December 27, 2001
Fourth Log: Chihiro and Risa

Risa: Hello.

Chihiro: Hi.

Risa: Nice to finally hear from you again.
Risa: Merry Christmas!

Chihiro: Yes, Merry Christmas.

Risa: You haven't been online for a long time…
Risa: You don't like computers any more?

Chihiro: No, that's not it. Well, it's good for research.
Chihiro: But I don't feel like writing messages most of the time.
Chihiro: Other can't tell me much what I couldn't read in books, with less trouble.

Risa: You still read that much? You must be really smart by now.

Chihiro: I'm not. Well, my grades are good, but that's not important.
Chihiro: People make too much fuss about grades, and forget things that are really important.

Risa: What kind of things?

Chihiro: Well, for one thing finding out who they really are.
Chihiro: Because everybody is a different person.
Chihiro: But let's not talk about this.
Chihiro: How is your winter break?

Risa: It's nice, we made it look a lot like an American Christmas this year.
Risa: I spend a lot of time with my friends.
Risa: But I'm looking forward to my presents.
Risa: I hope I'll get lots of money, maybe new covers for my cell phone.
Risa: How about you?

(Translator note: The traditional New Year's presents are also called "otoshidama". In Japan, New Year is the biggest holiday, like Christmas in western countries.)

Chihiro: I don't know, well,
Chihiro: My mom wants to give me a new bike, although the old one is fine for me.
Chihiro: She said I use mine so often, it's bound to fall apart.

Risa: You still bike a lot?
Risa: That's nice, where?

Chihiro: Not much now, I'll start in spring again, but,
Chihiro: Do you remember the hill forest I showed you in October?
Chihiro: I found a spot nobody else seems to use, although it's quite a ride to go there.

Risa: Yeah, I remember that. That's almost out of town, isn't it?

Chihiro: I don't mind. At least I get lots of exercise and fresh air.

Risa: Why that spot? Anything special there?

Chihiro: Well, it reminds me of the area of my magical disappearance.

(Translator Note: she uses the term "kamikakushi" here)

Risa: Chihiro's disappearance…
Risa: That reminds me of the movie. It's a miracle how successful it is.
Risa: It's magic.
Risa: We've seen it again two weeks ago.

Chihiro: Well, when I saw it with my parents, they were really quiet after it was over.
Chihiro: But I think they aren't angry at me any more.

Risa: You think they were angry at you?

Chihiro: Not really angry, that's the wrong word.
Chihiro: Disappointed, frustrated, disturbed, uneasy, I don't know, nothing really fits.
Chihiro: I don't like words, I never find the right ones.
Chihiro: Or they don't find me.

Risa: Same here.
Risa: There's this new boy I got to know, Tatsuya, I never know what to say to him.

Chihiro: I can't imagine that…
Chihiro: You, afraid of a boy?

Risa: Not afraid, he just doesn't react like the others, when I say something.
Risa: And he's so cute.
Risa: But maybe he's just stupid.

Chihiro: You never know what people are like inside.
Chihiro: You probably don't even know yourself yet.
Chihiro: I know I don't know who I am…

Risa: It's easy, you are you and I am me.
Risa: Sometimes I wished I were you, to have your memories.

Chihiro: Don't, it's not all that great.

Risa: A lot of people want to be you, now, in a way.

Chihiro: I know, that scares me.

Risa: Why?

Chihiro: It's not at all what it seems like.
Chihiro: Sure it's nice to have made a really special trip.
Chihiro: And I don't wish it could be made undone.
Chihiro: But in the end it only raises more questions than it can ever answer.

Risa: What kind of questions?

Chihiro: All those questions we've discussed so many times.
Chihiro: What is reality, what is good and evil, where do spirits live, what are Gods exactly…
Chihiro: You know them.
Chihiro: And every day more.

Risa: You worry too much.

Chihiro: Can't help it, can I?

Risa: What about this guy we've been talking about, the "monkey"?

Chihiro: Masaaki?
Chihiro: Yeah, I wanted to tell you about him.

Risa: So you two had a date?

Chihiro: Yes, we did, well, sort of.

Risa: Tell me all about it.
Risa: I want to hear everything.

Chihiro: There's not really very much to tell.
Chihiro: We went to the library.

Risa: Library?

Chihiro: Yes, well, he asked what places I like to go to.
Chihiro: I said I spend a lot of time in the library.

Risa: You should have chosen something else.

Chihiro: I don't know, maybe, but, …
Chihiro: I didn't feel like it.

Risa: What then?

Chihiro: Nothing much, we were showing our favorite books to each other, mainly.
Chihiro: He has read a lot, and I knew a lot of his favorites.
Chihiro: I have a long list of what to read now.
Chihiro: He said he'll read some of my favorites too.

Risa: Books, well…
Risa: What then?

Chihiro: We talked in the cafeteria for an hour, or so.
Chihiro: It was nice, but nothing more.

Risa: What did you talk about?
Risa: Did you tell him anything?

Chihiro: Of course not.
Chihiro: It was just small talk.

Risa: What does he do? Is he into sports?

Chihiro: I don't think so.
Chihiro: He said he takes piano lessons.

Risa: That can be the start of a nice evening, listening to him playing.

Chihiro: He's a friend, nothing more.

Risa: Well, there can always be more later.
Risa: Go on.
Risa: When was that?

Chihiro: Let me think…
Chihiro: Four weeks ago.
Chihiro: We talked at school more, too.

Risa: Ah…
Risa: What do you talk about?

Chihiro: Everything, actually.
Chihiro: I don't know, nature, politics, life, whatever comes to mind.
Chihiro: He seemed like a nice guy.

Risa: Seemed?

Chihiro: Well, last week we had a fight.
Chihiro: Not a real fight of course, but we were talking about our parents,
Chihiro: and when I said my father is in the whaling business, he got angry.

Risa: Angry?

Chihiro: Well, sort of.
Chihiro: He started talking about how they are an endangered species, and all.
Chihiro: As if I wouldn't know that.

Risa: A lot of people are sensible about those kind of issues.

Chihiro: But I'm not my father. And he doesn't even know him.
Chihiro: I don't even think he knows what he's talking about.
Chihiro: He's judging me by suspicions over my family.

Risa: Like Romeo and Juliet – how romantic.

Chihiro: Not at all like that.
Chihiro: He hates me now.

Risa: Why do you think that?
Risa: Did he say that?

Chihiro: No, but I'm sure he does after what I said to him.

Risa: Wait, what did you say to him?

Chihiro: That he's an idiot, and if he wants anything from my father, he shouldn't bother me.
Chihiro: And he shouldn't bother me with anything any more.
Chihiro: Something like that. It all went pretty fast.
Chihiro: Then I left.

Risa: I would have liked to hear that.
Risa: Chihiro in rage.

Chihiro: Well, he did hurt my feelings.

Risa: I can tell, you don't have much experiences with boys yet.
Risa: There's a lot for you to learn.
Risa: I think I have to teach you.

Chihiro: I don't want you to.

Risa: You owe him an apology, you know that, don't you?

Chihiro: I don't think so.

Risa: Did you give him a chance to explain himself.
Risa: What he really knows about whaling?

Chihiro: Not really.

Risa: Then you must talk to him, the sooner the better.

Chihiro: He's not even home now.
Chihiro: They spend the holidays away.

Risa: That could be even better.
Risa: It's more believable when you go into the trouble of finding him.
Risa: Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Chihiro: I don't think I want to…

Risa: It's not a question of wanting.
Risa: Maybe he has a computer where he is, I'll give you his screen name.
Risa: Hold on.
Risa: It's **************.

(Translator note: Masaaki's personal data will not be made public)

Risa: Tell him you have it from me.
Risa: Say "hi" from me.

Chihiro: Why would I want to do this.

Risa: Now listen.
Risa: Didn't you say you want to live in this world?
Risa: You don't have to forget the Spirit World, you can keep it.
Risa: But to survive here you have to interact with others.

Chihiro: I know that.

Risa: But do you do that then?
Risa: From what you told me you ran away.
Risa: You'll never make any new friends that way.
Risa: Even if you don't want a boyfriend, you need somebody you can trust, who can trust you, someday.
Risa: When do you think starting with that?

Chihiro: I can do that.

Risa: Do you really?
Risa: Doesn't really seem like it.
Risa: But then you can apologize, right?

Chihiro: Well,

Risa: You don't have to say you are wrong, and he is right,
Risa: But say, that you should have given him a chance to talk about it more.

Chihiro: I guess you're right…

Risa: I know I am right.
Risa: Sometimes you have to work for appreciation.
Risa: And there is no Haku anymore who tells you what to do.
Risa: There are things to do, even if you don't want to do them.

Chihiro: Like my trip to Zeniba…

Risa: Exactly.
Risa: And this is far easier.

Chihiro: It's not that I don't want to do it.
Chihiro: I just don't see, why.

Risa: You really do spend a lot of time alone, don't you?
Risa: That's fine with me, but when you meet others, don't expect things to always go smoothly from the start.
Risa: Everybody is different, and it always takes effort to find out these things.

Chihiro: I'll think about it.

Risa: Do that.
Risa: You don't want to live in your dreams all your live, do you?
Risa: You said so yourself.

Chihiro: My dreams, yeah.
Chihiro: Sometimes I do wish they would go away.

Risa: Do they still talk to you at night?

Chihiro: Yes, more than ever.
Chihiro: It's becoming more intensive every time.
Chihiro: At least once a week.

Risa: Tell me about it.

Chihiro: Well,
Chihiro: It's different from what it used to be years ago.
Chihiro: I remember more in the mornings now.
Chihiro: Especially Rin seems so be involved a lot.
Chihiro: I can see, that there's more happiness now in the Spirits World.
Chihiro: They seem to be more alive than ever.

Risa: Alive?
Risa: You see them more clearly now?

Chihiro: That's not it.
Chihiro: Well, that too, but that's not what I meant.
Chihiro: It seems like they don't hate humans as much any more.
Chihiro: Maybe they need us more than we know?

Risa: What do you mean?

Chihiro: I don't know, well…
Chihiro: The Spirit World wouldn't exist without this world.
Chihiro: And maybe we wouldn't without them.
Chihiro: I think they hated people, because we had forgotten about them.
Chihiro: Well, most of us.
Chihiro: Now people are aware of them again.

Risa: But they don't believe, they think it's a story.

Chihiro: That doesn't seem to make much difference.
Chihiro: The mere thought is important.
Chihiro: Of course there's no proof of this, it's just in my dreams.

Risa: I think there is truth in the dreams.
Risa: But tell me about Haku.

Chihiro: You always think about boys, don't you?
Chihiro: Yes, he's there, too, and he seems sad most of the time.
Chihiro: He doesn't look a day older than back then.
Chihiro: He's pale again…
Chihiro: But I don't think there's another spell on him.
Chihiro: He mostly only looks at me, and sometimes he smiles.
Chihiro: It always reminds me of when I last saw him.
Chihiro: He had promised, we'd meet again.
Chihiro: He doesn't say anything now.
Chihiro: But I think he would make it possible, if he only could.
Chihiro: If only I'd find a way to go back there…

Risa: You will one day.

Chihiro: Maybe I'd tell him to leave me alone.
Chihiro: It's harder to see him in my dreams, than to not see him at all.
Chihiro: People will never understand me…

Risa: You changed, Chihiro…

Chihiro: I don't know, maybe I do change.
Chihiro: It's almost four years now.
Chihiro: If it weren't for my constant dreams, I'd have forgotten it all by now.

Risa: You wouldn't have.

Chihiro: Maybe not forgotten, but I wouldn't believe the Spirit World really existed.
Chihiro: It always makes me sad thinking about it.

Risa: You don't have to talk about it.

Chihiro: But right now I want to.
Chihiro: There isn't anyone else I can tell this.
Chihiro: I cannot keep it to myself forever.

Risa: Are you still seeing a psychologist?

Chihiro: Not now, no, but maybe I'd want to again.
Chihiro: Even if I don't listen to them, they listen to me.

Risa: They don't ask the wrong questions…

Chihiro: Mostly, yes. But it would be hard to find one, I guess.

Risa: Why?

Chihiro: Well, most of them are very sensitive about people making up stories.
Chihiro: When they think you lie to them, they might drop you very fast.
Chihiro: And who wouldn't think that I'm just one of those obsessed with the movie?

Risa: I see.

Chihiro: It would take some time again to convince them of my true past.
Chihiro: I miss my first doctor.

Risa: Too bad that's too far away.

Chihiro: Yeah.

Risa: Do you write diary?

Chihiro: Not right now.
Chihiro: Well, sometimes I'm writing down some stupid stuff, but it ends up in the litter box.

Risa: Why don't you keep it?

Chihiro: I don't know, it's just words. And always the same stuff.
Chihiro: About the world, and religions, and the Gods, and people.
Chihiro: I want them all to live together.

Risa: You should tell others.
Risa: That seems interesting.

Chihiro: Maybe, when I find a solution.
Chihiro: But if there's a way for us to live in peace, don't you think, we'd have peace already?

Risa: I don't know.
Risa: Do you include your Spirit World, too?

Chihiro: It's not MY Spirit World.
Chihiro: Well, sure, Shinto is part of the religions of the world.
Chihiro: But all of them seem connected.

Risa: So, Buddha can take a bath in the bath house?

Chihiro: Don't laugh!
Chihiro: I don't know about that.
Chihiro: But I believe there is some truth in everything.
Chihiro: That's what Zeniba had told me.

Risa: She told you about Buddha?

Chihiro: Of course not.
Chihiro: She taught me, that everything from our past still has effect on us.
Chihiro: Our past and history.

Risa: Is Kaonashi still with Zeniba?

Chihiro: I don't know…

Risa: Don't you see them in your dreams?

Chihiro: My dreams are not like a movie!
Chihiro: I don't see where they are or what they do.
Chihiro: And time has a different meaning over there.

Risa: I don't get it.
Risa: Do you see them or not?

Chihiro: I think I see them, but it all happens at the same time.
Chihiro: At least when I wake up, I don't know what was first and what came last.

Risa: But while you were there, it was different?

Chihiro: Yes, time seemed normal, but I think mostly to me.
Chihiro: Time has little meaning to them.

Risa: Well, *Time has little to do with infinity and Jelly Doughnuts*.

(Translator note: this quote was written in English.)

Chihiro: What's that?

Risa: Oh, I saw it somewhere on a webpage.
Risa: Don't know where it's from.

(Note: Magnum p.i., season 5, episode 22 (last episode), "Limbo", first broadcasted 1987)

Chihiro: What does it say?

Risa: I thought you like foreign languages.
Risa: Isn't that one of your hobbies?

Chihiro: Yeah, but I don't know what *infinity* means.

Risa: *infinity* means "Mugen". I had to look it up, too.

Chihiro: Still don't really get the quote.

Risa: I think that's the point.
Risa: Time is much different from anything else.

Chihiro: Oh, now I see.
Chihiro: Yes, time is hard to describe, I guess.
Chihiro: But what were we talking about?

Risa: Your dreams…

Chihiro: Yeah, those dreams…
Chihiro: I can't get them out of my head, even during the days.

Risa: You think of Haku…

Chihiro: I think of Rin, mostly.
Chihiro: Somehow I wish she'd get her name back as well,
Chihiro: She always wanted to see that city…
Chihiro: She thinks a lot of me.

Risa: How nice.
Risa: What does she say?

Chihiro: Well, I think she wants to make sure I'm alright.
Chihiro: They always have a lot of work, it seems.
Chihiro: She thinks of me when she sees the train passing by…

Risa: Why doesn't she just get on?

Chihiro: Where would she go anyway?
Chihiro: She'd have to be back in the evenings, she can't break her contract.
Chihiro: Yubaaba would find her anywhere.
Chihiro: But the train goes more often now.

Risa: Why is that?

Chihiro: I don't know, maybe…
Chihiro: It's like I said before, the Spirit World is more alive now.
Chihiro: Ever since the movie came out.

Risa: You think the movie made such a big difference?

Chihiro: I don't know, it seems like it.

Risa: Do they know about the movie, about how famous they are?

Chihiro: I don't really think so, I can't directly tell them anything.
Chihiro: But they sure know about the change that is in progress.

Risa: What change?
Risa: The movie didn't change anything…

Chihiro: I don't know how to explain.
Chihiro: It's like they are making stronger connections to our world.
Chihiro: Like a comeback.

Risa: You're kidding.
Risa: People will start living with eight million Gods again?
Risa: I'd pray to Haku…

Chihiro: No, I'm not talking about religion.
Chihiro: Or maybe I am, but it's different.
Chihiro: People start seeing their history in another light again.
Chihiro: It's like our past is changing.

Risa: Changing the past…
Risa: You sure are confusing.

Chihiro: I don't know how else to describe it.
Chihiro: I'll tell you when I have figured it out myself.

Risa: Do that.
Risa: Say hi to them from me.
Risa: At least Haku should still know who I am,
Risa: The one that gave you the farewell card…

Chihiro: You and Haku…
Chihiro: Don't worry, I'll introduce you when he comes here.

Risa: Don't always take me seriously.
Risa: You really should have some more fun.
Risa: And don't forget Masaaki.

Chihiro: I won't.

Risa: What are you planning the next days?

Chihiro: Nothing much.
Chihiro: Maybe we'll go to Tokyo.
Chihiro: Else, spending some time with my mom, and a few relatives are coming for visits.

Risa: Any that I know?

Chihiro: Don't think so.

Risa: Anyway, enjoy the rest of the year, and hopefully we'll hear from each other again soon.

Chihiro: Yeah.
Chihiro: Same to you.
Chihiro: Have a nice week. Anything planned?

Risa: I will. We're making a trip up to the mountains.

Chihiro: That's nice.
Chihiro: Have fun.

Risa: Thanks.
Risa: See ya around.

Chihiro: Yeah, bye.

Risa: Bye.