I found that I was facing a dilemma. Not only was I faced with the task of giving my relationship with Inu-Yasha definition of some sort, I could not even describe those feelings, the feelings that were between us. I loved him, and this much is true, this much is obvious, and this much is more than well known.
That's never been the question.
The question, is how he feels for me, which is what I've yet to find out. I sometimes doubt he knows.
Let's just get this straight, clear, and out in the open.
Inu-Yasha does not love me. He loves Kikyou, and we know this for fact. I am not loved. He likes me, I think, and I do believe he cares strongly for me, but no, he does not love me. What Inu-Yasha feels for me will never be truly discovered until someone dies. There's a list of people that need to get out of the way before we can go down that road, and secretly, I wait for the day I can cross them all off.
That, however, is beside the point.
Inu-Yasha does not love me.
But, what is it, if it is not love? For surely, it is the most loved I've ever been. Yet, he does not love me.
He loves Kikyou.
I'm here, from another time, and I don't belong. I'm a 'wench' in the works, if you will. I would wait forever for him to love me. I would, and I will, if I have to. My only fear is that he'll not get to make the choice. Whether it is because there will only be one girl left to chose, or because I'll have made up my mind to run into Kouga's arms, which mind you, is highly doubtful, I'm not sure, but I dread that one day, I'll be worse than just a copy.
I'll be the leftovers.
But, this too strays from my original subject. I have been 'assigned' to give Inu-Yasha's feelings for me a proper title. I don't know if I can, really. If I could only pick something close. I don't think there is a word yet, for what we are. We're more than friends, that's what I always say. But, what are the feelings? What are those things that cause us to sneak glances at each other when we think the other is not looking, or worry over the smallest things when one of us is out of each other's sight.
What are those feelings called?
It's unrequited love on my side, but I hate saying that, because it sounds so . . . final. As if, there's no hope.
But surely there is always hope.
After all, it's so easy to pretend he loves me.
But, really, I'm a little less than loved, and a little more than cared for. I'm a temporary replacement, and I truly fear that's as far as I'll ever get to be. And really, what could be more romantic than that?