Easier To Run
By: Despair
[It's easier to run
Replacing this with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here on my own]
Dear Die-ary. I stared motionless, before the mirror, as always, I stayed
until I'm convinced that there is no glass, nothing separating me from the
room I see on the other side.
I imagine that everything there is different. Over there, better. There are
people in that world who I would like.
But, like always, my hand hits the glass.
And I know that if I'd only waited one more second.
[Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played]
Dear Die-ary. Such amusing fiction, these stories they tell. It always
comes to this. If they really had a desire to live they would have been
more aware of how easy it is to die, would have chosen their actions more
wisely. In these moments, you can tell they're not regretting having hurt
you.
They regret doing it to your face.
.A blur.of sweating.screaming.crying.human.drama.
Hee. Hee.
I usually try to get outside before I laugh.
But every once and a while they say things that sound like words. They make
me think about what I'm doing.
The noises make me uncomfortable.
So uncomfortable that.
Sometimes.
I wonder.
[If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary. I'm going to kill myself. What is there left to do? It's
incredibly lovely out, and it's not as if anyone is going to drop by. I
wish someone would.
Fuck.
I really don't want to be alone right now.
[It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone]
Dear Die-ary. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with
me.
[Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path]
Dear Die-ary. To keep in mind; it's possible that I'm quite horrendously
insane. That's the fuck of it.
You know, the old thing about the crazy person who never knows they're
crazy. It could just be a imperceptible shifting of accepted realities.
.I killed someone today. But he was innocent. Edgar Vargas. He wasn't
afraid to die, and when I killed him I felt something.
Like compassion. And it hurt. I cried for the first time, because of the
loss of someone.
Edgar was a good man.
Alive, he may have been my best friend..
[If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary. .Immortalising the moment. I'm so fucking stupid.
[Just watching in the sun
All of my helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler to change]
Dear Die-ary. I've been thinking about little Squeegee a lot lately, after
that run-in with his father.
There's just something so familiar about that man, even though I've never
seen him before in my life.
It really gets me thinking.
His father reminds me of.
Well.
My father.
[It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone]
Dear Die-ary. I went to go see Kafka again, but something wasn't right, so
I left when they introduced Doctor Murnau. I didn't like him anyway.
Something's been nagging me since Squee. Dammit, it's not going away.
And there's a memory there that won't come back.
[It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary.I'm sitting here, and I'm alone. I have the gun in my hand,
and I want to pull the trigger.
I'm kind of afraid to do this, even their voices have stopped pushing me
towards suicide.
Maybe it's a sign.
It all quiet, Nail Bunny isn't going to save me.
I wish they'd talk. I don't want to be here by myself.
By myself.by myself.
Wow. I say that an awful lot.
I'm by myself.
Again.
For good.
Dear Die-ary. How do you understand?
--Johnny Colt
By: Despair
[It's easier to run
Replacing this with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here on my own]
Dear Die-ary. I stared motionless, before the mirror, as always, I stayed
until I'm convinced that there is no glass, nothing separating me from the
room I see on the other side.
I imagine that everything there is different. Over there, better. There are
people in that world who I would like.
But, like always, my hand hits the glass.
And I know that if I'd only waited one more second.
[Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played]
Dear Die-ary. Such amusing fiction, these stories they tell. It always
comes to this. If they really had a desire to live they would have been
more aware of how easy it is to die, would have chosen their actions more
wisely. In these moments, you can tell they're not regretting having hurt
you.
They regret doing it to your face.
.A blur.of sweating.screaming.crying.human.drama.
Hee. Hee.
I usually try to get outside before I laugh.
But every once and a while they say things that sound like words. They make
me think about what I'm doing.
The noises make me uncomfortable.
So uncomfortable that.
Sometimes.
I wonder.
[If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary. I'm going to kill myself. What is there left to do? It's
incredibly lovely out, and it's not as if anyone is going to drop by. I
wish someone would.
Fuck.
I really don't want to be alone right now.
[It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone]
Dear Die-ary. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with
me.
[Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path]
Dear Die-ary. To keep in mind; it's possible that I'm quite horrendously
insane. That's the fuck of it.
You know, the old thing about the crazy person who never knows they're
crazy. It could just be a imperceptible shifting of accepted realities.
.I killed someone today. But he was innocent. Edgar Vargas. He wasn't
afraid to die, and when I killed him I felt something.
Like compassion. And it hurt. I cried for the first time, because of the
loss of someone.
Edgar was a good man.
Alive, he may have been my best friend..
[If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary. .Immortalising the moment. I'm so fucking stupid.
[Just watching in the sun
All of my helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler to change]
Dear Die-ary. I've been thinking about little Squeegee a lot lately, after
that run-in with his father.
There's just something so familiar about that man, even though I've never
seen him before in my life.
It really gets me thinking.
His father reminds me of.
Well.
My father.
[It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone]
Dear Die-ary. I went to go see Kafka again, but something wasn't right, so
I left when they introduced Doctor Murnau. I didn't like him anyway.
Something's been nagging me since Squee. Dammit, it's not going away.
And there's a memory there that won't come back.
[It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave]
Dear Die-ary.I'm sitting here, and I'm alone. I have the gun in my hand,
and I want to pull the trigger.
I'm kind of afraid to do this, even their voices have stopped pushing me
towards suicide.
Maybe it's a sign.
It all quiet, Nail Bunny isn't going to save me.
I wish they'd talk. I don't want to be here by myself.
By myself.by myself.
Wow. I say that an awful lot.
I'm by myself.
Again.
For good.
Dear Die-ary. How do you understand?
--Johnny Colt