere that some statues lead to secret tunnels and if you say 'Acendio' they open." He shrugged.
"Don't let me ever hear you say you're thick again!" Sirius hooted with laughter. "Pete you are the man! Now let's see where this goes, we might find something interesting!"
"This was a bad idea! We should have just waited 15 minutes and got back out!" Peter wheezed as they started uphill after walking for what seemed like an hour with only the "Lumos" light from their wands.
"Shit!" Sirius winced as his head thumped off something. Directing his wand up he realised it was the handle of a trap door.
"Not your night is it Siri? First your foot and now your head!" Sirius shrugged. "Better than poor Remus."
James nodded before directing his own wand at the door "Alohamora!" Wrapping the cloak around themselves again they proceeded through the door.
"Where are we?" Peter asked.
"I think." James' face took on a look of excitement. "We're in the cellar in Honeydukes!"
Sirius laughed. "How much is Remus going to wish he'd been here?!"
"I'm starving." Peter grinned. "It wouldn't hurt if we all just took one thing would it?"
James looked as if he was considering this as he could see Peter's eyes nearly popping out in glee. "Only one each alright, if we take lots it'll be obvious."
Peter helped himself to a small packet of chocoballs while James took a sugar quill.
"I'll just have a bar of Honeydukes chocolate." Sirius said reaching out and slipping it into a pocket in his pyjama top.
"I'd have thought you'd get some pepper imps, you like those."
Sirius shook his head. "It's not for me, I'm going to give it to Remus in the morning. I'm going to go down to the willow again in the morning and get him. I know how much he likes this stuff and since he's missing out I think it's only fair."
James looked thoughtful. Just what exactly was going on with those two? They'd become increasingly strange over the last two terms.
***
"Why did I ever take Muggle studies?" Peter whined trying to revise.
"Because we did?" Remus suggested, leaning over and trying to help Peter understand how a dishwasher worked.
"None of us are muggle born so what ever possessed us?" Peter continued, stressed to death with the extra work he had to learn for his exams, having struggled in the past.
"It isn't that difficult Pete. I mean they're muggles, it isn't as if they do magic, it isn't too complicated." Sirius said, being drawn back from his thoughts on how to get the Slytherins back for ruining his potion earlier that week. So far he'd come up with ploys to change their dormitory into a shrine to Gryffindor or to slip something into their food to make them extremely fat. But the exams had to, unfortunately, take prevalence over the tricks they'd like to play, or visits to Honeydukes through the secret passage at night.
However as usual all four passed their exams, Sirius and James with flying colours and Peter scraping through by the skin of his teeth. Remus was a little disappointed with his own results, having had a particularly bad transformation not long before the exams, and therefore he couldn't work as hard as he would have liked, as Madame Pomfrey insisted he stayed in bed and did no work.
"I see your standards are slipping Lupin. Not as clever as you thought are you?" Malfoy sneered as they boarded the Hogwarts express to leave for the summer.
Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, Lucius having struck a raw nerve.
"He was ill, get lost you slimy bastard!" Sirius said, a vein on his forehead throbbing, evidently more angry than usual at Malfoy and sidekick Snape.
"He's always ill!" Snape smiled unpleasantly. "Would you like me to take your temperature Lupin, make sure your delicate body is capable of the trip home."
Remus' heart was pounding in his chest, desperately trying to control his rapidly escalating temper.
"Pick on me if you have to but leave Remus alone!" Sirius bellowed raising his wand in fury.
James caught hold of Sirius' arm not wanting a huge battle. "Let it go he isn't worth it."
"No!" Sirius growled. "He shouldn't be so awful to Remus!"
"That's right Black, protect your little boyfriend!"
"Whatever!" Sirius said, sinking, red in the face, back down as Malfoy swept out of the carriage, Snape following.
"You didn't have to do that." Remus, who was as flushed as Sirius, spoke.
"I did, you're my friend and he was picking on you!"
The rest of the train journey was passed pleasantly playing exploding snap and eating sweets, which had once again been stocked up on at Honeydukes.
"I think when we get together in the holidays we should set about making a map of the school with all the passageways we've found." Remus said when they'd finally ran out of sweets to bet with at snap.
"Why though?" James asked logically. "I mean we know all of them anyhow without drawing it out and anyhow it could be found and then everyone would know!"
"When we were last in Hogsmeade I was thinking about this sort of thing and got a book involving enchanted maps. We could draw the map and enchant it to show ourselves, all the teachers and say the Slytherins and that way we would have even less chance of getting caught. We'll sit down and work on it during the holidays." Everyone felt excited by the prospect of this.
"See you later in the summer." Remus said sadly, not really wanting to say goodbye to his friends, not having anyone at home to be with and knowing that he would end up just sat reading for hours on end.
Sirius pulled him into a tight hug and ruffled his hair. "Keep in touch. I'll send lots of letters with Athena." Remus, after saying goodbye to the other two left with Peter in the direction of their parents who were talking together, leaving James and Sirius alone.
"Sirius?" He asked as he gathered all of his belongings together. "What do you think of Remus?"
Sirius looked puzzled. "I like him. Don't you?"
James nodded. "Of course I do, he's really nice. No, what I meant was, is there something that you.oh I don't know how to put this!" He said frustrated. "You two are particularly close, is there, well do you think well more of him than the rest of us?" Sirius laughed and clapped James on the back.
"He's lovely James, he deserves so much more than he gets you know, but you're still one of my best mates, don't worry about that!" Sirius misread James point.
"Oh well, see you soon mate." James said deciding pushing it wasn't a great idea.
"Have a good holiday James."
"Yeah you too." Sirius walked away nodding, but knowing fine well he wouldn't. His relationship with his parents became more strained by the second whenever he was at home with them.
***
Third year began much as any other year except more homework was being given due to the extra two subjects they'd had to take. James and Sirius didn't really mind, both being highly intelligent, the extra work didn't pose a problem to them. Remus, although he wouldn't admit it, rather enjoyed it. He got to read more books this way. Although not naturally as clever as his two raven haired friends it was widely acknowledged that Remus was the most studious. Their fourth friend Peter, however, was rather lacking in the school- work department and had struggled through both the previous two years and was horrified by the extra homework and was convinced if it weren't for Remus' patience that he would have failed in all subjects. Consequentially it was late that night when the four of them retreated to bed.
Apart from Remus, none of them seemed aware of their bodies and changed in front of each other into their pyjamas. The young werewolf was very conscious of his scars and thin body so always got changed behind the curtains on his bed. Before doing so though, he couldn't help but notice that James and Sirius had both grown and Sirius in particular had filled out, not in a Peter type of way, in a muscular toned sense. He looked nice. Remus realised he had just thought his friend was attractive and scuttled behind his curtains and pulled off his clothes, aware his face had changed from its usual eggshell pallor to a red as deep as the Gryffindor drapes in the dormitory.
The following morning over breakfast Remus sat quietly, which wasn't particularly unusual, so nobody seemed to notice anything different. However, it wasn't the normal sleepiness keeping him from participating in the game between James and Sirius, who were trying to feed each other with both eyes closed and consequentially getting food all over, but deep thoughts. What had made him look at Sirius the previous night, why not at the other two? Ok, well at least why not James, Peter didn't exactly have much going for him, horrible as it may seem. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Sirius just clad in his underwear before, hell he'd seen him stark naked regularly! Saying that Sirius wasn't shy was a massive understatement. But last night had brought a definite blush to his cheeks as he took in Sirius' strong chest and broadening shoulders.
He glanced over at Sirius, who was now howling with laughter, his oceanic eyes twinkling with glee at James, who now had baked beans down his front and was getting up to hurry back upstairs before transfiguration to get changed, McGonnagal didn't approve of tardiness! He felt colour rising in his cheeks once again. Why was Sirius so good-looking? Remus knew he shouldn't be thinking like this, he wasn't gay was he? So why did he look upon Sirius as gorgeous?
He was jolted from his thoughts by Peter. "I'd eat up if I was you or we'll be late."
Transfiguration wasn't one of Remus' favourite subjects. He was better at Defence Against the Dark Arts. Sirius and James, however, were much better. In the past James had been better at Charms but in second year he got the highest mark in the year from McGonnagal for his Transfiguration exam.
"Settle down!" McGonnagal came sweeping into the classroom and everyone fell silent. Although she was head of Gryffindor house she had no qualms at taking points from its pupils should she see it fit. "Today we are going to learn about Animagi." She stated with her crisp voice. "This is a particularly difficult transformation, above the level of wizards and witches of your own ability."
Suddenly in her place sat a tabby cat and as quickly as she had turned into it she changed back. "To be an animagus you must be registered with the Ministry of Magic. There are very few registered cases as it is such a complicated transformation. What the animagi spell allows a person to do is to transform from a human to an animal."
Remus nudged James who was sitting beside him listening to McGonnagal intently. "I can do that without the spell." James nodded and smiled back, glad that Remus was less touchy about his condition now with his friends.
"Mr. Lupin! If you have something to say would you mind sharing it with the class?" Remus looked down at his desk. "I thought not!" She pursed her lips at him as he glanced up apologetically.
Later, when Remus was in the library, Sirius spoke to James and Peter. "I don't know what you think about this, and it's probably just about impossible but I think it is definitely worth a try." He looked determined and his eyes gleamed.
"Sirius, we've already had detention four times this term in just as many weeks!" Peter said nervously, not liking standing up to Sirius but often concerned by his rashness.
"No you idiot! Listen!"
James looked up from 'Quidditch through the Ages' "I'm listening."
"It's nothing that breaks school rules, well actually...erm ok I take that back it kind of breaks the law!" Sirius thought momentarily that this wasn't such a clever idea after all, but then had a change of heart and went on anyhow, despite the look of terror on Peter's podgy face. "Why don't we try to become animagi?" He waited a grin on his face thinking this was actually a very good idea.
"Yeah!" James said to Sirius' delight, which was rapidly erased. "Let's rob Gringotts!"
Sirius looked offended. "It's not that bad James! I mean, I know we're too young to register and all that, but it's hardly like we're causing harm! But if you two aren't interested that's fine, I'll do it myself!" He said with a touch of huffiness.
What's the point though?" Peter asked, worried by the hurt look on Sirius' face. Sirius, when upset could be rather volatile to say the least!
"The point is, Remus goes through his transformation every month and he's lonely and scared!"
"And? I know it's awful for him but there's nothing we can do, I mean none of us can go with him, he'd bite us! And much as I love Remy, I don't really fancy becoming a werewolf myself!" James said with a tone filled with logic.
Sirius sighed. "And here was me thinking you'd have cared enough about Remus to have read a little more into his condition!"
James slammed his book shut. "Are you forgetting it was actually me who worked out what Remus was? It was me that read all about it. Anyhow, I still don't see what you're getting at?"
Sirius scowled. "Animals can't become werewolves! Only humans can!"
James, feeling annoyed by Sirius, snapped at him. "An animagus isn't an animal; it's a human in animal form!" Peter sat quietly, not wanting to get caught in an exchange between the two of them.
"You're wrong!" Sirius stated. "Anyhow, it'll probably never work." He added calming down, realising having an argument with James wasn't the way forward. "I just think we should read into it. It'd make Remus really happy. He's done so much for all of us in the last few years it's a small sacrifice to make doing a bit of research into it isn't it."
James' face softened, he understood what Sirius was meaning and knew he was only doing it because his heart was in the right place. "Alright, we'll give it a go. But we shouldn't say anything to Remus. If it isn't going to work I don't want us to be getting his hopes up."
***
"I wish that James and Sirius would get back from quidditch practise so we can go!" Peter said impatiently. "I can't wait to see what Honeydukes is like!" It was the first Hogsmeade weekend that Saturday and Remus and Peter were waiting eagerly for the return of their two friends.
"I'm knackered!" Sirius said, flinging down his things as he came into the bedroom.
"Just have a quick wash and then we'll be ready." James puffed, red in the face.
Sirius pulled on a pair of hugging jeans. Remus tried to look the other way as Sirius dressed but found that his eyes kept being dragged back to the trim figure before him.
"Does my bum look big in this?" Sirius winked at Remus, noticing him looking.
Stuttering, Remus replied "It looks lovely." Merlin! Had he just said what he thought he had? He'd meant it looked fine, not lovely! Even if that's what he'd secretly thought!
Sirius laughed at Remus' flushed face. "Don't be embarrassed Remy, you've got good taste, I think my rear end is rather lovely too!"
Remus swallowed hard. Was Sirius flirting with him? He shook his head and turned away. Don't be ridiculous Remus; he flirts with everyone. Not that he blamed Sirius, if he looked half as good as Sirius did, he thought, he'd flirt lots because he would have the confidence. As it was, he felt ugly next to Sirius, scrawny and scarred, with grey in his hair. Even if Sirius did like boys, which he didn't, Remus assured himself, because of all the girls he flirted with these days, he wouldn't be interested in someone such as himself.
The four boys collapsed into a booth in The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade after some furious shopping. Sirius had bought himself some exploding stink pellets "To throw at Snape" along with a set of wizard chess, they would all enjoy playing that.
James had bought a cleaning kit for his broomstick, knowing full well that Sirius would no doubt help himself to it, not that he minded sharing it with his best friend. Remus had had to be dragged from the bookshop, quite literally, when James and Sirius threatened to pick him up and physically remove him, but he had still managed to buy three new books, having been saving his money up for this occassion. However the biggest buy of the day was enough sweets to feed an army. Between the four of them they must have had at least 20 different types of sweets, enough to last a whole term, but they knew they'd probably have eaten them by the end of the week!
"Four butterbeers darling" Sirius said with a wink and a charming smile at Madame Rosmerta, the young and ample-chested barmaid. Remus' heart sunk. He didn't know why he let it bother him. Sirius had, after all, behaved like this for years but somehow now it was different. He felt.jealous!
"Hi James." The pretty redhead girl, Lily, said as she and her friends walked past them. "You were good in quidditch practise this morning. You too Sirius." She smiled at them both. "Anyhow, we're just going to have a quick drink before we go back to school. See you later." She left, leaving James blushing.
"Sirius? Can I talk to you?" James asked that night after Remus and Peter had gone up for a shower.
"Hmm?"
James was shuffling on his bed, finding his sherbet lemons very interesting.
Sirius noticed and looked up from the broomstick kit he'd been looking at. "What's worrying you?"
James sighed and looked like he was gathering courage. "It's a bit embarrassing. I...I...I like Lily Evans."
Sirius looked perplexed. "Yeah, she's a nice enough girl, her friends are a bit giggly."
"No." James said his ears going red.
"Oh!" Sirius said it suddenly dawning on him. "You like her."
James nodded and looked away. "She's really pretty and she's always so friendly. I just don't know if I should do anything about it. I mean she kissed me at the end of last year on the cheek but I mean, it probably means nothing."
Sirius looked thoughtful. "She came up to you today in the inn though, and she seems to like you too."
James wrinkled his nose thoughtfully, making his glasses slip. Pushing them back up he shook his head. "I dunno Sirius, she spoke to you as well."
"She only spoke to me as an afterthought though. I think she likes you as well. Anyhow, she always smiles at you. If I was you, I'd talk to her. Just ask her if she'll help with charms or something, she's good at that."
James shook his head in disagreement. "I'm quite good at charms, it used to be my best subject; it'd look obvious."
"It's meant to be James! Either that or just ask her if she'll go out with you!"
James nodded. "Alright I'll ask her tomorrow. Thanks Siri."
"Anytime my dearest. Agony Uncle Sirius is here to help with all these teenage angsty situations!" James attacked him with a pillow.
***
The next morning James was up earlier than usual and was surprised to see Remus also awake. "You're up early."
"Had a funny dream." Remus said.
"Poor you, I hate nightmares."
Remus nodded, knowing he hadn't exactly lied. In fact, he'd enjoyed the dream rather a lot more than he should have done.
"What happened in it?" James enquired pulling on his clothes.
"Can't really remember." Remus lied, knowing he could never tell the truth to James, he'd think he was crazy.
Sirius stretched languidly and pulled himself from the warmth of his bed and removed his pyjamas before wrapping a towel around his slender hips. "Going for a shower. Wait for me before you go to breakfast. You'd better wake up Pete, you know what he's like for getting out of bed."
James made no move to awaken Peter from his sleep, his eyes watching Remus carefully. "Rem?" He questioned.
"What?" Remus jumped turning quickly, realising with horror that he'd yet again been staring at Sirius.
"Do you fancy Sirius?"
Remus feigned a surprised look, amazed when he felt it had come off all right, when really he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. "Where the hell did you get that from?" He struggled to prevent his voice from shaking from the fear at his secret being discovered.
"You were staring at him without his clothes on."
"I was not!" Remus retorted hotly. "Honestly James! What a ridiculous suggestion. We're both boys for goodness sake!"
Remus laughed, although James noticed it didn't sound like the usual tinkle, more of a hollow forced laugh. He wondered what was really going on in Remus head, but his amber eyes which usually reflected his thoughts had shut down, blocking out any emotion, realising he'd have to be more careful and discreet in future.
"Lily?" James called after her on the way to his first class, muggle studies ("It can't be that hard." Said Sirius. "It'll be interesting." Said Remus)
"Hi James." She smiled broadly, showing perfect white teeth.
"Can I talk to you?" James wished her friends would go away.
"Of course." She noticed he was holding back. "You go ahead, I'll catch you up." She said to her friends who were looking appreciatively at James.
"I..." James cleared his throat as she looked imploringly into his deep eyes. "I think you're really pretty and I was wondering if you'd." He paused, wishing he had Sirius' fearlessness at talking to the opposite sex. "If you'd go out with me?" He blushed furiously.
"That's really sweet of you James. I'm really sorry but I'm sort of attached already. Matthew Brown, you know, the seeker on the Hufflepuff team?" James nodded sadly, feeling incredibly stupid. "I really am sorry James." She said looking a little guilty and pulled him into an amicable hug. "You're lovely James, it isn't you, and I'm really flattered. If the situation were different I'd have been delighted."
James nodded feeling thoroughly deflated. "I'll see you in History of Magic then." He dejectedly headed towards his lesson wishing he'd just kept quiet.
***
Sirius didn't know why he couldn't sleep. It was about six in the morning late in March that year. He looked around the dormitory. Peter was, as usual, snoring. His round body curled up, practically covered, apart from a tuft of his washed out blond hair. James too was fast asleep, his mouth slightly ajar, lean body stretched out with the covers around his waist. The fourth bed in the room was empty.
Last night had been the full moon.
Remus should have been back in human form now. Usually he would bring himself back through the passageway and head to the hospital wing. Sirius went to the window, wondering if he would see Remus coming back through the branches of the Whomping Willow. He must have sat there for nearly half an hour, wondering perhaps if Remus was already in the hospital wing having his cuts bathed when suddenly the boy crawled from under the tree.
Sirius' breath caught in his throat as he saw Remus pull himself on hands and knees out of harm's reach from the lethal tree, before falling forwards lying on the ground.
Not even thinking to pull a cloak around himself the black haired boy flew down the stairs from the dormitory into the common room before going through the portrait hole ignoring the fat lady's irritated tone "Just a touch early don't you think!" and haring down to the grounds and to Remus' limp body.
"Remus, Remus!" He panted, falling to his own knees, not caring as the dewy grass soaked through his thin striped pyjama bottoms.
Remus turned his head and groaned with the effort to look up at Sirius. "Thank goodness you're here." He managed to say, as Sirius helped him up. Remus yelped in pain as Sirius' hand pressed into a deep wound on his side.
"Oh Remy, you poor little soul." Sirius felt like he could cry at the state of his best friend. He'd never seen him look so pallid and the blood from his wounds seeped through the cloak wrapped around the shivering body of the young werewolf. "Hold onto me. I'll get you to Madame Pomfrey." Sirius carefully wrapped an arm around Remus' tiny waist and helped him to put his arm over his own shoulder.
"I feel sick." Remus muttered.
"Poor darling." Sirius said "Just hold onto me and I'll get you into bed.
"Thanks you're.." Remus gagged and Sirius gently pushed his head downwards as he threw up over both of their feet. Sirius realised at this point that he had no shoes on with an unpleasant shock! "I'm sorry." Remus wept softly.
"Don't worry about it. Like I've told you before, if I remember rightly, you can't help vomiting. You've had a rough night haven't you?" Remus nodded and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Come on, I'm going to carry you."
Remus didn't have strength to protest, as Sirius gently lifted his tired body into his arms and took him to the hospital wing. "Thanks Siri, you're so lovely."
"Where've you been?" James asked, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes before placing his glasses on so he could focus better.
"Eurgh!" Peter screwed up his face, "What's that smell?!"
Sirius looked down at his pyjama bottoms. "Remus was sick on me." He took the offending garment off and explained exactly what had happened to the other two before going for a very quick shower.
"Right, we should get upstairs to the hospital wing to him. He's not well bless him, I think he'd like the company." Peter was about to say something about breakfast but decided against it when James agreed with Sirius.
"I think we need to really work on this whole animagi thing you know." Sirius said as they hurriedly paced towards the hospital wing. "I don't think I ever want to see him like that again, it was scary!"
Peter nodded.
"We need to get in the restricted section though and there is no way any of the teachers are going to trust us with our track record for causing trouble no matter how good at Transfiguration James is."
James looked round before whispering. "Next full moon, when Remus isn't here, we'll get the invisibility cloak and borrow one and then copy what we need out of it while it's still dark then take it back before Madame Pince gets into the library. It shouldn't be too hard if we're careful."
Remus was sat up in bed now with a cup of tea and a piece of toast he was cautiously nibbling at, not wanting to throw up again, when the other three boys rushed in. Madame Pomfrey made disapproving noises about Remus needing rest but relented when Remus begged her to let them stay.
"How are you feeling?" James asked, taking in the bandages around Remus' arms, and taking a seat beside the bed. Peter sat on the other side leaving Sirius nowhere to sit down.
"I've felt better." Remus smiled sheepishly. "I seem to have torn myself up a bit!"
Peter, who still found it quite difficult to take that Remus bit and clawed so much at himself, sat quietly, wishing Remus would either eat the toast or give it to him, his stomach thought his throat had been cut!
"Sit here." Remus shuffled over in the bed slightly to allow Sirius to sit beside him.
"Thanks Rem. You really scared me there Remy, I'm so glad you're alright!" He said clasping Remus' hand and thinking how tragically beautiful he looked.
"Only thanks to you." Remus squeezed Sirius hand back, never wanting to let him go. "I felt like I was going to die." A sob caught in his throat. Peter looked away, always uncomfortable when people cried.
"Come here." Sirius sounded soft and gentle as he reached out and held Remus, tenderly stroking circles on Remus' shuddering back.
"You were so kind Sirius."
Sirius spoke softly into Remus' ear. "I only did what you'd have done for me if it was the other way round. I couldn't just leave you there now could I?"
James watched the scene before his eyes. He'd always been Sirius' best friend from childhood and now it felt as if he was drifting away from him. He didn't resent this, somehow the way in which they were moving apart wasn't in a loss of friendship, it was something deeper between Sirius and Remus, the pair seemed to have some deep routed connection that appeared delicately special.
***
"A Guide to the Wizarding World's most complex Transfigurations." James read.
"Sounds good." Sirius answered. "Let's get out of here and have a look." They bustled off towards the dormitory. Now they had grown it was getting increasingly difficult to fit all of them underneath the invisibility cloak and keep everything fully concealed. It was even more difficult when all four of them were together but tonight Remus was in the Shrieking Shack.
Walking along the corridor once upstairs Sirius, who was in front, stopped dead suddenly, causing James to tread on his foot. "OW!" Sirius yelped before he could stop himself.
"Students!" They heard footsteps coming up behind them.
"Filch!" Peter hissed, feeling his legs getting weak beneath him, Filch always gave such awful punishments! Picking up pace they strode on, hoping to get through the doorway before Filch caught them up, it would be awful if he should bump into them when they were invisible, the cloak would no doubt be confiscated, along with the book.
"Is there a problem Mr. Filch?" James thought his heart would stop beating. Professor McGonnagal stood in the doorway, which they wanted to get through. They'd had it!
"Hold onto me!" Hissed Peter reaching for his wand. Sirius braced himself for whatever damage Peter was about to do. "Acendio!" He tapped the statue of the witch beside him and suddenly they disappeared down into a passageway, out of harm's reach."
James slumped down against the side of the dusty tunnel. "Where did that come from?" He asked a look of sheer admiration on his face. That was bloody brilliant Pete! Question is where are we?"
Peter flushed with pride, it was unusual for him to do anything groundbreaking, that tended to be Sirius' job! "I don't know, I just remembered from somewhere that some statues lead to secret tunnels and if you say 'Acendio' they open." He shrugged.
"Don't let me ever hear you say you're thick again!" Sirius hooted with laughter. "Pete you are the man! Now let's see where this goes, we might find something interesting!"
"This was a bad idea! We should have just waited 15 minutes and got back out!" Peter wheezed as they started uphill after walking for what seemed like an hour with only the "Lumos" light from their wands.
"Shit!" Sirius winced as his head thumped off something. Directing his wand up he realised it was the handle of a trap door.
"Not your night is it Siri? First your foot and now your head!" Sirius shrugged. "Better than poor Remus."
James nodded before directing his own wand at the door "Alohamora!" Wrapping the cloak around themselves again they proceeded through the door.
"Where are we?" Peter asked.
"I think." James' face took on a look of excitement. "We're in the cellar in Honeydukes!"
Sirius laughed. "How much is Remus going to wish he'd been here?!"
"I'm starving." Peter grinned. "It wouldn't hurt if we all just took one thing would it?"
James looked as if he was considering this as he could see Peter's eyes nearly popping out in glee. "Only one each alright, if we take lots it'll be obvious."
Peter helped himself to a small packet of chocoballs while James took a sugar quill.
"I'll just have a bar of Honeydukes chocolate." Sirius said reaching out and slipping it into a pocket in his pyjama top.
"I'd have thought you'd get some pepper imps, you like those."
Sirius shook his head. "It's not for me, I'm going to give it to Remus in the morning. I'm going to go down to the willow again in the morning and get him. I know how much he likes this stuff and since he's missing out I think it's only fair."
James looked thoughtful. Just what exactly was going on with those two? They'd become increasingly strange over the last two terms.
***
"Why did I ever take Muggle studies?" Peter whined trying to revise.
"Because we did?" Remus suggested, leaning over and trying to help Peter understand how a dishwasher worked.
"None of us are muggle born so what ever possessed us?" Peter continued, stressed to death with the extra work he had to learn for his exams, having struggled in the past.
"It isn't that difficult Pete. I mean they're muggles, it isn't as if they do magic, it isn't too complicated." Sirius said, being drawn back from his thoughts on how to get the Slytherins back for ruining his potion earlier that week. So far he'd come up with ploys to change their dormitory into a shrine to Gryffindor or to slip something into their food to make them extremely fat. But the exams had to, unfortunately, take prevalence over the tricks they'd like to play, or visits to Honeydukes through the secret passage at night.
However as usual all four passed their exams, Sirius and James with flying colours and Peter scraping through by the skin of his teeth. Remus was a little disappointed with his own results, having had a particularly bad transformation not long before the exams, and therefore he couldn't work as hard as he would have liked, as Madame Pomfrey insisted he stayed in bed and did no work.
"I see your standards are slipping Lupin. Not as clever as you thought are you?" Malfoy sneered as they boarded the Hogwarts express to leave for the summer.
Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, Lucius having struck a raw nerve.
"He was ill, get lost you slimy bastard!" Sirius said, a vein on his forehead throbbing, evidently more angry than usual at Malfoy and sidekick Snape.
"He's always ill!" Snape smiled unpleasantly. "Would you like me to take your temperature Lupin, make sure your delicate body is capable of the trip home."
Remus' heart was pounding in his chest, desperately trying to control his rapidly escalating temper.
"Pick on me if you have to but leave Remus alone!" Sirius bellowed raising his wand in fury.
James caught hold of Sirius' arm not wanting a huge battle. "Let it go he isn't worth it."
"No!" Sirius growled. "He shouldn't be so awful to Remus!"
"That's right Black, protect your little boyfriend!"
"Whatever!" Sirius said, sinking, red in the face, back down as Malfoy swept out of the carriage, Snape following.
"You didn't have to do that." Remus, who was as flushed as Sirius, spoke.
"I did, you're my friend and he was picking on you!"
The rest of the train journey was passed pleasantly playing exploding snap and eating sweets, which had once again been stocked up on at Honeydukes.
"I think when we get together in the holidays we should set about making a map of the school with all the passageways we've found." Remus said when they'd finally ran out of sweets to bet with at snap.
"Why though?" James asked logically. "I mean we know all of them anyhow without drawing it out and anyhow it could be found and then everyone would know!"
"When we were last in Hogsmeade I was thinking about this sort of thing and got a book involving enchanted maps. We could draw the map and enchant it to show ourselves, all the teachers and say the Slytherins and that way we would have even less chance of getting caught. We'll sit down and work on it during the holidays." Everyone felt excited by the prospect of this.
"See you later in the summer." Remus said sadly, not really wanting to say goodbye to his friends, not having anyone at home to be with and knowing that he would end up just sat reading for hours on end.
Sirius pulled him into a tight hug and ruffled his hair. "Keep in touch. I'll send lots of letters with Athena." Remus, after saying goodbye to the other two left with Peter in the direction of their parents who were talking together, leaving James and Sirius alone.
"Sirius?" He asked as he gathered all of his belongings together. "What do you think of Remus?"
Sirius looked puzzled. "I like him. Don't you?"
James nodded. "Of course I do, he's really nice. No, what I meant was, is there something that you.oh I don't know how to put this!" He said frustrated. "You two are particularly close, is there, well do you think well more of him than the rest of us?" Sirius laughed and clapped James on the back.
"He's lovely James, he deserves so much more than he gets you know, but you're still one of my best mates, don't worry about that!" Sirius misread James point.
"Oh well, see you soon mate." James said deciding pushing it wasn't a great idea.
"Have a good holiday James."
"Yeah you too." Sirius walked away nodding, but knowing fine well he wouldn't. His relationship with his parents became more strained by the second whenever he was at home with them.
***