We had to leave Helm's Deep. The final battle was fast approaching and it seemed that everyone knew the fate was mine to play an important part. I made ready to go as soon as I was recovered enough.
But I wanted to see him one last time before we left. The healer that was in charge of his care, a female with a chubby face and arms as strong as a troll's, did not like the idea of someone seeing her special patient. It was Legolas who brought me to her, and it was he who said, "You shall let Aragorn in to see him for he is the one that saved his life!"
She turned to look at me with eyes that showed new respect. I blushed. It was not the first time my friend had embarrassed me with one of his outbursts. I merely nodded. She led me through the door and down a short passage past many doors to rooms housing fallen officers and the worst of the wounded. Then, stopping at a door near the end of the narrow hallway, she motioned for me to enter.
The room was silent save for the light breathing of its occupant. Nervously, shyly, I moved towards the broad bed. He was sleeping, or at least I thought he was, with his head turned towards the wall. His pale hair was flayed out across the pillow.
I stood there for a long moment just staring, not knowing what to do. Part of me wanted to wake him, but I didn't dare. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb his rest. So I very gently pulled the covers up over his white clothed shoulders where they had slipped down. Then I ran my hand hesitantly over a lock of his silken hair before turning quickly to go. I did not look back. But when I left the room, there were tears in my eyes.
----------- ---------- ----------
I went and fought my battles, and with my friends, won them. The Ring of Power was destroyed, and I was finally freed from the vile thing that kept me so many years in fear. Arwen became my bride; I made my claim to the throne of Gondor.
I was happy. My love for Arwen consumed me and I never knew a better time in my life. The One Ring was gone and it could never torment me again. With my beautiful and intelligent wife at my side, we ruled our lands justly. I gradually forgot that empty tug at my heart... the pale-haired Elven guardian slowly slipped from my mind and my feelings for him faded away.
Years passed. Finally, one day I discovered that the yearning in my heart for the wilds returned. My days as a Ranger were passed lonely but contentedly. But I missed the roadless meadows and forests, I missed the tug of the earth at my feet that called me to roam.
Arwen must have sensed it. She came to me and sat beside me on the wide window seat. "The land calls to you; you must answer it, my love."
"Come with me, for I do not wish to leave you..."
Her smile was soft and I could tell that she was touched. "I will be here when you return. Someone must preside over the happenings of the kingdom. Besides, my love, I think you must have time to yourself. Since you came to the throne, you have done nothing but think of the needs of others, very much neglecting your own." She said with a certain instinctive wisdom.
She had eyes in the back of her heart. "You always know how I feel... You always know just what I need and just what to say to me... I shall never cease to wonder at it." Then I took both of her hands in mine and kissed them.
---------- ----------- -----------
The air felt good at my back and in my hair. I departed at the break of dawn and looked back only to wave a last kiss to my beloved queen. She stood, clad in imperial white on the balcony. I could not see if she felt sadness or gladness at my leaving, but I imagine it must have been a mixture of both.
I could wander for an entire month. My road took me far from Gondor, to places I'd trod before. Rivendell... It was so empty. There was hardly a trace left of the Elves that dwelled there once. The magnificent buildings were faded and overgrown; vines claimed the well-wrought sculptures. I camped there one night and could not bear the void.
So I wandered longer. Soon, I was not so far from Lothlorien... And suddenly, I remembered...
I lay sprawled across my bedroll recalling the last time I'd seen him. Long it had been since I had even thought about him. He was probably off in the west with the rest of the Elves, separated forever from this world. Yet, I wondered... Some silly part of me desired nothing but to go to Lothlorien. Shoving that idea from my thoughts, nevertheless the morrow brought me that way.
It was less magical than I remembered it. Reminiscing had a way of doing that: things seemed so vivid and beautiful in the mind and then so disappointing once you returned. My heart leapt at every breeze that pulled at the arching ferns, at every twig that snapped under a stag's hoof, at every call of a bird. So much did I hope to see him... It was an empty hope. I knew these woods had long since been abandoned.
I found the way to the palace easily. With nothing more to protect, the ancient spells had outgrown their uses and wore off. It was no longer a palace, of course. Reduced merely to a great clearing with a hallowed, hushed feel to it, the heart of Lothlorien boasted neither graceful Elves strolling nor great tree towers reaching for the skies. I knelt sadly where the sun fell through the canopy in a pool of light. It seemed like ages ago...
"What brings you here, Aragorn of Elessar?"
My eyes went immediately wide and I did not dare to turn around for a long moment. Was I imagining things? It could not possibly be!
Turn around I did, and there he was... Haldir of Lorien.
I thought I must be dreaming, but then he pulled himself up from the tree that he was leaning against and walked towards me. He stopped before me and we just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity of silence.
More than eight years had passed since I'd seen him last. I had aged well, maintaining my lean muscles and my dark hair. Only a few strands of silver or gray could be found on my head. The only wrinkles I had were those that pulled at the corners of my eyes. But he? He looked exactly the same as he had when I saw him the very first time. His hair still shone like white gold; his skin was still pale and fair, almost translucent. Only his eyes had changed: they were no longer stormy gray as they had been before Helm's Deep. They were deep and sorrowful, almost resentful.
I stood slowly, and tried to think of something to say to break the awkward quietude. "How fare you?"
"I am empty, like Lothlorien."
"You did not leave with the others when they sailed..." I said with some uncertainty.
Haldir stood with his chin raised. "Long have I guarded this sacred place, and I guard it still. My blood is bound to this place, as it can be to no other; and so are my heart, mind, and spirit: I could not bring myself to go. Here I stay until I pass from this earth."
He spoke with conviction. It touched me, and seeing him again awoke something in me that I had thought was long gone: the old stirrings returned and I realized that I was completely and perfectly alone with him for the very first time...
We stood speaking for hours. I did not know what to say at all to him, but somehow found the words in me to carry on the long conversation. We spoke about the end of the war, about Gondor and how it was faring. We talked until the sun hung so low in the sky, it cast red fire over the landscape.
"You never did answer me... What brings you here to Lothlorien?" There was a friendly tease in his smooth voice.
Forcing the reason away from my, I explained instead how I had missed my ways as a Ranger and a hunter. Then an idea sprang to my mind. "I camp here tonight. Would you... join me please tomorrow for a hunt?" My eyes were hopeful. I wanted to spend some real time with him for once.
Silently, he thought for a moment, studying the ground without moving. Then he raised his head. "I will join you here when dawn breaks over the trees. I will bring only my bow and suggest you do the same."
I nodded and bade him goodnight.
He disappeared into the darkening forest. I watched him go, then rolled out my sleeping mat on the soft mossy floor of Lothlorien. I did not know what waited for me tomorrow, but I eagerly anticipated the coming of the sun.
But I wanted to see him one last time before we left. The healer that was in charge of his care, a female with a chubby face and arms as strong as a troll's, did not like the idea of someone seeing her special patient. It was Legolas who brought me to her, and it was he who said, "You shall let Aragorn in to see him for he is the one that saved his life!"
She turned to look at me with eyes that showed new respect. I blushed. It was not the first time my friend had embarrassed me with one of his outbursts. I merely nodded. She led me through the door and down a short passage past many doors to rooms housing fallen officers and the worst of the wounded. Then, stopping at a door near the end of the narrow hallway, she motioned for me to enter.
The room was silent save for the light breathing of its occupant. Nervously, shyly, I moved towards the broad bed. He was sleeping, or at least I thought he was, with his head turned towards the wall. His pale hair was flayed out across the pillow.
I stood there for a long moment just staring, not knowing what to do. Part of me wanted to wake him, but I didn't dare. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb his rest. So I very gently pulled the covers up over his white clothed shoulders where they had slipped down. Then I ran my hand hesitantly over a lock of his silken hair before turning quickly to go. I did not look back. But when I left the room, there were tears in my eyes.
----------- ---------- ----------
I went and fought my battles, and with my friends, won them. The Ring of Power was destroyed, and I was finally freed from the vile thing that kept me so many years in fear. Arwen became my bride; I made my claim to the throne of Gondor.
I was happy. My love for Arwen consumed me and I never knew a better time in my life. The One Ring was gone and it could never torment me again. With my beautiful and intelligent wife at my side, we ruled our lands justly. I gradually forgot that empty tug at my heart... the pale-haired Elven guardian slowly slipped from my mind and my feelings for him faded away.
Years passed. Finally, one day I discovered that the yearning in my heart for the wilds returned. My days as a Ranger were passed lonely but contentedly. But I missed the roadless meadows and forests, I missed the tug of the earth at my feet that called me to roam.
Arwen must have sensed it. She came to me and sat beside me on the wide window seat. "The land calls to you; you must answer it, my love."
"Come with me, for I do not wish to leave you..."
Her smile was soft and I could tell that she was touched. "I will be here when you return. Someone must preside over the happenings of the kingdom. Besides, my love, I think you must have time to yourself. Since you came to the throne, you have done nothing but think of the needs of others, very much neglecting your own." She said with a certain instinctive wisdom.
She had eyes in the back of her heart. "You always know how I feel... You always know just what I need and just what to say to me... I shall never cease to wonder at it." Then I took both of her hands in mine and kissed them.
---------- ----------- -----------
The air felt good at my back and in my hair. I departed at the break of dawn and looked back only to wave a last kiss to my beloved queen. She stood, clad in imperial white on the balcony. I could not see if she felt sadness or gladness at my leaving, but I imagine it must have been a mixture of both.
I could wander for an entire month. My road took me far from Gondor, to places I'd trod before. Rivendell... It was so empty. There was hardly a trace left of the Elves that dwelled there once. The magnificent buildings were faded and overgrown; vines claimed the well-wrought sculptures. I camped there one night and could not bear the void.
So I wandered longer. Soon, I was not so far from Lothlorien... And suddenly, I remembered...
I lay sprawled across my bedroll recalling the last time I'd seen him. Long it had been since I had even thought about him. He was probably off in the west with the rest of the Elves, separated forever from this world. Yet, I wondered... Some silly part of me desired nothing but to go to Lothlorien. Shoving that idea from my thoughts, nevertheless the morrow brought me that way.
It was less magical than I remembered it. Reminiscing had a way of doing that: things seemed so vivid and beautiful in the mind and then so disappointing once you returned. My heart leapt at every breeze that pulled at the arching ferns, at every twig that snapped under a stag's hoof, at every call of a bird. So much did I hope to see him... It was an empty hope. I knew these woods had long since been abandoned.
I found the way to the palace easily. With nothing more to protect, the ancient spells had outgrown their uses and wore off. It was no longer a palace, of course. Reduced merely to a great clearing with a hallowed, hushed feel to it, the heart of Lothlorien boasted neither graceful Elves strolling nor great tree towers reaching for the skies. I knelt sadly where the sun fell through the canopy in a pool of light. It seemed like ages ago...
"What brings you here, Aragorn of Elessar?"
My eyes went immediately wide and I did not dare to turn around for a long moment. Was I imagining things? It could not possibly be!
Turn around I did, and there he was... Haldir of Lorien.
I thought I must be dreaming, but then he pulled himself up from the tree that he was leaning against and walked towards me. He stopped before me and we just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity of silence.
More than eight years had passed since I'd seen him last. I had aged well, maintaining my lean muscles and my dark hair. Only a few strands of silver or gray could be found on my head. The only wrinkles I had were those that pulled at the corners of my eyes. But he? He looked exactly the same as he had when I saw him the very first time. His hair still shone like white gold; his skin was still pale and fair, almost translucent. Only his eyes had changed: they were no longer stormy gray as they had been before Helm's Deep. They were deep and sorrowful, almost resentful.
I stood slowly, and tried to think of something to say to break the awkward quietude. "How fare you?"
"I am empty, like Lothlorien."
"You did not leave with the others when they sailed..." I said with some uncertainty.
Haldir stood with his chin raised. "Long have I guarded this sacred place, and I guard it still. My blood is bound to this place, as it can be to no other; and so are my heart, mind, and spirit: I could not bring myself to go. Here I stay until I pass from this earth."
He spoke with conviction. It touched me, and seeing him again awoke something in me that I had thought was long gone: the old stirrings returned and I realized that I was completely and perfectly alone with him for the very first time...
We stood speaking for hours. I did not know what to say at all to him, but somehow found the words in me to carry on the long conversation. We spoke about the end of the war, about Gondor and how it was faring. We talked until the sun hung so low in the sky, it cast red fire over the landscape.
"You never did answer me... What brings you here to Lothlorien?" There was a friendly tease in his smooth voice.
Forcing the reason away from my, I explained instead how I had missed my ways as a Ranger and a hunter. Then an idea sprang to my mind. "I camp here tonight. Would you... join me please tomorrow for a hunt?" My eyes were hopeful. I wanted to spend some real time with him for once.
Silently, he thought for a moment, studying the ground without moving. Then he raised his head. "I will join you here when dawn breaks over the trees. I will bring only my bow and suggest you do the same."
I nodded and bade him goodnight.
He disappeared into the darkening forest. I watched him go, then rolled out my sleeping mat on the soft mossy floor of Lothlorien. I did not know what waited for me tomorrow, but I eagerly anticipated the coming of the sun.