The feel of morning dew upon my skin woke me, and I readied myself with a heart full of happiness.

I met him in the clearing again. He carried an exquisitely carved bow, a last weapon of Elven origin. He did not look quite so happy as I did, but I did not care. To be with him, near him was all I wanted. My skin tingled at the sound of his voice and made me ashamed again of my absurd feelings. Hopefully, I prayed he did not notice.

We decided to hunt for deer. I had never hunted in Lothlorien; it was forbidden to all outsiders during the reign of the Elves. Now, however, the game was not the main source of sustenance for a large group of people anymore. I could hunt there freely as I wished.

Through the trees at the western end, I saw a white stag. His head was lowered to the ground where he nibbled at the grass, blissfully unaware of any harm that could befall him. The size of his rack told me he was a yearling. Still, it was muscular and strong by the look of his angular shoulders. He moved slowly as he grazed.

I went to motion to Haldir that I wanted to get closer, but he had gone. Figuring he had already seen the deer as well, and that he had probably gone ahead to meet me, I moved forward alone. My leather-booted feet were silent on the mossy forest floor.

Moments later, I was so close I could hear the animal's teeth quietly grinding at the grass. Drawing a bead on him, I strung my bow with a black feathered arrow and waited patiently for the right moment...

Only to have the deer suddenly made aware of my presence. He dashed away from me forever into the trees and was gone. I frowned and stood.

Haldir appeared near to me. "Well, he made off with his life today." I tried to make light, but I was disappointed.

"There are yet others." He answered quietly in that voice of his. I turned away before he could see my face flush crimson.

A few hours later, we faced a female deer and her fawn. Looking down at my weapon, I considered it. Then I felt something softly brush against my shoulder. Gray eyes bore into mine. "Leave these two..." I nodded, frozen to my spot by his touch. Only when he moved away again could I breathe freely.

So the day wore on, and we had nothing to show for our time. Every time I came upon an animal, it would somehow be alerted to my being there; or else Haldir would intervene on the creatures' behalf. When I finally realized what went on, I couldn't help but to smile and shake my head.

"Shall we stop now... the sun is making its final arc in the sky."

Haldir looked up at it before nodding.

"I have nothing to offer for as dinner, for we met with no success today."

"There is a river full of fish." He turned and pointed eastward.

"Join me."

He thought it over. "If you wish." I nodded.

We removed our boots, rolling up our leggings to wade into the swiftly flowing shallow water. He was right: the fish in the river were so plentiful, we could catch them easily with our bare hands. I watched Haldir roll up his sleeves and dip his arms in, then I did the same. It was not long before we had enough to feed us both.

He built the fire while I cleaned and scaled the fish; most of this was done in utter silence. I am not certain if he knew it or not, but I kept looking at him wishing for something to say. He seemed unaware as he carefully placed the kindling twigs in a circle in our pit.

When the fish were on to cook, we sat back and watched the stars that had been hung in the sky. "Tell me the stories..." I blurted suddenly, "For I have forgotten them."

He told me of Luthien, of the Silmaril that glowed, about the seven beloved stars of the Elves and how they had come to be. Closing my eyes, I listened fully contented just to be there.

I noticed he ate very little. He seemed so sad... so lonely. The fire cast an orange glow upon his face that seemed to heighten the downward turn of his eyes. The way it shone, it almost looked as though there were tears there. I moved closer to him, well aware of my churning stomach and how hard it had become to breathe.

"Haldir..."

He raised his head slightly to show that he was listening. "There is something..." I stopped myself. How could I tell him? How could I say to him all the things I was feeling? But he had a right to know, didn't he? I bit my lip. Then moved closer so that I was so close, I could smell the scent of freshly carved wood and mossy earth that always permeated his clothes. "I must tell you something..."

Turning slightly, he gave me a queer look. My breathing became quicker and I pressed forward. "I have long felt something for you that I have felt for no other... Many times, I have pushed it from my mind, willing myself not to act on these emotions and to not even acknowledge them... Yet, they remain..." Blood rushed to my face; I felt so stupid.

"What is it exactly that you are trying to tell me?" His furrowed brow and the look of confusion in his eyes told me that he did not understand. I stared into his face, and could stand it no longer. Slowly, I took his chin into my hand, then leaned forward and brushed his lips with mine.

He pulled away immediately. "What mean you by this?!" He appeared horrified.

I was frozen to my spot, staring at the ground. "I'm... I'm..."

But it was too late, he was up and moving quickly away from me. I was on my feet in a flash and extended my arm after him. "Haldir! I'm sorry! Please!....Don't go, please Haldir!...Don't... go..."

To my surprise, he stopped.

"Please don't go... I... did not know that I would... I..." could not think of anything to say. I buried my head in my hands. "I've tried to stop... I've tried... It is not right, I know it isn't... I can't..." My mind was whirling, my stomach churned. "My heart is torn in twain. I love Arwen, and yet I cannot stop thinking of you in a similar way... Ever since I first saw you, in all your splendor, right here in Lothlorien, I could not drive you from my mind..." Exasperated, out of breath, I sheepishly raised my eyes to hazard a glance at him.

I could see the torn look on his face. He was a rabbit wanting to flee yet at the same time, urged to stay. For a moment, I thought he would dash off and I wouldn't ever see him again.

After a moment of deliberation, he finally said softly "Tell me the real reason why you are here."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. "I... needed to see you. I didn't know you actually remained behind, but I hoped." I studied the ground, feeling so foolish I wished I could die.

There was no answer for a long time, and my heart began pumping with the fear that he had left me standing there. I did not want him to go yet. "Haldir?" Swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I looked hesitantly up again.

He still stood there, but in the dark I was shocked to see he was trembling. Tears welled up in my eyes. I hated myself, every bit of myself I hated for this.

He stepped backwards until he fell against the trunk of a tree and leaned heavily against it, hand to his head, looking bewildered. "Why?..."

His voice was small. At first, I could not answer him. "I...don't know. I thought maybe by being with you alone for a time would help me sort these issues out in my mind. It seems, however, that I have grown all the worse for it." I was miserable.

Then, his voice changed. It became hardened with resolve. "What is it you want from me?"

I stared in disbelief. "What?"

He straightened himself up. "I asked you, what is it you want of me?"

It wasn't registering. "What... what do you mean?"

"Ask of me what it is you have come to me for."

I was shaking. Cautiously, for I did not want to frighten him off, I moved towards him until I was directly in front of him. Then I knelt and took his hand in mine. "Lie with me... Just for tonight. It is all I ask." It seemed in my mind that if I could have him beside me for one night, I would be able to finally live in peace. The thing that drew me most to him was his secretive, mysterious demeanor. Should he open himself to me, even just once, there would be no more. It will have fulfilled that yearning and I would no longer live with the torment of wonder.

He stared at me indecisively. "I have never lain with Elf nor human."

"I do not want to take you, only to hold you as I've yearned so many times..."

Inner conflict tore at his heart and his mind. Then he seemed to shrink within himself, and his voice was soft as he spoke. "Helm's Deep... Had not you found me on that rampart, I would have died up there." His voice grew quieter still. "I owe you my life..."

I blinked. He let out his breath and closed his eyes. "I will lie with you..."

Could it be? My heart fluttered, but then I felt so incredibly awful. I felt dirty, as though I had just tricked him out of his soul. I knew it was so incredibly wrong to ask it of him...

Our love was chaste. I stroked his face, and then wrapped my arms around him. He let me kiss him, and he tasted differently from Arwen. She was sweet like the nectar of summer honeysuckle... His lips tasted fresh like the water of a wild stream. I buried my nose into the nape of his neck and held him. His flesh was full and supple, as though he were still in youth.

I rested my head on his chest and drifted half in sleep half in consciousness. He stared up at the stars, gently stroking my hair and the soft rise and fall of his bosom as he breathed lulled me further and further away. I felt at peace just lying there with him so near...

Then he moved and I felt his warm breath upon my ear. In a whisper, he said ever so softly, "Aragorn..... Kill me, please..."