ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
BTW~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
This chapter should be amusing. Key word: should....^^;
O_O eesh! I'm hyperventilating...400 reviews. *sob* Thank you, people. Thank you!!
Reviewer #400: Erm. Yay?
Reviewer #401: Not fair! You get all the credit!
Reviewer #400: Oo; If it matters to you that much...*gives #401 some credit*
Reviewer #401: Yay! *snuggles credit happily*
Reviewer #400: *blinkblink*...someone has been loved by his mother too much for his own good..
And ignore that. ^^; On to the chapter...
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[The evil pink video tape! And a couple fangirls as a side dish....]
"Aughhh! Aragorn! What is it? Ow! What is it?" Gimli tried to run away from the very persistent cloud, who followed him and pelted him with rain, rain, rain, and the occasional hailstone. Aragorn was having difficulty breathing, as he was wheezing with laughter.
"You...asked...for....it....." Aragorn gasped.
"No I didn't! Damn it! Make it go away! Go away, you freakish cloud of Doom...." Gimli swung his axe at the poofy cloud. His attempts were quite futile.
"Fine! Fine! I'll remove it!" a voice from the clouds sighed, accompanied by a "Good! You nearly earned a cold bed today, you handsome Valar, you...", which in turn, was accompanied by a sudden vanishing of the Doom cloud and faint kissing noises.
"Ach! I'm all wet," Gimli seethed, trudging through the grass, his boots squelching at every step. "And couldn't they do that in PRIVATE?" He looked up at the clouds and gave a nasty look in the direction of the aforementioned kissing noises. Aragorn wiped his eyes and sighed.
"I'll have to remember to thank the Valar for that entertaining scene," He laughed.
"That wasn't ENTERTAINING! I'm laying a curse on you: next time, YOU'RE the one that's going to be the entertainer," Gimli shook a finger at Aragorn. "And dwarf curses NEVER go wrong." Aragorn just raised an eyebrow in amusement.
"Like that other time when you cursed Legolas and said that he would grow mildew in his hair?" Gimli grumbled.
"Dandruff is...related to mildew..." He muttered. Aragorn just shook his head.
"By the way, what Doom WAS that?" Gimli looked warily around him.
"I'm not sure...but I had a distinct feeling it had a color....a strange color to be sure," Aragorn frowned and thoughtfully put a finger to his lips. Gimli slowly nodded.
"I thought so too," The two sat on opposite ends of a large flat rock and pondered for a while.
"Green?" Aragorn said in a hesitant voice.
"You already said that ten minutes ago!" Gimli said, frustratingly braiding his beard.
"Soooooorry. Let's hear a color from YOU then!" Aragorn, getting irritated, turned around to face Gimli.
"Orange,"
"Oooo, I didn't even think of that one. Good call," The two resumed their original 'thinking' positions.
Meanwhile....
Legolas, although quite stiff from being immobile for a half hour, still clung to his branch.
"Please, Valar, if you love the Elves, especially me, don't let the fangirls find me! Please don't, please don't, please don't...." Legolas prayed fervently. His whisper caught chokingly in his throat when he heard two approaching girl voices.
"Come on, Amanda! We've GOT to keep up a fast pace if we're gonna even catch a glimpse of Legolas! Man, can he hide....that's one of the things I love about him," one girl giggled. The other girl, apparently Amanda, piped up.
"And his sexy body. God, he's so fine and lean....and his archery skills! They turn me on so much. I wish he pinned ME to a bed," she said wistfully. Legolas widened his eyes and trembled, causing a few leaves to shake dangerously. It was said that fangirls could detect falling leaves from a few hundred feet away. And once they knew where their prey was, the prey was doomed. Legolas wasn't in complete shock, after all he has read such things in his letters, but the fact that they were on an elf hunt and sexually fantasizing about him (from their own lips!) was horrifying nonetheless.
"His elfhood! It must be big. No one's ever seen it, except perhaps his lovers. How many do you think he's had?"
"He must've had hundreds. Maybe thousands. No one can resist him," Legolas felt a queasy jolt in his stomach. THOUSANDS of lovers?? He hasn't even had one! And what right did they have discussing his ELFHOOD? THAT was private information! He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that somehow his mental powers could work and magically drive them away. Amazingly, the girls spoke about leaving.
"Damn! He can't be here. We better get back before the others think we actually have found him and are shagging him for ourselves. Come on. I'm hungry," Amanda sighed and began turning back. The other girl paused and looked intently up in the trees.
"Wait," she said. Legolas began to shudder violently. Oh no, oh no! She was heading his way...She stopped underneath his tree and attempted to look through the thick foliage. "Mm, I guess you're right. Let's go. Can't feel his sexy presence," And off they went. After waiting for another half hour, Legolas released his death grip of the branches and let out a huge sigh of relief. A voice came from the clouds.
"You owe me one. Big time, elf boy,"
"I know, I know! Thank you! Thank you!" Legolas dropped to the floor and began kneeling and praising whatever Valar saved him.
"Them chasing you amused me for a while. But then, I figured, why not give him a break? So, Legolas, you have 24 hours until they sense your presence again. Go!" The Valar pushed a button on his stopwatch and laughed as he saw poor Legolas widen his eyes in horror and fleeing to who-knows-where. The Valar shrewdly looked at the readers (that'd be you). "And no sympathy! I'm a sexy god! Do I get any attention? No...."
Random reader: YOU'RE SEXY! I LOVE YOU, ULMO! I LOVE YOU!
Ulmo blinked for a few minutes. "Never mind. Ignore me. I like being a bachelor, yes, I do...really,"
Back to Gimli and Aragorn....
"Did you say mahogany yet, Gimli?" Aragorn turned around....again.
"YES, Aragorn," Gimli said, rolling his eyes.
"Oh. I thought so...." Aragorn nodded, then tried to think of another color.
"Beige? Lime? Terra cotta? Papuca?...." Gimli frowned, deep in thought. Each color he thought of seemed to be further away from the color 'aura' they both felt.
"Papuca?" Aragorn asked, bewildered. "What's papuca?"
"A native earthy color exclusively used in the dwarf community," Gimli grunted absentmindedly and tried to wave away Aragorn. His face and smell was supposedly disturbing Gimli's 'thinking zone'.
"Ah," Aragorn put his chin in his hands again. No color was springing up in mind except for the colors of the rainbow. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, red, orange, yellow, green, blue..."
"Magenta?" Gimli hit a hot spot. "Aragorn! Magenta's close to the color. I can FEEL it!" He excitedly began to think again.
"Yes! It's close!" Aragorn nodded emphatically and started furiously running over the colors of the rainbow in his head...in case he missed anything.
"Rose, very berry, berry spritz...." Gimli thought out loud. Privately, Aragorn was thinking how the hell Gimli knew so many colors. And....flavors. Bemused and curious, yet at the same time not wanting to know, Aragorn returned to reviewing his seven colors.
A half hour later....
"Jamaican red, Hawaiian punch...augh! I'm getting further! Gotta stay on track. Stay on track, Gimli!" Gimli told himself. Aragorn thought over everything Gimli said and after carefully sorting it out, it suddenly came to him.
"Red!"
"NO, Aragorn. You said that 45 minutes ago! STAY ON TRACK!" Gimli growled at Aragorn and huffing, resumed listing another thousand colors and flavors.
"Damn," Aragorn sighed.
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*sobs and hides* I'm sorry it's so short!! Forgive me...but I have to go pack cause I'm going out of town for about 4 days. So you won't be getting a frequent update either. ;_; kind readers...review? Help me continue this story?
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
BTW~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
This chapter should be amusing. Key word: should....^^;
O_O eesh! I'm hyperventilating...400 reviews. *sob* Thank you, people. Thank you!!
Reviewer #400: Erm. Yay?
Reviewer #401: Not fair! You get all the credit!
Reviewer #400: Oo; If it matters to you that much...*gives #401 some credit*
Reviewer #401: Yay! *snuggles credit happily*
Reviewer #400: *blinkblink*...someone has been loved by his mother too much for his own good..
And ignore that. ^^; On to the chapter...
********************************************************
[The evil pink video tape! And a couple fangirls as a side dish....]
"Aughhh! Aragorn! What is it? Ow! What is it?" Gimli tried to run away from the very persistent cloud, who followed him and pelted him with rain, rain, rain, and the occasional hailstone. Aragorn was having difficulty breathing, as he was wheezing with laughter.
"You...asked...for....it....." Aragorn gasped.
"No I didn't! Damn it! Make it go away! Go away, you freakish cloud of Doom...." Gimli swung his axe at the poofy cloud. His attempts were quite futile.
"Fine! Fine! I'll remove it!" a voice from the clouds sighed, accompanied by a "Good! You nearly earned a cold bed today, you handsome Valar, you...", which in turn, was accompanied by a sudden vanishing of the Doom cloud and faint kissing noises.
"Ach! I'm all wet," Gimli seethed, trudging through the grass, his boots squelching at every step. "And couldn't they do that in PRIVATE?" He looked up at the clouds and gave a nasty look in the direction of the aforementioned kissing noises. Aragorn wiped his eyes and sighed.
"I'll have to remember to thank the Valar for that entertaining scene," He laughed.
"That wasn't ENTERTAINING! I'm laying a curse on you: next time, YOU'RE the one that's going to be the entertainer," Gimli shook a finger at Aragorn. "And dwarf curses NEVER go wrong." Aragorn just raised an eyebrow in amusement.
"Like that other time when you cursed Legolas and said that he would grow mildew in his hair?" Gimli grumbled.
"Dandruff is...related to mildew..." He muttered. Aragorn just shook his head.
"By the way, what Doom WAS that?" Gimli looked warily around him.
"I'm not sure...but I had a distinct feeling it had a color....a strange color to be sure," Aragorn frowned and thoughtfully put a finger to his lips. Gimli slowly nodded.
"I thought so too," The two sat on opposite ends of a large flat rock and pondered for a while.
"Green?" Aragorn said in a hesitant voice.
"You already said that ten minutes ago!" Gimli said, frustratingly braiding his beard.
"Soooooorry. Let's hear a color from YOU then!" Aragorn, getting irritated, turned around to face Gimli.
"Orange,"
"Oooo, I didn't even think of that one. Good call," The two resumed their original 'thinking' positions.
Meanwhile....
Legolas, although quite stiff from being immobile for a half hour, still clung to his branch.
"Please, Valar, if you love the Elves, especially me, don't let the fangirls find me! Please don't, please don't, please don't...." Legolas prayed fervently. His whisper caught chokingly in his throat when he heard two approaching girl voices.
"Come on, Amanda! We've GOT to keep up a fast pace if we're gonna even catch a glimpse of Legolas! Man, can he hide....that's one of the things I love about him," one girl giggled. The other girl, apparently Amanda, piped up.
"And his sexy body. God, he's so fine and lean....and his archery skills! They turn me on so much. I wish he pinned ME to a bed," she said wistfully. Legolas widened his eyes and trembled, causing a few leaves to shake dangerously. It was said that fangirls could detect falling leaves from a few hundred feet away. And once they knew where their prey was, the prey was doomed. Legolas wasn't in complete shock, after all he has read such things in his letters, but the fact that they were on an elf hunt and sexually fantasizing about him (from their own lips!) was horrifying nonetheless.
"His elfhood! It must be big. No one's ever seen it, except perhaps his lovers. How many do you think he's had?"
"He must've had hundreds. Maybe thousands. No one can resist him," Legolas felt a queasy jolt in his stomach. THOUSANDS of lovers?? He hasn't even had one! And what right did they have discussing his ELFHOOD? THAT was private information! He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that somehow his mental powers could work and magically drive them away. Amazingly, the girls spoke about leaving.
"Damn! He can't be here. We better get back before the others think we actually have found him and are shagging him for ourselves. Come on. I'm hungry," Amanda sighed and began turning back. The other girl paused and looked intently up in the trees.
"Wait," she said. Legolas began to shudder violently. Oh no, oh no! She was heading his way...She stopped underneath his tree and attempted to look through the thick foliage. "Mm, I guess you're right. Let's go. Can't feel his sexy presence," And off they went. After waiting for another half hour, Legolas released his death grip of the branches and let out a huge sigh of relief. A voice came from the clouds.
"You owe me one. Big time, elf boy,"
"I know, I know! Thank you! Thank you!" Legolas dropped to the floor and began kneeling and praising whatever Valar saved him.
"Them chasing you amused me for a while. But then, I figured, why not give him a break? So, Legolas, you have 24 hours until they sense your presence again. Go!" The Valar pushed a button on his stopwatch and laughed as he saw poor Legolas widen his eyes in horror and fleeing to who-knows-where. The Valar shrewdly looked at the readers (that'd be you). "And no sympathy! I'm a sexy god! Do I get any attention? No...."
Random reader: YOU'RE SEXY! I LOVE YOU, ULMO! I LOVE YOU!
Ulmo blinked for a few minutes. "Never mind. Ignore me. I like being a bachelor, yes, I do...really,"
Back to Gimli and Aragorn....
"Did you say mahogany yet, Gimli?" Aragorn turned around....again.
"YES, Aragorn," Gimli said, rolling his eyes.
"Oh. I thought so...." Aragorn nodded, then tried to think of another color.
"Beige? Lime? Terra cotta? Papuca?...." Gimli frowned, deep in thought. Each color he thought of seemed to be further away from the color 'aura' they both felt.
"Papuca?" Aragorn asked, bewildered. "What's papuca?"
"A native earthy color exclusively used in the dwarf community," Gimli grunted absentmindedly and tried to wave away Aragorn. His face and smell was supposedly disturbing Gimli's 'thinking zone'.
"Ah," Aragorn put his chin in his hands again. No color was springing up in mind except for the colors of the rainbow. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, red, orange, yellow, green, blue..."
"Magenta?" Gimli hit a hot spot. "Aragorn! Magenta's close to the color. I can FEEL it!" He excitedly began to think again.
"Yes! It's close!" Aragorn nodded emphatically and started furiously running over the colors of the rainbow in his head...in case he missed anything.
"Rose, very berry, berry spritz...." Gimli thought out loud. Privately, Aragorn was thinking how the hell Gimli knew so many colors. And....flavors. Bemused and curious, yet at the same time not wanting to know, Aragorn returned to reviewing his seven colors.
A half hour later....
"Jamaican red, Hawaiian punch...augh! I'm getting further! Gotta stay on track. Stay on track, Gimli!" Gimli told himself. Aragorn thought over everything Gimli said and after carefully sorting it out, it suddenly came to him.
"Red!"
"NO, Aragorn. You said that 45 minutes ago! STAY ON TRACK!" Gimli growled at Aragorn and huffing, resumed listing another thousand colors and flavors.
"Damn," Aragorn sighed.
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*sobs and hides* I'm sorry it's so short!! Forgive me...but I have to go pack cause I'm going out of town for about 4 days. So you won't be getting a frequent update either. ;_; kind readers...review? Help me continue this story?