Title: This Woman's Work
Rating: PG-13 because it makes people cry.
Spoilers: None. Although this was written as an idea for an exit storyline, and we are getting closer and closer to the exit times of our favorite couple.
Notes: The lyrics used are from the song "This Woman's Work" by Maxwell. I know someone else sang it first, but I like his version better. Listen to it whilst you read. It makes it even better.
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She moves around the kitchen with purpose. On a mission.
He's been working overtime lately, not spending nearly enough time at home. She doesn't blame him, however. This extra work and time spent apart is all for a good cause. He'll have two months of vacation time to spend at home. With her. With them.
The thought causes her to reach up subconsciously and place her hand on the well-rounded belly that has cocooned their child for the past eight and a half months.
Two more weeks, and they will be a family. No longer will it be just Dr. and Mrs. John Carter.
Not that it isn't enough for her. Taking him as her husband was the best decision she has ever made.
But this was so much more. This was completion. For both of them. A long-time dream, suddenly becoming a reality.
She laughs softly as she recalls all of the good-natured arguments that have taken place whilst trying to agree upon a name. A boy would be another Jonathan Truman, that much was settled. But what about a girl? She had told him what she wanted. And he had adamantly refused it. It was a beautiful name, yes. But the association was too much to bear. She had fought him, desperately wanting to give their child a namesake who had meant so much to them both.
But, in the end, they agreed to disagree. They would wait until the baby was born, and decide on a name once they saw her. If it was, in fact, a girl. If it was a boy, then all the arguing was quite the moot point.
Tonight, he had somehow managed to grab a split shift. He would be home for dinner and a few hours of quality time with his wife before returning to the daily grind of the ER. And she is determined to make it worth the wait.
All the necessities for an extravagant dinner are laid out across the counter top. Sparkling cider awaits them in the refrigerator. She intended to spend this evening curled in his warm embrace, anticipating the life changes that would be at their doorstep in a matter of weeks.
But her plan is incomplete. She has one more trip to the grocery store, and three more hours of waiting before he would be home.
Walking outside and into the pouring rain, she climbs behind the steering wheel of his Jeep and begins her journey to the market. A journey unlike any other.
--------------------------------
Pray God you can cope
I stand outside
This woman's work
This woman's world
Oh, it's hard on the man
Now his part is over
Now starts the craft of the Father
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He is standing in the ambulance bay awaiting a critical MVA when Susan comes up behind him. The torrential rains do not make for a pleasant conversation, but she attempts anyway.
"How's Abby doing? Not too much longer, right?"
He smiles. "No. Two weeks, and it'll be here."
She stares at him knowingly. "You scared?"
"What? No." His facial features are no disguise. "A little. But excited, more than anything."
"You two are going to be incredible parents. A kid can't ask for better - two parents so in love that they can't keep their hands off of each other at any given moment."
He laughs, but gives her a look of warning. The conversation is ended by the arrival of the ambulance, and the doctors jump into their frequent routine.
And then his world is spinning.
Suddenly, nothing is real anymore.
A second, longer glance at the patient confirms all of his fears.
"Abby…"
--------------------------------------------
I know you've got a little life in you left
I know you've got a lot of strength left
I know you've got a little life in you yet
I know you've got a lot of strength left
-------------------------------------------
In the midst of the confusion and panic, he was escorted out of the trauma room and left to stare at his wife through the double doors.
His wife.
The only woman he had ever wanted.
The woman who had only belonged to him for a little over two years.
Not long enough.
So much unsaid.
So much left undone.
So much more that he could have given.
Does she truly know how loved she is?
He silently begs for the chance to tell her.
For the chance to continue their life together.
For the chance to raise this child that is so wanted. So loved.
Simply for another chance.
To do so much.
Susan exits the trauma room and stands in front of him. His eyes are concentrated on the woman lying on the gurney within those doors.
"John…"
He brings his gaze to hers. The look he finds within her eyes is not one of hope. It's filled with pain.
"We need to take her up to surgery. She's bleeding internally, and if we don't get the baby out now and repair it…we could lose them both, John."
His mind is reeling. Her words are incomprehensible. How is he supposed to choose? He can't lose them. It's out of the question.
He nods slowly, leaning back against the wall for support. "Go, then. Do whatever you have to. Just don't…don't let this happen, Susan. You can't…"
His teeth bite down hard on his bottom lip, incapable of speaking any longer.
"I know. We'll do everything we can." She touches his arm lightly before bowing her head and making her way back into the trauma room, where she would prep her best friend for an operation that could change her life.
Or end it.
And she would give anything to wake up from this nightmare.
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I should be crying but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
All the things we should've said that I never said
All the things we should have done that we never did
All the things we should have given but I didn't
----------------------------------------------------
When he finally lifts his head from his hands, he sees Elizabeth Corday making her way toward him with an unreadable look on her face.
He had been sitting in the OR waiting area for three hours. No one had been out to update him. No one knew anything. This was torture. His life was crumbling with every minute that passed, and he only wanted to be with his wife. With his family.
The thought of never seeing her again was driving him mad. How did this happen? Why wasn't he home with her, protecting her? Why had he let work consume him and keep him from her over the past few months? Was he being punished?
No. She would survive. They both would. She would walk out of here, baby in her arms, in no time at all.
Their dreams would not be shattered. Their love would not be deterred.
"Carter…" He heard the soft British accent bring him back to reality.
"How is she? Is the baby okay?" The words were flowing from his lips, but his entire body felt numb. He was holding his breath in anticipation of the best. Or, possibly, the worst.
Please.
Let it be okay.
"We got the baby out in time. You have a daughter, and she's beautiful. Perfect. She looks like…her mother."
The smile that had spread across his face quickly faded as he saw her expression fall on those last words.
"Dr. Corday…what? What is it?"
Time stood still.
He awaited the inevitable.
"Abby was very badly injured. We tried to repair the ruptures, but the bleeding to her internal organs is just too serious. She's awake, and you should go to her. It won't be long, now."
A look of sheer terror overcame his face. And then a look of a resolve replaced it.
"No. She's going to be fine."
"John…you should really go in. I'm sorry. There's nothing more we can do."
No words.
No thoughts.
No emotions.
Nothing was real anymore.
He was losing her.
A daughter gained. A true love…lost.
"You're telling me that if I go in there, this is the last time that I'm going to speak to my wife?"
She gives him a solemn nod. "I'm sorry. Nothing short of a miracle can save her now."
He raises his head with purpose, staring directly into the surgeon's eyes.
"Then, start praying."
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Give me these moments
Give them back to me
Give me that little kiss
Give me your ...
Give me your hand, babe
Give me your prayers
You're loved, child
Whatever you need, baby
Give me your hand
Give me your hand
-----------------------
As he walks into the OR, he feels his life begin to pass in slow motion.
His life.
His love.
His everything.
Abby.
Propped up gently on the gurney, pale and weak.
So fragile.
So broken.
Unlike anything he's ever seen.
And yet - she smiles at him.
Her beauty, even now, is incomparable.
Pulling a stool beside the gurney, he sits and takes her hand into his.
"Hey, baby."
"Hi." Her voice is strained. Soft. Weak.
Unbearable.
"I was making dinner. I was just going to the store for a few things and…it was raining so hard…"
He purses his lips in an attempt to hold back the tears.
With a nod, he reassures her.
"Don't worry about it. You're gonna be okay. It's fine."
Even her smile is weak, now. But still as breathtaking as ever.
"You know you can't lie to me. You do that thing with your eyes."
He grips her hand tighter, tells himself to wake up. This isn't real.
"We have a daughter," he whispers, trying to brighten the mood. At least for a moment.
"They told me. Did you see her?"
"Yeah. She's an angel, Abby. Just like her mom. Absolutely perfect."
"I'm so tired. I just…I wanna see her…"
"Okay," he says without hesitation. "Susan's bringing her up right now, actually."
"I'm sorry for all the arguing over the names. I want you to name her. You decide."
He touches her cheek, caressing it with all the love that is flowing within his heart.
Is he really expected to go on without this woman?
"I'm sorry, John. I'm so sorry to do this to you…"
"God, no, baby, don't say that. The only thing you've ever done to me is make me the happiest man in the world. If I had known from the beginning that we'd be sitting here right now, I'd still do it all exactly the same."
He sighs deeply. This is his last chance. So much to be said. So much to do. He has to make sure that she knows.
"Abby, you are the only woman that I've ever loved. Everything that I've wanted in my life - it's all wrapped up in you. You've blessed me with so much. There are no words to tell you what you've done for me. How much I love you. And I know that someday soon, we'll be moving into that house with the little picket fence that you hate to admit that you want. Filling all the spare rooms with brothers and sisters for that little angel downstairs. We're gonna have it all. Don't give up on me, now."
Her breath is shallow, but her resolve is strong. Reaching toward his face, she pulls him into a gentle kiss.
"I love you, okay? Don't ever forget that. I love you, John."
"You're everything to me. You and our daughter. I used to dream about my future, and I never imagined that I would actually live out those dreams. But I have been. For the past 5 years, since the moment that I first met you…you've given me all my dreams. And it's so much more than I ever imagined, Abby. So much more. I wish that I could make you understand what you mean to me, but…there simply aren't the words. You've held my heart in your possession since that night on the roof. That Valentine's Day that changed everything. I survived it, though, and so will you. This isn't the end of us, baby. Stay with me."
"John…" Her eyes were welling with tears. She wanted so desperately to believe him. But she knew her time was running short.
The door swings open and Susan enters, pushing an incubator in front of her.
Their baby girl.
She can hardly look at Abby. Her best friend. Her confidant.
The woman who is so much to so many people.
She lifts the baby from the incubator and slowly, carefully, places her in her mother's arms.
Abby's weakness is apparent, yet she grips the pink bundle as if it were her life support.
And in many ways, it is.
Susan leans in and kisses Abby on the forehead, whispering her love for her friend before exiting once again.
The family sits alone. The only time that they will ever do so. The only time that she will ever look into her daughter's eyes.
"Hi, sweetie," she whispers softly. "You are the most beautiful thing…"
The tears are welling in her eyes again. The pain - both physical and emotional - is beginning to overwhelm her.
"You listen to your daddy, okay? He may be a crazy guy, but he knows what's best for you." She bites her lip long and hard. This is too much to bear. "I'll always be with you, baby girl. I love you…so much…I just…"
She can no longer contain the sobs. Her free hand reaches for her husband and he takes it quickly, making any effort to comfort her.
"I can't…John…take her. Just take her. I just…I can't…"
Still fighting back his own tears, he takes his daughter into his arms as he watches his wife cover her face and conceal the weeping. He places the tiny child into the incubator beside him and leans in toward the woman that lies broken before him.
"Abby…" And she turns to him. A look of love and complete devotion in her eyes. "I want to name her what you suggested. It's the only name for her."
She smiles, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "She needs a middle name, then. You pick that one."
He nods softly, reaching to move a strand of hair out of her face.
"John?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"Tell her…tell her about me, okay? Make sure she knows how much I wanted her. Tell her how much I love her. Teach her about our history. I want her to know how much her parents loved each other."
"Love each other," he corrected. "No matter what, my love for you will never be something of the past. Okay? You have to believe that."
"Thank you, John. Thank you for believing in me. For staying with me. I never knew what love was until you showed me. And I'm so sorry for pushing you away in the beginning…all the time that was wasted, just because I was afraid. Afraid to believe that this was real. Afraid to believe that I was worth someone like you. But you never gave up on me. I love you. So much."
Her breathing was becoming difficult.
She struggled to continue. To make certain that he knew what she felt for him.
"My life started the day that you kissed me, John. I was broken and hollow before that. You changed everything. You made life worth living. And I don't want you to ever think that my love for you is less than what you feel for me. I've never felt this way before. I feel like my body is so full of love for you that I can't even breathe most of the time. I need to know that you understand. I want you to know how much…how much I love you."
Her words had shocked him. He knew that she loved him, that was never in doubt. But to be this open - this honest - with her feelings and her emotions…this was unlike her. She had never expressed herself with such sincerity and frankness before. She was a woman of mystery, always leaving him in the dark about the depths of her soul.
And her honesty in this moment was the most incredible thing he had ever experienced.
The tears he was blocking are now flowing freely. And all he can do is press his lips to hers.
Moving his mouth to her ear, he whispers with all the love that he has.
"I know. I love you, Abby. I'll never love anyone this much."
The monitors are reacting now. This is it. The final moments.
Only a miracle, he repeats in his mind. Only a miracle.
"John…" Her words are labored. Barely above a whisper, now. "I love you. Both of you…"
She gasps for air, and his forehead rests on hers now. Needing to be close. Unable to be close enough.
"Tell…tell her. Make sure she knows…"
He nods, the tears returning, and pulls her into a deep kiss. "I love you, Abby. I love you."
She kisses him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. Both are sobbing through their last moments of passion together.
"I love you, John. I'm sorry…I love you so much…"
Moments pass in this fashion, both incapable of letting go. Both needing to soak up every second that is available to them.
Then, lips pressed to his and wrapped in the warmth of his love, she slips away.
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I should be crying but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should have said that we never said
All the things we should have done that we never did
All the things that you wanted from me
All the things that you needed to tell me
All the things I should have given but I didn't
Oh, darling, make it go away, now
Just make it go away
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Twenty-four hours later, the only thing worth carrying on for is waiting for him in the nursery. He would take her home, his daughter, and raise her in the home that her mother had created.
But in three days, he would leave the confines of the apartment that once belonged to Abby alone, and carry his daughter to her mother's funeral.
Four days old and saying goodbye to the most wonderful woman that she would never know.
It was too much for his heart to bear.
She was gone.
His entire life revolved around that woman, and she was gone.
Their daughter was the his only purpose anymore.
And she looked exactly like her mother.
A constant reminder of the beauty - and the love - that was taken from them both, far too soon.
Entering the nursery, he walks directly to the bassinet that holds his only source of joy.
Lucy Abigail Carter.
A child whose namesakes were the two most important women in her father's life. The two women that had taught him the most about life. And love.
He lifts his daughter into his arms and presses his lips against her head.
Closing his eyes, he looks up towards the heavens and smiles.
"I love you. I always will."
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Fin.