I was dreaming...
The bed beneath me was made with velvet pillows and thick silken blankets. An ornately woven tapestry hung above my head. I stared at it blankly. Somewhere, music played: a harp. I rolled over and as I did, the great oaken door to the room was pushed open.
Arwen! Dressed in blue finery, a long satiny dress and lace at her shoulders. Her dark hair graced her back and was braided with pearls. She smiled as she moved towards me, and I saw that she carried a large bejeweled crown.
"How fare you, my love?" Her whisper was gentle and sweet. She spoke as she leaned down on the bed beside me and wrapped an arm around mine. "Something troubles you, dearest... Tell me what it is? We do not keep secrets from each other."
I looked deeply into her eyes and was lost there. "The war. The war troubles me. It weighs down on my heart."
Arwen's hand found its way around the back of my neck and gently she stroked my hair. "War is a horrible thing... It turns men to monsters and soaks up life like blackness does the light." Sadly, the Elven princess tilted her head. "My dear Aragorn... My king. All will soon be over." I lowered my head, but she took my chin into her hand and lifted it until our eyes met. "Do not forget my promise to you." A small smile lingered on her lips as she rose and drifted back out of the room. She stopped to turn back and look at me one last time before letting the heavy door fall shut.
I did not want to see her go. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to weep. "Arwen... Arwen! I love thee!..."
--------- --------- ----------
I awoke in a strange bed. At first, I did not know where I was. Sitting up, I realized I was not in a bed at all but on a low bunk in a great stone hall. In rows all around me were similar bunks. They held the bulky forms of bodies. Not fully awake, I stared at everything with mouth agape.
"You are in the infirmary." Droned an old familiar voice. I turned quickly and saw Gandalf sitting in a chair beside my cot. "Do you feel better?" His eyes showed some trace of concern.
I was trying to think. "How did I get here?"
"You were calling for help, and were wounded."
I'd found Haldir. Haldir... I... I had forgotten about him! "Haldir!" I threw the covers off and jumped up off the cot. But blood came rushing to my head and I almost toppled right there.
"Calm! Calm yourself!" I felt a firm hand take my shoulder and force me to sit back down. I let my head fall into my hands.
Gandalf sat back down as well. "Haldir is well for the time being. They are caring for him."
So, he was still among the living! "Haldir is alive?"
He was idly chewing on the stem of his long pipe. "Yes, and thanks to you." He shot me a curious glance out of the corner of his icy eyes.
I pretended not to notice. "What happened?"
"The Orcan army was all but decimated. Isengard fell under attack from the forests. It seems your friends Merry and Pippin have made good use of themselves for once! They and the Ents broke the dam and flooded the Isengard plane. ...Sauruman is dead." He added.
Hardly any of this registered with me. My dream of Arwen... My beautiful princess... Yet only awake for a few minutes and I was thinking again of Haldir. No! My hands clenched, forcing the fingernails into the tender flesh of my palms. The pain felt good...
Gandalf gave me another curious look, then leaned over with a sigh to pat my shoulder. "Rest now. There will be plenty more time to talk of these things later." I merely nodded. He stood and moved away from my bunk towards the carved double doors at the end of the great hall.
I did not want to rest. I lay back down. A million thoughts seemed to barrage my brain all at once, leaving me out of breath. The beginnings of a headache tentatively spread from my temples. I shut my eyes.
Arwen... Haldir...
Haldir... Arwen...
I knew that whatever feelings I felt towards the guardian of Lothlorien were wrong and must be suppressed. Was that not right? A man and a male Elf could not love... It was... unheard of! Preposterous! Morally wrong! I shook my head, for these thoughts tormented me. Why then did I feel for him? Why couldn't I force these emotions away and be done with it? My insides seemed to burn. Arwen was my love, my only one true love. She had stood by me through every ordeal that I could remember. She had promised her heart and her body to me; she had consented to be my wife. What was Haldir? An Elf I hardly knew. Angrily, I forced the saying of "first sight" out of my mind and tried to remember the times I'd spent with him. There were precious few...
I frowned again. I had spent years with Arwen! I had loved her the very first time I had ever seen her. She was dancing among the trees and I had mistaken her for the ghost of Luthien, come back to dance the beautiful forests of Middle Earth. Her dark hair and full lips, those deep eyes... She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She could hunt and ride, she was educated in the lost ways of magic of her people. Her will was strong, and her love was deep.
Haldir...
He was somewhat small for an Elf, delicate and graceful as a swan. I suppose that was good for moving through the forest quickly without being seen. His round face was pointed at the chin, nose and brow... Almost like a living contradiction, but beautiful... Beautiful in a different way, like the chiseled statues of old. He was silent and mysterious, decisive, and a soldier ruled by an inbred sense of honor. He had never known love. He had never had time nor did he care much for it because Lothlorien was his life. He was full and whole, completely unified with himself. He needed no other.
But I needed someone... Someone to love. Yet, who would it be? And when the time came, would I choose the right one? Arwen, with her dark beauty, her solid support and her promise of deep intimate love?... Or Haldir, forbidden from me but enticing, with his silent mysterious ways and his pale hair like beams of gold in the sun?
I breathed deeply. The air was damp and cool, and it smelled of old stone and moss. I will find some way to rid myself of the strange feelings I have for him, I told myself. Somehow, I felt I must do that one thing... Both for myself, and for him.
The bed beneath me was made with velvet pillows and thick silken blankets. An ornately woven tapestry hung above my head. I stared at it blankly. Somewhere, music played: a harp. I rolled over and as I did, the great oaken door to the room was pushed open.
Arwen! Dressed in blue finery, a long satiny dress and lace at her shoulders. Her dark hair graced her back and was braided with pearls. She smiled as she moved towards me, and I saw that she carried a large bejeweled crown.
"How fare you, my love?" Her whisper was gentle and sweet. She spoke as she leaned down on the bed beside me and wrapped an arm around mine. "Something troubles you, dearest... Tell me what it is? We do not keep secrets from each other."
I looked deeply into her eyes and was lost there. "The war. The war troubles me. It weighs down on my heart."
Arwen's hand found its way around the back of my neck and gently she stroked my hair. "War is a horrible thing... It turns men to monsters and soaks up life like blackness does the light." Sadly, the Elven princess tilted her head. "My dear Aragorn... My king. All will soon be over." I lowered my head, but she took my chin into her hand and lifted it until our eyes met. "Do not forget my promise to you." A small smile lingered on her lips as she rose and drifted back out of the room. She stopped to turn back and look at me one last time before letting the heavy door fall shut.
I did not want to see her go. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to weep. "Arwen... Arwen! I love thee!..."
--------- --------- ----------
I awoke in a strange bed. At first, I did not know where I was. Sitting up, I realized I was not in a bed at all but on a low bunk in a great stone hall. In rows all around me were similar bunks. They held the bulky forms of bodies. Not fully awake, I stared at everything with mouth agape.
"You are in the infirmary." Droned an old familiar voice. I turned quickly and saw Gandalf sitting in a chair beside my cot. "Do you feel better?" His eyes showed some trace of concern.
I was trying to think. "How did I get here?"
"You were calling for help, and were wounded."
I'd found Haldir. Haldir... I... I had forgotten about him! "Haldir!" I threw the covers off and jumped up off the cot. But blood came rushing to my head and I almost toppled right there.
"Calm! Calm yourself!" I felt a firm hand take my shoulder and force me to sit back down. I let my head fall into my hands.
Gandalf sat back down as well. "Haldir is well for the time being. They are caring for him."
So, he was still among the living! "Haldir is alive?"
He was idly chewing on the stem of his long pipe. "Yes, and thanks to you." He shot me a curious glance out of the corner of his icy eyes.
I pretended not to notice. "What happened?"
"The Orcan army was all but decimated. Isengard fell under attack from the forests. It seems your friends Merry and Pippin have made good use of themselves for once! They and the Ents broke the dam and flooded the Isengard plane. ...Sauruman is dead." He added.
Hardly any of this registered with me. My dream of Arwen... My beautiful princess... Yet only awake for a few minutes and I was thinking again of Haldir. No! My hands clenched, forcing the fingernails into the tender flesh of my palms. The pain felt good...
Gandalf gave me another curious look, then leaned over with a sigh to pat my shoulder. "Rest now. There will be plenty more time to talk of these things later." I merely nodded. He stood and moved away from my bunk towards the carved double doors at the end of the great hall.
I did not want to rest. I lay back down. A million thoughts seemed to barrage my brain all at once, leaving me out of breath. The beginnings of a headache tentatively spread from my temples. I shut my eyes.
Arwen... Haldir...
Haldir... Arwen...
I knew that whatever feelings I felt towards the guardian of Lothlorien were wrong and must be suppressed. Was that not right? A man and a male Elf could not love... It was... unheard of! Preposterous! Morally wrong! I shook my head, for these thoughts tormented me. Why then did I feel for him? Why couldn't I force these emotions away and be done with it? My insides seemed to burn. Arwen was my love, my only one true love. She had stood by me through every ordeal that I could remember. She had promised her heart and her body to me; she had consented to be my wife. What was Haldir? An Elf I hardly knew. Angrily, I forced the saying of "first sight" out of my mind and tried to remember the times I'd spent with him. There were precious few...
I frowned again. I had spent years with Arwen! I had loved her the very first time I had ever seen her. She was dancing among the trees and I had mistaken her for the ghost of Luthien, come back to dance the beautiful forests of Middle Earth. Her dark hair and full lips, those deep eyes... She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She could hunt and ride, she was educated in the lost ways of magic of her people. Her will was strong, and her love was deep.
Haldir...
He was somewhat small for an Elf, delicate and graceful as a swan. I suppose that was good for moving through the forest quickly without being seen. His round face was pointed at the chin, nose and brow... Almost like a living contradiction, but beautiful... Beautiful in a different way, like the chiseled statues of old. He was silent and mysterious, decisive, and a soldier ruled by an inbred sense of honor. He had never known love. He had never had time nor did he care much for it because Lothlorien was his life. He was full and whole, completely unified with himself. He needed no other.
But I needed someone... Someone to love. Yet, who would it be? And when the time came, would I choose the right one? Arwen, with her dark beauty, her solid support and her promise of deep intimate love?... Or Haldir, forbidden from me but enticing, with his silent mysterious ways and his pale hair like beams of gold in the sun?
I breathed deeply. The air was damp and cool, and it smelled of old stone and moss. I will find some way to rid myself of the strange feelings I have for him, I told myself. Somehow, I felt I must do that one thing... Both for myself, and for him.