July 25, 2002
Seventh Log: Chihiro and Risa

Chihiro: Hello, Risa.

Risa: Chihiro, is that you?
Risa: What a pleasant surprise, hello.
Risa: Hold on a second, I have two other contacts right now.
Risa: I'll tell them to get lost.

Chihiro: Ok, no problem.

Risa: I'm back, sorry it took a while.
Risa: Boys can be persistent at times.

Chihiro: I suppose.
Chihiro: Do you have time to talk now?

Risa: For you always.
Risa: What's up?

Chihiro: Well, I've been talking with Masaaki today.

Risa: How nice.
Risa: Is he staying at his parents place?

Chihiro: No, I mean online.

Risa: Are you two going steady now?

Chihiro: Please!
Chihiro: It's different.

Risa: I know, it's always different.
Risa: He's fine, isn't he?

Chihiro: Yes, he's fine.
Chihiro: He knows now of my "magical disappearance".

Risa: You told him? I'm surprised.

Chihiro: No, he found out himself.
Chihiro: He found old newspapers.

Risa: And he knew it's you?

Chihiro: Well, we've been talking about the movie.
Chihiro: I tried to drop some hints, to make it easier if I ever decided to tell him.
Chihiro: I don't know what made him convinced in the end, but it's out now.

Risa: You're glad about it, aren't you?

Chihiro: Yes, I suppose I am.
Chihiro: I didn't like staying quiet about it all the time.
Chihiro: It had been on my mind a lot.

Risa: So, what does he think about it?

Chihiro: He's very sensible about it all.
Chihiro: He even says he believes a thing like that could be possible.
Chihiro: And that it fits to everything he knew about me.

Risa: You have a fan now. Isn't that nice?

Chihiro: I wouldn't call him a fan.
Chihiro: He's a really good friend.

Risa: But don't you ever wish there were more?

Chihiro: Well, yes, sometimes I do, kind of.
Chihiro: There was always my secret between us.

Risa: Which is gone now.

Chihiro: Yes, but I'm afraid.
Chihiro: Afraid to lose him as a friend when it gets romantic.
Chihiro: I'd really miss having a friend like him around.

Risa: You have me.

Chihiro: I'm sorry, but that's different.
Chihiro: But I have you as a friend, that's true.

Risa: Isn't there anyone else in school that looks interesting?

Chihiro: I don't know, I haven't looked.

Risa: You're fifteen soon, you should get to know life from the happy side.

Chihiro: But I am happy, especially today.
Chihiro: I want to tell him everything I have inside, everything I told you.
Chihiro: Even if he hates me after that.

Risa: Why would he hate you?

Chihiro: I don't know, why wouldn't he?
Chihiro: I don't think he has ever met a schizophrenic girl.

Risa: You're not schizophrenic!

Chihiro: Then, what is it?
Chihiro: Posttraumatic hallucinations?
Chihiro: Or would you call me just nuts?

Risa: Stop that, that's not helping anyone.
Risa: And don't ever tell him that.
Risa: I know you don't believe it yourself.

Chihiro: I don't know what I believe.
Chihiro: I don't know what I want to believe.
Chihiro: I don't know what I want.

Risa: You used to know...

Chihiro: Did I really?
Chihiro: What do I want then?
Chihiro: You tell me!

Risa: You said you want to live in this world, in "reality".
Risa: You want to keep your Spirit World in your memory and dreams.
Risa: You want others to keep their memories and dreams sacred.
Risa: You want to learn about this world, how it works, all countries on this planet.
Risa: You want to combine Philosophies and Religions and Sciences.
Risa: You want to meet Haku and the others again, but even if you won't in this world, it'll be later.
Risa: You said, time doesn't really matter.

Chihiro: Oh.
Chihiro: I better write that down.
Chihiro: You have any idea on how to achieve it?

Risa: You ask me???
Risa: What happened, did Masaaki confuse you that much?

Chihiro: I don't know.
Chihiro: I'm just not used to sharing this memory.

Risa: You're in love, aren't you?

Chihiro: Me? In love?
Chihiro: I don't know, I've never been in love before.
Chihiro: What is love anyway?

Risa: It makes you feel great every time you think of him.
Risa: You want to share everything, and his image pops into your head all the time.
Risa: You feel butterflies in your stomach, and you're not hungry.

Chihiro: I'm not hungry.
Chihiro: So I'm in love?

Risa: It depends…
Risa: How much did you eat today, maybe you're just full.

Chihiro: Not much. And I didn't have any dinner.
Chihiro: I forgot about it, with all this excitement today.

Risa: Then it could be a first sign.
Risa: But you have to decide yourself what it is.

Chihiro: What do I have to do now? If it is love...

Risa: Nothing, that's the great thing about it.
Risa: Do what you want, do what you always do.
Risa: Keep him as a friend, or make hints about new things you want to do.
Risa: If he feels the same, it's the greatest thing I know.
Risa: If not, it's still a great feeling in your heart.
Risa: But don't expect anything from him, expectations are never good.

Chihiro: Don't tell me I need one of those girly magazines…

Risa: Of course not, not if you don't feel like it.
Risa: There are as many different forms of love as there are people around.
Risa: That's the best thing about it.
Risa: But for a start, I wouldn't do much.
Risa: Especially not much thinking.

Chihiro: Huh?

Risa: Just enjoy how you feel. Smile more often.
Risa: Enjoy the nature, or do other nice things when he's not around.
Risa: When he is around, just watch him.
Risa: He might look different now.
Risa: Mine always become much cuter.

Chihiro: I don't know, I'm still afraid of losing the friendship.

Risa: You won't lose him if you don't expect anything from him.
Risa: Just keep things as they are, and see how it develops.
Risa: Maybe you're just meant to stay lifelong friends, who knows?
Risa: Life is long, and time is of no importance, like you said.
Risa: And you'll always have Haku.

Chihiro: I think you dream of Haku more often than I do…

Risa: I don't know, how often do you dream of him now?

Chihiro: I remember him maybe two times a week, in the mornings.

Risa: Does Masaaki know about your dreams yet?

Chihiro: Not really, I might have mentioned it once.
Chihiro: Nothing in particular, though.
Chihiro: I dream of all of them at the same time sometimes.

Risa: Tell me about it.

Chihiro: It's nothing new, they're all fine.
Chihiro: Kamajii always complains about too much work.
Chihiro: And they're always the same age, even Bou always looks like the baby he was.
Chihiro: But that's explainable.

Risa: How come?

Chihiro: Well, that's how they were created by me during my trauma.
Chihiro: And my dreams just recall the memories.

Risa: Don't say that.
Risa: I don't like the sound of that.

Chihiro: Well, there is something new, that you would like.
Chihiro: About Haku.

Risa: Tell me.

Chihiro: Well, after all your asking and such, that must have impressed me.
Chihiro: So now I'm making Haku saying, that he's planning to come back.

Risa: He's coming?
Risa: Ok, what do you mean by that?
Risa: As a boy, as a dragon, or as a river?

Chihiro: I don't think they're rebuilding the river.
Chihiro: I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.
Chihiro: I sort of feel that the time is near for him to leave Yubaaba and the bath house.
Chihiro: And that we'd meet again.

Risa: But where? When? How?

Chihiro: I suppose it works this way:
Chihiro: I choose a river, rename it Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi, and build a shrine there.
Chihiro: Then I make offerings to him and pray to him.
Chihiro: And once in a while I can make him appear by power of my hallucinations.

Risa: Now you're making fun of yourself!

Chihiro: And you please be serious once.
Chihiro: Nobody will ever see Haku except for me.
Chihiro: Spirits, dragons and Gods have been driven out of these lands long ago.
Chihiro: If they ever existed.
Chihiro: I can't help what I see in my dreams.
Chihiro: But I've learnt to accept that.
Chihiro: I know the difference between my dreams and this world.

Risa: But don't you even have hope any more?

Chihiro: Of course I still have hope,
Chihiro: But one thing I've learned is:
Chihiro: Things don't happen if you wait for them all the time.
Chihiro: There is a difference between expecting and believing.

Risa: So if you stop expecting it, then things start happening?
Risa: That's why you force yourself to say these things?

Chihiro: No! I don't know.
Chihiro: I just know if you want something to change, you have to make the first step yourself.
Chihiro: If you believe something, you have to make others believe in it too, before it has any effect.

Risa: So once you make Masaaki believe, you two can bring Haku back together?

Chihiro: You don't listen, do you?
Chihiro: This is not about me. This is about everything.

Risa: Well, you're part of everything, aren't you?

Chihiro: Yes, but…
Chihiro: I don't know, I'm just confused today.

Risa: It had been quite a day, hasn't it?
Risa: When will you be talking to Masaaki again?

Chihiro: I don't know.
Chihiro: I said I might write down something about my trip.

Risa: Do that, that'll get your thoughts straightened up.

Chihiro: I think I'll go to my place in the forest for thinking…

Risa: You still go there?
Risa: Does he know about it?

Chihiro: I never told him.

Risa: Well, things change now, I suppose.
Risa: Now you can tell him more.

Chihiro: I guess so.

Risa: Have fun thinking about it.
Risa: I suppose you won't do much else.

Chihiro: I'll see.
Chihiro: Thanks for listening.

Risa: Hey, I'm your friend.
Risa: Tell me how it all develops.

Chihiro: I will.
Chihiro: Bye now.

Risa: Bye.