I must really apologize about this chapter. First of all, it has taken me
a while to write it. I do, however, have an excuse: track has been taking
up a lot of my time and when I'm not doing homework, I have tons of work to
do for college (scholarships and whatnot). I am sorry for the delay.
Second of all, this chapter is probably not as well well-written as the
others. I am having a major writer's block right now and I'm not happy
with what I'm creating; I was hoping for more reviews to inspire me more to
write, but I only received three (and all on the same day, as well).
I have also just gotten a job, so that leaves me with even less time to write. Again, I am sorry because this means the chapters will take longer to write. But I need money!
PLEASE REVIEW! All my reviewers are being silent suddenly! Please help me get over this writer's block and my not wanting to write problem. I need some reviews to inspire me, so please, just help me out! (I hate to beg, but PLEASE!).
****
Elladan cursed loudly when he noticed that the she-Elf's chest no longer raised and fell; quickly standing up from his chair, he grabbed her wrist and paled slightly when he felt no pulse. Elrohir, startled into consciousness by Elladan's curse, jumped up from his chair and stood by his brother's side.
"She is no longer breathing," whispered Elladan hastily, his grey eyes filled with fear as he looked at his twin. Elrohir stole a quick glance at the she-Elf and then back at his brother, his eyes reciprocating the horrid fear.
"What is wrong?" fearfully asked Legolas, surprising the twins. He was standing behind the brothers, but was still unaware of the situation.
"Sit down," commanded Elrohir, pushing Legolas towards the chair with his hands; Legolas stumbled backwards, a look of confusion upon his face. Elladan then quickly motioned Elrohir to the bed; Elladan leaned over Haemerethwen's face and, after shaking his head "no," brought his mouth to hers and blew air into the cavity. He checked the pulse after completing five breaths, but again he shook his head "no," and looked up to Elrohir. Elrohir nodded and immediately placed his hands below her chest and began to push into her.
After the fourteenth push into her, Haemerethwen sucked in a gulp of air, her chest rising high as she took in the plentiful atmosphere. Her eyes opened wide as she began to heavily cough until eventually they began to tear up from the force of her coughing. Her hands snapped up to her neck, desperately feeling around the area as she continued to retrieve her consciousness from a darkened realm. Slowly closing her eyes shut, her coughing began to die down and she settled down into the bed.
Elladan gently placed his hand upon her shoulder, but immediately snatched it away as her eyes suddenly opened, her grey eyes piercing him in both fear and horror. She recoiled slightly from him and as she watched Elrohir move to stand beside his brother, she gasped in fascination.
"Where am I?" she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She licked her lips to wet them; she had not talked out loud for almost four days. Elladan knotted his eyebrows in confusion at her.
"Do you not know?" he asked. She shook her head "no," and glanced apprehensively from one twin to the other.
"Imladris," Elrohir answered, "I am Elrohir," pointing to himself, "And this is my brother Elladan. Have you heard of us, Haemerethwen?" She softly put her face in her hands, and took in a shuddering breath.
"You are Elrond's sons, are you not?" she replied, not looking up from her position.
"Aye, we are," stated Elladan, softly sitting down upon the bed, "Do you remember us from your last visit?" She brought her head up, her hands only covering her mouth as she silently peered at the Elves with her dull grey eyes.
"I remember everything, sons of Elrond," she whispered, her eyes narrowing and her body beginning to slightly shake, "Not one detail have I forgotten since I left Mithlond." Elladan brought his hand to the she- Elf's upper arm, gently wrapping his fingers around her pale flesh and allowing his warmth to seep into her skin. His eyes portrayed sympathy as he glanced upon her.
"Yet, I do not know," he answered slowly, "What your mind now constantly depicts." She impassively stared at him, her eyes piercing his as he challenged her stamina.
"Perhaps you do not want to know," she replied, closing her eyes. Elladan repressed a sigh of frustration and clenched his fingers; the she- Elf's constant refusals to explain her inner situation were becoming an annoyance to him. She had finally awoke and spoken, but she still denied them access to her thoughts.
"I desire to know," stated Legolas, still sitting within the chair with his elbows resting on his knees. His blue eyes shone brightly, although there was still a hint of fear lurking within their depths. Elladan and Elrohir stepped to the side slowly as Haemerethwen opened her eyes, wondering who else was in the room.
Her skin paled as her grey eyes locked onto his piercing, yet comforting gaze; she drew her knees in closer to her chest as Legolas slowly stood up, his face displaying a small frown from her reaction.
"Do you recognize me now, Haemerethwen?" he quietly asked as he proudly stood there, almost fearing her response.
"You mean to say I did not?" she queried in response, the look of fear still present within her eyes. Legolas nodded. "And for whom did I mistake you for?" Legolas quickly glanced at Elrohir and Elladan, wondering if he should speak the name. Their faces remained impassive, forcing Legolas to decide for himself. He paused before turning his eyes back to her.
"An Elf, named Er-"
"Speak no more!" she suddenly interrupted, her face seemingly paling more, "I know whom you mention and I have no desire for your tongue to become tainted by saying such a despicable name." She slowly brought her hand back up to her neck, inadvertently rubbing her skin. Legolas knotted his brows in confusion at the wide-eyed she-Elf; his mind begged him to continue to query about this Elf, but his heart reminded him that she was too emotionally distraught about the individual to correctly respond. He nodded his head, agreeing with his heart to end that discussion.
"Are you hungry?" suddenly asked Elrohir, disturbing the silence that had persisted for some time after Haemerethwen's outburst. She blinked her eyes solemnly and turned her gaze upon the Elf. Quietly nodding her head, she closed her eyes again and slowly began to sink back down under the sheets. Elrohir nudged Elladan towards the door, eliciting a stern look from Elladan. Elrohir shot a look back at him and whispered so that only his brother could hear:
"Let us depart and return later; perhaps she will speak to Legolas now that she has finally awoken from her dream state." Elladan slowly nodded his head and turned towards the door, followed by Elrohir.
Legolas watched the twins leave from the side of his eyes, but kept his focus upon Haemerethwen. Unsure as to what he should do, he stood for a few moments, allowing his blue eyes to roam over the enfeebled and pale she-Elf whose body was huddled underneath the sheets, seemingly unaware of his presence. He quietly stepped closer to her, his heart beating as he remembered the last time she opened her eyes to see him standing. But she remembered him now.
"Haemerethwen?" he whispered to her. She slowly opened her eyes to him, allowing him another glimpse of the dull grey that had replaced the previously brilliant shine. He swallowed hard as he realized he had no idea what to say now.
"I must apologize, Legolas," she suddenly answered, "I have mistreated you." She shakily sighed and dropped her sight from his. "I never should have agreed to allowing you to accompany in this trip."
"No, Haemerethwen, do not apologize," he returned as he slowly took another step closer to her, his eyes becoming filled with sadness, "It is I who must."
"You have done nothing wrong," she answered, slight confusion within her voice.
"I have," he quietly answered, taking another step so that he was standing directly next to the bed, "I did not stop the Orcs from capturing you nor arrive soon enough to quickly save you from what torture was inflicted upon you." He took in a shaky breath as Haemerethwen looked away, pain evident upon her face.
"That was not your fault," she whispered so that he barely heard, "I knew it was to happen, but I was still unprepared." Legolas knotted his eyebrows.
"You knew it was to happen?"
"Aye," she answered, closing her eyes, "I have known it for a thousand years; I just did not know it was to be then." Legolas' mind whirled in confusion.
"I do not understand," he stated, "How could you have known for a thousand years?"
"It is a long story," she returned, "One I do not wish to tell right now." She sighed and opened her eyes, turning her face to look up into his blue eyes. "Yet, I must thank you as well." She grabbed onto his hand slowly, letting her thin fingers wrap around his.
"What have I done that is worth your thanks?" he solemnly asked, sitting down upon the bed next to her. She allowed a thin smile to appear.
"You act as if you were so much worse than you are," she answered lightly, "You have saved my life twice, Legolas; have you already forgotten? Or do you overlook such deeds?"
Legolas looked down to the sheets, avoiding her gaze. 'Have I really saved you, though?' he asked her in his mind, 'I am afraid that I have not.' He felt her cold fingers against his skin, pushing his face to look back into hers. He silently gazed at her, with her hollowed, dull eyes and deathly pale skin. 'I did not.'
"Speak to me, what is it that you think of?" she asked as she stared into his eyes with slight confusion.
"Why did your eyes convey such fear when you first saw me today?" he quietly whispered, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her.
"At first glance, I mistook you for someone else," she answered, dropping her gaze from him slightly. Legolas moved his face to get into her view, his eyes showing both confusion and fear.
"For that same Elf?" he asked slowly. She clenched her jaw tightly and removed her hand from his grasp. Legolas knotted his brows in confusion and quickly grabbed back upon her hand, not allowing her to move away again. "You must open your mind to me, Haemerethwen, I am here for you."
"I do not wish to tell you of such things," she quickly returned, slight anger apparent in her voice. He pulled her closer to him and held onto her tightly, though she recoiled from his effort.
"You only darken your mind further by not speaking," he whispered into her ear, "And I do not want to see you worsen."
"Let my mind darken then," she answered, "Better for it to be so than for my thoughts to blacken others' minds." Legolas gently grabbed onto her chin, pulling her face upward to look at him.
"No," he softly said, "I finally have you here; I will not lose you again." She stiffened when he said this and slowly pulled away from him.
"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously. He knotted his brows and reached out to bring her closer to him again; she moved backwards to avoid his touch. He dropped his arm and looked at her closely, pain evident in his eyes as he looked at her.
"I realized," he began slowly, "That I was being ignorant in denying my emotions for you," he looked at her impassive face, trying to understand what she was thinking. "And I now admit that I, too, cannot ignore my heart." She merely stared at him for a moment, her eyes growing larger as she took in his words.
"You do not mean that," she replied hastily.
"I do not lie," he replied hesitantly as he caught a quick glimpse of fear upon her face.
"No," she answered, shaking her head, "You must not follow your heart." Legolas narrowed his eyes in confusion and opened his mouth slightly, trying to understand what the meaning behind what she was saying.
"I do not follow," he stated.
"Your heart is mistaken, Legolas," she replied, her eyes growing in fear, "And so is your mind, for I hold no emotions towards you." Legolas straightened slowly, his mind growing more confused.
"What do you mean?" he asked slowly, his eyebrows knotting, "You admitted those feelings before; you deny them now?"
"I cannot deny what I have never felt," she replied. His eyes drastically saddened as he took in her words.
"You mean," he slowly stated and swallowed, "You never felt those emotions? It was all false?"
"Aye," she stated, her eyes darkening with sadness as she agreed. Legolas stood up slowly, his mind dazed from what she had just admitted. He blinked his eyes slowly and then peered at her, confusion evident.
"Elladan was wrong," he stated to himself, "And yet right."
****
Ainaelen: The dreams are, well, weird. All three dreams are different, as you have noticed. The one in chapter 21 considers a lot of aspects of Haemerethwen and her disintegrating emotions. She begins by watching her die (emotional death; she was already saved physically), but is saved by Legolas' singing. However, her mind snaps again (shows the vulnerability and instability of her thoughts), but is again brought back to reality by Legolas. This whole sequence has some connection to this chapter and Legolas and Haemerethwen's relationship. The first dream in chapter 22 was showing how her mind confuses dreams and realities, but it also looks at the bigger picture: Legolas becoming Erlaithion and the slight repercussions because of that. The second dream in chapter 22 really just portrays her fear of Erlaithion and her realization of what he has done to her. She has lost control of herself, she is physically scarred and he will probably be the death of her.
Galadriel Lorien: Okay, that helps me out a lot! Just one more question though: do only slain Elves go to the Halls of Mandos, or do all Elves? Sorry about the cliffhanger!
Sokochan: You wonder about a lot of things! I will answer one of your questions about her going to Mithlond; that is a definite yes, but only when she becomes physically better. She has not forgotten her duty to her land!
I have also just gotten a job, so that leaves me with even less time to write. Again, I am sorry because this means the chapters will take longer to write. But I need money!
PLEASE REVIEW! All my reviewers are being silent suddenly! Please help me get over this writer's block and my not wanting to write problem. I need some reviews to inspire me, so please, just help me out! (I hate to beg, but PLEASE!).
****
Elladan cursed loudly when he noticed that the she-Elf's chest no longer raised and fell; quickly standing up from his chair, he grabbed her wrist and paled slightly when he felt no pulse. Elrohir, startled into consciousness by Elladan's curse, jumped up from his chair and stood by his brother's side.
"She is no longer breathing," whispered Elladan hastily, his grey eyes filled with fear as he looked at his twin. Elrohir stole a quick glance at the she-Elf and then back at his brother, his eyes reciprocating the horrid fear.
"What is wrong?" fearfully asked Legolas, surprising the twins. He was standing behind the brothers, but was still unaware of the situation.
"Sit down," commanded Elrohir, pushing Legolas towards the chair with his hands; Legolas stumbled backwards, a look of confusion upon his face. Elladan then quickly motioned Elrohir to the bed; Elladan leaned over Haemerethwen's face and, after shaking his head "no," brought his mouth to hers and blew air into the cavity. He checked the pulse after completing five breaths, but again he shook his head "no," and looked up to Elrohir. Elrohir nodded and immediately placed his hands below her chest and began to push into her.
After the fourteenth push into her, Haemerethwen sucked in a gulp of air, her chest rising high as she took in the plentiful atmosphere. Her eyes opened wide as she began to heavily cough until eventually they began to tear up from the force of her coughing. Her hands snapped up to her neck, desperately feeling around the area as she continued to retrieve her consciousness from a darkened realm. Slowly closing her eyes shut, her coughing began to die down and she settled down into the bed.
Elladan gently placed his hand upon her shoulder, but immediately snatched it away as her eyes suddenly opened, her grey eyes piercing him in both fear and horror. She recoiled slightly from him and as she watched Elrohir move to stand beside his brother, she gasped in fascination.
"Where am I?" she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She licked her lips to wet them; she had not talked out loud for almost four days. Elladan knotted his eyebrows in confusion at her.
"Do you not know?" he asked. She shook her head "no," and glanced apprehensively from one twin to the other.
"Imladris," Elrohir answered, "I am Elrohir," pointing to himself, "And this is my brother Elladan. Have you heard of us, Haemerethwen?" She softly put her face in her hands, and took in a shuddering breath.
"You are Elrond's sons, are you not?" she replied, not looking up from her position.
"Aye, we are," stated Elladan, softly sitting down upon the bed, "Do you remember us from your last visit?" She brought her head up, her hands only covering her mouth as she silently peered at the Elves with her dull grey eyes.
"I remember everything, sons of Elrond," she whispered, her eyes narrowing and her body beginning to slightly shake, "Not one detail have I forgotten since I left Mithlond." Elladan brought his hand to the she- Elf's upper arm, gently wrapping his fingers around her pale flesh and allowing his warmth to seep into her skin. His eyes portrayed sympathy as he glanced upon her.
"Yet, I do not know," he answered slowly, "What your mind now constantly depicts." She impassively stared at him, her eyes piercing his as he challenged her stamina.
"Perhaps you do not want to know," she replied, closing her eyes. Elladan repressed a sigh of frustration and clenched his fingers; the she- Elf's constant refusals to explain her inner situation were becoming an annoyance to him. She had finally awoke and spoken, but she still denied them access to her thoughts.
"I desire to know," stated Legolas, still sitting within the chair with his elbows resting on his knees. His blue eyes shone brightly, although there was still a hint of fear lurking within their depths. Elladan and Elrohir stepped to the side slowly as Haemerethwen opened her eyes, wondering who else was in the room.
Her skin paled as her grey eyes locked onto his piercing, yet comforting gaze; she drew her knees in closer to her chest as Legolas slowly stood up, his face displaying a small frown from her reaction.
"Do you recognize me now, Haemerethwen?" he quietly asked as he proudly stood there, almost fearing her response.
"You mean to say I did not?" she queried in response, the look of fear still present within her eyes. Legolas nodded. "And for whom did I mistake you for?" Legolas quickly glanced at Elrohir and Elladan, wondering if he should speak the name. Their faces remained impassive, forcing Legolas to decide for himself. He paused before turning his eyes back to her.
"An Elf, named Er-"
"Speak no more!" she suddenly interrupted, her face seemingly paling more, "I know whom you mention and I have no desire for your tongue to become tainted by saying such a despicable name." She slowly brought her hand back up to her neck, inadvertently rubbing her skin. Legolas knotted his brows in confusion at the wide-eyed she-Elf; his mind begged him to continue to query about this Elf, but his heart reminded him that she was too emotionally distraught about the individual to correctly respond. He nodded his head, agreeing with his heart to end that discussion.
"Are you hungry?" suddenly asked Elrohir, disturbing the silence that had persisted for some time after Haemerethwen's outburst. She blinked her eyes solemnly and turned her gaze upon the Elf. Quietly nodding her head, she closed her eyes again and slowly began to sink back down under the sheets. Elrohir nudged Elladan towards the door, eliciting a stern look from Elladan. Elrohir shot a look back at him and whispered so that only his brother could hear:
"Let us depart and return later; perhaps she will speak to Legolas now that she has finally awoken from her dream state." Elladan slowly nodded his head and turned towards the door, followed by Elrohir.
Legolas watched the twins leave from the side of his eyes, but kept his focus upon Haemerethwen. Unsure as to what he should do, he stood for a few moments, allowing his blue eyes to roam over the enfeebled and pale she-Elf whose body was huddled underneath the sheets, seemingly unaware of his presence. He quietly stepped closer to her, his heart beating as he remembered the last time she opened her eyes to see him standing. But she remembered him now.
"Haemerethwen?" he whispered to her. She slowly opened her eyes to him, allowing him another glimpse of the dull grey that had replaced the previously brilliant shine. He swallowed hard as he realized he had no idea what to say now.
"I must apologize, Legolas," she suddenly answered, "I have mistreated you." She shakily sighed and dropped her sight from his. "I never should have agreed to allowing you to accompany in this trip."
"No, Haemerethwen, do not apologize," he returned as he slowly took another step closer to her, his eyes becoming filled with sadness, "It is I who must."
"You have done nothing wrong," she answered, slight confusion within her voice.
"I have," he quietly answered, taking another step so that he was standing directly next to the bed, "I did not stop the Orcs from capturing you nor arrive soon enough to quickly save you from what torture was inflicted upon you." He took in a shaky breath as Haemerethwen looked away, pain evident upon her face.
"That was not your fault," she whispered so that he barely heard, "I knew it was to happen, but I was still unprepared." Legolas knotted his eyebrows.
"You knew it was to happen?"
"Aye," she answered, closing her eyes, "I have known it for a thousand years; I just did not know it was to be then." Legolas' mind whirled in confusion.
"I do not understand," he stated, "How could you have known for a thousand years?"
"It is a long story," she returned, "One I do not wish to tell right now." She sighed and opened her eyes, turning her face to look up into his blue eyes. "Yet, I must thank you as well." She grabbed onto his hand slowly, letting her thin fingers wrap around his.
"What have I done that is worth your thanks?" he solemnly asked, sitting down upon the bed next to her. She allowed a thin smile to appear.
"You act as if you were so much worse than you are," she answered lightly, "You have saved my life twice, Legolas; have you already forgotten? Or do you overlook such deeds?"
Legolas looked down to the sheets, avoiding her gaze. 'Have I really saved you, though?' he asked her in his mind, 'I am afraid that I have not.' He felt her cold fingers against his skin, pushing his face to look back into hers. He silently gazed at her, with her hollowed, dull eyes and deathly pale skin. 'I did not.'
"Speak to me, what is it that you think of?" she asked as she stared into his eyes with slight confusion.
"Why did your eyes convey such fear when you first saw me today?" he quietly whispered, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her.
"At first glance, I mistook you for someone else," she answered, dropping her gaze from him slightly. Legolas moved his face to get into her view, his eyes showing both confusion and fear.
"For that same Elf?" he asked slowly. She clenched her jaw tightly and removed her hand from his grasp. Legolas knotted his brows in confusion and quickly grabbed back upon her hand, not allowing her to move away again. "You must open your mind to me, Haemerethwen, I am here for you."
"I do not wish to tell you of such things," she quickly returned, slight anger apparent in her voice. He pulled her closer to him and held onto her tightly, though she recoiled from his effort.
"You only darken your mind further by not speaking," he whispered into her ear, "And I do not want to see you worsen."
"Let my mind darken then," she answered, "Better for it to be so than for my thoughts to blacken others' minds." Legolas gently grabbed onto her chin, pulling her face upward to look at him.
"No," he softly said, "I finally have you here; I will not lose you again." She stiffened when he said this and slowly pulled away from him.
"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously. He knotted his brows and reached out to bring her closer to him again; she moved backwards to avoid his touch. He dropped his arm and looked at her closely, pain evident in his eyes as he looked at her.
"I realized," he began slowly, "That I was being ignorant in denying my emotions for you," he looked at her impassive face, trying to understand what she was thinking. "And I now admit that I, too, cannot ignore my heart." She merely stared at him for a moment, her eyes growing larger as she took in his words.
"You do not mean that," she replied hastily.
"I do not lie," he replied hesitantly as he caught a quick glimpse of fear upon her face.
"No," she answered, shaking her head, "You must not follow your heart." Legolas narrowed his eyes in confusion and opened his mouth slightly, trying to understand what the meaning behind what she was saying.
"I do not follow," he stated.
"Your heart is mistaken, Legolas," she replied, her eyes growing in fear, "And so is your mind, for I hold no emotions towards you." Legolas straightened slowly, his mind growing more confused.
"What do you mean?" he asked slowly, his eyebrows knotting, "You admitted those feelings before; you deny them now?"
"I cannot deny what I have never felt," she replied. His eyes drastically saddened as he took in her words.
"You mean," he slowly stated and swallowed, "You never felt those emotions? It was all false?"
"Aye," she stated, her eyes darkening with sadness as she agreed. Legolas stood up slowly, his mind dazed from what she had just admitted. He blinked his eyes slowly and then peered at her, confusion evident.
"Elladan was wrong," he stated to himself, "And yet right."
****
Ainaelen: The dreams are, well, weird. All three dreams are different, as you have noticed. The one in chapter 21 considers a lot of aspects of Haemerethwen and her disintegrating emotions. She begins by watching her die (emotional death; she was already saved physically), but is saved by Legolas' singing. However, her mind snaps again (shows the vulnerability and instability of her thoughts), but is again brought back to reality by Legolas. This whole sequence has some connection to this chapter and Legolas and Haemerethwen's relationship. The first dream in chapter 22 was showing how her mind confuses dreams and realities, but it also looks at the bigger picture: Legolas becoming Erlaithion and the slight repercussions because of that. The second dream in chapter 22 really just portrays her fear of Erlaithion and her realization of what he has done to her. She has lost control of herself, she is physically scarred and he will probably be the death of her.
Galadriel Lorien: Okay, that helps me out a lot! Just one more question though: do only slain Elves go to the Halls of Mandos, or do all Elves? Sorry about the cliffhanger!
Sokochan: You wonder about a lot of things! I will answer one of your questions about her going to Mithlond; that is a definite yes, but only when she becomes physically better. She has not forgotten her duty to her land!