Title: "…Ask the librarian"
Author: Leo
Rating: PG
Feedback: …Is good, shoot it to leo4450@hotmail.com
Distribution: Information wants to be free, but I'd appreciate it if it told me where it's going.
Disclaimer: I own everything here, except for the characters, the setting, the television show they come from… ok, I own nothing (but at least I'm not bitter about it)
Summary: A 99% angst-free Willow/Xander vignette from late season 1/early season 2: Giles helps Willow find the courage to tell her best friend how she feels.
"Ooof!"
Even the thick blue gym mats weren't enough to stop the air being ripped from Giles lungs as Buffy smoothly swung his body over her head and down to the library's floor. The watcher could only moan softly as his slayer casually plucked the pencil from Xanders outstretched hand and faux-staked his prone form.
"…and that's how you make dusty-Giles" Buffy quipped to her friends, seated a few feet away alongside several impressively large stacks of books piled on the rooms central table. Xander chuckled slightly while Willow rose a few inches from her seat, a sympathetic smile for her favourite librarian forming on her lips as she looked down at him.
"…or at least concussed-Giles" the watcher half-gasped. Pushing himself to a sitting position he gulped several deep breaths before rising to his feet, "I honestly think that will do for today… possibly for the week" he winced slightly as he retrieved his glasses from the table, "really Buffy I wonder if it's really necessary to be quite so, so… brutal with me."
"Hey" the slayer retorted, "what happened to the whole 'as you train, so shall you fight' thing you were so hooked on a few nights back?" Giles mouth opened momentarily before just as abruptly closing, rubbing his extremely sore shoulder he sighed deeply. "Hoist by your own philosophical petard" Willow commented in a cheery tone, "Willow!" Xander exclaimed, looking up from the comic book concealed behind his history textbook, "Wash your mouth out! That's twenty-two flavours of gross!"
"Xander…" Willow started to respond in an exasperated tone.
"In fact I think that's enough for all of us" Giles cut her off, "thank you both for… for… what exactly are you doing here again?" he asked the two seated slayerettes. "Studying" shot Xander brandishing his textbook at the watcher, "names, places, dates…" he checked the list off on his fingers "…next pop quiz, Mrs. Beakman's going down." "Yeah" chirped Buffy, "wanna explain to me again how Batman helped out drafting the Declaration of Independence?"
"Just lending some moral support" Willow answered Giles, shooting a smile at Buffy before turning her attention back to the older man; "plus I've been cross referencing the astrological alignments for the next few weeks against some of these prophecies." She gestured to a nearby stack of ancient books, "…looks pretty quiet, but I'll stay a bit longer and finish up through the month" "oh… of course, excellent" answered Giles, the surprise of having a student voluntarily doing work showing clearly in his tone and expression.
"So… feel like Bronzin' it tonight?" Xander asked Buffy hopefully, "Sur…" she began to reply before catching sight of her watchers expectant raised eyebrows, "Sorry Xand" she corrected herself, "Gotta patrol, too many dead people who aren't dead enough… maybe tomorrow?" "Sure" Xander smiled as Buffy reached for her backpack, "gimmie a call huh?" "Sure thing… catch ya all later!" The slayer replied before the large library doors swung shut in the wake of her exit. Shoving his book into the bag at his feet Xander also stood to leave.
"You could stay and help me finish up here…" Willow suggested to her friend, staring up at the quirky smile that made her heart beat faster than it should. "Astrology?" Xander asked incredulously, "Will, I have a hard enough time figuring out my horoscope for the week… think I'll sit this one out" Willows hopeful smile turned plaintive as Xander walked towards the door, "see ya tommorow" he parted cheerfully as he strode through the exit.
Willow exhaled audibly as the boy she loved walked away from her again, it was like some form of diabolical torture, forced to endure countless days and nights of pining over a guy who didn't even see her a girl, let alone a girlfriend. She drew a brief mental comparison with a set of thumbscrews slowly being ratcheted tighter, 'it's like he's slowly squeezing all the love out of me' she thought sadly.
Giles watched the young redhead as she stared at the rooms doors, still swinging slightly from Xanders violent shove, he turned to the open book on the front counter, back to Willow then to the book again, flipping it closed he removed his glasses and sighed deeply. "You really should just tell him you know" he stated, removing a handkerchief and beginning to polish his spotless eyewear once more.
"huh?!" Willow jolted, turning towards the librarian with an expression of mild shock, Giles sighed once more. "Willow, unlike Mr. Harris I posses observant powers beyond those of a stout post… you should tell him how you feel" "how I feel what?" yelped Willow, unable to believe that Giles, Giles! Had raised such a subject, for his part the librarian remained silent, the expression on his face the non-verbal equivalent of 'I'm not a simpleton you know.'
"I can't" Willow finally admitted, her nervousness radiating off in waves, "he… he doesn't feel that way about me" she murmured sadly, eyes fixed on the floor. "Xander loves you very much" commented Giles softly, "more than anyone in the world." Willow forced herself to make eye contact with the man before her. "I'm his friend… his best-friend Giles, but he likes girls who are cheerleaders or models… girls like Buffy" she almost whispered the last three words, the slightest tinge of bitterness creeping into her voice.
"He's attracted to Buffy" Giles corrected her in his scholarly tone, "But what he feels for you goes far deeper than that." Willow's gaze shifted towards the library doors momentarily; she snorted derisively. "He has a weird way of expressing it." "Quite" Giles agreed with a smirk, "but then let's not forget that he is, as far as I'm aware, a teenage boy." Willows expression grew sceptical and her voice flat, "just what makes you think he feels like that anyway?"
Giles stepped from behind the front desk, walked to the central table and seated himself across from the star-crossed girl, "You suffer from the same affliction that he does" he gently explained, "You've known him for so long that you're blind to the meaning behind the way he treats you." Willow's expression of un-belief remained fixed; "That incident with Sandra Pearson for example…" as Giles said the words Willows mind flashed back to the incident three days ago, Xander had been talking to Sandra, yet another candidate in the long line of long-legged, blonde-haired Buffy-substitutes he considered potential girlfriend material. This one had gone better than most, as in he'd both succeeded in maintaining eye-contact and extracting dialogue of a non-derogatory nature, Willow had been walking past when Sandra had made some Cordeliaesque comment about her hair. Xander had instantly switched to verbal sparring mode, taking on both Sandra and her attendant friend, eventually walking away with a metaphorically bruised ego and a not-so-metaphorically bruised shin. His words came back to her "…can't let people just insult you like that." "Sorry I screwed things up for you" she remembered replying as she helped Xander limp down the hall, "she was probably right about my hair." Her heart fluttered once more as she remembered his response; "Saving me from that biz-natch you mean… and your hair's beautiful."
"How'd you know about that?" Willow questioned suspiciously as she pulled her mind back to the present. "The same way that I know about every piece of nonsensical teenage-politicking… You all seem to assume that my moderate age has rendered me deaf, an assumption that is far from true, and I assure you, this room has excellent acoustics" replied Giles. His eyes expressed a modicum of amused satisfaction at the newly crimson shade of Willows complexion 'I wonder if he overheard that 'naughty-dream chat' I had with Buffy on Tuesday… oh God.' Willow cringed at the thought, it was almost like having her dad read the self-penned love-poetry she kept stashed under her bed. "OK, sure… he hangs out with me a lot, stands up for me, tries to make me happy…" Willow cut herself off before she began to undermine her own argument, "…but it's just friend-stuff! He's never, you know… romantic about it" she rested her head on one hand and aimlessly flipped the pages of a nearby tome with the other, "why can't he just give me a chance?" she wistfully asked.
"Because he's afraid" answered Giles without hesitation, "in much the same way that you are I imagine." "Xanders afraid?" Willow sceptically asked, "of me? Yeah, I'm way scarier than all those vampires and demons he's seen… and you're telling me he can handle being turned down for dates by every girl on the planet except me?" "Xander is a very courageous, if somewhat… misguided young man" exposited Giles carefully "but believe me; physical pain, and the rejection of strangers are small risks indeed compared to the possibility of losing someone you truly love. You underestimate your own position Willow, the lad is no more willing to risk alienating you than he is to, to… learn the Dewy decimal system."
The exasperation of the librarian's analogy transformed Willows sad frown to a small smile, a tiny ember of hope burned within her chest as she found herself desperately hoping the words were true… was it possible that Xander felt exactly the same way as her? Wanting more but afraid to risk what they had so painstakingly yet effortlessly built over the years? She thought of his contagious smile and gentle brown eyes, the way he loved to tuck her hair behind her ears and how he always spent every moment that she was off sick beside her, 'so that I can skip school too'. Hundreds of memories washed over her, they were each others guardians and confidants; they had grown up to compliment each other perfectly; life without Xander was… it was unthinkable.
Giles watched as Willow contemplated his words, he straightened his tie (still crooked from what he still somewhat laughingly referred to as 'training') and put on a reassuring smile. The watcher was still in two minds as to whether he should really be having this conversation at all, there was something just slightly… unseemly about a man of his age handing out advice to a young girl about her love-life, but the transparent pain in Willow's eyes as Xander had stepped through that door… Tonight he had decided he just couldn't take it anymore… besides there was an inherent satisfaction in helping people in a way other than advising them about the correct dismemberment of abyssal creatures.
A few moments passed, as Giles watched the internal battle between Willows fears and hopes rage within her. He had to exsert a great deal of effort to prevent a grin from manifesting as he watched her features set into a firm yet positive resolve, "What do you think I should do?" She asked. "As I said, I think you owe it to the both of you to simply tell the clod" suggested Giles, never breaking eye contact with the young woman. Willows determination faltered slightly at his words, "but what if he laughs? What if he says I'm a slut? What if he…" "he won't" Giles reassured her forcefully, "I'd stake my life on it."
Willow took a deep breath and bit her lower lip, "ok…" she said, trepidation thick in her voice, "…I'll tell him… next time I see him… I'll tell him." Giles had time to smile and nod encouragingly before the sound of the library doors tore his gaze away from the girls almost trembling form, "Yo amigos! Miss me?"
Willows jaw dropped and her eyes visibly dilated as the subject of recent conversation strode through the library's double doors. "X-Xander…" the redhead spluttered, her breathing pattern one step away from hyperventilation, "W-What are you doing here… is something wrong?" "Nah" replied Xander as he nonchalantly covered the distance between the doors and the table, "Just feeling the guilt-burn for leaving my best-bud here without the benefit of my sparkling wit" he flashed a heart-melting smile at Willow. "Besides…" the young man bounced across to the front counter and rummaged briefly through an alcove, surfacing with a half-eaten candy bar. "I knew it" he exclaimed in triumph, taking a bite and chewing with great satisfaction.
"Ah… yes" Giles muttered, "I seem to recall, there was a… a thing, that required my attention… in my office" Willows eyes widened even further as she watched the librarian rise to his feet. 'Now?' she mouthed silently, eyes pleading for him to stay, Giles gave a fatherly smile, he grabbed a pencil and hastily wrote a few words on the inside cover of a nearby book before passing it to the girl. Then without further ado he strode into his office, pausing only to pat Xander lightly on the shoulder as he passed. The door closed with an audible click, Willow carefully flipped the book open and gulped as she read the recent inscription: 'Carpe Diem.'
Xander raised an eyebrow at the watchers somewhat out-of-character behaviour before shrugging his shoulders and ambling over to his curiously jumpy friend, "ya ok Will?" He asked, "Giles hasn't been encouraging you to experiment with caffeine again has he?" "No" Willow laughed nervously, "Just research… which I have now finished" she slammed the book shut violently, "Umm… bonus" nodded Xander, his concern growing about her twitchyness, "like a bite?" he offered the almost finished candy-bar.
"Nah, thanks" Willow declined as her mind seemed to alternate between racing at breakneck speed and total seizure, 'can't, can, can't, can… CAN'T! CAN!!!' she screamed at herself mentally, "just be direct" she subconsciously muttered out loud, drawing a worried look from her friend, "It's good you came back though" she said louder, looking into his eyes "I, I kinda wanted to talk to you." "Uh… cool" nodded Xander, "talking's always fun." "How long have we been friends?" Willow asked, hoping that she could somehow segue the cliché into her 'declaration' "since kindergarten Will… that's easy, gimme a harder one" he smiled.
"Wow" said Willow rising from her seat and beginning to pace between the table and the book-cage, "that's a long time, I mean wow… it's like forever. I mean, we know practically everything about each other, I know how sick you got after winning that pizza-eating competition, and how you lost your trunks on swimming camp, and how that praying mantis teacher seduced you…" "Whoa." Xander stopped her, "all true I know, but… are you trying to blackmail me? Do ya think the number of embarrassing stories has finally reached the critical mass of financial redeemability or something? 'Cause I gotta say, I'm not sure how the general public would handle it if I revealed just who tripped the fire alarm on the grade six musical… or how your recent cyber-dating habits turned out…" His tone was light, but Willow could see just how worried he was about her.
Willow nervously laughed once more, "I'm just saying we know each other pretty well… you're my best-friend Xander" "…and you're mine Willow" he replied with all seriousness. "I don't know what I'd do without you… well, probably fail every non-pop-culture related subject, mope a lot, constantly wonder what I was supposed to be doing… are you sure you're ok?" Willow felt herself sigh at the sweet sentiment of his words, she knew at that moment that no matter what, she could always count on Xanders friendship. That knowledge safe within her she took a deep breath and braced herself to say the words that had until this point lived only in her dreams.
"Xander, I really like you… you're the kindest, funniest… most wonderful person I've ever met, and I… Maybe we could… Perhaps… I wondered if we could may… maybe be more than best-friends?" Willows resolve broke as she said the words, her eyes turned towards the floor and she had to fight to keep herself from bolting for the door.
Xander's breath froze in his throat as he heard her, his brain running a process akin to attempting to divide by zero, memories of the girl before him flashed through his mind, there were so many… they permeated every facet of his own existence. His mouth opened slightly but no sound issued forth, using words to express what he had to say… it was like using cooking utensils to perform open heart surgery.
Willow slowly forced her gaze upwards, up the body of the man whom she had just given control of the seesaw on which her heart rested. She found his deep brown eyes and held his gaze, hoping that he could see the same inherent understanding and loving kinship that she could see in him. Although her whole body was shaking, she felt an odd sense of calm, she had said the words that had eluded her lips for so long, and it was too late to take them back… what happened was up to him now.
Drowning… that's what it felt like: drowning. A thousand-million words and phrases spun through his head, choking off his oxygen supply; 'WHAT?!… Are you possessed?… You know how I feel about Buffy…' He watched as Willows eyes slowly came back to rest on his own, deep emerald green depths that had never once in all his memories looked at him with anything but kindness and understanding, and his heart melted. He slowly raised a hand, reached out and tucked a few stray hands of fiery hair behind Willows left ear, it was a gesture he'd performed countless times before, a soft smile formed on his lips as he saw the way her breath caught, just like it always did… 'she's loved me forever' he realised with a sudden clarity and terrible certainty. "Willow…" he breathed, leaning forwards to rest his forehead against hers.
"The world seemed to slip away as Willow felt the warm press of Xanders forehead against her own, a thought-free moment passed before a tiny sniffle alerted her to the boy's distress. Xander pulled back and gripped her shoulder firmly, making no effort to remove the single tear running down his cheek. He blinked a few times and swallowed hard, "Willow… you are the most amazing, most beautiful… bravest" he added pointedly, "…woman in the world… I…I…" he faltered at the hope he saw in her eyes and looked towards his shoes, "I do love you… but…"
"but you don't love me like that" she finished for him, feeling her heart fall as she said the words, she shook off the slight sense of dizziness and kept going "…it's ok, I underst…" "but I can't lose you" he corrected her, still unable to look at anything but his shoelaces. "Will… you have known me forever, and you know what I'm like… I break things, I'm the kinda guy who turns priceless vases into vase-shaped jigsaws. I wasn't kidding earlier, I don't know what I'd do without you… and I don't intend to find out."
"Xander…" Willow gently began, her stomach flipping at the sudden reversal of sentiment, "never once have I hated you, and never once have I not wanted to be your friend… I do know you, and I know you feel the same way… I know I'm not pretty like Buffy, but…" Xander cut her off with a short laugh; "You wear overalls and zero makeup…" he stated, summarising her current ensemble concisely "…doesn't mean you're not beautiful." Willow blushed deeply and turned to see Xander leaning his brow against the book cage, fingers laced through the iron mesh, "You have no idea how much I'd like to just walk over there and kiss you… but I can't risk it."
Striding over to his side, Willow placed a hand on the young mans upper arm and pulled him around, "yes, you can" she told him with resolve, "…and I want you to." Xander felt every muscle in his body tense as his best friend gripped his shoulders, pushing him slightly against the cage. His breathing was ragged and his eyes wide as she brought her lips level with his own, "Will… what are you do…" the question was lost as Willow pressed her lips against his own; soft, sweet and as pure as the girl who owned them. For a moment he resisted, moving his hands to push her away, but it was as if the very fibre of his being resisted the action. His hands moved not to push but to pull her closer; he found his fingers gently running through her hair, his tongue softly relishing the feel of her own as her breath mingled with his own; 'perfect' his mind flashed in bright blue neon.
Willow felt like static electricity was coursing through her body, a soft pleasant tingle running through her veins 'like dreams becoming reality', the sentiment wasn't quite true; in her dreams Xander had always kissed her, never the other way around. Right now though the thought didn't even register in higher consciousness, she felt his strong arms engulf her even as she wrapped hers around his neck, every sensation searing itself onto her memory for posterity. After what seemed an eternity she broke the kiss, lazily blinked twice and let a broad smile spread across her slightly swollen lips, "See?" she purred, "I'm still your friend"
The tension in Xanders body seemed to drain instantly as Willow's lips left his own, he swayed slightly, then slid down the cage, coming to rest in a sitting position on the floor "majiha?" He managed as his vision returned and Willow once more came into focus, towering above him with a sweet, yet very sexy smile plastered on her face, he swallowed hard as she squatted down and stared him in the eye, her nose inches from his own; "I love you Xander" she said softly, "In every way there is." "I love you too" he almost whispered, delighted at the sparkle the words brought to her eyes, "I love you so much…" he choked out, feeling the lump begin to reform in his throat before reaching out to pull Willow into another passionate kiss.
As they parted once more Willow wrapped her arms around the boy she had loved her entire life and held him in the tightest hug she was capable of, hoping she could share every ounce of loving affection she felt through the gesture. She turned suddenly at a squeaking sound behind her, Xander opened his eyes as Willow moved, staring up at the tweed-clad vision of Giles illuminated in the light from his open office door as he polished his spectacles before raising the handkerchief to dab a spot of moisture from his eye.
"Giles!" Willow beamed as she helped Xander to his feet and felt his hand intertwine with her own, she looked over to see a goofy, and still somewhat dazed smile on Xander's face, "thank you" she said simply. "It was my pleasure" the watcher nodded graciously before beginning to march towards the door.
"Where ya going G?" asked Xander as the final pieces of what had transpired that night fell into place, 'better ask Angel to buy a bottle of scotch' he thought before glancing over to the girl he was holding hands with, '…maybe a case.'
"I thought I'd go and fetch Buffy" deadpanned Giles, before smiling roguishly at the pair, "I believe I feel like Bronzin' it tonight."