Un-Crossing Jordan---CHAPTER 4

R for STRONG sexual content…sorry kiddos…lol….

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Later we walked in town together, making sure there wasn't a single souvenir shop we hadn't hit. I took Jordan to lunch on a sail boat we rented and made it a point to find that cave I'd seen the third day we were there. I pointed it out to Jordan and she took note of how close it was to "our" beach. I just smiled and let it slide that I had seen it earlier. I pulled the boat up around the side of the cave and helped Jordan to step from the ship to the rocky outer layer of the caves. She pulled me onto the rocks and I had to catch my balance. Jordan laughed at my "sea legs" and I followed her down into the mouth of the cave.

"WOW! This is amazing!" Jordan said exasperated and pulled my arm to get me into the cave. I looked around at the shimmering walls and Jordan laughed. "Close you're mouth Wood, some cave bats might fly in there." She said and I slowly clenched my jaws together and smiled at her. We made our way carefully along the cave walls, moving further back into the little system.

"Wow, this goes back really far." I said and my voice echoed off of the cave walls. I smiled and "Whooed" smiling back at Jordan when it echoed off of the walls. I continued along the wall and Jordan held onto my shoulder as we walked.

"that sound is never not cool." I said chuckling and Jordan stopped me with a hand heavily on my shoulder. I turned to see what was wrong, and she was right in front of me.

"You know what else I bet sounds cool in here." She said raising her eyebrows suggestively. I looked around the cave and then looked back at Jordan incredulously.

"What do you think I am, a MACHINE!?" I asked and 'machine' echoed throughout the cave. Jordan and I laughed together and I stepped forward, playfully pinning her to the cave wall. She let her hands slide up my back and gripped my shoulders. She traced the freckled paths on my shoulders and kissed my arm as I lost myself in her hair.

"You're so…freckly." Jordan said softly and I chuckled.

"Yeah, I noticed that too…" I said and kissed up the side of her neck and then moved to her lips. "And you are so…soft." I said grazing my lips across hers. Jordan moaned and the echo made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I pulled her against me and turned so that my back was to the wall. We messed around a little and then Jordan grabbed tightly onto either side of my cargo shorts. I pulled back a little bit, laughing nervously.

"We can't do THAT here!" I said shaking my head at Jordan. She looked down between us then back up at me.

"Well I think we both know THAT'S not true." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"You're insane you know that?" I said giddily and Jordan shrugged her shoulders.

"So they tell me." She said and seized my lips, pulling me against her on the cave wall.

Later that night, we danced together on the back porch, the music of Jimmy Buffet continuing to flow from the radio inside. Jordan was swaying gently in my arms and I was wondering if anything could ever make me as happy as I had been this week with Jordan. She must have been thinking the same thing, because she tightened her arms around me and sighed saying,

"Can't we just stay here forever Wood? Write our letters of resignation on the backs of postcards…put them in a bottle and chuck those babies out to sea?" She asked smiling against my chest. I blinked my eyes slowly and sighed.

"Sounds like a nice idea…but without the two of us, who would take over the responsibility of single handedly tracking down the scum of Boston…and who could ever fill your place as 'the voice of the dead' and carry out the task of finding their killers even at cost of their own lives? That takes a certain level of dedicated madness you know." I said as we spun in lazy circles around the porch.

"Ahh…much madness is divinest sense." Jordan quoted proudly and I rolled my eyes.

"Emily Dickinson, Jordan? Try not to take advice about life from a lady who killed herself…" I said and Jordan huffed.

"Hey, that makes sense…sometimes the most outlandish approach to a question gets you to the answer more quickly. Think outside the box, Woodrow…might do your rigid inability to see my point of view some good." She said and then pulled back and kissed me to let me know she was kidding.

"And maybe if you tried to restrict yourself to the confines of your profession, I could do my job without fear of getting fired due to your 'thinking outside the box'." I said and kissed HER to let my kidding known.

We spent the rest of the night sitting in the hammock reminiscing about home. As much fun as we were both having, and as beautiful and peaceful as it was, we were getting homesick. We hadn't even found the time to call anyone over the course of the time we had been there. Three more days and we would be heading home to Boston.

The next morning I woke up in the hammock and Jordan wasn't next to me. I panicked briefly, looking dazedly around the beach. I spotted her standing at the waters edge. She must have heard the ropes of the hammock creak and she turned quickly and beckoned me to join her. I popped and stretched and then meandered down to the water. Jordan held out her hand eagerly and I took it.

"What are we looking at?" I asked groggily and Jordan smiled, all but hopping up and down on the sand.

"Dolphins Woody! Look!" She said excitedly and pointed out at the obvious fins bobbing up and down as they moved along the waves. There were about 6 that I could count.

"Oh yeah, I guess there are!" I said excitedly and covered my eyes from the bright orange sun, which still hung a little below the waves. We stood silently watching them, each too engaged in watching the pod to speak. After about 5 minutes, they were pretty far gone down the beach and Jordan shook her head.

"That was awesome! Do they always come that close around here?" She asked and I pulled her backwards into my arms.
"Only when they see a pretty lady on the beach." I said charmingly and Jordan rolled her eyes.
"Oooo…good one Wood." She said laying her head back against my chest and laughing. We stood for a few minutes until the sun was just sitting on top of the waves.

"So, what do you wanna do today?" I asked and Jordan sighed.

"Well, let's see…what is left on my list of childhood SLASH," She emphasized, referring to the word I had added to her growing list "teenage things I have never done and just so that you know, there is still a matter of making up to me for what you WOULDN'T do in that cave yesterday." She said and pulled the worn piece of paper out of my pocket and looked it over. I just rolled my eyes and nodded, in no way feeling like less of a man for having declined to partake in certain activities in such a questionably sanitary place. Jordan ignored me, continuing to look over her list.

"Hmmmm….oh oh!! PUDDLES!" Jordan yelled happily. Looking down at the sand still wet from the rain.

"What the jumping in puddles thing? We have to go into town for that." I said and Jordan just nodded hurriedly and pulled me towards the house. I looked up at the sky as we reached the back door.

"If there aren't any puddles now,"I said smiling weakly at the ominous dark clouds heading toward the island, "There probably will be by the time we get to town." I said following Jordan into the house. We changed quickly into clothes we didn't mind potentially getting ruined by mud puddles and headed in on the motorcycle.

Half an hour later, we were sloshing down the once dusty streets in the pouring rain. Jordan hopped happily along in the mud and I trudged next to her cold, wet and generally not in a great mood. Jordan hopped up along side of me and smacked me in the back of the head.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" I yelled over the rain. Jordan squinted through her wet bangs.

"You're not having fun! This is supposed to be fun! If you were 5 you would be hopping right along with me!" She said smiling as we came to a row of about 6 man hole shaped puddles. I smiled finally, remembering something from my childhood.

"Hey Jordan, watch this!" I yelled and jumped into the first puddle. She hopped in next to me and smiled. I smiled and opened my mouth.

"Whiiiiiiiich…..one of these puddles is not like the others," I sung happily and hopped to the next one and then the next, Jordan right along side of me laughing.

"Sesame Street Wood?" She asked still laughing. I took her hand and we jumped into the next one.

"Whiiiiiich….one of these puddles just isn't the same…" I sung proudly as we leapt into the next puddle…and plummeted straight to our necks in murky, muddy water. Jordan screeched and I grabbed her arm instinctively and held her up so that her head was above the water level. I turned and looked at her angrily. I wouldn't be surprised if smoke had been fuming out of my ears. Jordan was trying her best not to laugh by biting her lip.

"I guess this one wasn't the same." She said and finally began to howl with laughter. I tried my best not to laugh but a chuckle rose up from deep within me. I let go of Jordan's arm and pushed her head briefly under the cold rain water. When she popped back up, she was breathing heavily.

"I can't believe you just did that!!" she said and jumped forward pushing my head under as well. We splashed around continuing to laugh and cover each other in mud.

Fifteen minutes later, we were back on the motorcycle looking not un-like Aborigines and grinning away as the wind dried the mud hard to our bodies. By the time we got back to the house it was dark and neither of us made any plans to go in the house yet. I built a fire out back and when I was finished I looked up to find Jordan standing next to the shower having thrown two towels over the towel rack next to it. I looked up and smiled at her as she leaned against the shower stall with one hand, her entire self still covered in a thin layer of mud. I stood from making the fire and ran a hand through my hair, which was spiky and sticking up from he mud. Jordan chuckled as she looked me over.

"You look like you could use a bath." She said as I strolled over to her looking down at my dark brown arms and legs. I tried to pull my shirt away from my stomach a little and it held tightly on, the mud had made a sort of glue. I chuckled.

"You too." I said reaching out to touch a strand of her crispy mud caked hair. Jordan smiled. "I seem to remember something about owing you one…for well, backing out in the cave if I remember correctly." I said and Jordan pulled open the door to the shower stall. I looked from the shower to Jordan and then back to the shower.

"After you." She said with a leer. I sighed and stepped in and turned on the shower. Jordan stepped in behind me.

"Hey it's pretty close quarters in here…and very improbable that we will get clean if…we're…" Jordan stepped closer to me and I backed up under the running water. It was actually warm. "Oh." I said the point Jordan was making finally dawning on me. She pushed me until I hit the back of the stall and stopped with a jolt. Jordan was more under the shower than I was now and the water was gradually washing away the mud from her face.

"Oh there you are." I said teasingly and stepped forward a little allowing the water to wash my face as well. Jordan brought her hands up and ran them through my hair to wash away the mud clinging to it. I did the same, running my fingers through the tight clumped curls that fell around her shoulders. The mud slid easily out and onto the stone floor under us. I looked down briefly to make sure the mud was draining out the side of the stall. When I looked back up, Jordan leaned forward and began to kiss me. I kissed her back and we both let our hands wander up and down the other, washing away mud as we went. This time I took the lead and pulled Jordan's shirt over her head. I chuckled a little when in the firelight that was slipping under the stall,  I could see that Jordan's once pearl white bra was nearly black. She smiled and I reached behind her searching for the clasp. Jordan chuckled, noting my frustrations and took my hands with hers behind her back and slid them back around to the front. I looked down between us at the now obvious front clasp.

"Oops." I said with a giggle and popped the front clasp open with a snap. Jordan let the bra fall to the ground and I kicked it away under the about foot high opening under the stall. Then Jordan reached around my waist and pulled my tank top up over my head. She slid her hands all over my chest and shoulders and even once playfully jabbed a finger into my navel to dig out some mud that had gathered there. I let my own hands make their way from Jordan's slender hips, up her sides, around the curve of her breasts and finally to her shoulders and collarbones. Jordan arched her back towards me. That was permission enough for me. I let my hands slip suddenly to her waist and unzipped her jean shorts. Jordan's hands slipped around mine to reach the drawstrings of my pants. She slowly pulled the tie and without realizing it, my hips moved involuntarily towards her hands. I could see a flash of a smile creep across Jordan's face, and I tried to pull back but she tugged on the strings and pulled my hips back towards her. I reached out my arms and pulled Jordan against me under the spray of the shower. It took me a second but I managed to get my fingertips into the back of her open jeans and I slid them down, letting them fall to the ground. When I heard them hit the ground with a soggy plop, I let my hands slide further down Jordan's backside and abruptly lifted her into my arms and let her feet free of the wet clothes. She wrapped her legs around my waist just above my shorts and then proceeded to use her thighs to jerk my untied pants down to the ground. I smiled against her lips as we kissed and then slowly lifted her back up around me causing a moan to escape my lips this time. I think Jordan was planning on moving this to the bedroom but I was determined to re-enact the cave incident in much the same way as it would have gone. Jordan seemed surprised by my willingness, but didn't protest. I'm surprised no one called the police over all of the noise we were making. The sea was calm and the weekenders had gone home therefore, there was no sounds of civilization left to drown us out. Later, Jordan would tease me endlessly about the mood killing expletives that flowed forth from my mouth when I threw my head back and almost cracked my skull open on the metal showerhead. I hadn't realized that I was that tall or that I was that close to it. We finished quickly as the water was becoming increasingly cold on our heated bodies and I let Jordan slide to the ground. I stood back and leaned exhausted against the wall while Jordan grabbed us towels. I wrapped mine around my waist and Jordan snuggly wrapped hers around her body. She looked back expectantly at me as I remained leaning against the wall in my towel.
"I'll…be in…in a second…I just need to…get my legs back." I said with a grin and steadied myself against the wall. Jordan winked self-satisfactorily.
"You're welcome." She said playfully and rounded the corner of the house as I rolled my eyes.

When I got back into the house Jordan was laying on the couch in my football Jersey. I smiled and slumped next to her on the couch.

"Let's keep things like that inside and horizontal for a little while now okay?" I asked narrowing my eyes at Jordan.
"Sure thing cowboy." She said and patted my knee softly. I smiled and nodded a thank you. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments and then Jordan spoke.

"So, we have to go back tomorrow night huh?" she said sadly and I chuckled. "What?" she asked rolling over and laying her head against my bare chest.

"You're like a little child." I said chidingly and Jordan sighed.

"You didn't think so a few minutes ago." She said and wagged her eyebrows at me, leaning forward to nibble on my ear. I pulled gently away and shook my head.

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

"Don't even tell me YOU wouldn't rather stay here longer." She said sternly and jabbed her finger into my navel again, and then traced the line of hair that trailed down below my towel. I grabbed her hand gently and brought it to my lips. She turned her head, awaiting an answer.

"I would rather stay here, drinking, surfing, fishing, swimming," I pulled her closer to me and whispered deeply, "and making love to you…than anything else in the world. I mean that Jordan. I really would." I said sincerely and Jordan looked into my eyes.

"Then why go back?" She teased and I sat up on the couch and looked off out the window, the events preceding my bringing Jordan here rushing suddenly and painfully back.

"Because…there comes a time when you have to grow up." I said and picked up the worn list summing up the missing events of Jordan's young life. I looked over my shoulder at her then back at the completely crossed off list. "A time…when…you have to let go of the past and enjoy the present." I said and looked back at her smiling and hoping she got the insinuation that I was the present. Instead, she looked away off out the window.

"Well," She said quietly, standing from the couch. "The present is pretty late…so…I'm gonna go to bed." She said and I sighed heavily.

"Wait Jordan…I didn't mean that…" I trailed off as she headed down the hall to her room.

Twenty minutes later, I was lying in my bed. Alone. Our last night here together and I wasn't sleeping with Jordan in my arms. I looked out the window at the moon and wondered if I ever would sleep beside her again. I began to wonder all of the 'what ifs'. If I didn't do something to fix this tonight, we might return to Boston, pretending that these past two weeks never happened. Back in an environment where we hadn't been anything more than best friends, I worried that Jordan would retreat further into emotional seclusion and I would never again get through to her. I rolled over trying several times to find a comfortable position and knowing full well the only one I was going to find was across the hall, next to Jordan, finally stood and padded across the room. I didn't want to give Jordan the wrong idea or the easy way out of discussion so I pulled on a pair of shorts on my way out the door. I couldn't help smiling when I reached Jordan's door and found her sitting on the windowsill awake.

She turned her head, sensing my presence in the room. I smiled at her through my mussed bangs and she smiled weakly back.

"Woody, I don't wanna talk about…" I cut her off with a hush and strode to the window with her.

"I don't want this to end Jordan. I don't want to go back to Boston and pretend like I don't have feelings for you.  I tried that; remember? It doesn't suit me. I tell the truth about everything." I said and sat down on the window sill facing her. Jordan smiled weakly and I decided to try and get a full smile out of her.

"Boy Scout curse…I can't tell a lie." I said and finally she gave me a full smile.

"You know I think I'm messed up about sex." She said suddenly still looking out at the dark ocean. I looked up at her puzzled.

"What do you mean?" I asked toying with a stray thread on my shorts. Jordan sighed heavily and looked at me.

"I…never had the sex talk with anyone…my mom was dead, and Dad told me he didn't say anything cause he was worried he'd scar me for life." She said seriously and I let a chuckle escape. Jordan smiled a little again and then continued with her story.

"I told him…that…I thought maybe I was messed up already seeing as how I had to figure everything out for myself." She said and looked at me expectantly.

"Well," I said with a sigh. "Who DID you learn about sex from?" I asked tentatively and Jordan sighed. "My friends. I have an eight grade view of what sex involves." She said sadly and looked down at her toes on the windowsill in front of her ashamed. I smiled and looked out the window myself.

"So, who did YOU get that talk from?" Jordan asked and I chuckled.
"I was lucky enough to get TWO of that talk." I said sarcastically and Jordan laughed. "One from my dad, which was pretty much just throwing a box of condoms on my desk when I was 14 and telling me if I got anyone pregnant he'd kick my ass, and then I got the REAL talk from my mom, which my dad never knew about and still doesn't to this day." I said chuckling and Jordan smiled at me like I was a little boy. I was probably blushing.

"And what did your mom tell you?" Jordan asked and I got the feeling that she was genuinely curious to hear a mom view on the subject. I sighed and thought back for a minute to what we had discussed.

"Well," I began and ran a hand through my hair thinking, "My dad was out this one night, I think Cal had a baseball game and I was too busy with homework to go, so I was all spread out on the living room floor with my books and my mom called me out onto the porch. She was sitting on the porch swing and I sat down next to her. I had my first girlfriend when I was 14 and I think she thought it was about time I had all the facts so that when it came time for me to make that decision, to or not to, then I would know exactly WHAT I was making a decision about and what all of the emotions and feelings were that were attached to sex." I stopped and looked over at Jordan who was watching me, listening intently.

"I mean of course she started off with the basics of WHAT sex was, but she took that extra step in telling me what a person is SAYING by choosing to have sex with someone. She said that, sex wasn't just about feeling good and releasing all of that built up sexual tension. She said that it was about giving a part of yourself to another person. She said that it was like saying to that person you know, 'here's just me. No possessions, no money, no expensive gifts. Here is just me. Here is my naked body. I want you to have just me and I want just you.' And she said that when I found someone that I loved enough that I wanted to be that close to them and for them to be that close emotionally and physically to me, then it was right. And I think I understand what she means. Because…"

I trailed off not sure if I wanted to travel the road of my sexual past with Jordan. I hesitated as Jordan looked unwavering at me, expecting nothing but the truth from me. So I decided to give it to her.

"I have only found two women in my life that I have been that close to. One of them was Annie. The other…IS you." I said a little bashfully wondering how many 28-year-old guys could say that they have only ever been with two women in their life. When I looked up, there were tears in Jordan's eyes. Luckily they were happy tears. I started to open my mouth and say something but Jordan placed a finger on my lips and silenced me.

"That…is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me. I think…that…you're mother is a very smart lady. And I feel…like… God…I don't even know where to start Woody…except with…thank you. Thank you for…caring enough for me to let me be that person your mother described to you…it makes me feel…like…I can't even tell you how that makes me feel." She said and I lifted her chin.

"Don't ever feel like you aren't special Jordan. Because, even if no one else in the world sees it. I do. I love you. And I can tell you how special…it makes ME feel that I am the only one who really knows…that you're the most wonderful woman in the world. I have to admit that…I feel honored to be the person who knows your secret. Who knows who you REALLY are. Because I listen to everyone at the morgue, and in the precinct and I watch them shake their heads and try and to figure you out, and I can't help loving that I'm the only one who really gets you, and I am the only one who you'll let get that close." I said involuntarily puffing out my chest proudly. " I know you're heart Jordan." I said taking her cheek with one hand. She leaned forward a little and laid her hand on my chest above my heart.

"And I know yours." She said smiling as a tear slid down her cheek. I wiped it away and Jordan laid her head against my chest as the wind picked up and a breeze swept through the swishing pine trees and into the room with us.

We sat silently in each others arms, still on the window sill for a few minutes longer. When I  realized that Jordan was breathing evenly, deeply asleep, I lifted her gently and placed her in the bed. I watched her sleeping for a minute then crawled in beside her and wrapped my arms possessively around her. A few moments later, I drifted off to sleep myself.