"GARFAKCY!"
That voice…it sounded familiar. That name, It sounded familiar, too. It was a name that I hadn't been called by in a long time.
"GARFAKCY!"
He was calling out to me again. I wanted to keep going, really I did, but that voice. I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't just keep walking. Somehow, I knew it would be unfair. So instead I stopped and turned around.
I could see someone in the crowd coming this way. His soft lavender hair fell disobediently across his face as he tried to push his way through the crowd.
His face. It was familiar.
"Kharl-sama…"
The words barely left my lips. I hadn't the strength to say more.
It had to be him. It just had to be. Minus the white cape and the birds, of course.
He had broken into a run. I stayed where I was, my feet anchored to the ground, unable to do anything but stare.
I watched him, just like I always had before. My heart pounded inside my chest. I tried to make it stop, but it was no use.
He almost tripped. Exactly how he used to, right down to how he stopped for a spilt second and dusted his pants off before he kept going again.
I admit, I almost smiled. Almost, that is, before I consciously bit my lip and held it back.
He was standing before me now, panting and out of breath.
"Garfakcy…" he managed to say in between breaths. "Garfakcy…is that you?"
He looked at me, almost pleading with his eyes. I couldn't move, couldn't say anything. It was impossible.
Kharl-sama…Kharl-sama was here. He was here again, here to rescue me again like he had before. A numbing happiness washed over my body, I couldn't think straight, even if I tried. What seemed like an eternity passed. He didn't become impatient, even when I opened my mouth to say something and nothing came out.
I could almost look him in the eye.
It was a strange feeling.
"K-Kharl-sama?" I finally heard myself answering. It was annoying to know that those were the most intelligent words that I could think of at that given moment.
"Garfakcy…"
He threw his arms around me, pulled me closer to him in a warm embrace.
I didn't want him to let go.
*
Garfakcy, Garfakcy, here, alive.
I threw my arms around him, hardly able to hold back the tears of happiness that welled up inside of me.
I pulled him closer. I didn't care how people stared. I had to know. I had to know if he was real.
They had all been dreams before. All of them. All of them so wonderful, so happy there were times I woke up and tried to drug myself back to sleep. I wanted this dream to be real. Inside me, every part of me was silently begging for this to be real.
His muscles tensed at my touch. It was like he was startled or nervous. I half expected him to push me away and scold me. But didn't. He didn't do anything but stand there and be real. Totally, undeniably real.
I had the notion to right myself again and tell him how much I had missed him. Inside of me, I wanted him to tell me how much he had missed me right back. And then, right there, I wanted to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.
I hesitated, afraid that if I let go this reality would vanish.
I hesitated a little too long.
"Kaitin, Kaitin!" From somewhere behind me came the voices of a small flock of obnoxious children.
"Oniisan, we've been looking for you almost…forever!"
I could feel him pulling away from me as he turned to answer those voices.
No! No!
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair.
*
"Oniisan, Mila told us to come get you…" I looked down at the little boy tugging on my pants. It was Ari. He called me his brother, but really, I wasn't. Or at least, not yet. Not yet. I looked back at Kharl-sama for a moment. Maybe never.
"Oh goody," I muttered sarcastically. "Sounds fun."
"Yeah, yeah, so come on, come on!"
They reached up and took my hand, leading me away.
I was unable to stop them from taking me. Once again I became numb, limp, unable to move on my own, being dragged away from my Kharl-sama. Being dragged away and unable to resist.
"Mila says that when we bring you back she's gonna cut off your rear and feed it to the youkai!"
"Really? I'd like to see her try it…" My response was half hearted.
Youkai…
I cast one last glance back at where Kharl-sama had stood. He had almost been swallowed up by the crowd, yet I could still see him staring back at me, looking at me, pleading.
"NO! Don't take me away…" I could hear myself screaming inside. "Don't take me away…let me stay…please."
The pleas almost found their way out of my mouth, but were quickly deterred by a wave of childish giggles.
"You're so funny, Kaitin!"
"Ari's a lucky duck, he's got the best brother ever!"
"I do, huh?" Small arms found their way around my leg, and I found myself hobbling down the street, trying to avoid stepping on the little leech that had attached itself to me. "Yeah, yeah, Kaitin's the greatest!"
"Of course he is!"
"The best ever!"
Kaitin…somewhere between Kharl and the wooden doorway I was being hauled through, I had begun to hate that name. I had begun to hate the person.
It wasn't me. Not at all.
And I had just realized it.
I watched him and hated him. He and Garfakcy weren't the same.
He was the best brother in the world. He was the guy standing behind that stupid desk in the inn, the baby-sitter, everyone's friend. He was a pretender. He was my mask. He was my prison.
Slowly, slowly he had pushed me away. Taken my place. Tricked me into not caring. Tricked me into thinking we were just the same.
Lucky Kharl-sama was there…
Ari playfully pushed me into a chair. Limp and numb inside, I fell into it. I could hear the other kids scurrying off somewhere, but Ari stayed, looking at me intently. "Who was that you were talking to, huh?"
I stopped for a moment, trying to collect myself. For the first time in a long time, trying to be myself.
It was no use. Instead, Kaitin answered for me. "Just an old friend,"
"Old friend?" Ari looked puzzled. Either that or he was being a little kid. "He didn't look old to me…"
I sighed and began to explain. "I've known him for a very long time, and I haven't seen him in…"
I stopped. The boy was hanging onto my every word.
"…forever."
"Oh….OKAY!" And with that, he scampered out the door and back to his friends. I could hear someone coming down the stairs."I'll come back later, okay? I hope your rear will be okay, Oniisan!"
Kaitin.
Kaitin.
I would kill him.
Together with Kharl-sama, I would kill him.
Kill and be free.
Laugh at my blood-stained knives. And be free.
To be continued…
*
On the next chapter: Angsty Kharl fluff, a tongue lashing from someone's girlfriend, and a whole lot of stuff explained. Maybe.
That voice…it sounded familiar. That name, It sounded familiar, too. It was a name that I hadn't been called by in a long time.
"GARFAKCY!"
He was calling out to me again. I wanted to keep going, really I did, but that voice. I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't just keep walking. Somehow, I knew it would be unfair. So instead I stopped and turned around.
I could see someone in the crowd coming this way. His soft lavender hair fell disobediently across his face as he tried to push his way through the crowd.
His face. It was familiar.
"Kharl-sama…"
The words barely left my lips. I hadn't the strength to say more.
It had to be him. It just had to be. Minus the white cape and the birds, of course.
He had broken into a run. I stayed where I was, my feet anchored to the ground, unable to do anything but stare.
I watched him, just like I always had before. My heart pounded inside my chest. I tried to make it stop, but it was no use.
He almost tripped. Exactly how he used to, right down to how he stopped for a spilt second and dusted his pants off before he kept going again.
I admit, I almost smiled. Almost, that is, before I consciously bit my lip and held it back.
He was standing before me now, panting and out of breath.
"Garfakcy…" he managed to say in between breaths. "Garfakcy…is that you?"
He looked at me, almost pleading with his eyes. I couldn't move, couldn't say anything. It was impossible.
Kharl-sama…Kharl-sama was here. He was here again, here to rescue me again like he had before. A numbing happiness washed over my body, I couldn't think straight, even if I tried. What seemed like an eternity passed. He didn't become impatient, even when I opened my mouth to say something and nothing came out.
I could almost look him in the eye.
It was a strange feeling.
"K-Kharl-sama?" I finally heard myself answering. It was annoying to know that those were the most intelligent words that I could think of at that given moment.
"Garfakcy…"
He threw his arms around me, pulled me closer to him in a warm embrace.
I didn't want him to let go.
Garfakcy, Garfakcy, here, alive.
I threw my arms around him, hardly able to hold back the tears of happiness that welled up inside of me.
I pulled him closer. I didn't care how people stared. I had to know. I had to know if he was real.
They had all been dreams before. All of them. All of them so wonderful, so happy there were times I woke up and tried to drug myself back to sleep. I wanted this dream to be real. Inside me, every part of me was silently begging for this to be real.
His muscles tensed at my touch. It was like he was startled or nervous. I half expected him to push me away and scold me. But didn't. He didn't do anything but stand there and be real. Totally, undeniably real.
I had the notion to right myself again and tell him how much I had missed him. Inside of me, I wanted him to tell me how much he had missed me right back. And then, right there, I wanted to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.
I hesitated, afraid that if I let go this reality would vanish.
I hesitated a little too long.
"Kaitin, Kaitin!" From somewhere behind me came the voices of a small flock of obnoxious children.
"Oniisan, we've been looking for you almost…forever!"
I could feel him pulling away from me as he turned to answer those voices.
No! No!
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair.
"Oniisan, Mila told us to come get you…" I looked down at the little boy tugging on my pants. It was Ari. He called me his brother, but really, I wasn't. Or at least, not yet. Not yet. I looked back at Kharl-sama for a moment. Maybe never.
"Oh goody," I muttered sarcastically. "Sounds fun."
"Yeah, yeah, so come on, come on!"
They reached up and took my hand, leading me away.
I was unable to stop them from taking me. Once again I became numb, limp, unable to move on my own, being dragged away from my Kharl-sama. Being dragged away and unable to resist.
"Mila says that when we bring you back she's gonna cut off your rear and feed it to the youkai!"
"Really? I'd like to see her try it…" My response was half hearted.
Youkai…
I cast one last glance back at where Kharl-sama had stood. He had almost been swallowed up by the crowd, yet I could still see him staring back at me, looking at me, pleading.
"NO! Don't take me away…" I could hear myself screaming inside. "Don't take me away…let me stay…please."
The pleas almost found their way out of my mouth, but were quickly deterred by a wave of childish giggles.
"You're so funny, Kaitin!"
"Ari's a lucky duck, he's got the best brother ever!"
"I do, huh?" Small arms found their way around my leg, and I found myself hobbling down the street, trying to avoid stepping on the little leech that had attached itself to me. "Yeah, yeah, Kaitin's the greatest!"
"Of course he is!"
"The best ever!"
Kaitin…somewhere between Kharl and the wooden doorway I was being hauled through, I had begun to hate that name. I had begun to hate the person.
It wasn't me. Not at all.
And I had just realized it.
I watched him and hated him. He and Garfakcy weren't the same.
He was the best brother in the world. He was the guy standing behind that stupid desk in the inn, the baby-sitter, everyone's friend. He was a pretender. He was my mask. He was my prison.
Slowly, slowly he had pushed me away. Taken my place. Tricked me into not caring. Tricked me into thinking we were just the same.
Lucky Kharl-sama was there…
Ari playfully pushed me into a chair. Limp and numb inside, I fell into it. I could hear the other kids scurrying off somewhere, but Ari stayed, looking at me intently. "Who was that you were talking to, huh?"
I stopped for a moment, trying to collect myself. For the first time in a long time, trying to be myself.
It was no use. Instead, Kaitin answered for me. "Just an old friend,"
"Old friend?" Ari looked puzzled. Either that or he was being a little kid. "He didn't look old to me…"
I sighed and began to explain. "I've known him for a very long time, and I haven't seen him in…"
I stopped. The boy was hanging onto my every word.
"…forever."
"Oh….OKAY!" And with that, he scampered out the door and back to his friends. I could hear someone coming down the stairs."I'll come back later, okay? I hope your rear will be okay, Oniisan!"
Kaitin.
Kaitin.
I would kill him.
Together with Kharl-sama, I would kill him.
Kill and be free.
Laugh at my blood-stained knives. And be free.
To be continued…
On the next chapter: Angsty Kharl fluff, a tongue lashing from someone's girlfriend, and a whole lot of stuff explained. Maybe.