Goodbye
By Pining
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters. And I cannot write good angst, so forgive me.
~ ~ ~ ~
The wind whipped Sora's hair into disarray, dirty brown locks flew everywhere. The same wind tugged at his clothes, like ghostly fingers ready to tear him to shreds. Bits of sand from the nearby island dancing through the air, slapping his cheeks as well, leaving small red slash marks across pale skin. Sora squinted ahead, using his free arm as a shield for his face. He could barely see the island up ahead; the sea was rocking the boat so hard.
Blue eyes darted behind lids for a moment, as Sora breathed deeply, unsteadily. He was frightened, and nervous, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Somewhere between his heart and his stomach, dread was beginning to gnaw. Would he, could he, really go through with it?
No. Maybe. No, never. Wouldn't, couldn't. Cowardly. No... maybe. Pain. Yes. Yes, he had to. There was nothing else. He /would/ do it. Was there really any other choice?
Sora laughed bitterly, though the sound was lost to the sea. No, there was no other choice, this was it. Of course he would do it. He laughed again, as the bile started to climb up the back of his throat. He laughed even harder, with more force when the fear joined it, trying to choke him.
//"Sora? Are you paying attention to me?"// A soft, feminine voice called in Sora's mind. /Her/ voice called to him softly, ringing with laughter. //"You can't do this."// She was mocking him. Kairi was making fun of him, hurting him. Was this just a joke to her?
/I will./
Sora knew in the back of his mind that he was going insane. Hearing voices couldn't be normal, or he would have known about it. Or were they holding out on him? Sharing secret looks and laughing at him behind his back? Look at the freak, everyone. Look at the 'great hero'. See how he breaks so easily.
//"Fool. You don't have it in you. You're not strong enough. Never were."// His voice joined in with Kairi's. Riku's voice echoed with childish arrogance, like he was that sixteen year-old boy again, standing in front of Sora, armed with a challenge.
Sora rocked back and forth, boat pitching underneath him. His hands covered his ears, trying to keep the sounds out, not wanting to hear anything anymore. He just wanted to be alone. Couldn't they see that?
/Leave me alone./
Coward. Weakling. Fool. How could you not see it? How could you not see the obvious? Stupid. Oblivious.
/Leave. Me. Alone./
It was right there, in front of your eyes. The entire time! So.. so foolish. How could anything go right for you? How could you ever have happiness? You saw something that wasn't yours, and wanted it. You could /never/ have it. Unworthy.
/Leavemealone!/
Everything faded for a moment, leaving Sora alone. The sea called to him, a siren's song breathing into his very soul. Come. Home. He urged the boat with a few more strokes of the oars, until the tiny vessel was stopped next to the pier. He got off slowly, carefully hauling his precious package onto land.
His bandaged fingers wrapped tightly around the loosely wrapped item, hugging it closely to his chest. Sora breathed softly, sharply into the wind, before heading down the pier. Each footstep rang sharply to Sora, shattered up through his legs. The past was all around him, suffocating him, along with the storm.
Sora could see things as the air whipped, could see memories. Here's the time where they had been building the raft, all three of them, back when they were young. Kairi was laughing, joking, but the boys were serious, exchanging competitive glances. They raced past Sora, laughing loudly, and the memory was gone.
There was the time when they had a picnic together, and there the time when they had played pirates. There was the time, before Kairi, when there was a monster, and they had vanquished it. And there, by the small island within an island, was the time of Riku.
Sora could remember everything of that night. The way the sun was hitting the water at an angle, making it explode with reds, oranges, and pinks. The way the night birds sang their lovely song, and the way the stars were starting to blaze behind the cloth of night. It was beautiful, the most perfect day of Sora's life. Kairi had left early, heading home before the two boys.
// "Sora?" Riku had asked, head buried in arms wrapped around his knees. It was not a question, but a command. He beckoned, Sora responded.
The younger boy slid forward, closing the distance between the two. "Yes?" He asked softly, blue eyes filled with confusion while his stomach twisted. He had wanted to reach out and brush his fingers across the other boy's skin. He waited though.
"Sora." He had looked up then, eyes settling on the younger boy with a predatory glare. Mine, those eyes had said. Always mine. And then, without warning, he had reached out and grabbed the younger boy, easily straddling him.
Sora had gasped, blue eyes wide, while his heart thumped audibly in his chest. His fingers reached out in response, and closed around Riku's upper arm.
"You want this." Riku stated easily, leaning in to brush lips with Sora. He knew. Yes, he knew Sora's inner thoughts. Inner desires.
"I..I-I.." Sora's voice had shook, as his face flashed red. Did Riku.. Did he feel the same? Or was he just playing with Sora's mind? Slowly, as if unsure, Sora brought his fingers up to Riku's cheek, gently touching the soft skin there.
Riku had smiled widely, with tenderness. If only Sora had looked into those eyes, had seen what was there. If only he had stopped for a moment, somewhere in between the passion and the hot kisses, and just.. just looked. But he hadn't. He had been a fool.
He had given Riku his heart. And he didn't even look into his eyes. Hadn't seen the coldness there, or the raw lust.
It had been a perfect night, a beautiful night. The first time in a young fifteen year-olds life when he had felt whole, had felt happy. //
Sora could feel the tears tracking down his face, before they were whisked off by the ever-growing wind. He had been so blissful. Had thought that things had changed, that things would be good now that Riku loved him. That nothing would ever be like before, when Sora had loved him from a distance, without the other boy knowing.
He had been right, things would never be like before. As Sora trudged through the sand, he could feel the whole in his chest, an empty black vortex where his heart might have been. How long had it been? Two months? Two weeks? And yet, it felt like two lifetimes.
So long since he'd seen it. Since he'd seen Riku.
// Sora had been walking the beach then. No, it was more like dancing, or flying. If he had had wings, everything would be exactly the same. Blissfully happy. Perfect.
"I love you." He had whispered to Riku when he found him, wrapped his arms around the older boy, under the papou tree.
There was no response. Just the feeling of the other boy stiffening, and shifting slightly away from Sora. The brown-haired boy frowned, blinking away confusion.
He leaned over slightly, turning on his seat so he could look at Riku. He tried to kiss him. And was horribly rejected.
He had been shocked when Riku had slapped him, and when he had seen the other boy's anger. "No." Riku stated coldly, eyes focusing somewhere in the distance.
Sora opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He looked down, staring at his shoes. What was he supposed to do? He shut his eyes, willing away the urge to cry.. he wasn't a kid anymore. His eyes were beginning to water when Riku left, abandoning Sora to feelings of worthlessness and despair.
He was wrong. Riku didn't love him. He hated Sora. The tears had come then. //
Sora stopped, feet spreading apart on the open sand to give him balance. He fought against the raging wind, eyes glazing over in pain as he did so. Everything hurt, both physically and emotionally. The self-inflicted wounds on his arms and legs hissed with pain, while his heart sent out pangs of sorrow.
There, over there was the final memory. The last horror. Sora grasped the package closer to his chest, knuckles whitening. He could see everything now, could hear with perfect clarity. The voices clamoring in his mind slowed, stopped. The words they said blended together, formed into one single thought, one final laugh.
//"Love."// They screamed, a loud, horrible, screeching echo.
// It had been a while. Sora was still confused, still hurt by Riku's rejection. It was late again, and he had told the others he was going home early. Why he was still here, he didn't know. It felt like he was being drawn towards something, like a moth to a flame.
His feet were possessed, dragging forward without his permission. His head was bowed, clear blue eyes focused on the ground underneath him. Sora heard voices, he stopped. Stopped walking, stopped breathing, stopped being.
Two voices, intertwined, spoke softly, in careful whispers. There words were not lost to Sora, if he wanted, he was sure he could hear their very hearts beating.
'I love you.' Kairi, that had to be Kairi. Sora imagined what she looked like, red hair blowing softly, eyes smiling as her lips did the same. Who was she talking to though? Who was she sharing this precious gift, love, with?
The voice that replied made Sora look up. Made his eyes widen with horror, made his lips part in a half-way scream. Riku. 'I love you, too.'
The words were simple, easily flowing out of the platinum-haired one. So much easier to direct at the red-haired beauty than.. than to the freak. The words broke, shattered in Sora's mind. They cut his soul, causing his heart to bleed. Through the haze of tears and shame, he could see the outline of their lips meeting in a sweet, loving kiss.
Not like the passion, the lust of Riku's kiss with Sora. Kairi meant more to him, meant the world. Sora was nothing, was nothing other than a quick fling. A settling of an urge. A whim. Nothing but a stupid fling.
The universe stopped. Sora's world crashed around him, everything sharp, and pointed at him. Love love love. He loves her, not you. Why would he love you? You're nothing but a failure. Naive, stupid fool. Think you know everything don't you? Thought he felt the same didn't you? Desperate, loving fool.
Sora hadn't cried then. Hadn't felt anything but numb. He walked away. //
His damaged fingers slowly released their grip. The package fell out of his hands, cloth covering it blowing away, caught in the wind. Sand blew into Sora's eyes, but he didn't close his eyes.
The sword hit the ground without a sound, half-buried in sand before Sora could've bent down to retrieve it. He didn't pick it up though. Would never even touch the Keyblade again.
He had tried to get rid of it, before he had come here. Wished, willed, and prayed it away. But it would simply not leave, no matter how many tears he shed. It was the past, the glorious past before Riku, when Sora had been a hero. He had saved the world, and it would not leave Sora with only memories. It would stay, haunting him. Mocking.
He stared at it now, one last time. One last recognition before it would all be over.
He walked away, leaving the cold, graceful metal behind. Leaving everything behind. The battles, the victories, his friends, the memories.. Riku. He didn't bother to say good-bye.
Sora turned now, stood at the edge of the blackened sea, staring into the enraged depths. Still, it called him, song more dangerous now, more promising. Join. Where you belong. Home. Come.
The ocean slid over Sora's ankles, freezing and beautifully numbing.
//"No."// Called the voices in his mind, all together. //"You won't. You're not strong enough."// They jeered, and their voices warped together, until.. until it was his. Clear, soft, speaking only the truth. //"Go home."// He breathed into Sora's mind, trying to persuade like the real Riku would never do.
"I am." Sora spoke softly, winds circling around him for an instant, causing his words to reverberate back to him with a forcefulness that was not his own.
He breathed in sharply, memories flooding his mind. Riku beaming, happy, joking, laughing, smirking, frowning, teasing, angry.. and last of all, giving him that wonderful look, that look that had claimed Sora, made the boy offer Riku his heart. He gave Sora a ghost of a smile, but that was all that was needed.
Sora inhaled sharply, and stepped forward into the black sea, abandoning the world behind, and opening his arms to the cold, empty darkness.
~ ~ ~ ~
A/N: *brainsputters* This was written during my half-insane period. Finally! No more writer's block! I can... I can write! *weeps with joy* This is seriously ill-advised though, seeing as how I don't have an editor, or any talent. Go me. ^_^
By Pining
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters. And I cannot write good angst, so forgive me.
~ ~ ~ ~
The wind whipped Sora's hair into disarray, dirty brown locks flew everywhere. The same wind tugged at his clothes, like ghostly fingers ready to tear him to shreds. Bits of sand from the nearby island dancing through the air, slapping his cheeks as well, leaving small red slash marks across pale skin. Sora squinted ahead, using his free arm as a shield for his face. He could barely see the island up ahead; the sea was rocking the boat so hard.
Blue eyes darted behind lids for a moment, as Sora breathed deeply, unsteadily. He was frightened, and nervous, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Somewhere between his heart and his stomach, dread was beginning to gnaw. Would he, could he, really go through with it?
No. Maybe. No, never. Wouldn't, couldn't. Cowardly. No... maybe. Pain. Yes. Yes, he had to. There was nothing else. He /would/ do it. Was there really any other choice?
Sora laughed bitterly, though the sound was lost to the sea. No, there was no other choice, this was it. Of course he would do it. He laughed again, as the bile started to climb up the back of his throat. He laughed even harder, with more force when the fear joined it, trying to choke him.
//"Sora? Are you paying attention to me?"// A soft, feminine voice called in Sora's mind. /Her/ voice called to him softly, ringing with laughter. //"You can't do this."// She was mocking him. Kairi was making fun of him, hurting him. Was this just a joke to her?
/I will./
Sora knew in the back of his mind that he was going insane. Hearing voices couldn't be normal, or he would have known about it. Or were they holding out on him? Sharing secret looks and laughing at him behind his back? Look at the freak, everyone. Look at the 'great hero'. See how he breaks so easily.
//"Fool. You don't have it in you. You're not strong enough. Never were."// His voice joined in with Kairi's. Riku's voice echoed with childish arrogance, like he was that sixteen year-old boy again, standing in front of Sora, armed with a challenge.
Sora rocked back and forth, boat pitching underneath him. His hands covered his ears, trying to keep the sounds out, not wanting to hear anything anymore. He just wanted to be alone. Couldn't they see that?
/Leave me alone./
Coward. Weakling. Fool. How could you not see it? How could you not see the obvious? Stupid. Oblivious.
/Leave. Me. Alone./
It was right there, in front of your eyes. The entire time! So.. so foolish. How could anything go right for you? How could you ever have happiness? You saw something that wasn't yours, and wanted it. You could /never/ have it. Unworthy.
/Leavemealone!/
Everything faded for a moment, leaving Sora alone. The sea called to him, a siren's song breathing into his very soul. Come. Home. He urged the boat with a few more strokes of the oars, until the tiny vessel was stopped next to the pier. He got off slowly, carefully hauling his precious package onto land.
His bandaged fingers wrapped tightly around the loosely wrapped item, hugging it closely to his chest. Sora breathed softly, sharply into the wind, before heading down the pier. Each footstep rang sharply to Sora, shattered up through his legs. The past was all around him, suffocating him, along with the storm.
Sora could see things as the air whipped, could see memories. Here's the time where they had been building the raft, all three of them, back when they were young. Kairi was laughing, joking, but the boys were serious, exchanging competitive glances. They raced past Sora, laughing loudly, and the memory was gone.
There was the time when they had a picnic together, and there the time when they had played pirates. There was the time, before Kairi, when there was a monster, and they had vanquished it. And there, by the small island within an island, was the time of Riku.
Sora could remember everything of that night. The way the sun was hitting the water at an angle, making it explode with reds, oranges, and pinks. The way the night birds sang their lovely song, and the way the stars were starting to blaze behind the cloth of night. It was beautiful, the most perfect day of Sora's life. Kairi had left early, heading home before the two boys.
// "Sora?" Riku had asked, head buried in arms wrapped around his knees. It was not a question, but a command. He beckoned, Sora responded.
The younger boy slid forward, closing the distance between the two. "Yes?" He asked softly, blue eyes filled with confusion while his stomach twisted. He had wanted to reach out and brush his fingers across the other boy's skin. He waited though.
"Sora." He had looked up then, eyes settling on the younger boy with a predatory glare. Mine, those eyes had said. Always mine. And then, without warning, he had reached out and grabbed the younger boy, easily straddling him.
Sora had gasped, blue eyes wide, while his heart thumped audibly in his chest. His fingers reached out in response, and closed around Riku's upper arm.
"You want this." Riku stated easily, leaning in to brush lips with Sora. He knew. Yes, he knew Sora's inner thoughts. Inner desires.
"I..I-I.." Sora's voice had shook, as his face flashed red. Did Riku.. Did he feel the same? Or was he just playing with Sora's mind? Slowly, as if unsure, Sora brought his fingers up to Riku's cheek, gently touching the soft skin there.
Riku had smiled widely, with tenderness. If only Sora had looked into those eyes, had seen what was there. If only he had stopped for a moment, somewhere in between the passion and the hot kisses, and just.. just looked. But he hadn't. He had been a fool.
He had given Riku his heart. And he didn't even look into his eyes. Hadn't seen the coldness there, or the raw lust.
It had been a perfect night, a beautiful night. The first time in a young fifteen year-olds life when he had felt whole, had felt happy. //
Sora could feel the tears tracking down his face, before they were whisked off by the ever-growing wind. He had been so blissful. Had thought that things had changed, that things would be good now that Riku loved him. That nothing would ever be like before, when Sora had loved him from a distance, without the other boy knowing.
He had been right, things would never be like before. As Sora trudged through the sand, he could feel the whole in his chest, an empty black vortex where his heart might have been. How long had it been? Two months? Two weeks? And yet, it felt like two lifetimes.
So long since he'd seen it. Since he'd seen Riku.
// Sora had been walking the beach then. No, it was more like dancing, or flying. If he had had wings, everything would be exactly the same. Blissfully happy. Perfect.
"I love you." He had whispered to Riku when he found him, wrapped his arms around the older boy, under the papou tree.
There was no response. Just the feeling of the other boy stiffening, and shifting slightly away from Sora. The brown-haired boy frowned, blinking away confusion.
He leaned over slightly, turning on his seat so he could look at Riku. He tried to kiss him. And was horribly rejected.
He had been shocked when Riku had slapped him, and when he had seen the other boy's anger. "No." Riku stated coldly, eyes focusing somewhere in the distance.
Sora opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He looked down, staring at his shoes. What was he supposed to do? He shut his eyes, willing away the urge to cry.. he wasn't a kid anymore. His eyes were beginning to water when Riku left, abandoning Sora to feelings of worthlessness and despair.
He was wrong. Riku didn't love him. He hated Sora. The tears had come then. //
Sora stopped, feet spreading apart on the open sand to give him balance. He fought against the raging wind, eyes glazing over in pain as he did so. Everything hurt, both physically and emotionally. The self-inflicted wounds on his arms and legs hissed with pain, while his heart sent out pangs of sorrow.
There, over there was the final memory. The last horror. Sora grasped the package closer to his chest, knuckles whitening. He could see everything now, could hear with perfect clarity. The voices clamoring in his mind slowed, stopped. The words they said blended together, formed into one single thought, one final laugh.
//"Love."// They screamed, a loud, horrible, screeching echo.
// It had been a while. Sora was still confused, still hurt by Riku's rejection. It was late again, and he had told the others he was going home early. Why he was still here, he didn't know. It felt like he was being drawn towards something, like a moth to a flame.
His feet were possessed, dragging forward without his permission. His head was bowed, clear blue eyes focused on the ground underneath him. Sora heard voices, he stopped. Stopped walking, stopped breathing, stopped being.
Two voices, intertwined, spoke softly, in careful whispers. There words were not lost to Sora, if he wanted, he was sure he could hear their very hearts beating.
'I love you.' Kairi, that had to be Kairi. Sora imagined what she looked like, red hair blowing softly, eyes smiling as her lips did the same. Who was she talking to though? Who was she sharing this precious gift, love, with?
The voice that replied made Sora look up. Made his eyes widen with horror, made his lips part in a half-way scream. Riku. 'I love you, too.'
The words were simple, easily flowing out of the platinum-haired one. So much easier to direct at the red-haired beauty than.. than to the freak. The words broke, shattered in Sora's mind. They cut his soul, causing his heart to bleed. Through the haze of tears and shame, he could see the outline of their lips meeting in a sweet, loving kiss.
Not like the passion, the lust of Riku's kiss with Sora. Kairi meant more to him, meant the world. Sora was nothing, was nothing other than a quick fling. A settling of an urge. A whim. Nothing but a stupid fling.
The universe stopped. Sora's world crashed around him, everything sharp, and pointed at him. Love love love. He loves her, not you. Why would he love you? You're nothing but a failure. Naive, stupid fool. Think you know everything don't you? Thought he felt the same didn't you? Desperate, loving fool.
Sora hadn't cried then. Hadn't felt anything but numb. He walked away. //
His damaged fingers slowly released their grip. The package fell out of his hands, cloth covering it blowing away, caught in the wind. Sand blew into Sora's eyes, but he didn't close his eyes.
The sword hit the ground without a sound, half-buried in sand before Sora could've bent down to retrieve it. He didn't pick it up though. Would never even touch the Keyblade again.
He had tried to get rid of it, before he had come here. Wished, willed, and prayed it away. But it would simply not leave, no matter how many tears he shed. It was the past, the glorious past before Riku, when Sora had been a hero. He had saved the world, and it would not leave Sora with only memories. It would stay, haunting him. Mocking.
He stared at it now, one last time. One last recognition before it would all be over.
He walked away, leaving the cold, graceful metal behind. Leaving everything behind. The battles, the victories, his friends, the memories.. Riku. He didn't bother to say good-bye.
Sora turned now, stood at the edge of the blackened sea, staring into the enraged depths. Still, it called him, song more dangerous now, more promising. Join. Where you belong. Home. Come.
The ocean slid over Sora's ankles, freezing and beautifully numbing.
//"No."// Called the voices in his mind, all together. //"You won't. You're not strong enough."// They jeered, and their voices warped together, until.. until it was his. Clear, soft, speaking only the truth. //"Go home."// He breathed into Sora's mind, trying to persuade like the real Riku would never do.
"I am." Sora spoke softly, winds circling around him for an instant, causing his words to reverberate back to him with a forcefulness that was not his own.
He breathed in sharply, memories flooding his mind. Riku beaming, happy, joking, laughing, smirking, frowning, teasing, angry.. and last of all, giving him that wonderful look, that look that had claimed Sora, made the boy offer Riku his heart. He gave Sora a ghost of a smile, but that was all that was needed.
Sora inhaled sharply, and stepped forward into the black sea, abandoning the world behind, and opening his arms to the cold, empty darkness.
~ ~ ~ ~
A/N: *brainsputters* This was written during my half-insane period. Finally! No more writer's block! I can... I can write! *weeps with joy* This is seriously ill-advised though, seeing as how I don't have an editor, or any talent. Go me. ^_^