ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
BTW~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
This chapter should be amusing. Key word: should....^^;
********************************************************
[The fearsome monster, the unavoidable cootie, the skipping and dancing horror: MARY-SUE! *ahem* Run for your lives, dammit! Run!]
"Is it time to call Saruman out yet?" Merry gestured towards Orthanc.
"Not YET, hobbit. I must wait for a SIGN...or until my Cherry Coke and cheeseburgers come," Gandalf frowned impatiently as he absentmindedly fiddled with his cell phone.
"Then it will be a while yet," Aragorn sighed. He saw a flurry of movements out of the corner of his eye and turned to look.
"!*@&@%^%$#&*#&^% SARUMAN!!!$@$%&&*&...." Legolas was cursing beautifully (as he just realized all the trees were gone).
"Go Legolas," Aragorn said in a monotonous tone, waving a tiny random "Legolas" flag. "Where the hell did this come from?" He stared at the pinkness of the flag, spotted with hearts, then, shuddering, dropped it. A sudden rumble of doom filled the air. An ominous cloud covered them in shadow. The Riders of Rohan screamed in terror and the horses fled to who- knows-where. Aragorn and the hobbits widened their eyes as they saw a pearl- white unicorn and its rider stampede over a hill towards them. It seemed like barely two seconds passed when they skidded to a halt in front of them. Aragorn was in shock.
"LEAVE, HOBBITS! LEAVE! MUST..must..w..w..." He couldn't seem to the rest of the words out to the hobbits.
"What is it?? What is it??" the hobbits were quickly going into a frenzied state. If they didn't leave soon, they would be under THE SPELL.
"WARN LEGOLAS!" Aragorn spat out with tremendous effort. Then his eyes seemed to glaze over and with the speed of lightning, ran to cling lovingly to the rider: the evil, dreaded, and feared MARY-SUE. The hobbits ran for dear life.
"Wait! Like, where are they going? Doesn't everyone love me? Come back! I'm, like, a talented, gifted, beautiful, rebellious Elf princess here!! LOVE ME, DAMMIT! Like- Oh, hello Aragorn! I KNEW someone loved me!" The Mary-Sue hopped off her oh-so-faithful unicorn and swished her pink robes for effect. This just resulted in the rest of the nearby grass to die and wither. "Eww. Mud. And, like, dirt! Ugghh! Aragorn, HELP!!" the Mary-Sue (who we later regretted to learn was Vanuyataniemanyaliel) clung to Aragorn, as he somehow found her in his arms. Being now completely under THE SPELL, Aragorn lifted and carried Vanu..ya...(what the hell, we'll call her Van) to a giant, oddly-clean, and flat rock for her to perch on and declare to the world that she's here to save the day (*gag*).
"ARAGORN!" Legolas ran over, looking completely freaked out. He had his two knives out, ready to attack the intruder. "No, it can't be!! It's the..the..." Legolas was coming under the spell. Van was eyeing Legolas like he was a piece of meat she wanted to eat. (o_x I just rhymed, didn't I?)
"Mary Sue!! Run!!" Legolas fought the temptation like the pretty Elf he is, and whacked his knife on Van's head, releasing Aragorn from the spell. (Too bad it was the flat part of the knife...)
"OH MY FUCKING VALAR!" Aragorn realized he had TOUCHED the evil thing.
"We mustn't linger! C'mon, let's go, let's go!!" Legolas dragged Aragorn, who was still cursing himself, to....well, somewhere far away.
"DAMMIT! I left my sword by that rock! Legolas, we have to-"
"NO! Sacrifices MUST be made! Soon, that devil horse and that spawn of Sauron will be riding after us! We cannot risk such a mistake!" Legolas leapt over fallen logs and ran towards Fangorn Forest, where Pippin and Merry already went into hiding, with the help of TreeMoustache. *cue for dramatic, we're-running-away-from-evil music*
"Eh? I was-" Van woke up, pausing to smooth her disgusting pale pink gown. "ARAGORN! LEGOLAS! They were here just a minute ago...*GASP* What is they were captured by Orcs?! Or kidnapped by rabid forest creatures?? I MUST GO SAVE THEM!" Van thus leapt onto her SLEEK, BEAUTIFUL unicorn and rode, unsurprisingly, in the exact same direction Legolas and Aragorn ran off to, for the Mary-Sue Intuition is never ever wrong!
Meanwhile...
"Goddammit! WHERE is my food??" Gandalf, now all alone by the tower of Orthanc, grumbled. His old age prevented his normal hearing ability to weaken....a lot. Thus he had not heard the dread of the Mary Sue and thought the ominous black cloud was just bad weather. Tch. Old men are so selfish. Either that or he needs to reset that hearing aid and replace those contact lenses....and brush his false teeth. _
And on to focus on the Mary-Sue (Vaniyam...h...e...I give up.)...
"Dammit, the switches won't WORK!" Van cursed as she attempted to switch on the Christmas lights that covered her unicorn, which supposedly are supposed to give her and her unicorn a "white, bright, and god-like aura!" According to the box in came in anyway. She hit them one last time for good measure, and viola! They worked. Unsurprisingly. Considering she was THE Mary-Sue. "Now we must ride in haste, dear beloved companion, so that we may be able to fight off the Orcs with a single deadly toothpick and make both Aragorn AND Legolas fall in love with me!" She patted her unicorn, and headed ever closer towards the Doomed Ones (aka Aragorn and Legolas).
Escape! Escape!....
"Pick up your feet Aragorn! HURRY UP!" Legolas was about a quarter mile ahead of Aragorn, as Elves were light on their feet and weighed a heck of a lot less than men did. In fact, Legolas weighed-
"SHUT UP," Legolas hissed at the narrator (aka the Mysterious Disembodied Voice). In return, he got a "well, someone's TOUCHY...."
"I'm TRYING, Legolas! It's not my fault I was born to eat fat-lathered meat! You frikkin vegetarians...."
"Actually, we're not quite-"
"Never mind! Stop talking! I need to save my breath," Aragorn panted. About another hour of running later...
"Ok, I...really...need....to....stop...." Aragorn was on the brink of fainting.
"You can't be serious! We've only ran, what, 4 miles? 5?" Legolas didn't even have a drop of sweat on him. *cue for dreamy sighing among the Legolas fangirls* "We MUST outrun the- GAH!! ARAGORN!" Legolas screamed, as the Mary-Sue (aka the Devil incarnate) appeared out of NOWHERE, crying...
"BACK, YOU DEVILS! YOU SERVANTS OF SAURON! WATCH ME WIELD MY BLADES OF RED DEATH! ALSO CALLED THE PURPLE SWORD OF DOOM! AND THE FLOWERY VINE OF THE HILLS OF- wait. There aren't any Orcs...." Van disappointedly lowered her overly-decorated sword (which, unsurprisingly, she thought was pretty). Legolas and Aragorn breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The way she was wildly waving it around, no-one within a five-mile radius would soon be left with their heads still attached. "Well, THERE you are! Are you ok? Are you safe? Do you need my extra-special, better-than-even-Elrond's healing skills? I have pretty purple band-aids. I know CPR and First Aid and the Heimlich..." Legolas and Aragorn began to shake. They were coming under THE SPELL....
"R...run. Run!" Aragorn's breathing speed began to increase.
"I...I..I can't! Go..." Legolas's hands began to reach out towards that demented one-horned disgrace of a horse...
"Are you...are you....?" Aragorn's feet were betraying his will inch by inch..
"GO!" Legolas let out the last of his energy, as he zoomed forth and stuck like glue to the hem of Van's dress. This disrupted the evil clinging aura web of the Mary-Sue and Aragorn, being free for a moment, fled...like the wind! (sorry, had to include that. ^^;).
Aragorn ran, feeling extremely guilty for leaving Legolas in such torturous hands, not knowing where the hell he was going (damn, I'm on a rhyming streak, eh? XD). He crashed right into a short, furry...thing.
"Gimli??" Aragorn pushed his greasy locks of hair back and took a closer look at the 'thing'.
"Get up and run, you fool! The fangirls are coming and they're STILL not out of those tomatoes!"
Aragorn widened his eyes, and with painful effort (after all, he DID run 4+ miles), ran in another random direction.
"I should've joined the cross-country team during high school..." Aragorn moaned.
Meanwhile....
"Oh MY, Legolas, you have such a BIG-" Van was being....the Mary-Sue she was.
"EHNNNN!" Legolas whimpered helplessly. (Which translates into "ARAGORN, HELP ME, DAMMIT!").
How much longer Legolas could last, no one can tell for sure..Although the Daily In-Dangerous-Situation Approximation Statistics for Middle Earth Incorporated tells us that "it will not be for long. No one ever lasts long under the painful influence of the Mary-Sue. And we don't suppose we're going to send any help to rid poor Legolas of the treacherous disease. It's too risky. And, plus, if Legolas disappears, so will his fangirls. Which will be all the better for the rest of us. Really."
Mmm, yes. I can see the wisdom....
********************************************************
So whadja think? ^^; *points subtlely to review button*
NOTES (I shall be doing these from now on. ^^):
Shadow Phantom: Thankies!! I can't believe you're still interested in my story. ^^; You're stupendous! Erm, yay Russians! *gives you a Frodo Hug Attack* xD feel better?
StaceyBaggins: Thank you! And thank you for reviewing constantly. :D You are a fanfic writer's dream reviewer.
MagicalRachel: Ai! You are wonderful! Thank you for reviewing constantly! You make me feel so special. ^______^
RikkuCroft: XDD Of course you're ok. Purple butterflies to everyone! (Can't you tell how sane I am? ^^;)
A.Lien: Thank you! ^^ And "that time of the month" means....the time every month when a girl's..well, period comes. x_o yep.
When the Moron Comes: Eep! Don't kill me! *gives you a nice LOTR plushie set* ^^
SperryDee: Of course I will. ^_^
Chicki45: You can join me! The nice white men ARE nice, aren't they?
Aerin: I have no clue...that's the nice thing about random fanfics, eh? ^^;
Pokemonrex: Here it is! :o)
Mordel: Aragorn says he loves you too! :D
Jessica: Erm, you know that this entire story is a parody, right?... Okay, Aragorn is hotter than Legolas. Oo; Suit yourself.
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
BTW~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
This chapter should be amusing. Key word: should....^^;
********************************************************
[The fearsome monster, the unavoidable cootie, the skipping and dancing horror: MARY-SUE! *ahem* Run for your lives, dammit! Run!]
"Is it time to call Saruman out yet?" Merry gestured towards Orthanc.
"Not YET, hobbit. I must wait for a SIGN...or until my Cherry Coke and cheeseburgers come," Gandalf frowned impatiently as he absentmindedly fiddled with his cell phone.
"Then it will be a while yet," Aragorn sighed. He saw a flurry of movements out of the corner of his eye and turned to look.
"!*@&@%^%$#&*#&^% SARUMAN!!!$@$%&&*&...." Legolas was cursing beautifully (as he just realized all the trees were gone).
"Go Legolas," Aragorn said in a monotonous tone, waving a tiny random "Legolas" flag. "Where the hell did this come from?" He stared at the pinkness of the flag, spotted with hearts, then, shuddering, dropped it. A sudden rumble of doom filled the air. An ominous cloud covered them in shadow. The Riders of Rohan screamed in terror and the horses fled to who- knows-where. Aragorn and the hobbits widened their eyes as they saw a pearl- white unicorn and its rider stampede over a hill towards them. It seemed like barely two seconds passed when they skidded to a halt in front of them. Aragorn was in shock.
"LEAVE, HOBBITS! LEAVE! MUST..must..w..w..." He couldn't seem to the rest of the words out to the hobbits.
"What is it?? What is it??" the hobbits were quickly going into a frenzied state. If they didn't leave soon, they would be under THE SPELL.
"WARN LEGOLAS!" Aragorn spat out with tremendous effort. Then his eyes seemed to glaze over and with the speed of lightning, ran to cling lovingly to the rider: the evil, dreaded, and feared MARY-SUE. The hobbits ran for dear life.
"Wait! Like, where are they going? Doesn't everyone love me? Come back! I'm, like, a talented, gifted, beautiful, rebellious Elf princess here!! LOVE ME, DAMMIT! Like- Oh, hello Aragorn! I KNEW someone loved me!" The Mary-Sue hopped off her oh-so-faithful unicorn and swished her pink robes for effect. This just resulted in the rest of the nearby grass to die and wither. "Eww. Mud. And, like, dirt! Ugghh! Aragorn, HELP!!" the Mary-Sue (who we later regretted to learn was Vanuyataniemanyaliel) clung to Aragorn, as he somehow found her in his arms. Being now completely under THE SPELL, Aragorn lifted and carried Vanu..ya...(what the hell, we'll call her Van) to a giant, oddly-clean, and flat rock for her to perch on and declare to the world that she's here to save the day (*gag*).
"ARAGORN!" Legolas ran over, looking completely freaked out. He had his two knives out, ready to attack the intruder. "No, it can't be!! It's the..the..." Legolas was coming under the spell. Van was eyeing Legolas like he was a piece of meat she wanted to eat. (o_x I just rhymed, didn't I?)
"Mary Sue!! Run!!" Legolas fought the temptation like the pretty Elf he is, and whacked his knife on Van's head, releasing Aragorn from the spell. (Too bad it was the flat part of the knife...)
"OH MY FUCKING VALAR!" Aragorn realized he had TOUCHED the evil thing.
"We mustn't linger! C'mon, let's go, let's go!!" Legolas dragged Aragorn, who was still cursing himself, to....well, somewhere far away.
"DAMMIT! I left my sword by that rock! Legolas, we have to-"
"NO! Sacrifices MUST be made! Soon, that devil horse and that spawn of Sauron will be riding after us! We cannot risk such a mistake!" Legolas leapt over fallen logs and ran towards Fangorn Forest, where Pippin and Merry already went into hiding, with the help of TreeMoustache. *cue for dramatic, we're-running-away-from-evil music*
"Eh? I was-" Van woke up, pausing to smooth her disgusting pale pink gown. "ARAGORN! LEGOLAS! They were here just a minute ago...*GASP* What is they were captured by Orcs?! Or kidnapped by rabid forest creatures?? I MUST GO SAVE THEM!" Van thus leapt onto her SLEEK, BEAUTIFUL unicorn and rode, unsurprisingly, in the exact same direction Legolas and Aragorn ran off to, for the Mary-Sue Intuition is never ever wrong!
Meanwhile...
"Goddammit! WHERE is my food??" Gandalf, now all alone by the tower of Orthanc, grumbled. His old age prevented his normal hearing ability to weaken....a lot. Thus he had not heard the dread of the Mary Sue and thought the ominous black cloud was just bad weather. Tch. Old men are so selfish. Either that or he needs to reset that hearing aid and replace those contact lenses....and brush his false teeth. _
And on to focus on the Mary-Sue (Vaniyam...h...e...I give up.)...
"Dammit, the switches won't WORK!" Van cursed as she attempted to switch on the Christmas lights that covered her unicorn, which supposedly are supposed to give her and her unicorn a "white, bright, and god-like aura!" According to the box in came in anyway. She hit them one last time for good measure, and viola! They worked. Unsurprisingly. Considering she was THE Mary-Sue. "Now we must ride in haste, dear beloved companion, so that we may be able to fight off the Orcs with a single deadly toothpick and make both Aragorn AND Legolas fall in love with me!" She patted her unicorn, and headed ever closer towards the Doomed Ones (aka Aragorn and Legolas).
Escape! Escape!....
"Pick up your feet Aragorn! HURRY UP!" Legolas was about a quarter mile ahead of Aragorn, as Elves were light on their feet and weighed a heck of a lot less than men did. In fact, Legolas weighed-
"SHUT UP," Legolas hissed at the narrator (aka the Mysterious Disembodied Voice). In return, he got a "well, someone's TOUCHY...."
"I'm TRYING, Legolas! It's not my fault I was born to eat fat-lathered meat! You frikkin vegetarians...."
"Actually, we're not quite-"
"Never mind! Stop talking! I need to save my breath," Aragorn panted. About another hour of running later...
"Ok, I...really...need....to....stop...." Aragorn was on the brink of fainting.
"You can't be serious! We've only ran, what, 4 miles? 5?" Legolas didn't even have a drop of sweat on him. *cue for dreamy sighing among the Legolas fangirls* "We MUST outrun the- GAH!! ARAGORN!" Legolas screamed, as the Mary-Sue (aka the Devil incarnate) appeared out of NOWHERE, crying...
"BACK, YOU DEVILS! YOU SERVANTS OF SAURON! WATCH ME WIELD MY BLADES OF RED DEATH! ALSO CALLED THE PURPLE SWORD OF DOOM! AND THE FLOWERY VINE OF THE HILLS OF- wait. There aren't any Orcs...." Van disappointedly lowered her overly-decorated sword (which, unsurprisingly, she thought was pretty). Legolas and Aragorn breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The way she was wildly waving it around, no-one within a five-mile radius would soon be left with their heads still attached. "Well, THERE you are! Are you ok? Are you safe? Do you need my extra-special, better-than-even-Elrond's healing skills? I have pretty purple band-aids. I know CPR and First Aid and the Heimlich..." Legolas and Aragorn began to shake. They were coming under THE SPELL....
"R...run. Run!" Aragorn's breathing speed began to increase.
"I...I..I can't! Go..." Legolas's hands began to reach out towards that demented one-horned disgrace of a horse...
"Are you...are you....?" Aragorn's feet were betraying his will inch by inch..
"GO!" Legolas let out the last of his energy, as he zoomed forth and stuck like glue to the hem of Van's dress. This disrupted the evil clinging aura web of the Mary-Sue and Aragorn, being free for a moment, fled...like the wind! (sorry, had to include that. ^^;).
Aragorn ran, feeling extremely guilty for leaving Legolas in such torturous hands, not knowing where the hell he was going (damn, I'm on a rhyming streak, eh? XD). He crashed right into a short, furry...thing.
"Gimli??" Aragorn pushed his greasy locks of hair back and took a closer look at the 'thing'.
"Get up and run, you fool! The fangirls are coming and they're STILL not out of those tomatoes!"
Aragorn widened his eyes, and with painful effort (after all, he DID run 4+ miles), ran in another random direction.
"I should've joined the cross-country team during high school..." Aragorn moaned.
Meanwhile....
"Oh MY, Legolas, you have such a BIG-" Van was being....the Mary-Sue she was.
"EHNNNN!" Legolas whimpered helplessly. (Which translates into "ARAGORN, HELP ME, DAMMIT!").
How much longer Legolas could last, no one can tell for sure..Although the Daily In-Dangerous-Situation Approximation Statistics for Middle Earth Incorporated tells us that "it will not be for long. No one ever lasts long under the painful influence of the Mary-Sue. And we don't suppose we're going to send any help to rid poor Legolas of the treacherous disease. It's too risky. And, plus, if Legolas disappears, so will his fangirls. Which will be all the better for the rest of us. Really."
Mmm, yes. I can see the wisdom....
********************************************************
So whadja think? ^^; *points subtlely to review button*
NOTES (I shall be doing these from now on. ^^):
Shadow Phantom: Thankies!! I can't believe you're still interested in my story. ^^; You're stupendous! Erm, yay Russians! *gives you a Frodo Hug Attack* xD feel better?
StaceyBaggins: Thank you! And thank you for reviewing constantly. :D You are a fanfic writer's dream reviewer.
MagicalRachel: Ai! You are wonderful! Thank you for reviewing constantly! You make me feel so special. ^______^
RikkuCroft: XDD Of course you're ok. Purple butterflies to everyone! (Can't you tell how sane I am? ^^;)
A.Lien: Thank you! ^^ And "that time of the month" means....the time every month when a girl's..well, period comes. x_o yep.
When the Moron Comes: Eep! Don't kill me! *gives you a nice LOTR plushie set* ^^
SperryDee: Of course I will. ^_^
Chicki45: You can join me! The nice white men ARE nice, aren't they?
Aerin: I have no clue...that's the nice thing about random fanfics, eh? ^^;
Pokemonrex: Here it is! :o)
Mordel: Aragorn says he loves you too! :D
Jessica: Erm, you know that this entire story is a parody, right?... Okay, Aragorn is hotter than Legolas. Oo; Suit yourself.