July 28, 2002
Eighth log: Chihiro and Masaaki

Masaaki: Hello.

Chihiro: Hi, Masaaki.
Chihiro: Nice to hear from you.

Masaaki: Hi, "SenJin".

Chihiro: That makes me smile.
Chihiro: So you read what I wrote?

Masaaki: Of course I did.
Masaaki: I liked it a lot, it was very good.
Masaaki: It explains a lot about how you feel.

Chihiro: Didn't you think it's too long?

Masaaki: Not at all, it's perfect, beginning and end and everything in between.
Masaaki: I think you have talent in writing.

Chihiro: No, I don't write, maybe later when I'm old.
Chihiro: There's still a lot to learn first.

Masaaki: You know how to explain your feelings.

Chihiro: Well, you know me by now.
Chihiro: Others who don't know me probably won't get it.

Masaaki: You underestimate people.
Masaaki: Even though they're all different, I think in a certain way we are more alike than we want to accept.
Masaaki: All six billions of us.

Chihiro: I don't know them all, and I never will.
Chihiro: How many people will I meet in my life?
Chihiro: How many talk to, how many understand?
Chihiro: Japan is crowded, and that makes it harder.

Masaaki: Harder to get to know people?

Chihiro: Yes, because it's so easy to turn your back and be alone.
Chihiro: You can be invisible in a big town, nobody will notice you are there.

Masaaki: You don't like Japan, do you?

Chihiro: Well, Japan is all I know, I don't know how it is to be anywhere else.
Chihiro: But no, I like Japan, and it will always be my home.

Masaaki: But you still want to move away…

Chihiro: Yes, I want to travel and learn. And then I can come back and teach.
Chihiro: I wish I knew which profession is suited for this.

Masaaki: Well, you could become a teacher.

Chihiro: Yes maybe, but I wouldn't be free to tell the things I want to.
Chihiro: Teachers are expected to know everything about few topics, and not a little about everything.

Masaaki: Don't worry, you'll find your way.

Chihiro: Yes, I have confidence.

Masaaki: Maybe your dreams will help you.
Masaaki: You mentioned the dreams, I didn't know they were that strong.

Chihiro: Well, it changes.
Chihiro: They don't tell me a lot.
Chihiro: I wish they would tell me what to do, but they don't.

Masaaki: Maybe they do, and you just don't see it.

Chihiro: Maybe, but I don't think so.
Chihiro: Of course I can always find small things, like "study hard" and "love everybody".
Chihiro: But I'm secretly hoping something different.

Masaaki: What?

Chihiro: Back then Haku told me to go down those terrible stairs,
Chihiro: meet Kamajii and other strange people,
Chihiro: ask for work and never give up, and everything would turn out fine,
Chihiro: and he'd always be near.
Chihiro: That is what my heart really wishes, that he'd tell me that again.

Masaaki: If you believe, then it will happen again.

Chihiro: No, I'm beyond that.
Chihiro: I'm on my own now, there is no one who tells me exactly what I have to do.
Chihiro: And if anyone would, I wouldn't hear it, or I wouldn't listen.

Masaaki: Then I will listen for you.
Masaaki: There are things you might not see, because they are always there.

Chihiro: You are sweet.
Chihiro: But there are things I have to decide alone.

Masaaki: Of course there are.
Masaaki: But don't you think sometimes it's nice to have a second opinion?
Masaaki: It would only broaden your horizon.

Chihiro: I suppose you're right.

Masaaki: Tell me more about a dream, something you don't understand.

Chihiro: Well, lately it is actually Haku who tries to tell me something, maybe.
Chihiro: He doesn't say a word, but there are images that I remember.
Chihiro: This is how it usually goes:
Chihiro: Haku changes into a dragon, and flies away, but then turns and flies towards me.
Chihiro: At my feet he changes into a river, well, a very small one, more like a brook.
Chihiro: Then he changes into a dragon again, flies high, and also swims in the sea.
Chihiro: Or in another big river.
Chihiro: He wants me to come there.

Masaaki: And he says nothing?

Chihiro: Yes, there are no words.
Chihiro: But there are thoughts I have, maybe his thoughts.

Masaaki: What thoughts?

Chihiro: I think of his names, both his names.

Masaaki: Haku and …

Chihiro: Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi. Yes.
Chihiro: Those are important, although I know if he leaves the bath house, "Haku" won't be his name any more.

Masaaki: But it'll stay part of him.

Chihiro: Yes, it will.
Chihiro: But there's also the thought that it's not time yet.
Chihiro: I should have patience.

Masaaki: He wants you to prepare for something?

Chihiro: Maybe.
Chihiro: I have to think of him returning…

Masaaki: If it is in this world, where could it be?
Masaaki: Any hints?

Chihiro: No, but it seems very distant.
Chihiro: There are mountains, and not many trees, but maybe volcanoes.

Masaaki: Like in the north? In Hokkaido?

Chihiro: No. It seems like a million years ago, a newly created land.

Masaaki: So maybe he'll return in the past,
Masaaki: and the river would be here already.

Chihiro: But then he would have been here all that time.
Chihiro: I don't think so.

Masaaki: Maybe he can change the past.

Chihiro: Well, we'll never know.
Chihiro: We only have one past at a time.
Chihiro: The only possibility is totally weird.

Masaaki: Why weird?

Chihiro: He'd have to change the memory of every person alive, except for ours.
Chihiro: Only then will we know that the past changed for the others.
Chihiro: I don't want my past changed.
Chihiro: And everybody will think we're strange, because we believe in a different past.
Chihiro: No, let's stay a bit reasonable.

Masaaki: I wonder, how exactly are rivers created?

Chihiro: Well, they are not created, they start at a place where the water gathers underground and forms a brook.
Chihiro: I guess you can change the path of a river, or even destroy it by changing the environment.
Chihiro: But there are no new rivers created any more, time of creation is over.

Masaaki: When someone builds a hill, the rainwater comes out somewhere.
Masaaki: That'd be a new river.

Chihiro: That wouldn't be a river, only a brook when it rains.
Chihiro: And they'd have it channeled somewhere.
Chihiro: There's no place for Haku here any more.
Chihiro: No place for Spirits.
Chihiro: This is making me depressed.

Masaaki: I'm sorry, I'll think of it though.
Masaaki: Maybe it means something quite different.

Chihiro: Of course it does.
Chihiro: It probably means nothing at all.
Chihiro: "Shin" is often where I least expect him.
Chihiro: That's why I only find him when I don't look for him.

Masaaki: I like your playing with words.
Masaaki: You changed, last year you barely said ten words per day.

Chihiro: No, you changed, in my head I mean.
Chihiro: I didn't know you back then, and now you seem like a whole different person to me.
Chihiro: The words had been with me all the time,
Chihiro: But they were afraid of you. They're not used to other people

Masaaki: Do you like being alone?

Chihiro: I'm never really alone.
Chihiro: I have friends, like Risa and you now, and my family.

Masaaki: I don't mean that.
Masaaki: I mean, did you ever think how it would be to have a lot of friends, who are around you most of the time?
Masaaki: I don't mean superficial friends, but a community where everyone accepts the differences in the others.
Masaaki: And really cares for the other one.

Chihiro: That's an interesting thought, but I don't think you'd find that easily anywhere.
Chihiro: You are lucky if you find a few good friends, but they have their own life.
Chihiro: There are so many distractions and different opinions, each person is interested in something else.
Chihiro: And in the end everyone sticks to himself.
Chihiro: It's a bunch of people who think they are not alone if they surround themselves with people who are just as lonely as they are.

Masaaki: You make a lot sound pessimistic, you know that?
Masaaki: There's a lot more in the world than you have seen so far.

Chihiro: I know, and I'm finding new things all the time.

Masaaki: In books?
Masaaki: Books are good to get ideas, but I don't think you can get to know the world that way.

Chihiro: I want to get to know the world.
Chihiro: If I only knew where to start, it's so vast.
Chihiro: I'm open for suggestions.

Masaaki: I'll help you, as far as I can.
Masaaki: But you know, in the end it's your decision.

Chihiro: I know.
Chihiro: And you really didn't expect a synopsis of my trip?

Masaaki: I didn't expect anything.
Masaaki: I hoped for something that tells me who you think you are.
Masaaki: And I was not disappointed.
Masaaki: I can read about the Spirit World in books and thousands of internet pages.
Masaaki: But it says nowhere how it feels like to have been there.

Chihiro: I didn't even tell you how it felt while I was there.
Chihiro: At the time I didn't pay any attention to my feelings, I wasn't thinking of them.
Chihiro: I just reacted to them, and forgot them.
Chihiro: Others can tell far better what a ten year old feels in such a situation.
Chihiro: Looking back I think I started living my live at that time.
Chihiro: I don't remember much from the time before.
Chihiro: But after that I started to make my own decisions.

Masaaki: One question I'd like to ask, though.

Chihiro: Go ahead.

Masaaki: Did you always have confidence that you'd save your parents?
Masaaki: Or did you give up in between.

Chihiro: I think I always had confidence, just like I have now about my future.
Chihiro: And the future of the world.
Chihiro: In the end, everything will turn out fine.
Chihiro: Haku had told me, I'd be able to free my parents, and I believed him.
Chihiro: Being just a kid, I had no reason to doubt.

Masaaki: But today you would?

Chihiro: Probably, I'm older now.
Chihiro: Most grownups would try to analyze the situation and find ways to maximize the possibilities of success.
Chihiro: They wouldn't just wait, like I did. They would fight!

Masaaki: Is fighting always wrong?

Chihiro: It feels wrong. I don't like watching others fight.
Chihiro: Not even when it's supposed to be funny.
Chihiro: And even when it's drawn, in an anime, it feels wrong.

Masaaki: Oh. There are better ways than fighting, probably.
Masaaki: By the way, do you still have the hair band?
Masaaki: Doesn't it have any magic?

Chihiro: Sure I have it, it's in my drawer next to the bed.
Chihiro: It's a little worn, though. But it's still sacred to me.
Chihiro: And magic?
Chihiro: I tried everything to activate it, even wearing it at night or putting it under the pillow.
Chihiro: I don't feel any different whether I use it or not.

Masaaki: Maybe it's only working at the right time…

Chihiro: Yeah, and maybe I just have to say "Hocus-pocus" in the right dialect, and Haku will appear.
Chihiro: Listen, don't get yourself lost in any unrealistic ideas.
Chihiro: This is what I was afraid of.
Chihiro: I'm no Harry Potter, there is no magic.
Chihiro: This is no X-File.
Chihiro: The hair band is just plain, probably something I found on the ground while we were lost.
Chihiro: It is nice to keep the whole story in a good memory.
Chihiro: Learn from it and use it.
Chihiro: Try to find ways to change reality in a positive way.
Chihiro: Sometimes it's nice to dream the "what ifs".
Chihiro: "What if Haku would really come?"
Chihiro: "What if I could see them all again?"
Chihiro: But I know there have to be limits.
Chihiro: I've learned to live with my memory, and am still learning.
Chihiro: If they exist in the Spirit World, they will find ways to let me know what I have to know.
Chihiro: But only to me.
Chihiro: There won't be signs of their existence in this world, unless I declare them to be such.
Chihiro: Other will not see it that way, not even you.
Chihiro: Or if you do, then you deny yourself for someone else's dream, don't do that.
Chihiro: In a way I am the God of my own world.
Chihiro: I can decide what is true and what not, to a certain extent.
Chihiro: But it will not effect the worlds of others.
Chihiro: Or what we call "Reality".
Chihiro: Are you still there?

Masaaki: Sure I am.
Masaaki: You were writing fast, I didn't feel like interrupting.
Masaaki: You are right and you are wrong, I think.
Masaaki: It is your world, but others can be part of it.
Masaaki: And you can change the world of others, even if you say afterwards, they changed it themselves.
Masaaki: Changing "Reality" is hard, but not impossible.
Masaaki: It starts with a dream, then hope, then small evidence, and finally everyone believes.
Masaaki: There was a time when people only dreamt of flying.
Masaaki: Then they started building planes, but everybody laughed.
Masaaki: Until they flew a few meters.
Masaaki: Don't keep your dream to yourself.
Masaaki: Let others hope with you.
Masaaki: Then there will be evidence.

Chihiro: Do you really believe that?
Chihiro: I used to believe it too, I think, but facts can be very convincing.

Masaaki: We need others to let them remind us of our dreams and hopes.
Masaaki: But beware of those that just blindly repeat what you say.
Masaaki: Those don't have an own opinion.

Chihiro: I just have a weird thought.
Chihiro: If I'd start a new religion, something like "Believers of Haku",
Chihiro: There'd probably be people who'd join.
Chihiro: Risa might consider.
Chihiro: Don't worry, I won't.

Masaaki: Oh, well, I guess there'd be a few.
Masaaki: If you mix some truth into any story, suddenly it all gets very believable.
Masaaki: Even if there's no real proof in favor of it,
Masaaki: As long as there's no proof against it,
Masaaki: Nowadays people want to believe in something new.

Chihiro: Yes, people seem restless, don't they?
Chihiro: Sects and cults and such…

Masaaki: Most people don't bother to get an own opinion.
Masaaki: They just reuse ideas of others.

Chihiro: Sometimes I think, all those people were different before, while they were young.
Chihiro: They might have had own ideas like we do.
Chihiro: How to change the world, and questioning everything they hear.
Chihiro: Now they don't talk about it.
Chihiro: Do you think they forgot?

Masaaki: I don't know.
Masaaki: Maybe it's still in their mind, but they keep it to themselves.
Masaaki: It takes a lot of effort to question everything.

Chihiro: I know, it's much easier to just believe.
Chihiro: I just hope I'll never be that way.
Chihiro: I don't want to look back on my life one day, and see that all years had been the same.

Masaaki: Don't worry.
Masaaki: You won't, as long as you keep being aware of yourself.
Masaaki: And of the thoughts you have now.
Masaaki: You'll always have your dreams.

Chihiro: I hope I'll keep them all my life.

Masaaki: And you have the movie, it'll always be special to you.

Chihiro: Yes, extremely.
Chihiro: I can't bear to watch it very often though.
Chihiro: Only when I really totally feel like it.

Masaaki: It's incredible how much my view of the movie changed in just one week.
Masaaki: And I thought I'd never be a big fan of it.

Chihiro: I wouldn't call you a fan of the movie.
Chihiro: You just changed your point of view.

Masaaki: You're right.
Masaaki: It still feels incredible, when I think that the movie was made about what you went through.

Chihiro: Let's say, what I thought I went through.
Chihiro: There is truth in dreams, but we should know the borders of reality.
Chihiro: And in reality you have to work on your homework, don't you?

Masaaki: Yes, wow, you're psychic, too.
Masaaki: Just kidding.

Chihiro: I have some stuff on my schedule as well.
Chihiro: Call me when you know what day you arrive here next week.

Masaaki: I will.
Masaaki: And don't worry, I think I can keep my mind on my homework, and won't think all the time about the Spirit World.

Chihiro: That's good.
Chihiro: It's nice to talk about it once in a while,
Chihiro: But we both have our own chores in life.

Masaaki: Right.
Masaaki: Bye then.

Chihiro: Yeah, see you.