"Abused"
By; Foolinq Love
She had always abused me. Everyday, she'd hit me and break my heart. Afterwards, I'd still love her. Despite the broken heart, I still had so much love for the blonde Slayer. Pathetic? Yes, sadly, I must admit I was a bloody pathetic man for her love. She could batter and beat me, spit down upon my heart, and yet, I'd still hold a deep and powerful passion for her. She'd hate it. Being so upset with my unconditional love, she'd just do it again, trying to shoo me away, but it never happened.
It was an obsession. A powerful and deep obsession. It drove both of us crazy. Her so because she was confused by my ways. As for me, it was because I should have left, but I didn't. I stayed with the one who broke me constantly when I could have left. I was crazy. Crazy for her though.
When I saw her kiss Angel after his long trip, I wasn't surprised. After caring so deeply for me, she was bound to break my heart just one last time before the final battle. When the sight of two lips touching hit my crystal orbs, my heart broken into many pieces. I swallowed deep and turned my head away to see the First in the form of my dearest love. Ignoring its pleas to kill her and rid her of my heart, I escaped to the graveyard. The one where I learned I had loved the Slayer for the first time.
I sat upon a gravestone, my head in my hands. How, just how could she do this to me? I closed my eyes, in need of a cigarette. "You know she never loved you," came a sickly sooth voice. I looked up to find the Slayer—no, it was the First. I took in a deep breath of the night air as it took a step closer to me. Gently, it ran a hand through me and smirked.
"Why do you insist on doing that? Breathing as if you're one of them. But you're not," she said as her voice changed into a British accent. Golden tresses turned into dark once and grew longer. Shinning emerald orbs dimmed down to a dark and dismal color. Glossed tiers turned to crimson. That tan skin turned alabaster. Her clothes changed from the normal slayer apparel to a long, silky black and purple dress. Her feet were now bare. Drusilla.
I dare not say a word, in fear of . . . whatever it was that the First did. "My lovely William," she hissed out soothingly, "birdies have told me of your demise. I've feared that since the day you tried to stake me for her. You William, have changed." Those pursed lips turned into an evil smirk. "You know, she is coming back. I saw her coming here. I showed up as you and she had a fit. She's scared for you William," came once again the Slayer's voice. I closed my eyes.
An icy wind splashed against my cheek and as I opened my eyes, I saw the First had swiped its hand through my face. "Dru's coming back, eh?" I asked with curiosity. Drusilla, my lovely vampire. If she were to show up, I don't know what I'd do. But, since the Slayer had broken my heart with my sire, I had an idea.
A sick smile formed upon the face of Dru. "Oh yes, she's coming back. Something . . . a bird you should call it, told her of the chaos and pain that reined her. She's interested. She's also heard of your pain and suffer," said the Slayer's voice yet again. I closed my eyes, not sure if I wanted Dru back. I hadn't thought of her lately and I didn't really want to. Not with the love of the Slayer growing.
Not sure of what to say, I just nodded. "I'm not suffering," I said in a low tone. A chuckle emitted from crimson tiers. Was it that obvious I lied? Of course I was suffering. The girl—no, the woman I loved was kissing the man I hated with a passion and fury as great as my love for the beautiful blonde Slayer. How was I supposed to feel? Happy? Jubilant? No, I was supposed to feel jealousy and be upset.
"Of course not William," said the First in a sarcastic tone. Rolling its eyes, the First took a step back. "You're upset because she kissed Angel. Heartbroken. Haven't you had enough of it?" Smirking, I heard the crunching of boots on the dead leaves that covered the ground. Buffy burst through the First, sending it away. She looked at me, eyes wide.
"Where have you been?" she asked bitterly. It was clear to me she had been looking for me. A droplet of sweat hung upon her brow. I looked up at her and shrugged a little. "Where were you?" she screamed, stomping her foot. Yeah, I began to believe that she was upset by my absence. I looked down to the ground.
Without anything to say, I sat there silent for a moment. "I've been here," I said in an almost whisper. Suddenly, I heard sobs come from the Slayer. Looking up, I noticed tears came from her eyes. She plopped down to her knees and looked at me with wide, teary eyes.
"I was scared for you," she said along with sobs. I looked away, unsure of how to respond to this. "Sure, I killed Caleb, but the First is still out and about. I was scared Spike. I didn't know where you were and I was truly scared of what could have happened to you." Bitter comments filled my mind as she spoke. I looked at her, seeing the truth of her cries. I didn't feel bad though.
"Scared when Angel stopped kissing you and you remembered that I was still here," I responded bitterly. Maybe after all this time, I was finally finished with this sick game we constantly played. I was finally sick of her breaking my heart. That why I didn't care she was crying. I didn't care if she felt bad.
"Y-you saw?" she stuttered out, tripping over her own words. Now, she was put on the spot. She looked down to the ground beneath her, holding her head in shame of what she did. She told me how she cared and she showed that through her previous actions. Now, she took all of it back with one kiss to her old lover and my sire---Angel.
Slowly, I nodded. "Yeah, I saw it all. How you didn't care and how your eyes filled with joy as you saw him again." I paused, looking at her. Those golden tresses hung in front of her face, hiding that aesthetic visage from me. "How do you think I felt when I saw it?" I asked coldly. I wasn't moved by her appearance or how she acted as if she felt bad.
A voice howled behind her---the First. "How many times does she have to break your heart before you see she doesn't love you?" it asked with Buffy's voice. I shook my head. It had been too many already. I was Spike; a cold-blooded killer who killed anyone who got in my way. Now, I'd still love this girl despite all the times she'd beat me. I was ashamed of myself.
"Spike," she began, "I didn't think. I loved Angel and when I saw him, I couldn't help it. I've always loved Angel, but he left me without thinking of how I'd feel. He just up and went away. I could never be with him again. It didn't mean anything Spike." She looked up at me. I believed it, but I couldn't accept it without those three words coming from her glossed tiers.
"Maybe it's about time I just 'upped and went away,'" I said. Bitter and hatred in my crystal eyes. She looked at me in confusion. I knew what went through her head—"What's he thinking?" I rose from my seat upon the tombstone and took a few steps away from her sitting form.
"There have been so many times I should have left. Funny how it takes me this long to realize it," I said softly. I turned my back away from her. "I don't know why I love you Slaya. I feel like a fool for doing so." I looked down, already feeling guilty about the next words to come from my mouth. "Maybe next time you should be thankful of someone loving you." With those words, I walked away from Buffy Summers and Sunnydale.
Whatever life I had there was lost and I made my way back to England. I never knew how the battle turned out, but I suppose she won because Hell doesn't rule Earth. As for Buffy, she's probably happy with someone, maybe Angel. I don't really know. I never sent her a letter, or tried to call to find out.
I was just too bitter about being abused for so long.