Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, that I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Let me know what you think of this one, and what you'd like to see happen next. Thanks!
~ PART FOUR ~
Jean was too weak to move. She had to crawl across the snow covered ground in search of a place to stay warm. It had gotten so cold and she couldn't remember anything new. Scott haunted her every thought and she knew he was in pain but she didn't know how to get to him or how to help him. She wanted to go to him and make it all better for him.
"Where are you, Scott? Why can't I find you?"
The tears she shed in desperation, seemed to freeze against her cold skin and she cried harder. The only shelter she could see through her blurred vision was the plane. There was a plane setting not too far away. It looked like it had crashed or something it was so badly demolished. She crawled as quickly as she could manage to this shelter from the weather. As she reached the plane, the X on the side seemed so familiar.
She found shelter under one of the broken wings. Leaning back against the plane, she pulled her knees to her chest and cried that much harder wanting to remember. She could see herself with Scott, lying in bed together, holding each other close. She knew they had been together and were waiting for sleep to consume them. Scott's voice was low and soft as he poured his heart out to her. So many of the things he'd said to her then now caused her tears to come that much harder.
"It's not fair! Why do I have to be without you?"
~
Logan had fallen into the roll of caretaker fairly easily. It seemed very natural to him to be taking care of this woman. He couldn't understand why he felt this need to take care of her, to protect her. He'd wrestled them up something to eat, and watched her through the meal. His thoughts would turn to Jean and he'd remember that this woman was willing to sacrifice her life so Scott could be happy.
"Explain to me how you can be so willing to die for someone you've never met, and someone you may not even like?"
Mickey looked up at him from the map she'd found. She'd gotten up, gotten a shower and dressed. Releasing a breath she knew that this wasn't easy for him to understand. "Do you love Jean?"
He'd never been asked that before. "Yeah."
"Would you die for her?"
"Yeah."
"Would you lie for her?"
"Yeah?"
"If she asked you to kill for her, would you?" The hesitation was enough for Mickey to press forward. "If her father was dying and needed a heart transplant would you die to save him, for her?"
"I don't understand what that has to do with anything?"
The smile that crossed her face was one of patients and 'how do I put this in terms you'll understand'. "I was taught that no greater love does a man have than to lay down his life for another. I believe that it's still true, but I also believe that if you love someone, really truly love someone that there is no limit to what you would do for them."
"But you said that to see him happy even with another woman would make you happy."
"I said it would make me happier than if he was mine and his heart belonged to a dead woman. Logan, I wish I could make you understand."
He shook his head. "It just doesn't make sense to me."
She lowered her head, and then the thought came to her. "If Scott died, and Jean ran to you. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with her?"
"Hell yes."
"Even if her heart wasn't yours? If every time you made love to her, her eyes were closed she was imagining that it was Scott she was holding?"
Logan stared at her. He hadn't ever considered that. He swallowed hard. "That would never happen."
Mickey licked dry lips. "Yeah. And I suppose that if your dream were real, I'd be holding you?"
A flash of anger crossed his face, as his pride was wounded. "That ain't never gonna happen neither!" He stood and walked toward the window to look out at the snow covered ground.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Logan."
"Who says they're hurt?"
She closed her eyes silently chastising herself for the simile she'd used. "Be honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather die than hurt like that everyday while holding her in your arms."
Logan glanced at her over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised. "Yeah."
She turned then and met his gaze, his voice had been so soft. She stood and walked over to him. "I've felt the pain Scott feels right now. I couldn't live the rest of my life that way. Even a fraction of that would destroy me, he needs her."
Logan reached up and wiped a tear off her cheek. "Now tell me that doesn't hurt you."
"This is punishment; falling for a man who's heart was never mine to take."
"What crime did we commit that our fate is to love someone we can't have?"
She shook her head. "I don't know, Logan."
"Could you ever love anyone else the way you love Scott?"
Mickey's eyes widened as she was stunned at the question. "I don't know that either. I never tried to love anyone else. I always hoped that we'd be reunited."
Logan swallowed hard, his emotions cutting loose like never before. "I've spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to find myself, to build a life. Everywhere I look I get kicked in the teeth. I . . . Jean's the first woman that hasn't cared about my mutation. Everyone turns on you when they know. You're okay as long as you're 'normal'. Every woman in my life has turned her back on me. I don't want to lose this one too."
"But she's not yours," Mickey said softly. "I know your pain, Logan, I really do; but you have to remember that when the right woman comes along, she's love you like no other woman ever could, and you'll love her like you've never loved anyone else."
He scoffed, his cynicism returning quickly. "Then you could love someone else more than you do, Scott."
The tears that fell down her face silently, were joined with a whimper and more tears. "I suppose it's possible. Can you imagine the lengths I would go then?"
Logan scoffed, her attempt at humor almost amusing. "Any man would be lucky to be loved by you. You're an amazing woman, with a heart of gold."
She stared at him, never having considered analyzing this before. "Then why doesn't he love me?"
"I don't know."
~
It was the middle of the night, and she just couldn't sleep. Rogue walked down to the kitchen, where she found Scott looking at an old photo album. "What's that?"
He looked up. "Old photos. I was just reminiscing about my past."
"Can I join ya?"
He pulled out a chair. "Yeah. These first ones are the only ones I have left of my family. Mickey gave them to me after she found me at the orphanage. Everyone I've loved is gone."
Rogue's look softened and she couldn't help but remember the night that Logan had agreed to take Mickey to Alkali Lake to look for Jean. She wanted so much to tell Scott not to worry that they'd be back, but she'd promised not to say anything for three days. 36 hours and she could tell them. "Not everyone. I'm sure Mickey will be back."
He looked at her. "My sister," he said softly. "Some day she'll pop back into my life to say hi and leave again."
"I'm sorry, Scott. I wish we could have done more to help Jean."
"Me too."
Rogue knew by his silence that he really wanted to be alone. Tender hearted Rogue fought against the tears that threatened. She wanted to help everyone but knew she couldn't. "Good night, Cyclops."
"Goodnight, Rogue."
~ ~ ~
Mickey sat on the bed, which had been put back in the single bedroom in the cabin, with Logan. He lay on half propped up against her chest, where he'd fallen asleep. Her mutant abilities had broken down his walls and allowed him to let it go. Having been able to just let it all go, he cried out all of his own pain, and he let her be there to hold him.
Her eyes were still moist as she thought about his pain. Everything he'd been through. Having held him as he cried, she absorbed and saw everything he'd been through. She could see the man he'd once been and the man he was now, there was such a difference in him. She could understand why he'd been so insistent on finding out about his past, but God he'd forgotten it.
She looked down at the man in her arms. He had so much to offer, and so much to figure out. She reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead. "I wish . . ."
~ PART FOUR ~
Jean was too weak to move. She had to crawl across the snow covered ground in search of a place to stay warm. It had gotten so cold and she couldn't remember anything new. Scott haunted her every thought and she knew he was in pain but she didn't know how to get to him or how to help him. She wanted to go to him and make it all better for him.
"Where are you, Scott? Why can't I find you?"
The tears she shed in desperation, seemed to freeze against her cold skin and she cried harder. The only shelter she could see through her blurred vision was the plane. There was a plane setting not too far away. It looked like it had crashed or something it was so badly demolished. She crawled as quickly as she could manage to this shelter from the weather. As she reached the plane, the X on the side seemed so familiar.
She found shelter under one of the broken wings. Leaning back against the plane, she pulled her knees to her chest and cried that much harder wanting to remember. She could see herself with Scott, lying in bed together, holding each other close. She knew they had been together and were waiting for sleep to consume them. Scott's voice was low and soft as he poured his heart out to her. So many of the things he'd said to her then now caused her tears to come that much harder.
"It's not fair! Why do I have to be without you?"
~
Logan had fallen into the roll of caretaker fairly easily. It seemed very natural to him to be taking care of this woman. He couldn't understand why he felt this need to take care of her, to protect her. He'd wrestled them up something to eat, and watched her through the meal. His thoughts would turn to Jean and he'd remember that this woman was willing to sacrifice her life so Scott could be happy.
"Explain to me how you can be so willing to die for someone you've never met, and someone you may not even like?"
Mickey looked up at him from the map she'd found. She'd gotten up, gotten a shower and dressed. Releasing a breath she knew that this wasn't easy for him to understand. "Do you love Jean?"
He'd never been asked that before. "Yeah."
"Would you die for her?"
"Yeah."
"Would you lie for her?"
"Yeah?"
"If she asked you to kill for her, would you?" The hesitation was enough for Mickey to press forward. "If her father was dying and needed a heart transplant would you die to save him, for her?"
"I don't understand what that has to do with anything?"
The smile that crossed her face was one of patients and 'how do I put this in terms you'll understand'. "I was taught that no greater love does a man have than to lay down his life for another. I believe that it's still true, but I also believe that if you love someone, really truly love someone that there is no limit to what you would do for them."
"But you said that to see him happy even with another woman would make you happy."
"I said it would make me happier than if he was mine and his heart belonged to a dead woman. Logan, I wish I could make you understand."
He shook his head. "It just doesn't make sense to me."
She lowered her head, and then the thought came to her. "If Scott died, and Jean ran to you. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with her?"
"Hell yes."
"Even if her heart wasn't yours? If every time you made love to her, her eyes were closed she was imagining that it was Scott she was holding?"
Logan stared at her. He hadn't ever considered that. He swallowed hard. "That would never happen."
Mickey licked dry lips. "Yeah. And I suppose that if your dream were real, I'd be holding you?"
A flash of anger crossed his face, as his pride was wounded. "That ain't never gonna happen neither!" He stood and walked toward the window to look out at the snow covered ground.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Logan."
"Who says they're hurt?"
She closed her eyes silently chastising herself for the simile she'd used. "Be honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather die than hurt like that everyday while holding her in your arms."
Logan glanced at her over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised. "Yeah."
She turned then and met his gaze, his voice had been so soft. She stood and walked over to him. "I've felt the pain Scott feels right now. I couldn't live the rest of my life that way. Even a fraction of that would destroy me, he needs her."
Logan reached up and wiped a tear off her cheek. "Now tell me that doesn't hurt you."
"This is punishment; falling for a man who's heart was never mine to take."
"What crime did we commit that our fate is to love someone we can't have?"
She shook her head. "I don't know, Logan."
"Could you ever love anyone else the way you love Scott?"
Mickey's eyes widened as she was stunned at the question. "I don't know that either. I never tried to love anyone else. I always hoped that we'd be reunited."
Logan swallowed hard, his emotions cutting loose like never before. "I've spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to find myself, to build a life. Everywhere I look I get kicked in the teeth. I . . . Jean's the first woman that hasn't cared about my mutation. Everyone turns on you when they know. You're okay as long as you're 'normal'. Every woman in my life has turned her back on me. I don't want to lose this one too."
"But she's not yours," Mickey said softly. "I know your pain, Logan, I really do; but you have to remember that when the right woman comes along, she's love you like no other woman ever could, and you'll love her like you've never loved anyone else."
He scoffed, his cynicism returning quickly. "Then you could love someone else more than you do, Scott."
The tears that fell down her face silently, were joined with a whimper and more tears. "I suppose it's possible. Can you imagine the lengths I would go then?"
Logan scoffed, her attempt at humor almost amusing. "Any man would be lucky to be loved by you. You're an amazing woman, with a heart of gold."
She stared at him, never having considered analyzing this before. "Then why doesn't he love me?"
"I don't know."
~
It was the middle of the night, and she just couldn't sleep. Rogue walked down to the kitchen, where she found Scott looking at an old photo album. "What's that?"
He looked up. "Old photos. I was just reminiscing about my past."
"Can I join ya?"
He pulled out a chair. "Yeah. These first ones are the only ones I have left of my family. Mickey gave them to me after she found me at the orphanage. Everyone I've loved is gone."
Rogue's look softened and she couldn't help but remember the night that Logan had agreed to take Mickey to Alkali Lake to look for Jean. She wanted so much to tell Scott not to worry that they'd be back, but she'd promised not to say anything for three days. 36 hours and she could tell them. "Not everyone. I'm sure Mickey will be back."
He looked at her. "My sister," he said softly. "Some day she'll pop back into my life to say hi and leave again."
"I'm sorry, Scott. I wish we could have done more to help Jean."
"Me too."
Rogue knew by his silence that he really wanted to be alone. Tender hearted Rogue fought against the tears that threatened. She wanted to help everyone but knew she couldn't. "Good night, Cyclops."
"Goodnight, Rogue."
~ ~ ~
Mickey sat on the bed, which had been put back in the single bedroom in the cabin, with Logan. He lay on half propped up against her chest, where he'd fallen asleep. Her mutant abilities had broken down his walls and allowed him to let it go. Having been able to just let it all go, he cried out all of his own pain, and he let her be there to hold him.
Her eyes were still moist as she thought about his pain. Everything he'd been through. Having held him as he cried, she absorbed and saw everything he'd been through. She could see the man he'd once been and the man he was now, there was such a difference in him. She could understand why he'd been so insistent on finding out about his past, but God he'd forgotten it.
She looked down at the man in her arms. He had so much to offer, and so much to figure out. She reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead. "I wish . . ."