Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things of the like.
~ Part Two ~

The icy cold snow crackled beneath her feet as she walked. This dark suit she wore was warm, but this heat from within her kept her warm. Alkali Lake. That name sounded so familiar, but to place it was beyond her capability. She remembered only piece of her past, and none of it made sense. There was a plane and a flood, but nothing more. Blackness enveloped her mind.

"Why can't I remember who I am and why I'm here? What is this pain that plagues me? Why do I feel so alone?" She walked silently though these thoughts haunted her every waking moment. Leaving this place seemed to be a task she couldn't complete. There was something keeping her here, and wandering aimlessly through these woods was helping her to remember nothing. At night for the few hours she slept her dreams were plagued with memories she could never remember enough to analyze.

"Who am I? Where am I from? What am I doing here? . . . Why can't I remember?!"

There were so many trees to walk through; so many things that carried memories, but nothing told her what she needed to know. What was it that was keeping her here? Why couldn't she leave? Where would she go if she could leave? There was nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. This is where I have to stay. . . .

As she stood there she could see a couple coming out of a cabin. Holding hands and . . . There was a man in her past - two men! A tall man dressed very nicely. They were in a cabin similar to this one. It was their first vacation together. Alone they sat in the isolated cabin in front of a blazing fire. He spoke and she could almost hear his voice as this memory played itself out in her mind.

"Scott! His name's Scott Summers." Tears blurred her vision as she had her first real memory of someone in her life. She loved him, but where was he? Where did she belong? And where was the ring he'd given her? And who was this dark figure that was so alluring in her dreams? Why couldn't she remember him as she had Scott?

~ ~ ~

Storm and Dr. McCoy were the majority of Mickey's company. She'd been locked in the infirmary for several days. She hadn't been allowed to leave or even explore the lower levels of the mansion. "Here you are, Michelle. The music you asked for."

She looked up from the book she'd been reading. "Thank you, Ororo. It was very kind of you to run and get it. I really appreciate it."

"It's no trouble. I enjoy being around you. You're so calming."

Mickey smiled as she searched the CD's. "That's very kind of you to say. Thank you." In her heart Mickey knew that she wasn't calming at all. She was taking the pain and stress that Storm buried in an effort to maintain control of her powers that was all the calming she was doing. It was odd how quickly and effortlessly it happened with this African Amazon.
{She's Daddy's little girl only three years old. All dressed up in her Sunday clothes. He held her hand on bended knee he said. "I need to show you how to find your way home." As they walked along, how sweet the sound of church bells ringing people gather 'round. "Remember this church and the cross way up there, sweetheart. If you ever get lost.}

"What does this song mean to you? Why is it so important to you?"

"It reminds me of my father."

Storm was quiet as she listened. "Were you Daddy's little girl?"

Mickey smiled bitter sweetly. "Very much so."

{As the years went by Daddy's little girl had lost herself out in a great big world. And on the day her daddy died she said "I need to know why." Take me to the cross high upon a steeple. One where Jesus died for hurting people. If you can't find home, know you're not alone. Take me to the cross.}

"It's a very beautiful song, Michelle. It's no great wonder why you love it."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. Most people wouldn't listen to this."

"Because it's religious?"

"Yes."

"Are you?"

Mickey looked her square in the eye. Crystal blue eyes stared back at her. "I believe God's out there somewhere, but to say that I'm religious is a joke."

Storm's brow drew as she watched her.

~

"You all right there?"

The gruff voice startled her, and Mickey looked up. It was only Logan. He'd come down to check on her a couple of times during the week. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean."

Logan moved closer and watched as she jabbed a syringe full of insulin into her abdomen then pushed down the plunger. "Doesn't that hurt?"

Mickey looked at him and pulled the needle out. "Not as bad as a broken leg or a punctured lung, or even an asphalt burn to the face. The worst is having your stomach pumped for every trace of the valium you overdosed on because your boyfriend was only with you long enough to get a roll in the hay. To top that off, it was filmed and aired live on the internet. It even ran in syndication for a short time."

Logan's eyes widened momentarily. "You take memories when you take the pain?"

"Yes." Mickey recapped the needle and put it in the infirmary trash and refastened her jeans, not concerned about the masculine man that stood only feet from her. There were no doubts in her mind that she had nothing to fear from him, though he was VERY attractive. "What did you need, Logan?"

"Just checking on you. How you doing?"

She smiled at the handsome man. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean, just as I already said. . . . Is Xavier ever going to let me out of here?"

"He just wants to make sure that you're all right."

"He's keeping me locked up because he wants to monitor my progress."

He studied her. She was smarter than Xavier was giving her credit for. "That's only because he cares."

Mickey leaned back against the counter. This was news to her! "He doesn't even know me; how can he care about me?"

"It's just something the professor does."

"Really?"

"You never heard this from me."

"All right."

"It's the truth so listen carefully. Because of your father, Charles Xavier had the courage to follow his dream and build this place. An institute for 'gifted young people, to help them grow and become all they can be as mutants and normal people. Xavier isn't the kind of man to run away. He would never hurt someone he loves." With each word he drew closer to her. "Chuck loves you. He wouldn't have sent me if he didn't."

She scoffed and looked at the ground. "And Magneto can destroy you fairly easily, you said so yourself. A real nice way to show he cares for me."

Logan touched her arm. "Trust me, Darlin', he does care."

She closed her eyes and fell into Logan's arms. "There's nobody to care about me. I don't have anyone."

"Sh . . . That ain't true. You're here now and these people are all about caring about one another." Without a second thought Logan's arms rose to circle her. He held her close as she needed the strength he had an over abundance of. But the moment she started to go limp she pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry, Logan."

"For what? Everyone needs reassurance once in a while." He was quiet as he studied her. There was a change in the way she looked at him. Something was different about how she was behaving. "You've seen something."

"What," she asked now with her back to him. She'd seen too much when Logan's bare skin touched hers. She had let her guard down too quickly.

"Are you all right?"

She couldn't help but hug herself and nod her head. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean."

He growled a familiar sound to those who knew him. "Lie to yourself if that's what you're going to do, but at least give me enough respect not to lie to me when I ask!"

Mickey stood where she was as he walked out the door. She could feel his pain and it stung. Would she ever be able to get close enough to someone without taking their pain?

"It ain't easy living this life and I ain't gonna lie to you about it. It hasn't ever gotten any easier for me," Rogue said from the doorway.

Mickey turned slightly to look at her. "I never asked for it to get easier. With great power comes great responsibility. How'd you know what I was thinking?"

"A wild guess. The way Logan walked out of here, Ah could tell he wasn't too happy, which means all of about one thing. A woman didn't give him what he wanted."

"That's not very nice, Rogue."

"It's the truth."

"No, Marie it isn't. Logan's a very confused man. He's trying to find love and he ain't sure how to get it. He uses his looks and the affect all that testosterone has on a woman and uses it to his advantage to try to get love. He feels so incomplete."

Rogue shifted. "You've seen all that?"

"What did you need?"

"The professor wants to see you in the war room."

The moment the war room doors opened, Mickey's eyes fell on a matured but still familiar face. She smiled bitter sweetly. "Scott."

It was a barely audible whisper and Charles closed his eyes. He'd wanted to keep them separated for as long as possible.

"Hey! Nobody told me you were here," he said as he came to her. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Mickey's smile faded as tears filled her eyes. The two stood there embraced in a hug. A single tear slipped down his cheek from beneath his dark glasses, and he wiped it away before it was brought to anyone's attention. It did not however slip by Logan. He noted it and his brow wrinkled.

After several minutes, Mickey pulled away and looked at him. "You're all grown up."

"So are you. When did you get here?"

"Almost a week ago. Professor Xavier has kept me locked away in the infirmary."

"I wish I'd known," he said firmly. "If I had, I would have come down and seen you."

She touched his face. "It's all right. God, I never realized how much I missed you. How's Alex?"

Scott's expression grew grim. "I still haven't found him."

"Keep looking, you will. I have faith."

"You're the only one, Mick. It seems hopeless. How about you? What's been happening with your life?"

"Not much. I've lost my job and have a medical condition and have been locked away for the last week. That's all there is to say. My life is dull and boring, just as it always was."

Scott smiled again. "I always loved hearing about your life. It seemed so exciting. ; being able to help people like you do."

Mickey's smile was one of less than joy. "It's got its hazards just as yours does I suppose."

"I suppose."

"Mickey, we need to talk about your gifts and what you're able to do here," Xavier said.

Mickey's face steeled against any emotions and she sat down in an empty chair. Her look was soft as she met Xavier's gaze. "You already know. Let's be honest with each other here. What is this really about?"

"And that you already know as well, Michelle."

She gave a slight nod of her head. "I suppose I might. What do I have to learn here? How to ignore my gifts? How to ignore people's pain? I won't stop using my gifts to help people, just as I won't take experimental chemotherapy for pancreatic failure."

"Don't you care enough to live," Scott asked.

She looked at him. "Not to watch others suffer."

"But you could help so many more people if you just survive this."

"Survive it to what, Scott? What kind of a life do I have to look forward to? I don't know if I can help anyone else. I haven't been able to since I contracted this. . . . I take that back. There has been one, but that isn't an ailment, just a mental anguish."

"How many kids have bombed their schools killing their class mates because of mental anguish," Storm asked. "Is that not what you're all about? Preventing things like that."

Mickey looked at her. "There is still a limit to what I can do." She closed her eyes and tipped her head toward the ceiling.

"There's one solution you seem to be forgetting." It was Logan's voice.

"We haven't forgotten, Logan. It's simply not a good idea. If it doesn't work it's one more guilt for you to carry," Xavier said. "I won't have that."

"But it's worth a try. If nothing else it may encourage her to try something else," Scott protested. The thought of losing even one more person that had been a staple in his life was too much to bear.

"Don't count on it, Scott. I appreciate all that you're doing, but I don't want to cause anyone any more pain. This is my burden to bear. This is so hard because the girl I took it from was dead, which is why Magneto came after me."

Scott sat forward. "Mickey, you took this disease from a dead woman? Is she alive?"

Mickey looked up and saw that Logan was behind Scott and across the room, so only Xavier could see him. "Yes."

"So, you've cheated death?"

"This is why Xavier has kept me hidden. He doesn't want anyone else to know about this; to know what I'm capable of. I didn't mean to get you worked up."

"Let's go ahead with our plans." Xavier turned back to Mickey. "Let Hank go ahead with some tests. We may be able to take care of some of these things. We may be able to cure your disease."

Mickey looked at him, and nodded her head in agreement.

~

That very night Scott and Mickey sat together in the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Scott. It must have been very hard for you to sit back and watch."

He scoffed as they were eating from a gallon container of rocky road ice cream. "Hard is not the word. I would have died with her if she hadn't stopped me."

"Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but why did she?"

"I don't know. Logan said she was gone that - . . . It hurts so much, Mick. I never knew I could hurt like this."

She reached over and covered his hand with her own. "I wish I'd had the chance to meet her. She had to have been something very special to have won your heart, though you always were a bleeding heart."

Scott looked at her. "Me? You're the one dying because you couldn't let someone else die."

"Death really is something all together different from someone suffering. Through pain we become stronger. Through trials here on earth our reward is greater in Heaven. If someone's not right with God their eternity won't be pleasant." Her gaze drifted to the silver refrigerator. "Just as mine won't be."

"How can you say that? After all you've done how can you not go to Heaven and get a great reward?"

Mickey looked at him drawn from her thoughts.

"Don't tell me you're going to eat that all by yourselves," Logan said standing in the doorway.

Mickey looked up as did Cyclops. He grabbed a spoon and lifted it toward Logan. "Join in. We're commiserating, as we talk about Jean."

Logan took the spoon and dug in, while watching Mickey. As he lifted a spoonful of the ice cream to his lips he asked, "What do you have to be depressed about?"

"Haven't a clue, Fuzzy. . . . How's Xavier dealing with the loss?"

"I don't know," Scott said. "He isn't talking."

"Fuzzy," Logan demanded.

Mickey studied Scott. "I never would have thought you'd grow up to look like this."

Scott smiled as he could see Logan's raised eyebrow as he sat there being ignored. "Or you to look like that."

Logan grabbed Mickey's arm to get her attention. She jerked her arm away and looked at him. "Take a look in the mirror. You are fuzzy."

Scott stood and kissed Mickey's brow. "Night. I'm glad you're here, Mick. It's always good to have a friend close."

"Yeah. Sleep well, Scott."

"You too. Don't keep her up too late, Logan."

"As if he could."

Scott's smile was slight as he walked out of the kitchen.

Logan came around and sat beside her at the island counter. "You have to be depressed about something."

"Why? Commiserating with a friend helps their pain, that's reason enough to do it."

"Maybe for you. Besides, this nose doesn't lie and I can smell it all over you."

Mickey looked at him. She no longer had a taste for the ice cream that set in front of her. "You thought I'd seen something earlier when I fell apart. What did you mean exactly?"

He quickly looked away. "You wouldn't understand?"

"Your longing for Jean or your past? Which is it, and what makes you so sure that I wouldn't?"

"Simply because you wouldn't."

"No wonder you can't get close to anyone, Logan. You refuse to open up to anyone."

"What are you guys doing," Rogue asked as she and Bobby appeared in the door way. They'd been up late watching a movie in the living room.

"Leaving, the room's getting a little too full."

Logan grabbed her arm. "You're a fine one to talk."

Mickey turned and looked him in the eye. Her gaze searching his with curiosity. "Everyone I love, I lose. What's the point in getting attached to anyone?"

"That's a good question, Darlin'."

"Maybe your problem is you're falling for the wrong ones. Now can I have my hand back?" His thumb ran across her knuckles, and her mind filled with his thoughts. She arched a brow. "I need a favor."

He arched a brow. "Oh?"

"Take me to Alkali Lake."

He dropped his hand. "Why?"

"Because I need to go. It's that simple."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"I'll take you," Rogue said. "Why do you want to go anyway?"

Mickey looked at Rogue ignoring Logan's protest. "I need to find something. I'm afraid that only Logan can help me though."