Clue by Cassandra AKA Lúthien Arnatuilë
It was Game Night at The Last Homely House and many Elves, dwarves, hobbits, and Men had been invited.
Legolas, tall and fair Elf prince of Mirkwood, walked up the bush lined path to the House. Aragorn son of Arathorn who rarely bathed came next, followed by Boromir (who is not dead because I said so) son of the deceased Lord Denethor of Gondor (who *is* dead because I said) so. Next came Frodo Baggins of the Shire, Tosser of the One Ring, Samwise Gamgee, loyal servant of Frodo, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brundybuck, Gimli son of Gloin, a Dwarf, and last but not least the old fool, Mithrandir, Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, the White Rider, Gandalf Stormcrow, or Olórin. He is most commonly known as "Gandalf the Grey" or just "Gandalf".
O-okay...maybe it's only eight people instead of "many"...
As they neared the House, Legolas suddenly made a sharp turn and landed behind some bushes. He quickly grabbed Aragorn's arm as the King walked past and hauled him behind the bushes as well.
The others tried their best to calmly pass, but in vain, snickering, as Aragorn fell in the mud, ruining his lavender tunic.
"Oh," he moaned, "Arwen is going to kill me!"
"Quick," hissed Legolas, a look of panic on his face. "Is this a pimple?" He pointed to a spot on his face.
Aragorn sighed and shook his head. "Nope. It's only a bug."
Legolas squealed and slapped himself in the face. "Get it off, get it off!" he screamed.
"Oh, now it's in your hair," said Aragorn looking at the small black creature in Legolas' long blonde hair.
Legolas squealed like a girl again and raked his fingers through his hair.
All of a sudden there was a long brown staff hitting Legolas on the head. Legolas screamed as a long wrinkly old hand hauled him out of the bushes. "Fool of a Greenleaf!" shouted Gandalf. "It is Game Night and you are going to make me miss the bingo prizes! Now get to your feet and WALK!"
Legolas whimpered in fear and quickly scurried into the House.
"WELCOME!" Elrond screamed at them once they had all entered (after Elrond had made them leave their weapons by the front door, and all save, Gandalf, who made some dumb excuse about "being old" and Elrond bought it, and Aragorn, who just plain out fussed and whined, put their weapons by the front door).
Elrond slammed the door and stood with his hands clasped, an eager look on his face. "Isn't this going to be FUN?" Before anyone could answer he suddenly opened the door again. "Oh, no..." he gasped. He slammed the door again and then, for no apparent reason, threw his body against it as if something of great evil was trying to enter.
A soft knock came at the door followed by a female voice, "Um, Lord Elrond?"
Elrond gasped and pushed against the door, his feet, which had panty hose on them, sliding back on the marble floor, and making it harder for him to stand up.
"Lord Elrond, I would really like my hose back now," said the voice.
"Never," hissed Elrond.
The voice behind the door sighed.
After a few moments Elrond opened the door again. Sighing in relief after seeing no one there, he closed the door and...slipped and fell flat on his face.
"Hey, anyone know why Elrond is wearing hose?" asked Boromir.
"Fool of a...a..." started Gandalf, but since Boromir's last name had never been mentioned he had to trail off.
"It is because hose make me ski quickly across the pretty marble floors," said Elrond who had appeared behind them, scaring the bajeebers out of them. "Thank you *so* much, Aragorn!" he yelled, slapping a hand on the greasy King's elbow, then pulling back in disgust as Aragorn's hair touched it.
"What...what are you talking about?" asked a bewildered Aragorn.
"I'm talking about you marrying my daughter!"
"But I thought that you didn't want--"
"Nonsense! That's behind me now..."
"Huh?"
"Oh, don't act like a fool, Aragorn; I'm a free Elf again! Elrohir and Elladan let me do whatever I want! Arwen never let me ski around in my hosies," said Elrond, raising a foot to show Aragorn and wiggling his toes at the King. He gazed fondly at the hose covered foot then put it back on the ground so he didn't fall.
"She was always saying that I would most likely break my back or my hip because I wasn't 700 years old anymore." The Elf Lord's lip jutted out in a pout. "Can you believe the nerve some people have?"
All was silent, as the Elrond stared at them, expectantly.
"Positively tater-fying!" shouted Sam suddenly.
The others nodded in agreement, Elrond smiling madly and jumping up and down on one foot until he finally fell, then they sat down at the table that been placed in the middle of the hall.
"Tonight," shouted Elrond (after he had gotten back up again) as he skied around the table, "we are going to play Clue!" He grabbed the Clue game that was laying on the floor (I really don't know why...) and threw it on the table.
Pippin picked it up and read the side of it. "Three to six players," he read slowly because he was a little bit challenged. "Oh, no! There are only six pawns, but there are ten players! Whatever shall we do?"
"Fool of a Took," yelled Gandalf, hitting the hobbit on the head with his staff.
"He is correct!" gasped Elrond. "We must IMPROVISE! Alright. I take myself out, for I would much rather SKI! Sam, loyal servant of Frodo, you will help Frodo on the quest to find out whodunit! Pippin, Merry, you will be one character! Now, that takes care of five people. Who does *not* want to play?"
Boromir slowly raised his hand. "I don't like sharp and/or pointy objects," he said, looking at the edges of the board nervously.
"Alright!" yelled Elrond. He tripped and landed flat on his face...again. As will he many times in this story. "Vere er nowf sist poefle playig!" he said to the floor.
"What?" asked Aragorn.
Elrond stood up and dusted himself off. "There are now six people playing," he said again. "Now! Pick your pawns!"
Merry and Pippin chose Miss Scarlet because they thought that she was very pretty, Sam and Frodo chose Colonel Mustard, Gandalf chose Mrs. White because he said that she looked stunning in the maid's outfit, Aragorn chose Mr. Green, Gimli chose Mrs. Peacock just to do it in spite of Legolas, and Legolas got stuck with Professor Plum.
(It was all a flurry of movements that left Elrond and Legolas staring bewildered for a moment. It seemed that the hobbits--minus Pippin--knew how to play this game, as did Aragorn and Gimli. Gandalf had already looked at the box and decided what he wanted,
"This isn't fair!" whined Legolas. Mr. Plum was a moronic ugly fool. Or so thought Legolas...and me for that matter. Mr. Plum was nothing like dashing, handsome, flawless, teeth that twinkle when he smiles Legolas. Yes, that was who Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, was. Or so thought Legolas...not me for that matter. I just write. Okay...he's *kinda* cute...in a pretty, frolicking in daisies sort of way...nah. He's just cool.
Legolas grabbed the Mr. Green pawn and stared at it longingly. "Aragorn?" he said innocently.
"No," answered Aragorn, taking his pawn back.
Legolas sighed and watched Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin fight a war with their pawns.
"Ba-BOOM!" boomed Pippin. "I, the mighty warrior lady of the...um...Apple-people, will smite thee down, death worthy traitor!"
"Apple-people?" asked Frodo skeptically.
"Well, she's red..."
"Why is Colonel Mustard death worthy?"
"Uh...because?"
"Fine. Sam and I are the leaders of the Mustard-people and Colonel Mustard is our Colonel."
Sam nodded and took a pad of "Detective Papers" and set the yellow pawn on it and started making machine gun noises. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" he shouted, startling the rest of the company. "SHOOOM!" He "shoomed" the "plane" over Merry's head then quickly made it dive down toward Miss Scarlet. The red pawn was knocked off the table and landed on the floor directly in front of the skiing Elrond.
Elrond tripped over the pawn somehow and landed on his knees. Now skiing on his knees (his pretty silk dress, er, robes acted the way hose did on the marble floors) at a great speed, he was hurtled into Gimli's chair. Gimli and Elrond were now skiing across the floor, Gimli screaming at the top of his lungs and Elrond squealing in joy and excitement. "Weeeeee!"
They eventually stopped, some ten feet away. Gimli, who was breathing heavily, was holding onto the chair arms so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.
"Chant with me," he was muttering. "Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Barbies are pretty and wear long, pink, frilly dresses, dinosaurs don't wear anything because their behinds are so big. Breath in, breath out."
"That is a very odd chant, remarked Elrond, gazing up at the Dwarf in wonder. "What are dino-saurs?"
"Very large reptiles. Though some scientists believe that they were warm-blooded mammals."
"Oh. Can they SKI?!?!" With that, Elrond jumped up and started skiing again.
"Hey Legolas," said Elrond as he whizzed past the distressed Elf who was devising a devious sinister plan to take one of the others' pawns and use it as his own
"Guess--" Elrond whizzed past again. "--what! I--" to the left "--made--" to the right "--a pretty--" the left
"--poem about--" the right "--mud--" the left into a chair "and dirt!"
"Fascinating," sighed Legolas, crumpling up a piece of paper which had "Drop anchor on Aragorn's head and steal pawn" and a little sketch of two stick figures. One was rubbing his head that had flies buzzing about and there was an anchor laying beside him, the other had long hair, lines coming out of him, showing that he was wonderful, a giant pawn in its hands, and an evil, yet dashingly handsome look on his face.
"I'll tell you it! Ready? Okay!" Elrond stopped skiing for a moment and stood up straight, both hands behind his back. He cleared his throat and then, with a solemn expression, started, "Peanuts by Elrond Peredhil," he said. "Mud, mud, glorious mud, I like to smell it because I am a spud. Dirt, dirt, glorious dirt, I like to eat it because I like to squirt! Dirt, dirt, oh, wonderful dirt, why in the world is your weakness a shampoo called Pert? Mud, mud, oh, wonderful mud, why in the world is your weakness a bubbly, good-smelling, water-filled tub? Why, oh, why, Dirt, must you always ruin my shirt? Why, oh, why, Mud, must you always make my bootsies look like crud? Oh, and I like peanuts, but not peoples' butts. The end." Elrond lost his solemn expression and started jumping up and down in his spot. "Well? Didja like it? Didja, didja, didja? HUH?"
"Do you think mud is sticky enough to keep everyone present stuck to it long enough for me to steal their pawns?" asked Legolas. "Oh, and is my hair straight? Got to keep up the image you know."
Elrond's face fell and he sighed. "Bloobie," he muttered. Then his face brightened. "BLOOBIE!" He shouted at Legolas, startling the Elf and making him run off the piece of paper with his pencil. "You're a BLOOBIE! Bloobie, bloobie, bloobie! Legolas is a bloobie!" chanted Elrond, resuming his skiing.
"Shut-up," Legolas muttered.
"Bloobie, bloobie, bloobie!"
"Shut-UP!"
"Blo-o-o-o-o-o-bie!"
"SHUT-UP!"
"Aw, look! Prince Legolas has lost cool! It's probably because he's...a...BLOOBIE! HA HA HA HA HA!"
"Aragorn, please," pleaded Legolas, giving Aragorn a pained expression. "Make him stop!"
"Leave me alone, you dramatic Elf!"
"You're a bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloo-"
"You are very pretty."
Aragorn, Elrond, Legolas, and Gimli (who had rowed himself back to the table with a lamp because he thought the floor was a giant ocean and he was a Viking...sad, isn't it?) turned to look at Gandalf who was talking to the Clue box. Actually, to Mrs. White on the box. "To bad you're a Mrs.," he sighed.
"BOOM!!!!!!" shouted Merry, bringing the Ms. Scarlet pawn down hard on the line of yellow pebbles that were the Mustard-people. "ATTACK THE ENEMY! ATTACK THE ENEMY!"
"You traitorous wretch!" yelled Frodo, hurtling a yellow stone at the line of red stones called the Apple-people.
"Hey!" yelled Elrond. "That is *my* line! Where is my darling Fly? And that stupid pig, Babe? The one now known as my son? Oh, what an embarrassment!"
"Dodge this!" shouted Pippin, hurtling one of the red stones at the yellow stones.
"That is not your line either! Mr. Anderson, why do you carry out the trash for the landlady? What are the codes for Zion? Tell me, Mr. Anderson or I will blow up into little tiny bite-size pieces! AHHH!"
"OH, SHARP AND/OR POINTY OBJECTS ARE ATTACKING ME!" howled Boromir. He was in a fetal position in a corner, staring wide-eyed at a fork that one of the Elves had dropped earlier.
"When can we start?" asked Gimli. "For on the morrow I shall sail! I, Gimli Van-Hysensmitherbob the Red, am the bestest Viking to ever sail the seven seas! Plunderin' and stealin' is how I bring home the bacon to me darlin' wife, Mary-Sue! She be the purtyest women in all of de world!"
"...It looks like he's got a bit of Viking, retard farmer, pirate, and...uh...dumb idiot in that act," said Legolas to Aragorn. Both were staring at Gimli with fear as the Dwarf practiced his "ar"s with squinty eyes.
"When can we start?" sighed Gandalf.
"We can start NOW!" screamed Elrond right in Legolas' and Aragorn's ears. "BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL BLOOBIES! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
"Shut-UP!" shouted Aragorn and Legolas simultaneously. Elrond ginned madly and laughed loudly in each of their faces.
Aragorn and Legolas shoved him over, laughing when they heard his distressed cry. "Oh! My hosies! They're...they're...they're RIPPED!"
DUN DUN DUNNN!
Will they ever start their game of Clue? Will Legolas get a different pawn? Will Boromir ever get over his phobia of sharp and/or pointy objects? Will Elrond ever stop calling Legolas a bloobie? Who will be the victor in the battle between the Apple-people and the Mustard-people? What will happen to Elrond's ripped hose? DUN DUN DUNNN!! Tune in next time to find out!
Disclaimer: Professor J.R.R Tolkien owns the Lord of the Rings and its characters. Larry and Andy Wachowski own the Matrix and I really don't know who owns Babe and the shampoo Pert. Parker Brothers own Clue.
It was Game Night at The Last Homely House and many Elves, dwarves, hobbits, and Men had been invited.
Legolas, tall and fair Elf prince of Mirkwood, walked up the bush lined path to the House. Aragorn son of Arathorn who rarely bathed came next, followed by Boromir (who is not dead because I said so) son of the deceased Lord Denethor of Gondor (who *is* dead because I said) so. Next came Frodo Baggins of the Shire, Tosser of the One Ring, Samwise Gamgee, loyal servant of Frodo, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brundybuck, Gimli son of Gloin, a Dwarf, and last but not least the old fool, Mithrandir, Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, the White Rider, Gandalf Stormcrow, or Olórin. He is most commonly known as "Gandalf the Grey" or just "Gandalf".
O-okay...maybe it's only eight people instead of "many"...
As they neared the House, Legolas suddenly made a sharp turn and landed behind some bushes. He quickly grabbed Aragorn's arm as the King walked past and hauled him behind the bushes as well.
The others tried their best to calmly pass, but in vain, snickering, as Aragorn fell in the mud, ruining his lavender tunic.
"Oh," he moaned, "Arwen is going to kill me!"
"Quick," hissed Legolas, a look of panic on his face. "Is this a pimple?" He pointed to a spot on his face.
Aragorn sighed and shook his head. "Nope. It's only a bug."
Legolas squealed and slapped himself in the face. "Get it off, get it off!" he screamed.
"Oh, now it's in your hair," said Aragorn looking at the small black creature in Legolas' long blonde hair.
Legolas squealed like a girl again and raked his fingers through his hair.
All of a sudden there was a long brown staff hitting Legolas on the head. Legolas screamed as a long wrinkly old hand hauled him out of the bushes. "Fool of a Greenleaf!" shouted Gandalf. "It is Game Night and you are going to make me miss the bingo prizes! Now get to your feet and WALK!"
Legolas whimpered in fear and quickly scurried into the House.
"WELCOME!" Elrond screamed at them once they had all entered (after Elrond had made them leave their weapons by the front door, and all save, Gandalf, who made some dumb excuse about "being old" and Elrond bought it, and Aragorn, who just plain out fussed and whined, put their weapons by the front door).
Elrond slammed the door and stood with his hands clasped, an eager look on his face. "Isn't this going to be FUN?" Before anyone could answer he suddenly opened the door again. "Oh, no..." he gasped. He slammed the door again and then, for no apparent reason, threw his body against it as if something of great evil was trying to enter.
A soft knock came at the door followed by a female voice, "Um, Lord Elrond?"
Elrond gasped and pushed against the door, his feet, which had panty hose on them, sliding back on the marble floor, and making it harder for him to stand up.
"Lord Elrond, I would really like my hose back now," said the voice.
"Never," hissed Elrond.
The voice behind the door sighed.
After a few moments Elrond opened the door again. Sighing in relief after seeing no one there, he closed the door and...slipped and fell flat on his face.
"Hey, anyone know why Elrond is wearing hose?" asked Boromir.
"Fool of a...a..." started Gandalf, but since Boromir's last name had never been mentioned he had to trail off.
"It is because hose make me ski quickly across the pretty marble floors," said Elrond who had appeared behind them, scaring the bajeebers out of them. "Thank you *so* much, Aragorn!" he yelled, slapping a hand on the greasy King's elbow, then pulling back in disgust as Aragorn's hair touched it.
"What...what are you talking about?" asked a bewildered Aragorn.
"I'm talking about you marrying my daughter!"
"But I thought that you didn't want--"
"Nonsense! That's behind me now..."
"Huh?"
"Oh, don't act like a fool, Aragorn; I'm a free Elf again! Elrohir and Elladan let me do whatever I want! Arwen never let me ski around in my hosies," said Elrond, raising a foot to show Aragorn and wiggling his toes at the King. He gazed fondly at the hose covered foot then put it back on the ground so he didn't fall.
"She was always saying that I would most likely break my back or my hip because I wasn't 700 years old anymore." The Elf Lord's lip jutted out in a pout. "Can you believe the nerve some people have?"
All was silent, as the Elrond stared at them, expectantly.
"Positively tater-fying!" shouted Sam suddenly.
The others nodded in agreement, Elrond smiling madly and jumping up and down on one foot until he finally fell, then they sat down at the table that been placed in the middle of the hall.
"Tonight," shouted Elrond (after he had gotten back up again) as he skied around the table, "we are going to play Clue!" He grabbed the Clue game that was laying on the floor (I really don't know why...) and threw it on the table.
Pippin picked it up and read the side of it. "Three to six players," he read slowly because he was a little bit challenged. "Oh, no! There are only six pawns, but there are ten players! Whatever shall we do?"
"Fool of a Took," yelled Gandalf, hitting the hobbit on the head with his staff.
"He is correct!" gasped Elrond. "We must IMPROVISE! Alright. I take myself out, for I would much rather SKI! Sam, loyal servant of Frodo, you will help Frodo on the quest to find out whodunit! Pippin, Merry, you will be one character! Now, that takes care of five people. Who does *not* want to play?"
Boromir slowly raised his hand. "I don't like sharp and/or pointy objects," he said, looking at the edges of the board nervously.
"Alright!" yelled Elrond. He tripped and landed flat on his face...again. As will he many times in this story. "Vere er nowf sist poefle playig!" he said to the floor.
"What?" asked Aragorn.
Elrond stood up and dusted himself off. "There are now six people playing," he said again. "Now! Pick your pawns!"
Merry and Pippin chose Miss Scarlet because they thought that she was very pretty, Sam and Frodo chose Colonel Mustard, Gandalf chose Mrs. White because he said that she looked stunning in the maid's outfit, Aragorn chose Mr. Green, Gimli chose Mrs. Peacock just to do it in spite of Legolas, and Legolas got stuck with Professor Plum.
(It was all a flurry of movements that left Elrond and Legolas staring bewildered for a moment. It seemed that the hobbits--minus Pippin--knew how to play this game, as did Aragorn and Gimli. Gandalf had already looked at the box and decided what he wanted,
"This isn't fair!" whined Legolas. Mr. Plum was a moronic ugly fool. Or so thought Legolas...and me for that matter. Mr. Plum was nothing like dashing, handsome, flawless, teeth that twinkle when he smiles Legolas. Yes, that was who Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, was. Or so thought Legolas...not me for that matter. I just write. Okay...he's *kinda* cute...in a pretty, frolicking in daisies sort of way...nah. He's just cool.
Legolas grabbed the Mr. Green pawn and stared at it longingly. "Aragorn?" he said innocently.
"No," answered Aragorn, taking his pawn back.
Legolas sighed and watched Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin fight a war with their pawns.
"Ba-BOOM!" boomed Pippin. "I, the mighty warrior lady of the...um...Apple-people, will smite thee down, death worthy traitor!"
"Apple-people?" asked Frodo skeptically.
"Well, she's red..."
"Why is Colonel Mustard death worthy?"
"Uh...because?"
"Fine. Sam and I are the leaders of the Mustard-people and Colonel Mustard is our Colonel."
Sam nodded and took a pad of "Detective Papers" and set the yellow pawn on it and started making machine gun noises. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" he shouted, startling the rest of the company. "SHOOOM!" He "shoomed" the "plane" over Merry's head then quickly made it dive down toward Miss Scarlet. The red pawn was knocked off the table and landed on the floor directly in front of the skiing Elrond.
Elrond tripped over the pawn somehow and landed on his knees. Now skiing on his knees (his pretty silk dress, er, robes acted the way hose did on the marble floors) at a great speed, he was hurtled into Gimli's chair. Gimli and Elrond were now skiing across the floor, Gimli screaming at the top of his lungs and Elrond squealing in joy and excitement. "Weeeeee!"
They eventually stopped, some ten feet away. Gimli, who was breathing heavily, was holding onto the chair arms so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.
"Chant with me," he was muttering. "Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Barbies are pretty and wear long, pink, frilly dresses, dinosaurs don't wear anything because their behinds are so big. Breath in, breath out."
"That is a very odd chant, remarked Elrond, gazing up at the Dwarf in wonder. "What are dino-saurs?"
"Very large reptiles. Though some scientists believe that they were warm-blooded mammals."
"Oh. Can they SKI?!?!" With that, Elrond jumped up and started skiing again.
"Hey Legolas," said Elrond as he whizzed past the distressed Elf who was devising a devious sinister plan to take one of the others' pawns and use it as his own
"Guess--" Elrond whizzed past again. "--what! I--" to the left "--made--" to the right "--a pretty--" the left
"--poem about--" the right "--mud--" the left into a chair "and dirt!"
"Fascinating," sighed Legolas, crumpling up a piece of paper which had "Drop anchor on Aragorn's head and steal pawn" and a little sketch of two stick figures. One was rubbing his head that had flies buzzing about and there was an anchor laying beside him, the other had long hair, lines coming out of him, showing that he was wonderful, a giant pawn in its hands, and an evil, yet dashingly handsome look on his face.
"I'll tell you it! Ready? Okay!" Elrond stopped skiing for a moment and stood up straight, both hands behind his back. He cleared his throat and then, with a solemn expression, started, "Peanuts by Elrond Peredhil," he said. "Mud, mud, glorious mud, I like to smell it because I am a spud. Dirt, dirt, glorious dirt, I like to eat it because I like to squirt! Dirt, dirt, oh, wonderful dirt, why in the world is your weakness a shampoo called Pert? Mud, mud, oh, wonderful mud, why in the world is your weakness a bubbly, good-smelling, water-filled tub? Why, oh, why, Dirt, must you always ruin my shirt? Why, oh, why, Mud, must you always make my bootsies look like crud? Oh, and I like peanuts, but not peoples' butts. The end." Elrond lost his solemn expression and started jumping up and down in his spot. "Well? Didja like it? Didja, didja, didja? HUH?"
"Do you think mud is sticky enough to keep everyone present stuck to it long enough for me to steal their pawns?" asked Legolas. "Oh, and is my hair straight? Got to keep up the image you know."
Elrond's face fell and he sighed. "Bloobie," he muttered. Then his face brightened. "BLOOBIE!" He shouted at Legolas, startling the Elf and making him run off the piece of paper with his pencil. "You're a BLOOBIE! Bloobie, bloobie, bloobie! Legolas is a bloobie!" chanted Elrond, resuming his skiing.
"Shut-up," Legolas muttered.
"Bloobie, bloobie, bloobie!"
"Shut-UP!"
"Blo-o-o-o-o-o-bie!"
"SHUT-UP!"
"Aw, look! Prince Legolas has lost cool! It's probably because he's...a...BLOOBIE! HA HA HA HA HA!"
"Aragorn, please," pleaded Legolas, giving Aragorn a pained expression. "Make him stop!"
"Leave me alone, you dramatic Elf!"
"You're a bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloobie."
"Shut-up."
"Bloo-"
"You are very pretty."
Aragorn, Elrond, Legolas, and Gimli (who had rowed himself back to the table with a lamp because he thought the floor was a giant ocean and he was a Viking...sad, isn't it?) turned to look at Gandalf who was talking to the Clue box. Actually, to Mrs. White on the box. "To bad you're a Mrs.," he sighed.
"BOOM!!!!!!" shouted Merry, bringing the Ms. Scarlet pawn down hard on the line of yellow pebbles that were the Mustard-people. "ATTACK THE ENEMY! ATTACK THE ENEMY!"
"You traitorous wretch!" yelled Frodo, hurtling a yellow stone at the line of red stones called the Apple-people.
"Hey!" yelled Elrond. "That is *my* line! Where is my darling Fly? And that stupid pig, Babe? The one now known as my son? Oh, what an embarrassment!"
"Dodge this!" shouted Pippin, hurtling one of the red stones at the yellow stones.
"That is not your line either! Mr. Anderson, why do you carry out the trash for the landlady? What are the codes for Zion? Tell me, Mr. Anderson or I will blow up into little tiny bite-size pieces! AHHH!"
"OH, SHARP AND/OR POINTY OBJECTS ARE ATTACKING ME!" howled Boromir. He was in a fetal position in a corner, staring wide-eyed at a fork that one of the Elves had dropped earlier.
"When can we start?" asked Gimli. "For on the morrow I shall sail! I, Gimli Van-Hysensmitherbob the Red, am the bestest Viking to ever sail the seven seas! Plunderin' and stealin' is how I bring home the bacon to me darlin' wife, Mary-Sue! She be the purtyest women in all of de world!"
"...It looks like he's got a bit of Viking, retard farmer, pirate, and...uh...dumb idiot in that act," said Legolas to Aragorn. Both were staring at Gimli with fear as the Dwarf practiced his "ar"s with squinty eyes.
"When can we start?" sighed Gandalf.
"We can start NOW!" screamed Elrond right in Legolas' and Aragorn's ears. "BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL BLOOBIES! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
"Shut-UP!" shouted Aragorn and Legolas simultaneously. Elrond ginned madly and laughed loudly in each of their faces.
Aragorn and Legolas shoved him over, laughing when they heard his distressed cry. "Oh! My hosies! They're...they're...they're RIPPED!"
DUN DUN DUNNN!
Will they ever start their game of Clue? Will Legolas get a different pawn? Will Boromir ever get over his phobia of sharp and/or pointy objects? Will Elrond ever stop calling Legolas a bloobie? Who will be the victor in the battle between the Apple-people and the Mustard-people? What will happen to Elrond's ripped hose? DUN DUN DUNNN!! Tune in next time to find out!
Disclaimer: Professor J.R.R Tolkien owns the Lord of the Rings and its characters. Larry and Andy Wachowski own the Matrix and I really don't know who owns Babe and the shampoo Pert. Parker Brothers own Clue.