Loki

Synopsis: The story of the latest Angel Of Death, Mikoto, as she comes to terms with the relationships she shared with her "father", Garland, and her "brothers" Zidane and Kuja. Lots of great FF9 style identity angst, plus some sexual… weirdness. And a really odd pairing! R+R!

1. Et in Terra…

"Heaven grant the wandering souls eternal repose..."
Mikoto, the entrance to Pandemonium

What was the first thing I saw? The reddest of reds, the most perfect crimson, a jewel, a ruby, a garnet… the shimmering light of my master, my father, my creator, my ruler… Garland.

It's a perfect name is it not? Like "flowers", the flowers Kuja told me about. He said they were beautiful and fragrant, and that their petals were as soft as the skin on my thighs…

I digress.

Garland always said I was his Angel. That's why he called me Mikoto, you know? It means Angel, but I think it's prettier. He toyed with names for me… he wanted Reis, then Rae, then Peridot, then Sapphire, then Loki… he liked Loki for a while. That means Angel Of Death, don't you know? And that was my destiny. I was proud of it.

I never had any preconceptions about what it was to live. Genomes don't as a rule, and that was what was flawed in my brothers. Garland hardly ever discussed Kuja or Zidane. Indeed, though Kuja came to me frequently, Garland never knew, never saw… and if he had, I have no doubts that he would have cast me down.

When I awoke in Bran Bal for the first time, the Terran world seemed so beautiful to me. I blinked through clouds and saw the light, so holy and sacred it made my eyes bleed with desire. Garland took my hand and kissed it. "You are perfect" he told me as he led me from my tank and into the Terra which would become both my haven and my prison. He proclaimed me Queen-for-a-day, and baptised me in the fiery water that burned my soul and christened me immortal… or so I thought.

The Silver Genome always told me I was immortal. When he came to me all those nights he told me things which made my mind burn. He told me of the wonders of life on Gaia, of all the different species; summoners like his beloved princess, humans, burmecians, hippau's, and of course his beloved Black Mages. On my first day of creation I saw him, biting his fingers in an ecstasy of madness and beauty. He summoned me over, and I went, chanting as I followed the beautiful creature deep into the ruins of Terra.

He told me his name was Kuja, which confused me as I believed there were only two named people in the entirety of existence, and they were me and Garland. Garland and I would rule over every other Genome until the day of reckoning came, and then I would give up my existence as would all the other empty vessels, and we world start the new age of Terra… Kuja told me otherwise. Kuja told me there were three Angels, all divine and precious… One was he, the most powerful and the one even Garland feared, Two was Mu-Bai, newly christened Zidane on Gaia, who angered Kuja so much that he had triggered an "emotion" called "hate", and Three was me… I was for Garland himself, not for anything else. I accepted this as soon as I heard it. Genomes should not be inquisitive.

Garland told me I was born without a soul. I did not question, but he elaborated for me. He told me that One had been born with too strong a will and not enough conscience, Two had been lost, and I was Three, the one not given the liberty of thought and independence. Garland told me they were weaknesses, and I agreed. I did not question him, not ever, I loved him completely, and one day our work would bring forth the elders. Kuja said otherwise, but I did not believe his words. They were not important, no more so than the ramblings of the others.

I loved the genomes in a way, I will not lie and say I did not. But there was an underlying hatred of them; they vexed me, empty vessels with no concept of what they existed for. They would merely wait, everyday spent simply staring at the worrisome Blue of the planet and waiting… I was not so passive. I would observe, take note, envelop their behaviour until I started to ask- no, not ask, a Genome should not- but Why should we live like that? Everyday living in anticipation of the day when we ceased to be? The part of me that loved Garland so much that my every thought belonged to him rejected this idea, forced it to the back of my mind… yet the part of me that wept with joy at the beauty of my brother in a naked state and yearned for more every time he filled my mind with abject desire and fulsome contemplation always thought on- was I truly willing to give up everything for them? A race that I had no real connection to?

I was born without a soul, that's what Garland told me and I accepted it. Souless. Ever-awaiting the Terran life that would take me, take my blood and bones and make them holy. I was not to question, not to think, not to feel… but Kuja made me feel, by Garland's grace he made me feel. Even now I think of those sweet maddened eyes and my throat tightens with ecstasy… perfection was made flesh in my brother. I wept every time he made love to me. And why? Because I was not meant to experience such euphoria. I could not handle it. That was why the water burned, that was why the blue light scorched, that was why Garland's touch felt like knives… we had not the mental capacity to deal with such things. The confusion I felt at my emotion served to confuse me further, setting me into my now legendary pout and frown. I was no cynic from choice; I was one by necessity.

Garland once told me the most important thing to live for was necessity. I believed him then, and I believe that now as well. Everything we have done we have had to do, me and Garland. He had to restore Terra, and I had to destroy Gaia to make that possible. We had to sacrifice our lives for them. We did not ask, we just did. And I have no doubts that Kuja had to rebel against his destiny, because that is what made us Three possible.

Some days I would sit and stare into the spiteful blue and wonder if I would ever meet Mu-Bai Zidane. I wondered how he lived; was he twisted by love for Garland and desperate to prove his power like Kuja, or would he be like me, waiting for the chance to be the best… I did not then understand what Gaian life entailed. Sometimes I would pretend that one of the Genomes was he, but I would thrash out in frustration when they looked blankly back at me from the tanks of Bran Bal, their minds not grasping what I wanted… what I needed…

Years passed. Many years of nothingness, waiting for news of Kuja's toying with Mu-Bai's home of Gaia, ever hearing new tales of his conquests over the fools of the Blue Planet. Garland cradled me every day, telling me that Kuja's power scared him so much… I did not blame him. Kuja grew stronger by the day, his anguish and insanity taking over him like a foul poison. I ached for the day that Mu-Bai Zidane would return to us, give us a hope against our kin. Yet all we could do was wait for him…

So, shall I continue? It's up to you! The next chapter will be when Zidane returns, and what Mikoto feels, if n e 1 wants it that is. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME!