Thanks again to those who've reviewed. I think I sent out addresses/URLs
to those who asked for them, but, if I'm wrong, please remind me.
// symbolize flashbacks.
Recap: Remus told how he spent the years of Sirius' imprisonment. Words and emotions were misunderstood, but confusion was finally dispelled. Talk led to bed, where sex was not quite what either man expected.
VI. A Second Reunion and an Unexpected Revelation
Sirius opened his eyes and was lost behind a soft veil the color of honey. Hair, Remus' hair smelling as sweet as fresh-cut grass. With a slight shock of remembrance, Sirius felt Remus' naked body against his own, with no flimsy swathes of pajamas between them. They had made love last night. And, although they had been clumsy and uncertain, they had moved closer towards the deep intimacy that had been a central part of their lives.
The hazy morning sun gilded the curve of Remus' shoulder. Raising his head, Sirius softly drew his lips along the path of light. He felt slightly daring, an echo of what he had experienced when they had first become lovers so many years ago when he would wake, nude and still somehow innocent, next to his new-found joy.
Innocence had long since departed, but even in the midst of the twisted wreckage Azkaban had left behind, Sirius sensed a small bright glow peeking out in spite of his failure to join Remus in sexual release last night. He considered this for a long moment. No, he decided. He wouldn't think of it as a failure. Looked at in another way, he had taken several firm steps towards truly reuniting with his lover. That he had been able to lay open and vulnerable beneath Remus surely counted for something. Having found a reasonable compromise in his thoughts, Sirius quietly rose to make breakfast.
The day proved interminable to Remus, who could hardly sit still as the hours dragged by. The pull of the wolf was so strong that he felt his muscles bracing against it. But, to his surprise, he was also filled with impatience that jabbed at him like a persistent child begging for attention. He counted the minutes waiting for the moment when Moony would reunite with his mate. Sirius noticed his fidgeting and commented on it. Remus shrugged, as this was the first time he ever *wished* for the change, and he was almost embarrassed by it. The only feeling to which he could compare it was the anticipation he remembered as a boy waiting for Christmas.
Dusk approached. Remus barely touched dinner. His body vibrated with expectation and feral longing. His breathing became shallow, whispering past his half-opened lips in a faint whine. His eyes glowed golden, glued to Sirius' every movement as the taller wizard cleaned up the kitchen. Finally, Remus rose from his chair and came to stand close to his raven- haired wraith, pulled to him like a magnet. His hands reached out hesitantly, and then dropped back to his sides. He concentrated hard on pushing Moony's growling turmoil to the back of his mind.
"Remus," Sirius said, catching hold of the werewolf's hands. His thumbs brushed gently across Remus' skin. Remus looked at him in wonder. Sirius' willingness to initiate touch surprised him. He wanted to say how much this small gesture meant, but his ability to speak had ground to a halt. Remus' amazement grew as Sirius released his hands and slid his arms around Remus, pulling him close. Remus gripped him in a tight hug. 'Yes, him, yes.I remember.I miss.I want.' was Moony's garbled message. Remus felt his senses soar. He was nearly overwhelmed by the feel of bone and muscle against him. And odors. So many smells floated through the kitchen. Food and flowers and summer. And under those a dark counterpoint, the musky veils emanating from skin, from hair, from heart and soul. Cedar and sweat and water. The scent of a million glittering stars dusting the night sky. The intoxicating scent of his mate, spiced with new notes, sparkling with pain and hurt. Moony's soundless howl ripped through Remus' mind, the powerful body battering the cage of his consciousness.
"We should go to the cellar," he said hoarsely. Sirius nodded and let Remus guide him to the stout, thick door. Once they were on the other side Remus flicked his wand, creating several round balls filled with blue light that cast a ghostly glow on their surroundings. He ordered, "Lock the door." He watched intently as Sirius' nimble fingers shot the bolts and fastened the chains.
"Come," he rasped. His hand gripped Sirius' wrist tightly as he led the way down the stairs. Once at the bottom, he placed his wand on a high ledge, out of harm's way. He yanked off his shoes and socks, placing them on the ledge next to his wand. Remus trembled violently at the approaching transformation. The two men were silent, except for the shuddering gasps of Remus' uneven breathing. His fingers fumbled at the buttons on his shirt, unable to grip them properly. It only increased his agitation.
"Shall I help you undress?" Sirius' low voice was smooth and calming, like a soft blanket.
Feverish gold eyes glinted green in the blue light. Remus nodded, staring at Sirius with a terrible hunger. "Quickly," he whispered.
Sirius rapidly unbuttoned and removed the shirt, his hands ghosting softly down Remus' body. He unbuckled the worn leather belt, slid the zipper open and swiftly pushed the clothing down the werewolf's tautly muscled legs. Looking at his mate on one knee before him, Remus felt a hot surge of arousal battling with the impending emergence of the wolf. He forced himself to stand still as Sirius rose to place his clothes out of reach.
The first rippling tremors ran along his muscles. Pain twisted inside his guts. Dizziness swept over him as wolf began to subdue man. "Paddy." he gasped, seizing the taller man in a crushing embrace. Hungrily, his mouth sought Sirius' in a kiss fraught with his human desire for his lover and his lupine instinct to reclaim his mate. Sirius' arms held him tight, and he felt his kiss returned. Their lips crushed together, hard and demanding, and Remus felt a snarl building from deep in his lungs. With his last vestige of control, he pushed Sirius away, growling loudly, "Change! Now!"
His voice broke into a wail of pain as the transformation took him. Remus crumpled in a heap on the floor, unable to stifle his cries. Padfoot backed up slowly towards the wall, pale eyes keenly focused on the writhing form whose limbs bent and twisted, whose ghostly skin shadowed and disappeared under waves of thick, smooth fur shining silver in the blue light. A heavy cloud of musk enveloped the black dog, a remembered and pleasing odor. Padfoot dropped down low, belly pressed against the floor. He turned his eyes and his head away from the large, powerful canine that rolled to stand firmly on his feet in the center of the room. A long, challenging howl split the air, and Moony approached the interloper, the intruder who dared to encroach on his domain. Stiff-legged, with snarling lips curled back to expose the wickedly sharp teeth, the wolf strutted towards the black form crouched near the wall. The dog did not raise his eyes to the wolf, but whined appeasingly, his plumed tail slowly sweeping back and forth across the floor.
The wolf took several menacing steps closer until realization and recognition swept over all his senses. His growl suddenly swept up into a disbelieving bark. He nudged the big, black beast with his nose, smelling a long-lost scent that shattered his solitariness. Yes, this was what he had felt, had sensed, waking early inside his host. This was his pack. The Other. The Mate. Yowling whines full of welcome and happiness poured from his muzzle as he pounced on the dog, rolling them both clumsily across the floor in a tangle of paws and legs and fur.
They jumped to their feet, tails wagging furiously, dancing in a tight, wriggling circle around one another. Padfoot suddenly lowered his front quarters to the ground, tail still waving madly, and tilted his head to lick at the corner of Moony's mouth. With a mock snarl Moony's jaws clamped down on the dog's neck, pinning him. Padfoot flopped to the floor and rolled within the strong grip, paws flailing uselessly in the air, exposing his belly. Moony's growls rent the air as if driven by a deadly blood lust. But, it was all an act. His jaws held his mate, but his teeth barely dented the skin through the thick black fur.
Suddenly, Moony released Padfoot and hopped backwards, his fierce face wearing an expression of canine ecstasy. He jumped and landed in a half- crouch, his whole attitude screaming, "Play!" Padfoot needed no encouragement. He launched himself at the wolf and the two crashed and tumbled and rolled happily around the cool, dark cellar. The air was filled with a chorus of barks and yips and snorting breath. They tore around in a small circle, shoulder to shoulder, until they got dizzy, and then sprang forward in the opposite direction. They leapt and sprawled and wrestled again. The joy of reunion was so all-encompassing that they did not regret being trapped in their small, cellar prison.
The hours flew by, spent in play and teasing and mock fights. Finally, they lay close together, panting from their exertions. Once their breathing returned to normal, Moony nuzzled Padfoot affectionately, leaning against the black bulk. Then Moony groomed his mate, his warm, wet tongue caressing over Padfoot's head and neck in soothing possession. Finally assured that his mate had returned, Moony rested his head across Padfoot's shoulders. He was tired, but deeply content. The canines fell into satisfied sleep, curled against each other.
A low moan woke Padfoot, just in time to see Remus' form return, shaking with pain and exhaustion. Sirius pulled Remus into his arms, holding him tightly until the trembling lessened. Gently, he helped Remus up, supporting most of the other's weight against his own body. "Can you walk?" Sirius asked uncertainly.
"Yes, if I can lean on you."
Grabbing Remus' wand and scooping up his clothes, Sirius maneuvered them out of the cellar and up to the bedroom. With a weary groan, Remus collapsed on the bed, burying his face into his pillow. His throbbing joints and aching muscles combined with a spent lethargy that made movement next to impossible. He hovered between consciousness and sleep. And then he felt hands, strong hands gently rubbing the cellar dirt off his skin with a warm, damp washcloth. He quivered at the unaccustomed touch, his muscles flexing of their own accord, curving into the familiar palms. Once he was clean and dry, the agile fingers continued their ministrations, kneading his flesh, working through the knots bunched in his muscles, smoothing away some of the pain. "Unhhh," he rumbled with pleasure. Oh, Sirius' hands felt good, traveling over every inch of his naked body.
Sirius heard Remus' soft moans of relief. 'Some things never change,' he thought fondly. His eyes examined Remus' body, noting faded scars. Time had lightened their appearance, but they were new to him. Tangible evidence of Moony's loneliness and frustration at the loss of Padfoot, visible proof of Remus' pain was abundantly clear. 'I'm sorry.' The familiar litany echoed in his skull. But, he said nothing aloud. He simply kept up the slow, steady, comforting massage, vowing that he'd make it up to Remus if it took the rest of his life.
With a gentle push, Sirius slowly turned Remus onto his back. The tired werewolf flopped over, eyes closed, his body limp as a rag doll. Sirius kneaded the muscles from shoulder to wrist, finishing each arm with a soft manipulation of Remus' fingers and a thorough rub across the palms with his thumbs. Then, he concentrated on the chest, probing along the collarbones, pressing in firm, circular motions across the pectorals.
Remus' breathing had settled into a steady rise and fall of silent inhalation and moaning exhalation. Sirius' hands gradually moved lower, easing back on the pressure as he crossed the flat stomach and abdomen. His grip tightened once more as he leaned into Remus' hips, seeking the exact spot in which to dig in his fingers to give Remus just the right mixture of pleasure and pain. He hit it perfectly, judging by the increased volume of the moans and the involuntary thrust that tilted the slender hips into his hands.
Once Sirius finished with Remus' hips, he slid his hands down the strong legs to concentrate on the feet. Gently, he twisted and manipulated a foot with his fingers and palms while his thumbs pressed a trail across the sole from heel to toes. Sirius had always liked Remus' feet. They were nicely formed, with attractive toes and delicate, curving arches that simply begged for tactile attention. Sirius suddenly remembered a string of occasions where he had turned this strong, talented, capable wizard into a mumbling, drooling heap of mush by lavishing attention on his feet. Glancing at Remus' face, he realized he still had that ability. Remus was absolutely motionless, his eyes closed to mere slits. His breath wheezed in contented exhalations out of his half-opened mouth.
Sirius' lips curved in a sad smile as his hands slowly inched their way up Remus' calves. His lover had suffered well over 150 transformations alone. Painfully alone. How could he ever make that up to him? They would never retrieve the years they had lost through his own deadly mistakes. How could he have been so blind to Peter's treachery? How could he have lost sight of Remus' integrity? Why hadn't he seen the pattern of his own mistakes?
With a final slow, long sweep, Sirius drew his hands up Remus' body until they came to rest over his heart. Remus forced his eyes open, fighting against sleep. "Curl up with me for a while?" The weary, somewhat goofy smile on his face was irresistible. Sirius started to stretch out next to Remus when the werewolf's hand grabbed ineffectually at his shirt. "Take that off? Just skin. 'S better." Sirius smirked. Remus was losing his powers of speech as he sank towards post-transformation slumber. Sirius slid out of his shirt and lay down, snaking his arms around his lover. He watched as the silly smile spread wider and the hazel eyes closed. Remus leaned into him, sighing a deep, comfortable sigh. Within moments, he was asleep.
Sirius also drifted off, feeling unaccountably content to hold Remus' warm weight close. His slumber was interrupted by an insistent tapping at the window. He shot upright in a blind panic, causing Remus to moan and shift in his sleep. Outside the window was a barn owl with a parchment tied to her leg. The owl was quite clearly annoyed at how long it was taking the lazy occupants of this house to let her in. Sirius waved at the owl, trying to communicate that he wanted her to fly down to the kitchen. She disappeared, only to show up attacking the kitchen window by the time Sirius got to the bottom of the stairs.
"Oh, stop making such a racket," he grumped at the irate bird, letting her in. She hooted indignantly at him, not at all intimidated by a grouchy Animagus. Sirius untied the rather bulky letter and recognized Albus Dumbledore's script. He fed the bird and she promptly zoomed back out the window, only to settle in one of the trees. Evidently she had been instructed to wait for a reply.
Sirius stared at the parchment, absently gnawing on his lower lip. It was quite logically addressed to Remus, but he was sure there would be instructions for both of them inside. He was supposed to alert the old members of the Order of the Phoenix. Why Dumbledore thought any of them would calmly invite a fugitive mass murderer in for tea and conversation was beyond Sirius' understanding. Well, the wily, old coot must have hatched some plan. Sirius hoped. He picked up the envelope and weighed it in his hands, his thumb brushing over the wax seal. It *was* addressed to Remus. He'd wait.
Remus arose several hours later, feeling less residual pain from his transformation than he had for years. Everyone should have a masseur around the house, he mused. As he entered the kitchen, his eyes fell on Dumbledore's missive. He picked it up and went in search of Sirius.
He found Padfoot lying outside in the sun. An ear flicked and one pale eye opened at his approach. Crouching down, ignoring the faint complaints from his joints, Remus stroked the dog's head. "Comfy?" he asked, his hand nearly burning from the heat of the sun reflecting off the ebony fur. The plumed tail thumped.
"Well, I'm hungry. I'm having a late lunch while I read Dumbledore's letter and see what else he's sent us." Straightening, he went back to the kitchen, the dog following in his footsteps.
"Let's eat before we open the letter," Sirius said as soon as he regained human form.
Remus cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why?"
"For some reason, that package makes me nervous."
Nerves notwithstanding, their meal was soon over. Remus opened the letter. A small leather pouch slid out. Remus began to read aloud.
'Dear Remus and Snuffles,
I hope all is well with you. I have been busy laying the groundwork for Snuffles to visit our old friends to explain the danger that recent events mean to our society. I have not given them a lot of detail, as I believe it is safer to provide explanations face-to-face rather than to risk the potential interception of written messages. I have told our friends that while I realize my choice of messenger will come as a tremendous shock to them, I trust Snuffles with both my life and Harry's. They also must trust. The erosion of trust cost us dearly during the last war. It is imperative that we hold fast in the dark days ahead.'
'I've also told them of a pendant my emissary will wear. It is the only one of its kind in existence and it is proof of the high regard in which I hold this person.'
Here Remus opened the pouch and drew out a gold chain. Hanging on the chain was a clear crystal pendant that contained a single gleaming crimson phoenix feather.
'The pendant is also charmed in quite a nice way, if I do say so myself. Although I am confident that all of our old friends will give Snuffles a fair hearing, their latent instincts may still cause them to react inappropriately. The pendant will ward off any spells that would render the wearer immobile or unconscious. Also, if the wearer closes a hand around the pendant, it will make him invisible.'
" 'React inappropriately?' Great," Sirius muttered unenthusiastically. "He doesn't say anything about warding off Unforgivable Curses."
Remus frowned at him. "They're not Death Eaters. And, they'll listen to Dumbledore. Although Fletcher probably wouldn't hesitate to beat you to a bloody pulp." He continued his reading.
'Remus, I must ask that you come to Hogwarts for a few days. Information has reached me of a mystery involving ancient Celtic dark magic. I need to tap your knowledge of dark arts and runes, as well as your research skills. I am grateful that I count as a friend a well-rounded individual such as you! Please send work of when you plan to arrive.'
'It is up to Snuffles to decide in what order visit our friends. I have only two rules that must be followed without question.'
Do not approach the guardian living near Harry's house. Snuffle's appearance would trigger a response by Aurors. I will arrange to send her to you.
Stay away from Snuffle's family home, as the house is also under Auror surveillance.
'I'm deeply sorry for these precautions, but I do not want Snuffles to fall into the hands of over-eager Ministry officials. But, the sooner we organize, the sooner we will have the opportunity to set old wrongs right.'
'My best regards to you both,
A.D.'
Remus quietly folded the letter, unsettled by the reference to the dangers that still hung over Sirius. His thoughts were interrupted by a bewildered voice.
"Alright. I understand why I can't go anywhere near Privet Drive, but why the concern over my family home? My family is dead. Does he think I want to pop in to drive myself crazy with old memories?"
Remus stared at him in puzzlement. "What do you mean? He's talking about your father, of course. The Ministry keeps an eye on him, just in case he might lead them to you or you might try to contact him."
"My father! What are you talking about?" Sirius looked at him in pained confusion. "My father's dead!"
Perplexed, Remus shook his head. "No, he's not. Who told you he died?"
"The guards at Azkaban. The wizard guards. They told me." Sirius' gaze seemed to focus in mid-air as he stumbled through his memories, trying to put them order. "I'd been there a couple of years when they told me mum died. And they told my about my dad.I don't know.years later. When did Fudge become Minister? It was after his first annual visit. One of the wizard guards told me.taunted me.They're worse than the Dementors in some ways." His voice trailed off. With an effort he pulled himself together. Sirius looked anxiously at Remus, desperate to know the truth. "Don't lie to me, Remus. Please don't do this to me."
Remus put all the conviction of which he was capable into his voice and expression. "I love you, Sirius. I would never lie to you about something like this. *They* lied to you. Your father is alive."
Sirius rose from the table and walked blindly towards the window. The practical part of Remus' brain saw that his limp was barely noticeable. He stared at the lean body, trying to gauge the depths of Sirius' feelings by his stance and the set of his shoulders. Sirius stood still for a long time. He finally turned to Remus, his face stricken with emotion.
"Why hasn't anyone ever mentioned him? You. Dumbledore, in his notes.You could have said something.to let me know."
"I'm sorry. It never occurred to me that you might think he was dead. Dumbledore had warned me not to get in touch with him once we knew the truth about you. He said that the Ministry was keeping your father and the house under observation after you escaped from prison, and it would only make them suspicious if they realized your ex-lover was visiting your dad or writing him letters. I thought you realized the same thing, that it would put him in danger if you tried to contact him. I'm sorry, Sirius. I just had no idea."
Sirius' gaze dropped to the floor, a look of despair on his face. With an effort he said, "When did you see him last?"
Remus shifted uncomfortably on his chair. This was not going to be pretty. "It was right after your mum's funeral."
Sirius' head snapped up in surprise. Grimly, Remus continued. "Yes, I know. That was a very long time ago. But, we.the last time we spoke we said some terribly harsh, angry things to one another. He couldn't understand why I believed you were guilty. And I couldn't understand his willful refusal to see your treachery. The longer we spoke the less we heard each other."
Remus closed his eyes against the memory of that last screaming conversation. Seeing the anguish and loss and fury blazing in Altair Black's azure eyes.
// "You're his lover! And you think he's a murdering Death Eater?! How can you believe that? That he betrayed James and Lily? Orphaned Harry? He loves them like they're his own flesh and blood!"
"Don't talk to me about flesh and blood! They caught him at the scene! With chunks of flesh and pools of blood strewn around him! He slaughtered those people! He deserves Azkaban! I hope the Dementors make a good meal of him! I hope they break him over and over again! I'd give the last drop of my blood to see him on his knees begging for mercy that will never come!"
"I know my son! I know he's innocent! And when he's freed, I swear to God I'll let him know that he gave his heart to a monster! A faithless monster!" //
Staring down at his hands lying on the kitchen table, Remus pushed the memory away. "Shortly after that I left for Italy. Once I came home, I kept putting off contacting your dad. And the longer I put it off, the easier it was to ignore the fact that he hurt just as much as I did." Remus looked up at Sirius. His expression hadn't changed. Remus' guts churned at that look of anguish. "I know that Albus managed to get a message to him after you escaped from Hogwarts. He let your dad know what happened, that you were basically okay, and that he had been right all along to believe in you."
"Did he? You're not just saying that, are you? Did he? Believe in me?" Sirius' face twisted in bitter hope, his eyes ice-bright with unshed tears.
Remus stood and crossed the room. He gently placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders. "Yes. Always. Your mum did, too. I know they went to the Ministry, not just when you were first arrested, but after, too. They contacted everyone they could think of, pounded on every door, called in every favor, pulled every string they had to try to help you. They tried to get you a trial. They fought so hard for you. They even went to Azkaban several times, to try to see you, or at least to get a message to you. But, no one lifted a finger to help them. Including me. I'm sorry, Sirius. I should have done better by them."
Sirius winced, his eyes squeezed shut. A single tear trickled down his cheek. Wrapping his arms around Sirius, Remus held him close, one hand slowly stroking the black hair. "You hold too much pain inside. Let it go, love," he whispered. "Let it go. Lay your burdens down and let your poor heart break." Rippling tremors and shuddering breaths were his only answers.
Sirius leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, his whole body tensed and trembling. He finally had an answer to one of the questions that had dug like a dull knife into his heart through the long, dark years of his imprisonment. But along with the balm of finally knowing that his parents had remained steadfast in their love and belief in him was the bitter realization that they, too, had paid for his actions. He had turned his parents into pariahs. Two more lives his clever plan had wrecked. He swallowed his tears, struggling to keep his self-control, for he feared if he crumbled now, he'd never put the pieces back together again.
After a time, Sirius drew away from Remus. His face was bloodless, pale as death. Remus cringed inside to see it. Whatever rest and healing Sirius had received during their time together had vanished. He looked as haggard and drawn as the day he had limped into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Remus repeated, hating the inadequacy of his words. So much still needed to be said between them about trust and betrayal and love and suspicion. It would take time, a lot of time. Remus swore to himself that he would not give up. And he wouldn't let Sirius give up, either.
Sirius returned to his chair and sat, his movements controlled and precise. "Forget it," he replied. "My father couldn't convince you I was innocent, but that's not your fault. You had proof. The whole world had proof. He was just a man who blindly believed in his son, against all reason."
Remus shook his head. "Except my heart didn't believe that proof. And I refused to listen."
"It wouldn't have changed anything. I still would have ended up in Azkaban and, if you had openly supported me, God knows what they would have done to you."
Sirius fell silent. Remus sat across the table from him, disturbed at the distant look in the troubled, gray eyes. He knew Sirius was once more seeing his past torments. Remus tried to come up with something comforting to say, and felt at a complete loss. With growing fear he watched Sirius' expression deaden into the numb mask of Azkaban.
"That's where he got the idea." Sirius murmured to himself.
"Who? What are you talking about, love?" Remus whispered.
"One night, not long after I got there.a few weeks, maybe.a guard came to my cell. A wizard. He shined a bright light at me.I couldn't see him clearly. And then he hit me with a stupification curse. When he revived me and hauled me to my feet, I was blindfolded. My hands were shackled. He pushed me out of the cell. Told me I had a visitor. My father."
Sirius' smile was a perverse mockery of mirth. "I believed him. I actually fell for it. God, I was so stupid. I remember smiling and thinking that maybe there was hope. All of this would be straightened out. That I could explain to my dad what had happened and he'd be able to get someone in the Ministry to listen.What a fool."
He shook his head slowly, his eyes still spookily focused on a vision that only he could see. The sense of danger and fear and pain was palpable, as if a third being was in the room with them. "It never occurred to me that there was no need for a blindfold, unless the wizard guard didn't want me to see him. And he didn't. He shoved me into a small, dank room. I heard the door close. And it was silent. Enclosed. Like a tomb. I called out softly, 'Dad?' And he started laughing. Great peals of laughter. 'Dad? Dad?' He threw it back in my face, sneering at me. Mocking me. And then he punched me. Hard enough to knock me off balance. He tripped me. I fell. I couldn't see. And he locked my hands to a ring on the wall. All the while he kept taunting me. 'You want your daddy? Go ahead. Cry for daddy. Daddy can't help you. You're mine now. Take *this* for Daddy. And this! And this!'.It hurt."
He choked, silencing himself. Remus felt a chill around his heart. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to see this pain, but steeled himself to endure it for Sirius' sake. "Paddy?" Remus whispered. Leaning forward, he gently shook Sirius, trying to bring him back. "What did he do to you?"
Sirius' breath hitched once. Twice. "He.he." Sirius swallowed hard. He couldn't say it. "He beat the crap out of me." His hollowed eyes reflected something unspeakable inside himself. "And that wasn't the only time. He'd drag me down to that horrible room.whenever.until I started losing my looks. Until I reeked. Until I was crawling with vermin. Until I tried to kill myself.Then he left me alone."
They sat silently, each man shrouded in his own thoughts. Remus wondered why someone bent on cruelty would stop simply because their victim was no longer handsome. Maybe it wasn't looks. Maybe the guard got bored and moved on to fresh meat. Or maybe Sirius wasn't telling him everything.
Sirius fought to banish his poisonous thoughts of that cell. He searched his memory for visions of his father. Without either man realizing it, their hands met at the center of the table and clasped lightly together.
After a long while Sirius spoke. "Remus, if I wrote a letter to my father and sent it to Dumbledore, do you think he'd find a way to get it to my Dad?"
"I'm sure he could. I'll bring it with me." He considered, his tender gaze searching his lover's eyes. "Maybe he could also manufacture some excuse get your Dad to Hogwarts when you're there, too."
Sirius' tight grip started to hurt Remus' hands. But, he didn't complain, once he saw the spark of hope illumine Sirius' face. "That would be.I can't imagine.I want to see him. Talk to him. So much..."
Remus finally managed to untangle one of his hands. He reached up to stroke Sirius' cheek. "I have plenty of parchment."
TBC
// symbolize flashbacks.
Recap: Remus told how he spent the years of Sirius' imprisonment. Words and emotions were misunderstood, but confusion was finally dispelled. Talk led to bed, where sex was not quite what either man expected.
VI. A Second Reunion and an Unexpected Revelation
Sirius opened his eyes and was lost behind a soft veil the color of honey. Hair, Remus' hair smelling as sweet as fresh-cut grass. With a slight shock of remembrance, Sirius felt Remus' naked body against his own, with no flimsy swathes of pajamas between them. They had made love last night. And, although they had been clumsy and uncertain, they had moved closer towards the deep intimacy that had been a central part of their lives.
The hazy morning sun gilded the curve of Remus' shoulder. Raising his head, Sirius softly drew his lips along the path of light. He felt slightly daring, an echo of what he had experienced when they had first become lovers so many years ago when he would wake, nude and still somehow innocent, next to his new-found joy.
Innocence had long since departed, but even in the midst of the twisted wreckage Azkaban had left behind, Sirius sensed a small bright glow peeking out in spite of his failure to join Remus in sexual release last night. He considered this for a long moment. No, he decided. He wouldn't think of it as a failure. Looked at in another way, he had taken several firm steps towards truly reuniting with his lover. That he had been able to lay open and vulnerable beneath Remus surely counted for something. Having found a reasonable compromise in his thoughts, Sirius quietly rose to make breakfast.
The day proved interminable to Remus, who could hardly sit still as the hours dragged by. The pull of the wolf was so strong that he felt his muscles bracing against it. But, to his surprise, he was also filled with impatience that jabbed at him like a persistent child begging for attention. He counted the minutes waiting for the moment when Moony would reunite with his mate. Sirius noticed his fidgeting and commented on it. Remus shrugged, as this was the first time he ever *wished* for the change, and he was almost embarrassed by it. The only feeling to which he could compare it was the anticipation he remembered as a boy waiting for Christmas.
Dusk approached. Remus barely touched dinner. His body vibrated with expectation and feral longing. His breathing became shallow, whispering past his half-opened lips in a faint whine. His eyes glowed golden, glued to Sirius' every movement as the taller wizard cleaned up the kitchen. Finally, Remus rose from his chair and came to stand close to his raven- haired wraith, pulled to him like a magnet. His hands reached out hesitantly, and then dropped back to his sides. He concentrated hard on pushing Moony's growling turmoil to the back of his mind.
"Remus," Sirius said, catching hold of the werewolf's hands. His thumbs brushed gently across Remus' skin. Remus looked at him in wonder. Sirius' willingness to initiate touch surprised him. He wanted to say how much this small gesture meant, but his ability to speak had ground to a halt. Remus' amazement grew as Sirius released his hands and slid his arms around Remus, pulling him close. Remus gripped him in a tight hug. 'Yes, him, yes.I remember.I miss.I want.' was Moony's garbled message. Remus felt his senses soar. He was nearly overwhelmed by the feel of bone and muscle against him. And odors. So many smells floated through the kitchen. Food and flowers and summer. And under those a dark counterpoint, the musky veils emanating from skin, from hair, from heart and soul. Cedar and sweat and water. The scent of a million glittering stars dusting the night sky. The intoxicating scent of his mate, spiced with new notes, sparkling with pain and hurt. Moony's soundless howl ripped through Remus' mind, the powerful body battering the cage of his consciousness.
"We should go to the cellar," he said hoarsely. Sirius nodded and let Remus guide him to the stout, thick door. Once they were on the other side Remus flicked his wand, creating several round balls filled with blue light that cast a ghostly glow on their surroundings. He ordered, "Lock the door." He watched intently as Sirius' nimble fingers shot the bolts and fastened the chains.
"Come," he rasped. His hand gripped Sirius' wrist tightly as he led the way down the stairs. Once at the bottom, he placed his wand on a high ledge, out of harm's way. He yanked off his shoes and socks, placing them on the ledge next to his wand. Remus trembled violently at the approaching transformation. The two men were silent, except for the shuddering gasps of Remus' uneven breathing. His fingers fumbled at the buttons on his shirt, unable to grip them properly. It only increased his agitation.
"Shall I help you undress?" Sirius' low voice was smooth and calming, like a soft blanket.
Feverish gold eyes glinted green in the blue light. Remus nodded, staring at Sirius with a terrible hunger. "Quickly," he whispered.
Sirius rapidly unbuttoned and removed the shirt, his hands ghosting softly down Remus' body. He unbuckled the worn leather belt, slid the zipper open and swiftly pushed the clothing down the werewolf's tautly muscled legs. Looking at his mate on one knee before him, Remus felt a hot surge of arousal battling with the impending emergence of the wolf. He forced himself to stand still as Sirius rose to place his clothes out of reach.
The first rippling tremors ran along his muscles. Pain twisted inside his guts. Dizziness swept over him as wolf began to subdue man. "Paddy." he gasped, seizing the taller man in a crushing embrace. Hungrily, his mouth sought Sirius' in a kiss fraught with his human desire for his lover and his lupine instinct to reclaim his mate. Sirius' arms held him tight, and he felt his kiss returned. Their lips crushed together, hard and demanding, and Remus felt a snarl building from deep in his lungs. With his last vestige of control, he pushed Sirius away, growling loudly, "Change! Now!"
His voice broke into a wail of pain as the transformation took him. Remus crumpled in a heap on the floor, unable to stifle his cries. Padfoot backed up slowly towards the wall, pale eyes keenly focused on the writhing form whose limbs bent and twisted, whose ghostly skin shadowed and disappeared under waves of thick, smooth fur shining silver in the blue light. A heavy cloud of musk enveloped the black dog, a remembered and pleasing odor. Padfoot dropped down low, belly pressed against the floor. He turned his eyes and his head away from the large, powerful canine that rolled to stand firmly on his feet in the center of the room. A long, challenging howl split the air, and Moony approached the interloper, the intruder who dared to encroach on his domain. Stiff-legged, with snarling lips curled back to expose the wickedly sharp teeth, the wolf strutted towards the black form crouched near the wall. The dog did not raise his eyes to the wolf, but whined appeasingly, his plumed tail slowly sweeping back and forth across the floor.
The wolf took several menacing steps closer until realization and recognition swept over all his senses. His growl suddenly swept up into a disbelieving bark. He nudged the big, black beast with his nose, smelling a long-lost scent that shattered his solitariness. Yes, this was what he had felt, had sensed, waking early inside his host. This was his pack. The Other. The Mate. Yowling whines full of welcome and happiness poured from his muzzle as he pounced on the dog, rolling them both clumsily across the floor in a tangle of paws and legs and fur.
They jumped to their feet, tails wagging furiously, dancing in a tight, wriggling circle around one another. Padfoot suddenly lowered his front quarters to the ground, tail still waving madly, and tilted his head to lick at the corner of Moony's mouth. With a mock snarl Moony's jaws clamped down on the dog's neck, pinning him. Padfoot flopped to the floor and rolled within the strong grip, paws flailing uselessly in the air, exposing his belly. Moony's growls rent the air as if driven by a deadly blood lust. But, it was all an act. His jaws held his mate, but his teeth barely dented the skin through the thick black fur.
Suddenly, Moony released Padfoot and hopped backwards, his fierce face wearing an expression of canine ecstasy. He jumped and landed in a half- crouch, his whole attitude screaming, "Play!" Padfoot needed no encouragement. He launched himself at the wolf and the two crashed and tumbled and rolled happily around the cool, dark cellar. The air was filled with a chorus of barks and yips and snorting breath. They tore around in a small circle, shoulder to shoulder, until they got dizzy, and then sprang forward in the opposite direction. They leapt and sprawled and wrestled again. The joy of reunion was so all-encompassing that they did not regret being trapped in their small, cellar prison.
The hours flew by, spent in play and teasing and mock fights. Finally, they lay close together, panting from their exertions. Once their breathing returned to normal, Moony nuzzled Padfoot affectionately, leaning against the black bulk. Then Moony groomed his mate, his warm, wet tongue caressing over Padfoot's head and neck in soothing possession. Finally assured that his mate had returned, Moony rested his head across Padfoot's shoulders. He was tired, but deeply content. The canines fell into satisfied sleep, curled against each other.
A low moan woke Padfoot, just in time to see Remus' form return, shaking with pain and exhaustion. Sirius pulled Remus into his arms, holding him tightly until the trembling lessened. Gently, he helped Remus up, supporting most of the other's weight against his own body. "Can you walk?" Sirius asked uncertainly.
"Yes, if I can lean on you."
Grabbing Remus' wand and scooping up his clothes, Sirius maneuvered them out of the cellar and up to the bedroom. With a weary groan, Remus collapsed on the bed, burying his face into his pillow. His throbbing joints and aching muscles combined with a spent lethargy that made movement next to impossible. He hovered between consciousness and sleep. And then he felt hands, strong hands gently rubbing the cellar dirt off his skin with a warm, damp washcloth. He quivered at the unaccustomed touch, his muscles flexing of their own accord, curving into the familiar palms. Once he was clean and dry, the agile fingers continued their ministrations, kneading his flesh, working through the knots bunched in his muscles, smoothing away some of the pain. "Unhhh," he rumbled with pleasure. Oh, Sirius' hands felt good, traveling over every inch of his naked body.
Sirius heard Remus' soft moans of relief. 'Some things never change,' he thought fondly. His eyes examined Remus' body, noting faded scars. Time had lightened their appearance, but they were new to him. Tangible evidence of Moony's loneliness and frustration at the loss of Padfoot, visible proof of Remus' pain was abundantly clear. 'I'm sorry.' The familiar litany echoed in his skull. But, he said nothing aloud. He simply kept up the slow, steady, comforting massage, vowing that he'd make it up to Remus if it took the rest of his life.
With a gentle push, Sirius slowly turned Remus onto his back. The tired werewolf flopped over, eyes closed, his body limp as a rag doll. Sirius kneaded the muscles from shoulder to wrist, finishing each arm with a soft manipulation of Remus' fingers and a thorough rub across the palms with his thumbs. Then, he concentrated on the chest, probing along the collarbones, pressing in firm, circular motions across the pectorals.
Remus' breathing had settled into a steady rise and fall of silent inhalation and moaning exhalation. Sirius' hands gradually moved lower, easing back on the pressure as he crossed the flat stomach and abdomen. His grip tightened once more as he leaned into Remus' hips, seeking the exact spot in which to dig in his fingers to give Remus just the right mixture of pleasure and pain. He hit it perfectly, judging by the increased volume of the moans and the involuntary thrust that tilted the slender hips into his hands.
Once Sirius finished with Remus' hips, he slid his hands down the strong legs to concentrate on the feet. Gently, he twisted and manipulated a foot with his fingers and palms while his thumbs pressed a trail across the sole from heel to toes. Sirius had always liked Remus' feet. They were nicely formed, with attractive toes and delicate, curving arches that simply begged for tactile attention. Sirius suddenly remembered a string of occasions where he had turned this strong, talented, capable wizard into a mumbling, drooling heap of mush by lavishing attention on his feet. Glancing at Remus' face, he realized he still had that ability. Remus was absolutely motionless, his eyes closed to mere slits. His breath wheezed in contented exhalations out of his half-opened mouth.
Sirius' lips curved in a sad smile as his hands slowly inched their way up Remus' calves. His lover had suffered well over 150 transformations alone. Painfully alone. How could he ever make that up to him? They would never retrieve the years they had lost through his own deadly mistakes. How could he have been so blind to Peter's treachery? How could he have lost sight of Remus' integrity? Why hadn't he seen the pattern of his own mistakes?
With a final slow, long sweep, Sirius drew his hands up Remus' body until they came to rest over his heart. Remus forced his eyes open, fighting against sleep. "Curl up with me for a while?" The weary, somewhat goofy smile on his face was irresistible. Sirius started to stretch out next to Remus when the werewolf's hand grabbed ineffectually at his shirt. "Take that off? Just skin. 'S better." Sirius smirked. Remus was losing his powers of speech as he sank towards post-transformation slumber. Sirius slid out of his shirt and lay down, snaking his arms around his lover. He watched as the silly smile spread wider and the hazel eyes closed. Remus leaned into him, sighing a deep, comfortable sigh. Within moments, he was asleep.
Sirius also drifted off, feeling unaccountably content to hold Remus' warm weight close. His slumber was interrupted by an insistent tapping at the window. He shot upright in a blind panic, causing Remus to moan and shift in his sleep. Outside the window was a barn owl with a parchment tied to her leg. The owl was quite clearly annoyed at how long it was taking the lazy occupants of this house to let her in. Sirius waved at the owl, trying to communicate that he wanted her to fly down to the kitchen. She disappeared, only to show up attacking the kitchen window by the time Sirius got to the bottom of the stairs.
"Oh, stop making such a racket," he grumped at the irate bird, letting her in. She hooted indignantly at him, not at all intimidated by a grouchy Animagus. Sirius untied the rather bulky letter and recognized Albus Dumbledore's script. He fed the bird and she promptly zoomed back out the window, only to settle in one of the trees. Evidently she had been instructed to wait for a reply.
Sirius stared at the parchment, absently gnawing on his lower lip. It was quite logically addressed to Remus, but he was sure there would be instructions for both of them inside. He was supposed to alert the old members of the Order of the Phoenix. Why Dumbledore thought any of them would calmly invite a fugitive mass murderer in for tea and conversation was beyond Sirius' understanding. Well, the wily, old coot must have hatched some plan. Sirius hoped. He picked up the envelope and weighed it in his hands, his thumb brushing over the wax seal. It *was* addressed to Remus. He'd wait.
Remus arose several hours later, feeling less residual pain from his transformation than he had for years. Everyone should have a masseur around the house, he mused. As he entered the kitchen, his eyes fell on Dumbledore's missive. He picked it up and went in search of Sirius.
He found Padfoot lying outside in the sun. An ear flicked and one pale eye opened at his approach. Crouching down, ignoring the faint complaints from his joints, Remus stroked the dog's head. "Comfy?" he asked, his hand nearly burning from the heat of the sun reflecting off the ebony fur. The plumed tail thumped.
"Well, I'm hungry. I'm having a late lunch while I read Dumbledore's letter and see what else he's sent us." Straightening, he went back to the kitchen, the dog following in his footsteps.
"Let's eat before we open the letter," Sirius said as soon as he regained human form.
Remus cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why?"
"For some reason, that package makes me nervous."
Nerves notwithstanding, their meal was soon over. Remus opened the letter. A small leather pouch slid out. Remus began to read aloud.
'Dear Remus and Snuffles,
I hope all is well with you. I have been busy laying the groundwork for Snuffles to visit our old friends to explain the danger that recent events mean to our society. I have not given them a lot of detail, as I believe it is safer to provide explanations face-to-face rather than to risk the potential interception of written messages. I have told our friends that while I realize my choice of messenger will come as a tremendous shock to them, I trust Snuffles with both my life and Harry's. They also must trust. The erosion of trust cost us dearly during the last war. It is imperative that we hold fast in the dark days ahead.'
'I've also told them of a pendant my emissary will wear. It is the only one of its kind in existence and it is proof of the high regard in which I hold this person.'
Here Remus opened the pouch and drew out a gold chain. Hanging on the chain was a clear crystal pendant that contained a single gleaming crimson phoenix feather.
'The pendant is also charmed in quite a nice way, if I do say so myself. Although I am confident that all of our old friends will give Snuffles a fair hearing, their latent instincts may still cause them to react inappropriately. The pendant will ward off any spells that would render the wearer immobile or unconscious. Also, if the wearer closes a hand around the pendant, it will make him invisible.'
" 'React inappropriately?' Great," Sirius muttered unenthusiastically. "He doesn't say anything about warding off Unforgivable Curses."
Remus frowned at him. "They're not Death Eaters. And, they'll listen to Dumbledore. Although Fletcher probably wouldn't hesitate to beat you to a bloody pulp." He continued his reading.
'Remus, I must ask that you come to Hogwarts for a few days. Information has reached me of a mystery involving ancient Celtic dark magic. I need to tap your knowledge of dark arts and runes, as well as your research skills. I am grateful that I count as a friend a well-rounded individual such as you! Please send work of when you plan to arrive.'
'It is up to Snuffles to decide in what order visit our friends. I have only two rules that must be followed without question.'
Do not approach the guardian living near Harry's house. Snuffle's appearance would trigger a response by Aurors. I will arrange to send her to you.
Stay away from Snuffle's family home, as the house is also under Auror surveillance.
'I'm deeply sorry for these precautions, but I do not want Snuffles to fall into the hands of over-eager Ministry officials. But, the sooner we organize, the sooner we will have the opportunity to set old wrongs right.'
'My best regards to you both,
A.D.'
Remus quietly folded the letter, unsettled by the reference to the dangers that still hung over Sirius. His thoughts were interrupted by a bewildered voice.
"Alright. I understand why I can't go anywhere near Privet Drive, but why the concern over my family home? My family is dead. Does he think I want to pop in to drive myself crazy with old memories?"
Remus stared at him in puzzlement. "What do you mean? He's talking about your father, of course. The Ministry keeps an eye on him, just in case he might lead them to you or you might try to contact him."
"My father! What are you talking about?" Sirius looked at him in pained confusion. "My father's dead!"
Perplexed, Remus shook his head. "No, he's not. Who told you he died?"
"The guards at Azkaban. The wizard guards. They told me." Sirius' gaze seemed to focus in mid-air as he stumbled through his memories, trying to put them order. "I'd been there a couple of years when they told me mum died. And they told my about my dad.I don't know.years later. When did Fudge become Minister? It was after his first annual visit. One of the wizard guards told me.taunted me.They're worse than the Dementors in some ways." His voice trailed off. With an effort he pulled himself together. Sirius looked anxiously at Remus, desperate to know the truth. "Don't lie to me, Remus. Please don't do this to me."
Remus put all the conviction of which he was capable into his voice and expression. "I love you, Sirius. I would never lie to you about something like this. *They* lied to you. Your father is alive."
Sirius rose from the table and walked blindly towards the window. The practical part of Remus' brain saw that his limp was barely noticeable. He stared at the lean body, trying to gauge the depths of Sirius' feelings by his stance and the set of his shoulders. Sirius stood still for a long time. He finally turned to Remus, his face stricken with emotion.
"Why hasn't anyone ever mentioned him? You. Dumbledore, in his notes.You could have said something.to let me know."
"I'm sorry. It never occurred to me that you might think he was dead. Dumbledore had warned me not to get in touch with him once we knew the truth about you. He said that the Ministry was keeping your father and the house under observation after you escaped from prison, and it would only make them suspicious if they realized your ex-lover was visiting your dad or writing him letters. I thought you realized the same thing, that it would put him in danger if you tried to contact him. I'm sorry, Sirius. I just had no idea."
Sirius' gaze dropped to the floor, a look of despair on his face. With an effort he said, "When did you see him last?"
Remus shifted uncomfortably on his chair. This was not going to be pretty. "It was right after your mum's funeral."
Sirius' head snapped up in surprise. Grimly, Remus continued. "Yes, I know. That was a very long time ago. But, we.the last time we spoke we said some terribly harsh, angry things to one another. He couldn't understand why I believed you were guilty. And I couldn't understand his willful refusal to see your treachery. The longer we spoke the less we heard each other."
Remus closed his eyes against the memory of that last screaming conversation. Seeing the anguish and loss and fury blazing in Altair Black's azure eyes.
// "You're his lover! And you think he's a murdering Death Eater?! How can you believe that? That he betrayed James and Lily? Orphaned Harry? He loves them like they're his own flesh and blood!"
"Don't talk to me about flesh and blood! They caught him at the scene! With chunks of flesh and pools of blood strewn around him! He slaughtered those people! He deserves Azkaban! I hope the Dementors make a good meal of him! I hope they break him over and over again! I'd give the last drop of my blood to see him on his knees begging for mercy that will never come!"
"I know my son! I know he's innocent! And when he's freed, I swear to God I'll let him know that he gave his heart to a monster! A faithless monster!" //
Staring down at his hands lying on the kitchen table, Remus pushed the memory away. "Shortly after that I left for Italy. Once I came home, I kept putting off contacting your dad. And the longer I put it off, the easier it was to ignore the fact that he hurt just as much as I did." Remus looked up at Sirius. His expression hadn't changed. Remus' guts churned at that look of anguish. "I know that Albus managed to get a message to him after you escaped from Hogwarts. He let your dad know what happened, that you were basically okay, and that he had been right all along to believe in you."
"Did he? You're not just saying that, are you? Did he? Believe in me?" Sirius' face twisted in bitter hope, his eyes ice-bright with unshed tears.
Remus stood and crossed the room. He gently placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders. "Yes. Always. Your mum did, too. I know they went to the Ministry, not just when you were first arrested, but after, too. They contacted everyone they could think of, pounded on every door, called in every favor, pulled every string they had to try to help you. They tried to get you a trial. They fought so hard for you. They even went to Azkaban several times, to try to see you, or at least to get a message to you. But, no one lifted a finger to help them. Including me. I'm sorry, Sirius. I should have done better by them."
Sirius winced, his eyes squeezed shut. A single tear trickled down his cheek. Wrapping his arms around Sirius, Remus held him close, one hand slowly stroking the black hair. "You hold too much pain inside. Let it go, love," he whispered. "Let it go. Lay your burdens down and let your poor heart break." Rippling tremors and shuddering breaths were his only answers.
Sirius leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, his whole body tensed and trembling. He finally had an answer to one of the questions that had dug like a dull knife into his heart through the long, dark years of his imprisonment. But along with the balm of finally knowing that his parents had remained steadfast in their love and belief in him was the bitter realization that they, too, had paid for his actions. He had turned his parents into pariahs. Two more lives his clever plan had wrecked. He swallowed his tears, struggling to keep his self-control, for he feared if he crumbled now, he'd never put the pieces back together again.
After a time, Sirius drew away from Remus. His face was bloodless, pale as death. Remus cringed inside to see it. Whatever rest and healing Sirius had received during their time together had vanished. He looked as haggard and drawn as the day he had limped into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Remus repeated, hating the inadequacy of his words. So much still needed to be said between them about trust and betrayal and love and suspicion. It would take time, a lot of time. Remus swore to himself that he would not give up. And he wouldn't let Sirius give up, either.
Sirius returned to his chair and sat, his movements controlled and precise. "Forget it," he replied. "My father couldn't convince you I was innocent, but that's not your fault. You had proof. The whole world had proof. He was just a man who blindly believed in his son, against all reason."
Remus shook his head. "Except my heart didn't believe that proof. And I refused to listen."
"It wouldn't have changed anything. I still would have ended up in Azkaban and, if you had openly supported me, God knows what they would have done to you."
Sirius fell silent. Remus sat across the table from him, disturbed at the distant look in the troubled, gray eyes. He knew Sirius was once more seeing his past torments. Remus tried to come up with something comforting to say, and felt at a complete loss. With growing fear he watched Sirius' expression deaden into the numb mask of Azkaban.
"That's where he got the idea." Sirius murmured to himself.
"Who? What are you talking about, love?" Remus whispered.
"One night, not long after I got there.a few weeks, maybe.a guard came to my cell. A wizard. He shined a bright light at me.I couldn't see him clearly. And then he hit me with a stupification curse. When he revived me and hauled me to my feet, I was blindfolded. My hands were shackled. He pushed me out of the cell. Told me I had a visitor. My father."
Sirius' smile was a perverse mockery of mirth. "I believed him. I actually fell for it. God, I was so stupid. I remember smiling and thinking that maybe there was hope. All of this would be straightened out. That I could explain to my dad what had happened and he'd be able to get someone in the Ministry to listen.What a fool."
He shook his head slowly, his eyes still spookily focused on a vision that only he could see. The sense of danger and fear and pain was palpable, as if a third being was in the room with them. "It never occurred to me that there was no need for a blindfold, unless the wizard guard didn't want me to see him. And he didn't. He shoved me into a small, dank room. I heard the door close. And it was silent. Enclosed. Like a tomb. I called out softly, 'Dad?' And he started laughing. Great peals of laughter. 'Dad? Dad?' He threw it back in my face, sneering at me. Mocking me. And then he punched me. Hard enough to knock me off balance. He tripped me. I fell. I couldn't see. And he locked my hands to a ring on the wall. All the while he kept taunting me. 'You want your daddy? Go ahead. Cry for daddy. Daddy can't help you. You're mine now. Take *this* for Daddy. And this! And this!'.It hurt."
He choked, silencing himself. Remus felt a chill around his heart. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to see this pain, but steeled himself to endure it for Sirius' sake. "Paddy?" Remus whispered. Leaning forward, he gently shook Sirius, trying to bring him back. "What did he do to you?"
Sirius' breath hitched once. Twice. "He.he." Sirius swallowed hard. He couldn't say it. "He beat the crap out of me." His hollowed eyes reflected something unspeakable inside himself. "And that wasn't the only time. He'd drag me down to that horrible room.whenever.until I started losing my looks. Until I reeked. Until I was crawling with vermin. Until I tried to kill myself.Then he left me alone."
They sat silently, each man shrouded in his own thoughts. Remus wondered why someone bent on cruelty would stop simply because their victim was no longer handsome. Maybe it wasn't looks. Maybe the guard got bored and moved on to fresh meat. Or maybe Sirius wasn't telling him everything.
Sirius fought to banish his poisonous thoughts of that cell. He searched his memory for visions of his father. Without either man realizing it, their hands met at the center of the table and clasped lightly together.
After a long while Sirius spoke. "Remus, if I wrote a letter to my father and sent it to Dumbledore, do you think he'd find a way to get it to my Dad?"
"I'm sure he could. I'll bring it with me." He considered, his tender gaze searching his lover's eyes. "Maybe he could also manufacture some excuse get your Dad to Hogwarts when you're there, too."
Sirius' tight grip started to hurt Remus' hands. But, he didn't complain, once he saw the spark of hope illumine Sirius' face. "That would be.I can't imagine.I want to see him. Talk to him. So much..."
Remus finally managed to untangle one of his hands. He reached up to stroke Sirius' cheek. "I have plenty of parchment."
TBC