"A Very Unpleasant Three and a Half Hours"
Monica ran excitedly through a department store in the mall, dragging Chandler behind her like a puppy dog.
"Chandler! Keep up!"
"I'm going as fast as I can!"
"Well, go faster!"
Chandler sighed as he quickened his pace to keep up with his fiancé.
"What do you think of this?" Monica asked, holding up a long, pink dress.
"Fine," Chandler said blankly, not turning his head.
"Chandler! We're going to my parents' house for dinner. If I don't look nice it's just going to give my mom another reason to criticize me!"
"But sweetie, you always look nice...well more than just NICE. You'll look beautiful no matter what."
Monica smirked at him. "Oh, isn't that sweet? Now what do you think of this one?" she lifted up a similar dress in lavender.
"You'd look great in that," Chandler replied, sincerely.
"Yeah, uh-huh, I think you're just saying that so I'll just buy this one and you can get out of here faster!"
"What?"
"You know what, Chandler? I don't need you here! Just go take a walk, and I'll meet you in the front in a half hour!"
"Fine," Chandler headed in the other direction. "It's not my fault you have PMS!"
Monica gasped. "I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"Do not!"
"Do, too!"
Monica mouthed wordlessly for a few moments, searching for some kind of sarcastic comment, but soon Chandler was out of sight. She didn't notice him heading towards the jewelry department.
"Excuse me, Miss? I'd like to buy that necklace," Chandler said, pointing inside the glass counter sparkling with an array of diamonds.
"This one?"
"Yes."
"Oh, this one's a beauty," she smiled, carefully reaching inside the cabinet. "One special woman's going to get that."
"Yes, she's very special," Chandler smiled. "Yeah, she's the one down there who I think just punched one of your security guards."
The cashier laughed as she handed him a small shopping bag. "That'll be $700, please."
Chandler gulped as he handed her his credit card.
"Thank you. Have a nice day."
"You, too."
"Monica?" Chandler stretched his head, straining to see Monica over about ten thousand racks of clothing. "Mon, where are you..." he mumbled to himself.
"I'm in here!" she yelled, sounding quite annoyed.
"Where is 'here'?"
Monica emerged from a nearby dressing room, with eyes looking as if they were ready to kill. "I thought I told you to meet me in a half hour!"
"Well-" He gasped as he saw her, and a smile formed on his face. "Monica, you look so beautiful," he whispered softly, examining her from head to toe. She was wearing the same lavender dress she had asked his opinion on before. When he told her she would look beautiful in it, he never could have imagined just how beautiful.
"Really?" she giggled.
'Wow,' Chandler thought. He was surprised she didn't shout at him another derogatory remark.
"That's so sweet," she squealed.
"Well, aren't we certainly having some mood swings today," he laughed, as she started to wrap her arms around him.
"What?" she jumped back.
'Why do I talk?' "Nothing, I didn't say anything..."
"Oh my God, Chandler! Who do you think you are? I am NOT having mood swings!"
"Oh, well, wouldn't that seem weird considering ten seconds ago you were about to kiss me!"
"Well, I'm glad I didn't! Who would wanna kiss you, anyway?" Chandler shrugged.
"Hey, what have you got in that bag?" she snapped.
"Oh, um, nothing," he quickly tried to hide it behind his back.
"What the hell did you buy? I'm struggling to find something decent to wear and you're off BUYING things?"
"You told me to leave you alone!"
"That's not the point!" she yelled, grabbing the bag out of his hands.
"Mon! Don't---"
Monica gasped as she tore open the bag to reveal a long, silk case. Chandler shook his head. 'Great...JUST great!'
"Oh my God, Chandler! It's beautiful! I love you so much!" she jumped into his arms and planted small kisses all over his face.
He had to laugh. "I love you, too, Mon." He kissed her gently on the lips.
"What's it for though...it's not my birthday or anything."
"I know," he said smiling.
"Soooo? What's it for?"
"It's just for being you," he said simply.
"Aww, I love you! Hey, help me put it on," Monica said, excited, lifting up her hair.
"Okay," Chandler struggled to unlatch the tiny hook on the necklace. Finally, he managed to get it on her.
"Thank you," she smiled as she took his hand in hers. "Let's go pay for this dress and get outta here. I know you don't wanna be here."
"We can do whatever you want, Mon."
Monica sighed. "Did I mention yet that I love you?"
After she went and changed back into her regular clothes, she and Chandler walked up to the nearest cash register. It was the same clerk Chandler had talked to before.
"Hi, again," she smiled. Her eyes bulged out as she noticed Monica wearing the necklace that she had just wrapped up only a few minutes ago. "You gave it to her ALREADY?"
Chandler laughed. "She grabbed the bag away from me. I couldn't do anything about it."
Monica giggled as she cuddled up closer next to Chandler.
"Aww, you guys are so lucky. You found your true love," the clerk sighed.
"Aww, don't worry. I thought I'd never find someone, well, that's what my mother kept telling me. Anyway, I thought I'd never find someone, and then I found Chandler..." Monica explained dreamily. "Well, actually we were friends first. Then we got drunk in London and had sex, but it turned out we'd found the love of our lives." Chandler gave her hand a little squeeze.
"That's so sweet! Well, good luck, you guys!"
"Thanks! Bye," Monica said politely as they headed for the opening into the main mall. "So you wanna go home now?"
"Sure."
"Or uh---maybe we cold stop into Victoria's secret?" she asked, with a grin.
"SURE!"
Monica laughed. "Okay, come on, it's downstairs."
As they approached the escalator, they noticed it wasn't moving. "I wonder why it's not moving..." Chandler mumbled. "OH, THA'TS WHY!" he jumped back. A bunch of janitors were cleaning up the mess some kid had made after throwing up.
"Eww!" Monica shrieked. "Come on, honey, let's take the elevator."
"Okay."
As they waited patiently for the elevator to arrive on their floor, Chandler gave Monica another soft kiss on the lips. They both smiled as they heard a 'ding'. They weren't paying much attention to anything else but each other and didn't notice the dark-haired woman behind them. But then suddenly they heard something that made them stop dead in their tracks. It was a sound that was but all too familiar...
"OH---MY---GAWD!"
Chandler and Monica turned around in unison. No, it couldn't be! Oh, but it was!
"Janice---hi..." Chandler stammered.
"Chandler! It's my little Bing-A-Ling! And Monica! Hi! How ARE you?"
"Hi, Janice...I'm fine," Monica gave Janice a weak smile. "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine...me and Sid just got a divorce, but other than that I'm fine!"
"Oh, um, sorry..."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I never liked him too much anyway." The couple cringed as they heard it---the laugh. "So Monica, what about you? Are YOU seeing anyone?"
"Actually, I---" 'Oh my God, she's gonna wanna come to the wedding!' "Actually, I'm not. You know me; 'Always Alone' Monica," she said sadly. Chandler glared at her questioningly. Monica shot him an 'I'll explain later!' look.
"Oh, don't worry, Mr. Right is just around the corn---hey, then how come you've got a ring on?"
"Oh, um, you know me...I'm so desperate to have a husband I wear a ring and like to pretend that I do."
Janice gave her a strange look. "Anyway, Chandler, I'm a free woman now!" she punched him playfully in the shoulder. And there it was again---the laugh.
"That's good to know, Janice," Chandler replied awkwardly. "Hey, haven't we been on here a pretty long time? We're only going down one floor..."
"Yeah, you're right," Monica agreed nervously. "OH MY GOD! WE'RE STUCK!" she realized in horror.
"Are you sure?" Chandler asked.
"YES! OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she began pounding on the doors.
"Sweetheart, calm down---"
"Sweetheart?" Janice asked in shock.
"Oh, um, yeah. Me and Chandler, we call each other that all the time."
"Mon, what are you doing?" he whispered. She eyed him angrily. Janice started laughing. Monica darted around. "WHAT is SO funny?" she hissed through gritted teeth.
"Oh, nothing, I just think it's funny that out of all people, I'm stuck on an elevator for God knows how many hours with YOU TWO? Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!"
Suddenly a loud voice broke the unbearable laughter, apparently coming from a speaker on the ceiling. "Attention! Attention! We're sorry for the inconvenience, but we seem to be having some, um, technical difficulties, and we'd appreciate it if all persons in the elevator could just uh---sit tight until we get the problem fixed."
"NOOOOOOO!" Monica shouted in horror.
"Don't worry, Monica! This is going to be so much fun! We can---ooh, we can play Truth or Dare!" Janice exclaimed excitedly, making herself comfortable on the floor. Chandler did the same, patting the spot next to him, motioning for Monica to come sit down. As soon as she did, he tried to wrap an arm around her, but she moved away.
"What?" he whispered. He still couldn't figure out why Monica didn't want Janice to know they were together.
"So Chandler," Janice nudged closer to him, suggestively. "Like I said before, I'm a free woman now."
Monica closed her eyes and pretended she was somewhere else. 'Okay, okay, I'm at home with Chandler and Rachel and Ross and Joey and Phoebe and I'm enjoying myself and there's NO Janice...okay, I can get through this.'
Chandler just chuckled awkwardly as Monica let out a heavy sigh.
'I truly know what Hell is like now,' Chandler thought. Three hours later he was propped up against the elevator wall, and Monica was stretched out across the floor, using him as a pillow. For three hours, they had listened to Janice go on and on about her ex-husband and her divorce and hint about getting back together with Chandler. Monica couldn't take it any longer.
"...Bing-a-Ling, you were a much better lover than Sid anyway..."
"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" Monica jumped up over an extremely frightened Janice; in such a stance that one would think she was about to murder her.
"What is it, Monica?" Janice asked, scared to death.
"CHANDLER AND I ARE ENGAGED! AND THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T TELL YOU WAS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOUR LOUD-ASS SELF THERE TO RUIN MY WEDDING!" Janice gasped. "BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW BECAUSE FOR THREE HOURS I LISTENED TO YOU AND WATCHED YOU TRY TO COME ON TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND FRANKLY, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SO JUST BACK OFF, OKAY?"
"Oh my, Gawd! Monica! I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" Janice apologized, genuinely sorry.
"Yeah, well, now you do!" Monica fell back down onto the floor, making herself this time comfortable next to Chandler, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around her.
An awkward silence fell among the elevator with Janice looking very embarrassed and Monica looking just plain pissed.
"So, who's up for Yatzi?" Chandler exclaimed. Monica rolled her eyes.
A half an hour later, Chandler noticed that Janice had fallen asleep. "Sweetheart," he nudged Monica who was falling asleep herself.
"What?"
"Look---Janice is asleep."
"So?"
"Well, we ARE stuck on an elevator for x amount of hours with plenty of time to kill..."
Monica grinned.
"Yeah?" Chandler grinned. "You want to?"
Monica nodded vigorously, as Chandler held her close and started kissing her passionately. "I love you, Monica," he whispered into her hair.
"I love you, too, Chandler," she breathed as she edged closer on top of him.
"Ssshhh, Mon," he laughed. "We can't wake Janice up."
Monica giggled as she kissed him harder and more passionately. Suddenly the elevator doors ding-ed open to reveal three men who were dressed in a uniform. Monica's eyes bulged open. She'd never been more embarrassed in her life. She sheepishly got off of Chandler, took his hand, and walked out, squeezing her eyes shut, concentrating on the fact that it would all be over in few minutes. The three men gave Chandler a thumbs-up as they walked away. Chandler grinned and followed Monica out to the parking lot.
THE END
Monica ran excitedly through a department store in the mall, dragging Chandler behind her like a puppy dog.
"Chandler! Keep up!"
"I'm going as fast as I can!"
"Well, go faster!"
Chandler sighed as he quickened his pace to keep up with his fiancé.
"What do you think of this?" Monica asked, holding up a long, pink dress.
"Fine," Chandler said blankly, not turning his head.
"Chandler! We're going to my parents' house for dinner. If I don't look nice it's just going to give my mom another reason to criticize me!"
"But sweetie, you always look nice...well more than just NICE. You'll look beautiful no matter what."
Monica smirked at him. "Oh, isn't that sweet? Now what do you think of this one?" she lifted up a similar dress in lavender.
"You'd look great in that," Chandler replied, sincerely.
"Yeah, uh-huh, I think you're just saying that so I'll just buy this one and you can get out of here faster!"
"What?"
"You know what, Chandler? I don't need you here! Just go take a walk, and I'll meet you in the front in a half hour!"
"Fine," Chandler headed in the other direction. "It's not my fault you have PMS!"
Monica gasped. "I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"Do not!"
"Do, too!"
Monica mouthed wordlessly for a few moments, searching for some kind of sarcastic comment, but soon Chandler was out of sight. She didn't notice him heading towards the jewelry department.
"Excuse me, Miss? I'd like to buy that necklace," Chandler said, pointing inside the glass counter sparkling with an array of diamonds.
"This one?"
"Yes."
"Oh, this one's a beauty," she smiled, carefully reaching inside the cabinet. "One special woman's going to get that."
"Yes, she's very special," Chandler smiled. "Yeah, she's the one down there who I think just punched one of your security guards."
The cashier laughed as she handed him a small shopping bag. "That'll be $700, please."
Chandler gulped as he handed her his credit card.
"Thank you. Have a nice day."
"You, too."
"Monica?" Chandler stretched his head, straining to see Monica over about ten thousand racks of clothing. "Mon, where are you..." he mumbled to himself.
"I'm in here!" she yelled, sounding quite annoyed.
"Where is 'here'?"
Monica emerged from a nearby dressing room, with eyes looking as if they were ready to kill. "I thought I told you to meet me in a half hour!"
"Well-" He gasped as he saw her, and a smile formed on his face. "Monica, you look so beautiful," he whispered softly, examining her from head to toe. She was wearing the same lavender dress she had asked his opinion on before. When he told her she would look beautiful in it, he never could have imagined just how beautiful.
"Really?" she giggled.
'Wow,' Chandler thought. He was surprised she didn't shout at him another derogatory remark.
"That's so sweet," she squealed.
"Well, aren't we certainly having some mood swings today," he laughed, as she started to wrap her arms around him.
"What?" she jumped back.
'Why do I talk?' "Nothing, I didn't say anything..."
"Oh my God, Chandler! Who do you think you are? I am NOT having mood swings!"
"Oh, well, wouldn't that seem weird considering ten seconds ago you were about to kiss me!"
"Well, I'm glad I didn't! Who would wanna kiss you, anyway?" Chandler shrugged.
"Hey, what have you got in that bag?" she snapped.
"Oh, um, nothing," he quickly tried to hide it behind his back.
"What the hell did you buy? I'm struggling to find something decent to wear and you're off BUYING things?"
"You told me to leave you alone!"
"That's not the point!" she yelled, grabbing the bag out of his hands.
"Mon! Don't---"
Monica gasped as she tore open the bag to reveal a long, silk case. Chandler shook his head. 'Great...JUST great!'
"Oh my God, Chandler! It's beautiful! I love you so much!" she jumped into his arms and planted small kisses all over his face.
He had to laugh. "I love you, too, Mon." He kissed her gently on the lips.
"What's it for though...it's not my birthday or anything."
"I know," he said smiling.
"Soooo? What's it for?"
"It's just for being you," he said simply.
"Aww, I love you! Hey, help me put it on," Monica said, excited, lifting up her hair.
"Okay," Chandler struggled to unlatch the tiny hook on the necklace. Finally, he managed to get it on her.
"Thank you," she smiled as she took his hand in hers. "Let's go pay for this dress and get outta here. I know you don't wanna be here."
"We can do whatever you want, Mon."
Monica sighed. "Did I mention yet that I love you?"
After she went and changed back into her regular clothes, she and Chandler walked up to the nearest cash register. It was the same clerk Chandler had talked to before.
"Hi, again," she smiled. Her eyes bulged out as she noticed Monica wearing the necklace that she had just wrapped up only a few minutes ago. "You gave it to her ALREADY?"
Chandler laughed. "She grabbed the bag away from me. I couldn't do anything about it."
Monica giggled as she cuddled up closer next to Chandler.
"Aww, you guys are so lucky. You found your true love," the clerk sighed.
"Aww, don't worry. I thought I'd never find someone, well, that's what my mother kept telling me. Anyway, I thought I'd never find someone, and then I found Chandler..." Monica explained dreamily. "Well, actually we were friends first. Then we got drunk in London and had sex, but it turned out we'd found the love of our lives." Chandler gave her hand a little squeeze.
"That's so sweet! Well, good luck, you guys!"
"Thanks! Bye," Monica said politely as they headed for the opening into the main mall. "So you wanna go home now?"
"Sure."
"Or uh---maybe we cold stop into Victoria's secret?" she asked, with a grin.
"SURE!"
Monica laughed. "Okay, come on, it's downstairs."
As they approached the escalator, they noticed it wasn't moving. "I wonder why it's not moving..." Chandler mumbled. "OH, THA'TS WHY!" he jumped back. A bunch of janitors were cleaning up the mess some kid had made after throwing up.
"Eww!" Monica shrieked. "Come on, honey, let's take the elevator."
"Okay."
As they waited patiently for the elevator to arrive on their floor, Chandler gave Monica another soft kiss on the lips. They both smiled as they heard a 'ding'. They weren't paying much attention to anything else but each other and didn't notice the dark-haired woman behind them. But then suddenly they heard something that made them stop dead in their tracks. It was a sound that was but all too familiar...
"OH---MY---GAWD!"
Chandler and Monica turned around in unison. No, it couldn't be! Oh, but it was!
"Janice---hi..." Chandler stammered.
"Chandler! It's my little Bing-A-Ling! And Monica! Hi! How ARE you?"
"Hi, Janice...I'm fine," Monica gave Janice a weak smile. "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine...me and Sid just got a divorce, but other than that I'm fine!"
"Oh, um, sorry..."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I never liked him too much anyway." The couple cringed as they heard it---the laugh. "So Monica, what about you? Are YOU seeing anyone?"
"Actually, I---" 'Oh my God, she's gonna wanna come to the wedding!' "Actually, I'm not. You know me; 'Always Alone' Monica," she said sadly. Chandler glared at her questioningly. Monica shot him an 'I'll explain later!' look.
"Oh, don't worry, Mr. Right is just around the corn---hey, then how come you've got a ring on?"
"Oh, um, you know me...I'm so desperate to have a husband I wear a ring and like to pretend that I do."
Janice gave her a strange look. "Anyway, Chandler, I'm a free woman now!" she punched him playfully in the shoulder. And there it was again---the laugh.
"That's good to know, Janice," Chandler replied awkwardly. "Hey, haven't we been on here a pretty long time? We're only going down one floor..."
"Yeah, you're right," Monica agreed nervously. "OH MY GOD! WE'RE STUCK!" she realized in horror.
"Are you sure?" Chandler asked.
"YES! OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she began pounding on the doors.
"Sweetheart, calm down---"
"Sweetheart?" Janice asked in shock.
"Oh, um, yeah. Me and Chandler, we call each other that all the time."
"Mon, what are you doing?" he whispered. She eyed him angrily. Janice started laughing. Monica darted around. "WHAT is SO funny?" she hissed through gritted teeth.
"Oh, nothing, I just think it's funny that out of all people, I'm stuck on an elevator for God knows how many hours with YOU TWO? Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!"
Suddenly a loud voice broke the unbearable laughter, apparently coming from a speaker on the ceiling. "Attention! Attention! We're sorry for the inconvenience, but we seem to be having some, um, technical difficulties, and we'd appreciate it if all persons in the elevator could just uh---sit tight until we get the problem fixed."
"NOOOOOOO!" Monica shouted in horror.
"Don't worry, Monica! This is going to be so much fun! We can---ooh, we can play Truth or Dare!" Janice exclaimed excitedly, making herself comfortable on the floor. Chandler did the same, patting the spot next to him, motioning for Monica to come sit down. As soon as she did, he tried to wrap an arm around her, but she moved away.
"What?" he whispered. He still couldn't figure out why Monica didn't want Janice to know they were together.
"So Chandler," Janice nudged closer to him, suggestively. "Like I said before, I'm a free woman now."
Monica closed her eyes and pretended she was somewhere else. 'Okay, okay, I'm at home with Chandler and Rachel and Ross and Joey and Phoebe and I'm enjoying myself and there's NO Janice...okay, I can get through this.'
Chandler just chuckled awkwardly as Monica let out a heavy sigh.
'I truly know what Hell is like now,' Chandler thought. Three hours later he was propped up against the elevator wall, and Monica was stretched out across the floor, using him as a pillow. For three hours, they had listened to Janice go on and on about her ex-husband and her divorce and hint about getting back together with Chandler. Monica couldn't take it any longer.
"...Bing-a-Ling, you were a much better lover than Sid anyway..."
"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" Monica jumped up over an extremely frightened Janice; in such a stance that one would think she was about to murder her.
"What is it, Monica?" Janice asked, scared to death.
"CHANDLER AND I ARE ENGAGED! AND THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T TELL YOU WAS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOUR LOUD-ASS SELF THERE TO RUIN MY WEDDING!" Janice gasped. "BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW BECAUSE FOR THREE HOURS I LISTENED TO YOU AND WATCHED YOU TRY TO COME ON TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND FRANKLY, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SO JUST BACK OFF, OKAY?"
"Oh my, Gawd! Monica! I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" Janice apologized, genuinely sorry.
"Yeah, well, now you do!" Monica fell back down onto the floor, making herself this time comfortable next to Chandler, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around her.
An awkward silence fell among the elevator with Janice looking very embarrassed and Monica looking just plain pissed.
"So, who's up for Yatzi?" Chandler exclaimed. Monica rolled her eyes.
A half an hour later, Chandler noticed that Janice had fallen asleep. "Sweetheart," he nudged Monica who was falling asleep herself.
"What?"
"Look---Janice is asleep."
"So?"
"Well, we ARE stuck on an elevator for x amount of hours with plenty of time to kill..."
Monica grinned.
"Yeah?" Chandler grinned. "You want to?"
Monica nodded vigorously, as Chandler held her close and started kissing her passionately. "I love you, Monica," he whispered into her hair.
"I love you, too, Chandler," she breathed as she edged closer on top of him.
"Ssshhh, Mon," he laughed. "We can't wake Janice up."
Monica giggled as she kissed him harder and more passionately. Suddenly the elevator doors ding-ed open to reveal three men who were dressed in a uniform. Monica's eyes bulged open. She'd never been more embarrassed in her life. She sheepishly got off of Chandler, took his hand, and walked out, squeezing her eyes shut, concentrating on the fact that it would all be over in few minutes. The three men gave Chandler a thumbs-up as they walked away. Chandler grinned and followed Monica out to the parking lot.
THE END