Legolas sighed and patted a bawling Elrond, who was sitting on the floor cross-legged and rocking back and forth, on the back. "There, there," he grumbled. "Stop crying. I'll buy you new...hosies...."
Elrond, much to the relief of them all, stopped crying and looked up at Legolas gratefully.
"Thank God," Aragorn muttered.
"Since you stupidly ruined the pair you have on, you big, fat cry-baby moron," finished Legolas.
Elrond stood up and stuck his tongue out at Legolas. He blew a raspberry at the blonde-haired Elf then ran away to sit down next to Boromir.
"Legolas, you moron," sighed Aragorn. "When will you learn to shut your face?"
Legolas wiped the spit of his face then leaned back in his chair, with a distressed expression. "Do you think this will ruin my hair?" he asked Gimli.
"Fool of a Greenleaf!" shouted Gandalf before Gimli could reply. "Of course it ruins your hair! Spit is 100% hair-messing-upish! Especially the Lord Elrond's! Why do you think I never sit by the spluttering fool at secret councils? Shut your face, you fool of a Took!" yelled Gandalf at the frightened hobbit that was sitting next to him (because Elrond, being the retarded fool that he was, assigned the seats in this order: himself at the head, Aragorn to his left, Legolas to his right, Gimli to the left of Legolas, Boromir (who was now sitting fearfully back in his seat) to the left of Gimli, Sam to the left Boromir and to the right of Frodo (who sat at the end), Merry to the left of Frodo, Pippin to the left of Merry, and Gandalf to the left of Pippin and to the right of Aragorn. (There's a picture at the bottom) )
"But I didn't---" started Pippin.
Gandalf held up his cane/walking stick/ staff/ tree branch and zapped the poor, mentally challenged hobbit. "Fool of a Took!"
Meanwhile...
"We only have one person left, Mr. Frodo!" said Sam, horror-stricken. "And it's Colonel Mustard..."
Pippin and Merry shared a devious smile then looked at their own people.
"Oi!" shouted Pippin. "We only have one person left, too!"
"Who is it?" asked Frodo.
"It's Bob," sighed Merry. "The lamebrain."
"...What happened to Ms. Scarlet?"
"She blew up in a terrible explosion."
"...Well wouldn't that make us the victors?"
"Oh, you didn't blow her up, Pippin did. He threw a grenade in the toilet while she was putting her makeup on."
Frodo and Sam stared at the hobbits that led the Apple-people.
"Eh...yes then..."
Meanwhile...again...
"Yeah, stupid Elf," said Gimli, resuming the conversation with Legolas that had never really started. "I know much about gross things such as saliva."
"Sure you do," Legolas muttered. "You practically *are* a gross thing."
"Are you questioning my knowledge, Elf!"
"If that's what you call it, yeah."
"Well have it your way, Elf!"
"I have a name you know."
Gimli grinned evilly and reached into his tunic. He pulled out a bar of Dove soap, carefully sealed in a plastic container. "Ha, stupid Elf! I have here in this little box the bane of all Dwarves! Now do
you---"
"O-oh! Soap! Thanks, Gimli, I really need this. I haven't bathed in two hours."
"But..."
"Fool of a...um... oh, never mind," Gandalf muttered. "What is it with lack of names here? Legolas, Pippin, Sam, Merry, and Frodo are the only ones who get last names! Well that's just stupid. From now on I will be Gandalf Grey, Gimli will be Gimli Slimly...no...that won't do...wait, he will be Gimli Flimsy, Aragorn will be Aragorn Imahorn, and Boromir will be Boromir Deadguy. Any objections?"
Aragorn opened his mouth to say something, but Gandalf zapped him with his cane/walking stick/ staff/ tree branch. "Any objections?"
Pippin opened his mouth and Gandalf aimed the multi-purposed zapping tool equipped with mine-lighting action at the hobbit's mouth. "Spare me!" screeched Pippin, holding his arms up in defense. "I just wanted to know when we could begin."
"I don't---" started Boromir. Before he could finish, though, Elrond skied up behind him and said, in a deep voice, "Good-bye, Mr. Deadguy," making Boromir squeal a not-as-girlish-as-Legolas'-squeal and making him jump up into the air.
"We can start now!" screeched Elrond, twirling around in circles. He twirled into the table, he twirled into Gandalf's chair, he twirled into Boromir, sending him flying up in the air again, he twirled into the door, he twirled into doorframe, and he twirled into the bathroom, tripped on the pink rug and landed headfirst into the toilet.
Legolas calmly walked into the bathroom, flushed the toilet with Elrond's head still snugly fit into the bowl, then walked back to his chair. "Swirly," he said to Aragorn with a content smile.
"DEALING!" screamed Sam suddenly. He grabbed the cards then jumped up onto the table and started throwing cards at each of their faces, including himself. "I'M DEALING, PEOPLE! DEALING, DEALING, DEALING!"
"Sam---" started Pippin.
"Shut-up, fool of a Took!" yelled Gandalf, beaning the hobbit on the head.
"Uh...Sam? That's not how you deal," said Frodo, staring concerned at his team-mate and wondering if he should still play the game with him.
"DEAL--- What? It's not?"
"No."
Sam looked up at the rest and, seeing their angry faces, blushed and sat back down.
"Fool of a Gamgee," Gandalf muttered, watching the now unconscious Pippin drool on his sleeve.
Frodo civilly dealt the cards and the game FINALLY started.
"Alright," said Aragorn, taking charge as usual, "Write little check marks in the blanks next to the room, weapon, or suspect that you have."
They started, but Pippin woke up with a start and screamed. "I didn't kill the oranges, mummsy dearest! I swear! It was Frankensteinbob!"
"SHUT-UP, FOOL OF A TOOK!" roared Gandalf.
"Well, sor-rey! I'm on an everlasting quest for knowledge, grampsy old chum!"
"When did you start?" Legolas sneered. "Last week?"
"Shut-up, girly Elf!"
"Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before!"
"Your hair, face, and eyes are ugly. You walk like a clumsy oaf, you look like you're always wearing clothes made by Barbie. And you fight like a woman! And you smell like a wet dog. And you suck at videogames. Remember last week when Frodo and the rest of us invited you over to play The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers videogame and you sucked at being yourself? You couldn't even play Gimli. And he's the easiest character to be. And he also stinks."
Legolas paled and the others snickered.
"Hey, wait a minute..." said Gimli.
"Very good, Pippin," said Gandalf with a smile. "But you are still a fool," he added quickly.
Aragorn cleared his throat loudly. "As I was saying," he growled. "A check mark inside the box by a card that you hold in your hand."
Okay...NOW they began the game.
Everyone busily checked their little detective papers, Pippin and Legolas stopping every once in a while and mouthing out a word a few billion times before their faces finally lit up in understanding.
"Hey, um, Aragorn?" asked Legolas looking at Gimli then to Aragorn. "What's a ku-nife?"
Aragorn frowned. "Is it spelled k-n-i-f-e?"
"Yeah."
"That's 'knife', Legolas."
"Oh. What is dan-druff? And does it taste good?"
Aragorn looked oddly at the Elf. A thought struck him suddenly (which was quite rare) and he opened his mouth to voice it, but Pippin interrupted. "Aragorn? What's a re-volv-er?"
"I...I don't know."
"Well why the heck not?
"It is because he is a bloobie, young hobbit," said Elrond solemnly. He had his wet hair tied up into a fluffy towel and the front of his robes was soaked. No, he did NOT have an accident, though Legolas mentioned this all to happily, earning him a bean in the head with Gandalf's staff. "Therefore he is almost completely devoid of any intelligence," finished Elrond.
"But I thought that that was Legolas..."
"Shut up, fool of a Took," Legolas muttered.
"That is MY, um, thing...uh...well, anyways, it's MINE!" shouted Gandalf.
"ANYWAYS!" yelled Aragorn fiercely. "We all know now that Legolas has the knife and Pippin has the revolver! We need to deal again."
"I don't have the knife," said Legolas, "Gimli does."
"What?"
"I looked at his cards."
Gimli gasped and gave Legolas a murderous look.
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT OTHER PLAYERS' CARDS!" screamed Aragorn exasperatedly.
"King Aragorn of Gondor," boomed Elrond, making Aragorn shrink back and look at the Lord in fear. "You will NOT raise your voice like that in my Home! Do you understand?"
"Y-yes, Lord Elrond..."
"Good. May it be known that Elves have very sensitive hearing, thus making even the whispers of wind known to our ears."
"...He's very poetic, really," said Merry. Elrond looked at him, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
"Really?" he squealed, clapping his hands.
"Eh...really."
"Really, really?"
"Really, really," said Merry, somewhat impatient.
"Really, really, really?"
"Yes! Really!"
"Really, really, really, rea---"
"Ahh!"
So...they dealt the cards again and Aragorn, at a very slow speed, explained the rules and object of the game. And they started again.
They got along fine for the first ten minutes, but then (after finding another pair of hose stashed in Elrohir's drawers and putting them on) Elrond discovered that you could *really* annoy people when you fling your semi-wet hair in their faces as you ski past them.
The reason the hose were in Elrohir's drawers were due to the fact that he had once drank a *little* to much wine and had tried skiing while shouting stupid rhythms, but unfortunately didn't get the thrill that his father did.
So Elrond snatched them, put them on and resumed his annoying antics.
And only after Aragorn and Legolas threatened to tear his hair of and make him wear a cheap toupee had he finally stopped and went back to just skiing...and crashing into objects...and scaring the heck out of Boromir...and calling Legolas a bloobie...and shouting out random little rhythms such as "Popcorn butter and leaves in your gutter, Aragorn's hair grease and roasted geese"...and...
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
"I accuse Mr. Green in the Bathroom with the Comic Book," said Legolas, leaning back in his chair triumphantly.
"Legolas," sighed Aragorn, "There is no Bathroom, there is no Comic Book, and we all no that you have the Mr. Green card. Are you insane?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Because you accused and innocent character of killing Mr. Boddy with a nonexistent weapon in a room that can't really be called a room and isn't even in the game!"
"...Your point was?"
"You lose the game if you're wrong," said Aragorn flatly.
"Oh...okay. I accuse Mr. Green---"
"Pippin, Merry, it's your turn," sighed Aragorn.
Pippin squealed with delight and grabbed the die off the board. "Alrighty, Mr. Dice, show papa the money..." he said, shaking the die in his hands.
"Come on, Pip, you can do it..." urged Merry. "...For the sake of us all, roll quickly!"
Pippin nodded, sweat forming on his brow. He slowly let his hand open and the die rolled off it toward the board. It stopped, supernaturally, in mid-air and Pippin quickly grabbed the die again. "I can't do it!" he wailed. "I must...TALK to it!"
Legolas gasped and became bug-eyed.
"I must...DANCE for it!"
Legolas swayed slightly, trying desperately to breath and Aragorn muttered, "Oh, good grief, not again..."
"And I must...SING to it!"
Legolas keeled over and fell out of his chair. Gimli howled with laughter as the Elf hit his head on the edge of the table and almost blew up laughing when Elrond skied over Legolas' hair, successfully ripping a good portion of his head. Aragorn and the rest hobbits repeatedly slapped their foreheads, muttering "Why me?" and "I'm gonna die...". Boromir screamed like a little girl as Legolas hit his head on the table, shouting "Oh, dumb Elf! Thou hast angered the sharp and/or pointy objects!"
Pippin opened his mouth to sing.
"AIIII!" Elrond's scream made them all jump and made Boromir fly into the air again, "Heeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeee....". Aragorn jumped up out of his seat, making it topple over, hand on the hilt of his sword. "'Tis Elrond! He is in peril," he said solemnly. "Shall we run, fellow men, or shall we ride? Whichever way we go, we must make haste! For the Lord is in peril!" He unsheathed sword and gave a kingly cry.
Legolas rose, as if Pippin had never made him keel over, and stared solemnly at Aragorn. After a moment he couldn't come up with a response so he just grabbed his bow that was laying by the front door. Gimli jumped up to get his weapon, followed by the hobbits and Boromir, who had miraculously lost his phobia of sharp and/or pointy objects, for he picked up his sword as if the blade was no big deal.
"The Lord Elrond is in peril, make haste!" yelled Aragorn again.
To this, Legolas, still with his solemn expression, replied with: "No duh."
"We must go swiftly, men!" cried Aragorn, ignoring Legolas. "And save the Lord Elrond!" When no reply came, he turned, sword still raised above his head, and saw his companions just staring at him with equally solemn expressions, save Pippin who was busy babbling on about "Elevensies" and "Second Breakfast".
"Come fellow men!" shouted Aragorn again. "We must go, for my arm is starting to get tired, and the Lord is in per---"
At that, Elrond skied out into the hall screeching the way only Elf Lords could, holding a manila folder in his hands. He stopped screeching for a moment, studied the folder closely, then started running toward Aragorn, resuming his deafening screech.
Sadly, though, one cannot run in hose so it was more of a "run while screaming, slip and fall, then get up again, and continue screaming and running and falling" kind of thing.
"Eee---" screeched Elrond, but was cut off when he fell. "Eee---" fall, "Eee---" fall, "Eee---" fall... This went one for about ten minutes, for the hall was very long and Elrond had become...brainless over the years.
When Elrond finally managed to get to the table, Aragorn (who, as well as the rest of them, was rather disappointed that he couldn't save anyone, seeing as it had been a loooooooong time since he last did) and Legolas had played three games of Go Fish, Gimli had braided and re-braided his beard, Gandalf kept saying "Mellon. Mellon. I *knew* that one. I *knew* it!" over and over to himself, the hobbits danced and ate, and Boromir kept looking around suspiciously, and muttering to himself, and they had all played one game of clue.
"I found it!" screamed Elrond giddily, slapping the folder down on the table.
"Found what?" asked Aragorn, looking up.
"Oh, don't look so forlorn, son!"
At that moment, Pippin decided to break out in song. "SAM LIKES TATERS, SAM LIKE TATERS, BUT WHEN I SAY SOMETHIN' BAD--HINT HINT-- HE TURNS RED LIKE A MATER! DUH DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! DUM DUMAH DUM DUMMMM! BLAHDY BLAHDY BLAAA---" He, of course, got beaned.
"Fool of a Took," muttered Gandalf.
"So...anyway...what were you saying?" asked Aragorn, looking flummoxed.
"Er...um, yes," said Elrond, looking equally flummoxed. Aragorn and Elrond did a great job at looking flummoxed, 'cause they're the best flummoxers in all the world. Of course, Elrond is a better flummoxer looker than Aragorn, because he's older and that's where Aragorn learned how to look flummoxed...and somewhat constipated...
"Yes, er, anyways, what I have here in my hands, gentlemen," said Elrond. "I the reason why all of you were summoned here tonight!"
DUN DUN DUN!!! THE REASON WHY YOU ARE ALL HERE TONIGHT!!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!
I really truly wonder why it took me so long to write this chapter. Anywho, Thanks to Oddwen for my first review! And thanks to Emyreal and Stormhawk for the other two!
Fanfiction.net screwed it up so you will have to try to figure it out a bit, but if the seating order was a bit confusing in the story here's a picture for you:
Elrond
_____
Legolas1 1Aragorn
Gimli 1 1Gandalf
Boromir1 1Pippin
Sam 1 1Merry
-------
Frodo
I hope that helps. Please review and give me your thoughts!
The next chapter will have the Super Sleuths AKA Haldir, Orophin, and Rùmil! Yeah!
Oh, and I changed a few things in the first chapter to make it better so if you want to read it again... And "maters" means something else, I know, but maters in this story is short for "tomatoes".
Elrond, much to the relief of them all, stopped crying and looked up at Legolas gratefully.
"Thank God," Aragorn muttered.
"Since you stupidly ruined the pair you have on, you big, fat cry-baby moron," finished Legolas.
Elrond stood up and stuck his tongue out at Legolas. He blew a raspberry at the blonde-haired Elf then ran away to sit down next to Boromir.
"Legolas, you moron," sighed Aragorn. "When will you learn to shut your face?"
Legolas wiped the spit of his face then leaned back in his chair, with a distressed expression. "Do you think this will ruin my hair?" he asked Gimli.
"Fool of a Greenleaf!" shouted Gandalf before Gimli could reply. "Of course it ruins your hair! Spit is 100% hair-messing-upish! Especially the Lord Elrond's! Why do you think I never sit by the spluttering fool at secret councils? Shut your face, you fool of a Took!" yelled Gandalf at the frightened hobbit that was sitting next to him (because Elrond, being the retarded fool that he was, assigned the seats in this order: himself at the head, Aragorn to his left, Legolas to his right, Gimli to the left of Legolas, Boromir (who was now sitting fearfully back in his seat) to the left of Gimli, Sam to the left Boromir and to the right of Frodo (who sat at the end), Merry to the left of Frodo, Pippin to the left of Merry, and Gandalf to the left of Pippin and to the right of Aragorn. (There's a picture at the bottom) )
"But I didn't---" started Pippin.
Gandalf held up his cane/walking stick/ staff/ tree branch and zapped the poor, mentally challenged hobbit. "Fool of a Took!"
Meanwhile...
"We only have one person left, Mr. Frodo!" said Sam, horror-stricken. "And it's Colonel Mustard..."
Pippin and Merry shared a devious smile then looked at their own people.
"Oi!" shouted Pippin. "We only have one person left, too!"
"Who is it?" asked Frodo.
"It's Bob," sighed Merry. "The lamebrain."
"...What happened to Ms. Scarlet?"
"She blew up in a terrible explosion."
"...Well wouldn't that make us the victors?"
"Oh, you didn't blow her up, Pippin did. He threw a grenade in the toilet while she was putting her makeup on."
Frodo and Sam stared at the hobbits that led the Apple-people.
"Eh...yes then..."
Meanwhile...again...
"Yeah, stupid Elf," said Gimli, resuming the conversation with Legolas that had never really started. "I know much about gross things such as saliva."
"Sure you do," Legolas muttered. "You practically *are* a gross thing."
"Are you questioning my knowledge, Elf!"
"If that's what you call it, yeah."
"Well have it your way, Elf!"
"I have a name you know."
Gimli grinned evilly and reached into his tunic. He pulled out a bar of Dove soap, carefully sealed in a plastic container. "Ha, stupid Elf! I have here in this little box the bane of all Dwarves! Now do
you---"
"O-oh! Soap! Thanks, Gimli, I really need this. I haven't bathed in two hours."
"But..."
"Fool of a...um... oh, never mind," Gandalf muttered. "What is it with lack of names here? Legolas, Pippin, Sam, Merry, and Frodo are the only ones who get last names! Well that's just stupid. From now on I will be Gandalf Grey, Gimli will be Gimli Slimly...no...that won't do...wait, he will be Gimli Flimsy, Aragorn will be Aragorn Imahorn, and Boromir will be Boromir Deadguy. Any objections?"
Aragorn opened his mouth to say something, but Gandalf zapped him with his cane/walking stick/ staff/ tree branch. "Any objections?"
Pippin opened his mouth and Gandalf aimed the multi-purposed zapping tool equipped with mine-lighting action at the hobbit's mouth. "Spare me!" screeched Pippin, holding his arms up in defense. "I just wanted to know when we could begin."
"I don't---" started Boromir. Before he could finish, though, Elrond skied up behind him and said, in a deep voice, "Good-bye, Mr. Deadguy," making Boromir squeal a not-as-girlish-as-Legolas'-squeal and making him jump up into the air.
"We can start now!" screeched Elrond, twirling around in circles. He twirled into the table, he twirled into Gandalf's chair, he twirled into Boromir, sending him flying up in the air again, he twirled into the door, he twirled into doorframe, and he twirled into the bathroom, tripped on the pink rug and landed headfirst into the toilet.
Legolas calmly walked into the bathroom, flushed the toilet with Elrond's head still snugly fit into the bowl, then walked back to his chair. "Swirly," he said to Aragorn with a content smile.
"DEALING!" screamed Sam suddenly. He grabbed the cards then jumped up onto the table and started throwing cards at each of their faces, including himself. "I'M DEALING, PEOPLE! DEALING, DEALING, DEALING!"
"Sam---" started Pippin.
"Shut-up, fool of a Took!" yelled Gandalf, beaning the hobbit on the head.
"Uh...Sam? That's not how you deal," said Frodo, staring concerned at his team-mate and wondering if he should still play the game with him.
"DEAL--- What? It's not?"
"No."
Sam looked up at the rest and, seeing their angry faces, blushed and sat back down.
"Fool of a Gamgee," Gandalf muttered, watching the now unconscious Pippin drool on his sleeve.
Frodo civilly dealt the cards and the game FINALLY started.
"Alright," said Aragorn, taking charge as usual, "Write little check marks in the blanks next to the room, weapon, or suspect that you have."
They started, but Pippin woke up with a start and screamed. "I didn't kill the oranges, mummsy dearest! I swear! It was Frankensteinbob!"
"SHUT-UP, FOOL OF A TOOK!" roared Gandalf.
"Well, sor-rey! I'm on an everlasting quest for knowledge, grampsy old chum!"
"When did you start?" Legolas sneered. "Last week?"
"Shut-up, girly Elf!"
"Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before!"
"Your hair, face, and eyes are ugly. You walk like a clumsy oaf, you look like you're always wearing clothes made by Barbie. And you fight like a woman! And you smell like a wet dog. And you suck at videogames. Remember last week when Frodo and the rest of us invited you over to play The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers videogame and you sucked at being yourself? You couldn't even play Gimli. And he's the easiest character to be. And he also stinks."
Legolas paled and the others snickered.
"Hey, wait a minute..." said Gimli.
"Very good, Pippin," said Gandalf with a smile. "But you are still a fool," he added quickly.
Aragorn cleared his throat loudly. "As I was saying," he growled. "A check mark inside the box by a card that you hold in your hand."
Okay...NOW they began the game.
Everyone busily checked their little detective papers, Pippin and Legolas stopping every once in a while and mouthing out a word a few billion times before their faces finally lit up in understanding.
"Hey, um, Aragorn?" asked Legolas looking at Gimli then to Aragorn. "What's a ku-nife?"
Aragorn frowned. "Is it spelled k-n-i-f-e?"
"Yeah."
"That's 'knife', Legolas."
"Oh. What is dan-druff? And does it taste good?"
Aragorn looked oddly at the Elf. A thought struck him suddenly (which was quite rare) and he opened his mouth to voice it, but Pippin interrupted. "Aragorn? What's a re-volv-er?"
"I...I don't know."
"Well why the heck not?
"It is because he is a bloobie, young hobbit," said Elrond solemnly. He had his wet hair tied up into a fluffy towel and the front of his robes was soaked. No, he did NOT have an accident, though Legolas mentioned this all to happily, earning him a bean in the head with Gandalf's staff. "Therefore he is almost completely devoid of any intelligence," finished Elrond.
"But I thought that that was Legolas..."
"Shut up, fool of a Took," Legolas muttered.
"That is MY, um, thing...uh...well, anyways, it's MINE!" shouted Gandalf.
"ANYWAYS!" yelled Aragorn fiercely. "We all know now that Legolas has the knife and Pippin has the revolver! We need to deal again."
"I don't have the knife," said Legolas, "Gimli does."
"What?"
"I looked at his cards."
Gimli gasped and gave Legolas a murderous look.
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT OTHER PLAYERS' CARDS!" screamed Aragorn exasperatedly.
"King Aragorn of Gondor," boomed Elrond, making Aragorn shrink back and look at the Lord in fear. "You will NOT raise your voice like that in my Home! Do you understand?"
"Y-yes, Lord Elrond..."
"Good. May it be known that Elves have very sensitive hearing, thus making even the whispers of wind known to our ears."
"...He's very poetic, really," said Merry. Elrond looked at him, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
"Really?" he squealed, clapping his hands.
"Eh...really."
"Really, really?"
"Really, really," said Merry, somewhat impatient.
"Really, really, really?"
"Yes! Really!"
"Really, really, really, rea---"
"Ahh!"
So...they dealt the cards again and Aragorn, at a very slow speed, explained the rules and object of the game. And they started again.
They got along fine for the first ten minutes, but then (after finding another pair of hose stashed in Elrohir's drawers and putting them on) Elrond discovered that you could *really* annoy people when you fling your semi-wet hair in their faces as you ski past them.
The reason the hose were in Elrohir's drawers were due to the fact that he had once drank a *little* to much wine and had tried skiing while shouting stupid rhythms, but unfortunately didn't get the thrill that his father did.
So Elrond snatched them, put them on and resumed his annoying antics.
And only after Aragorn and Legolas threatened to tear his hair of and make him wear a cheap toupee had he finally stopped and went back to just skiing...and crashing into objects...and scaring the heck out of Boromir...and calling Legolas a bloobie...and shouting out random little rhythms such as "Popcorn butter and leaves in your gutter, Aragorn's hair grease and roasted geese"...and...
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
"I accuse Mr. Green in the Bathroom with the Comic Book," said Legolas, leaning back in his chair triumphantly.
"Legolas," sighed Aragorn, "There is no Bathroom, there is no Comic Book, and we all no that you have the Mr. Green card. Are you insane?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Because you accused and innocent character of killing Mr. Boddy with a nonexistent weapon in a room that can't really be called a room and isn't even in the game!"
"...Your point was?"
"You lose the game if you're wrong," said Aragorn flatly.
"Oh...okay. I accuse Mr. Green---"
"Pippin, Merry, it's your turn," sighed Aragorn.
Pippin squealed with delight and grabbed the die off the board. "Alrighty, Mr. Dice, show papa the money..." he said, shaking the die in his hands.
"Come on, Pip, you can do it..." urged Merry. "...For the sake of us all, roll quickly!"
Pippin nodded, sweat forming on his brow. He slowly let his hand open and the die rolled off it toward the board. It stopped, supernaturally, in mid-air and Pippin quickly grabbed the die again. "I can't do it!" he wailed. "I must...TALK to it!"
Legolas gasped and became bug-eyed.
"I must...DANCE for it!"
Legolas swayed slightly, trying desperately to breath and Aragorn muttered, "Oh, good grief, not again..."
"And I must...SING to it!"
Legolas keeled over and fell out of his chair. Gimli howled with laughter as the Elf hit his head on the edge of the table and almost blew up laughing when Elrond skied over Legolas' hair, successfully ripping a good portion of his head. Aragorn and the rest hobbits repeatedly slapped their foreheads, muttering "Why me?" and "I'm gonna die...". Boromir screamed like a little girl as Legolas hit his head on the table, shouting "Oh, dumb Elf! Thou hast angered the sharp and/or pointy objects!"
Pippin opened his mouth to sing.
"AIIII!" Elrond's scream made them all jump and made Boromir fly into the air again, "Heeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeee....". Aragorn jumped up out of his seat, making it topple over, hand on the hilt of his sword. "'Tis Elrond! He is in peril," he said solemnly. "Shall we run, fellow men, or shall we ride? Whichever way we go, we must make haste! For the Lord is in peril!" He unsheathed sword and gave a kingly cry.
Legolas rose, as if Pippin had never made him keel over, and stared solemnly at Aragorn. After a moment he couldn't come up with a response so he just grabbed his bow that was laying by the front door. Gimli jumped up to get his weapon, followed by the hobbits and Boromir, who had miraculously lost his phobia of sharp and/or pointy objects, for he picked up his sword as if the blade was no big deal.
"The Lord Elrond is in peril, make haste!" yelled Aragorn again.
To this, Legolas, still with his solemn expression, replied with: "No duh."
"We must go swiftly, men!" cried Aragorn, ignoring Legolas. "And save the Lord Elrond!" When no reply came, he turned, sword still raised above his head, and saw his companions just staring at him with equally solemn expressions, save Pippin who was busy babbling on about "Elevensies" and "Second Breakfast".
"Come fellow men!" shouted Aragorn again. "We must go, for my arm is starting to get tired, and the Lord is in per---"
At that, Elrond skied out into the hall screeching the way only Elf Lords could, holding a manila folder in his hands. He stopped screeching for a moment, studied the folder closely, then started running toward Aragorn, resuming his deafening screech.
Sadly, though, one cannot run in hose so it was more of a "run while screaming, slip and fall, then get up again, and continue screaming and running and falling" kind of thing.
"Eee---" screeched Elrond, but was cut off when he fell. "Eee---" fall, "Eee---" fall, "Eee---" fall... This went one for about ten minutes, for the hall was very long and Elrond had become...brainless over the years.
When Elrond finally managed to get to the table, Aragorn (who, as well as the rest of them, was rather disappointed that he couldn't save anyone, seeing as it had been a loooooooong time since he last did) and Legolas had played three games of Go Fish, Gimli had braided and re-braided his beard, Gandalf kept saying "Mellon. Mellon. I *knew* that one. I *knew* it!" over and over to himself, the hobbits danced and ate, and Boromir kept looking around suspiciously, and muttering to himself, and they had all played one game of clue.
"I found it!" screamed Elrond giddily, slapping the folder down on the table.
"Found what?" asked Aragorn, looking up.
"Oh, don't look so forlorn, son!"
At that moment, Pippin decided to break out in song. "SAM LIKES TATERS, SAM LIKE TATERS, BUT WHEN I SAY SOMETHIN' BAD--HINT HINT-- HE TURNS RED LIKE A MATER! DUH DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! DUM DUMAH DUM DUMMMM! BLAHDY BLAHDY BLAAA---" He, of course, got beaned.
"Fool of a Took," muttered Gandalf.
"So...anyway...what were you saying?" asked Aragorn, looking flummoxed.
"Er...um, yes," said Elrond, looking equally flummoxed. Aragorn and Elrond did a great job at looking flummoxed, 'cause they're the best flummoxers in all the world. Of course, Elrond is a better flummoxer looker than Aragorn, because he's older and that's where Aragorn learned how to look flummoxed...and somewhat constipated...
"Yes, er, anyways, what I have here in my hands, gentlemen," said Elrond. "I the reason why all of you were summoned here tonight!"
DUN DUN DUN!!! THE REASON WHY YOU ARE ALL HERE TONIGHT!!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!
I really truly wonder why it took me so long to write this chapter. Anywho, Thanks to Oddwen for my first review! And thanks to Emyreal and Stormhawk for the other two!
Fanfiction.net screwed it up so you will have to try to figure it out a bit, but if the seating order was a bit confusing in the story here's a picture for you:
Elrond
_____
Legolas1 1Aragorn
Gimli 1 1Gandalf
Boromir1 1Pippin
Sam 1 1Merry
-------
Frodo
I hope that helps. Please review and give me your thoughts!
The next chapter will have the Super Sleuths AKA Haldir, Orophin, and Rùmil! Yeah!
Oh, and I changed a few things in the first chapter to make it better so if you want to read it again... And "maters" means something else, I know, but maters in this story is short for "tomatoes".