Clue: Chapter Three
"What on Middle-earth are you talking about, Master Elf?" demanded Gimli. "I thought I was here to steal all yer ale, matey! And loot yer hose stocks and taters! And take the sheep and women," he added as an afterthought. "BWA HA HA HA HA!"
Elrond, Pippin, Merry, and Sam gasped. "NOOOOOO!" they wailed simultaneous.
Gimli stared at them. "MARY-SUE! Get that cute butt out 'ere and welcome our visitors! And get me some more mutton, gosh darnit! I'm practically starvin' ta death, woman! What you wantin' me ta do? DIE?!"
"Oh, shut up, fool of a Flimsy!" shouted Gandalf. "Can't you see that Elrond has something important to say?"
"Shut yer mouth, you stupid, pointy hat wearin', ugly, foolish, yeller bellied, horse dung pinecone head!" screamed Gimli.
All was silent as Gandalf turned a deep shade of crimson. But it was not out of embarrassment...
There was a sharp crack that thundered through the House, nearly waking every Elf in Imladris.
All stared at Gandalf, who was hovering over Gimli's unconscious body. The top part of his staff was dangling from the lower part and he was breathing heavily, contemplating on whether or not he should hit another one of them.
Pippin saw this and quickly scrambled out of his chair and threw his arms up into the air, shouting, "Oh, wonderful Gandalf! Thou hast shutteth the moronic dwarf upeth! We thanketh thee, oh mighty...wizard-man! Please, spareth us from your terrible rage so that we may playeth the Clue game in one piece and not many...eth."
Pippin closed his eyes, awaiting the bean on the head--or the whack. But Gandalf instead turned to Sam and hit him upside the head with his broken staff.
"Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee," he shouted, "stop whimpering!"
Elrond, enraged that Gandalf dared to hit his guests, grew tall, dark, and menacing like only Elf Lords and Ladies can. "Gandalf Grey!" he boomed. Gandalf stopped his staff headed for Aragorn's head for being such a fool and thinking that he had died in Moria in mid-swing and stared up at Elrond.
"How *dare* you hit my guests!" shouted Elrond. "You have no right to perform such actions in Imladris."
Gandalf frowned, growing angry. "And what have you to say about it, you pointy-eared fool?"
Elrond stared at him, shocked.
"That's right," said Gandalf with a smile, earning the desired action from Elrond, who started trembling with rage. "Your ears are stupid! They're too pointy and make you look like a freak. Stupid ears, stupid ears la la la la la la!" he sang, dancing around. "They're *pansy* ears!"
Elrond shrunk back to normal size and skied toward Gandalf and punched him square in the face.
"What in the world possessed you to do that?!" yelled Gandalf as he staggered backwards, holding his bleeding nose.
"You called my ears stupid!" shouted Elrond in a child-like way. "You insulted my ears!"
"So? What are you going to do about, you dumb Elf?"
Elrond's eyes became little slits and, with a growl, he lunged at Gandalf. There was a dull thud as they both hit the floor.
"Get off of my stomach!" yelled Gandalf, trying unsuccessfully to push the Elf Lord off of him.
"No!" shouted Elrond stubbornly. "You called my ears stupid!"
"That's because they are!"
Elrond wrapped his fingers around the wizard's neck and started repeatedly knocking the Istari's head against the floor.
"Ugly...old...man!" Elrond growled. "They...are...not...stupid!"
Gandalf started making "ghack" noises, frightening the other guests and making Gimli, who had regained consciousness in the past few moments, howl with laughter.
"I can't---breath!" choked Gandalf, and sent a glare at Gimli.
"Say it! Say they're not stupid!" growled Elrond.
"Never!"
"Say it, you stupid duck!"
"...a duck?" Gandalf made an attempt to laugh but it came out like "hurge".
"SAY IT!"
"All right, all right! Elrond Peredhil's ears are not stupid!"
"And?"
"They should be sliced off so no one should suffer from seeing them."
"ARG!"
"No, no! They should be revered above all other ears!" cried Gandalf as Elrond's grip tightened around his neck.
"Very good," said Elrond with a smile. "Now what about the 'pansy' part?"
At this time Aragorn and Legolas had snapped out of their stupor and were now dragging Elrond off Gandalf.
"What about the 'pansy' part?!" screeched Elrond kicking his legs and squirming in vain to get free. "What about it? Huh? HUH? WHAT ABOUT THE PANSY PART?!" He started wailing about his ears having no respect as Legolas and Aragorn dragged him away from Gandalf, who was now standing and mumbling something about Elves and their ears.
After a few moments Elrond had regained his composure and stood once again at the head of the table, holding his manila folder. He cleared his throat loudly so all he weren't listening--meaning Pippin, who was 'tra la la la la-ling' to himself--would pay attention to him.
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old..." said Elrond, a solemn expression on his face.
Legolas leaned forward and spoke to Aragorn as Elrond paused to look hard at each one of them in turn. "...Doesn't this seem...familiar?" whispered Legolas. Aragorn opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Pippin.
"Oh, Valar!" cried the young hobbit. "I'm stuck in *this* dream again! Blah, blah, blah doom to the world blah, blah, blah we're all going to die if you don't do something blah, blah, blah I'm just a dumb Elf, not capable of doing anything but bossing people around blah, blah, bl--"
Gandalf beaned 'im.
Unfazed, Elrond continued: "You have been summoned here for...a reason other than to answer the threat of Mordor..." Elrond turned a deep shade of crimson. "I didn't really think of the rest of it..."
Legolas rolled his eyes. "So what else is new?"
Elrond sent a death glare his way then tried to continue. "Uh... You have been, eh...summoned here?"
"You said that already," said Merry flatly.
"Strangers of all...lands?"
"That too," said Gandalf, rolling his eyes.
"Stupid cows from Bree?"
"You al--no, wait..." said Pippin, scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Er, other than the threat--"
"SAID IT!" yelled Aragorn.
"...of Mordor?"
"Master Elrond, sir, what is in the folder?" asked Sam quietly, pointing at the manila folder.
Elrond stared at Sam blankly for a few moments before his face lit up. "Oooh! Thank you, Samwise!" he squealed, doing a little hop and making all, save Pippin, who was unconscious, and Sam, who just sat there and blushed, roll their eyes.
"Now," said Elrond, "I will show you the *real* reason you were summoned here tonight! It is because of the fact that you are all being bla---"
"Tra LA la la la LA! LA LA LA LA LA LA!" sang/screamed Pippin, suddenly regaining consciousness, and throwing his arms in the air. Unfortunately, his right hand hit Gandalf square in the nose and made the poor wizard tip his chair backwards and fall to the ground. Pippin made a hasty apology while Gandalf repeatedly whacked him on the head with his broken staff, all the while screaming "FOOL OF A TOOK!".
When this small ordeal was over, Elrond continued, though rather uncertainly.
"As I was saying," he said, pausing to clear his throat, "The *real* reason you were summoned here tonight was because all of you are being bla---"
The front door opened suddenly with a loud bang, making all of them jump, save Elrond, who starting banging his fist down onto the table repeatedly and yelling at no one in particular.
A bedraggled and wet Elf skidded into the hall and ran toward them, all the while trying to keep from falling flat on his face.
"Lord Elrond! Lord Elrond!" he cried sliding a bit before, panting, he reached the table. "Forgive me if I am late, but I do have a good reason...Lord Elrond..." He looked uncertain and he had an odd tone in his voice.
Elrond glared at him. "I was in the middle of talking!" he yelled, slamming his fist down onto the table. "Who raised you? I would really like to know, for if they are anywhere near as rude as you, then I wish to speak with them!" He slammed his fist down onto the table again, all the while glaring at the Elf.
The Elf stared owlishly at him, not accustomed to this side of his Lord. "Has he been at the wine?" he asked, nudging Frodo a bit, who slapped his arm angrily.
"I am not a thing which you can poke and prod, Master Elf, and it would be greatly appreciated if you didn't do so!" yelled the hobbit. "And, no, I have not seen him with any wine."
The Elf sighed and walked to the head of the table. "Excuse me, Lord Elrond, but this is my seat."
The guests watched in astonishment, save Pippin, who was 'tra la la la la-ling' again, as the Elf pushed Elrond aside and sat down at the head of the table. The Elf squirmed in his chair for a moment, trying to get comfortable, and Elrond kept muttering something over and over again as he stood by his side.
"Elrond, why are you allowing such an Elf to do that to you?" asked Merry.
"Because he is but a mere butler of Rivendell," said the Elf with a secretive smile. Elrond harrumphed loudly, stomping a foot.
"Liar, liar pants on a telephone wire!" he yelled.
"It's 'liar, liar pants on fire', Elrond," said the Elf.
"Well, you would know...liar," muttered Elrond, crossing his arms and turning his back to the Elf.
"No..." said Boromir. "He is *Lord* Elrond of Rivendell."
"Imladris," corrected Aragorn.
"Same thing."
"Well, no, it's not the same thing. Rivendell and Imladris are spelled different and they don't rhyme and they don't---"
"It *means* the same thing."
"Oh, yes, it does."
Boromir rolled his eyes and Aragorn stuck his tongue out at him, but quickly put it back in his mouth when Legolas pretended to try to cut it off, making Boromir once again scream "Oh, sharp and/or pointy objects!" and hide under the table.
"Well, who are you then?" asked Gandalf, pointing at the Elf.
"My name is Mylenia Superduperhappyman."
"Mylenia?" Legolas snorted. "That is a name fit for a female!"
"Why do you think people call me Mr. Superduperhappyman instead?" said Mr. Superduperhappyman with a frown.
"Well, that name makes you sound like Barney or something," remarked Merry, punching Pippin in the shoulder.
Pippin was suddenly inspired to sing.
"SDHM!" he sang/screeched. "SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! TRALALALALALALA! SUPER--DUPER--HAPPY--MAN! SQUISH 'EM ALL TOGETHER AND IT'S SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! DUCKS AND GEESE, SMEL-LY FEET! PORK RINDS, AND POR-CU-PINES! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! ...I can't think of anything else..."
The reason Pippin had been able to sing until his song was finished was due to the fact that, though he tried, Gandalf couldn't hit him with his broken staff, for it fell short by a few inches and instead bonked its owner on the nose instead.
Mr. Superduperhappyman stared, bewildered. "I am also your host," he said after a moment.
Sam gasped. "But I thought Mister Elrond was our host!"
"Wrong-o."
"That is a stupid word!" snorted Elrond, hitting Mr. Superduperhappyman upside the head. "Don't use it!" Seeing that all was unnaturally quiet, he said: "The *real* reason you were invited tonight was because..." he paused and made sure everyone was listening. "Is because all of you are being blackmailed!"
He smiled broadly as he finally finished his sentence.
~
~
~
~
~
Short? Yes. Well, maybe. It was four pages long. Stupid? Yes. Lacking in humor? Uh...maybe. You tell me. Sorry it took so long. You can all thank punky for it being up today ; ) He...pushed me to write faster.
Me muse (I guess you could call him Elrond since he...uh...*is* Elrond): HE YELLED AT US! *sniff* Waaaaahh!! *runs off to ski with story-Elrond*
Anywho, I wrote another story. It's one of those Fan mail things were you--the prized, wonderful, great, etc. reviewers ASK QUESTIONS (hint hint...couldn't get more obvious) and the characters ANSWER THE QUESTIONS. So...yeah. It looks like The Super Sleuths will have to wait. *sigh* Poor, unappreciated Elves.
BYE! I hope to get the next chapter up before next week!
"What on Middle-earth are you talking about, Master Elf?" demanded Gimli. "I thought I was here to steal all yer ale, matey! And loot yer hose stocks and taters! And take the sheep and women," he added as an afterthought. "BWA HA HA HA HA!"
Elrond, Pippin, Merry, and Sam gasped. "NOOOOOO!" they wailed simultaneous.
Gimli stared at them. "MARY-SUE! Get that cute butt out 'ere and welcome our visitors! And get me some more mutton, gosh darnit! I'm practically starvin' ta death, woman! What you wantin' me ta do? DIE?!"
"Oh, shut up, fool of a Flimsy!" shouted Gandalf. "Can't you see that Elrond has something important to say?"
"Shut yer mouth, you stupid, pointy hat wearin', ugly, foolish, yeller bellied, horse dung pinecone head!" screamed Gimli.
All was silent as Gandalf turned a deep shade of crimson. But it was not out of embarrassment...
There was a sharp crack that thundered through the House, nearly waking every Elf in Imladris.
All stared at Gandalf, who was hovering over Gimli's unconscious body. The top part of his staff was dangling from the lower part and he was breathing heavily, contemplating on whether or not he should hit another one of them.
Pippin saw this and quickly scrambled out of his chair and threw his arms up into the air, shouting, "Oh, wonderful Gandalf! Thou hast shutteth the moronic dwarf upeth! We thanketh thee, oh mighty...wizard-man! Please, spareth us from your terrible rage so that we may playeth the Clue game in one piece and not many...eth."
Pippin closed his eyes, awaiting the bean on the head--or the whack. But Gandalf instead turned to Sam and hit him upside the head with his broken staff.
"Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee," he shouted, "stop whimpering!"
Elrond, enraged that Gandalf dared to hit his guests, grew tall, dark, and menacing like only Elf Lords and Ladies can. "Gandalf Grey!" he boomed. Gandalf stopped his staff headed for Aragorn's head for being such a fool and thinking that he had died in Moria in mid-swing and stared up at Elrond.
"How *dare* you hit my guests!" shouted Elrond. "You have no right to perform such actions in Imladris."
Gandalf frowned, growing angry. "And what have you to say about it, you pointy-eared fool?"
Elrond stared at him, shocked.
"That's right," said Gandalf with a smile, earning the desired action from Elrond, who started trembling with rage. "Your ears are stupid! They're too pointy and make you look like a freak. Stupid ears, stupid ears la la la la la la!" he sang, dancing around. "They're *pansy* ears!"
Elrond shrunk back to normal size and skied toward Gandalf and punched him square in the face.
"What in the world possessed you to do that?!" yelled Gandalf as he staggered backwards, holding his bleeding nose.
"You called my ears stupid!" shouted Elrond in a child-like way. "You insulted my ears!"
"So? What are you going to do about, you dumb Elf?"
Elrond's eyes became little slits and, with a growl, he lunged at Gandalf. There was a dull thud as they both hit the floor.
"Get off of my stomach!" yelled Gandalf, trying unsuccessfully to push the Elf Lord off of him.
"No!" shouted Elrond stubbornly. "You called my ears stupid!"
"That's because they are!"
Elrond wrapped his fingers around the wizard's neck and started repeatedly knocking the Istari's head against the floor.
"Ugly...old...man!" Elrond growled. "They...are...not...stupid!"
Gandalf started making "ghack" noises, frightening the other guests and making Gimli, who had regained consciousness in the past few moments, howl with laughter.
"I can't---breath!" choked Gandalf, and sent a glare at Gimli.
"Say it! Say they're not stupid!" growled Elrond.
"Never!"
"Say it, you stupid duck!"
"...a duck?" Gandalf made an attempt to laugh but it came out like "hurge".
"SAY IT!"
"All right, all right! Elrond Peredhil's ears are not stupid!"
"And?"
"They should be sliced off so no one should suffer from seeing them."
"ARG!"
"No, no! They should be revered above all other ears!" cried Gandalf as Elrond's grip tightened around his neck.
"Very good," said Elrond with a smile. "Now what about the 'pansy' part?"
At this time Aragorn and Legolas had snapped out of their stupor and were now dragging Elrond off Gandalf.
"What about the 'pansy' part?!" screeched Elrond kicking his legs and squirming in vain to get free. "What about it? Huh? HUH? WHAT ABOUT THE PANSY PART?!" He started wailing about his ears having no respect as Legolas and Aragorn dragged him away from Gandalf, who was now standing and mumbling something about Elves and their ears.
After a few moments Elrond had regained his composure and stood once again at the head of the table, holding his manila folder. He cleared his throat loudly so all he weren't listening--meaning Pippin, who was 'tra la la la la-ling' to himself--would pay attention to him.
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old..." said Elrond, a solemn expression on his face.
Legolas leaned forward and spoke to Aragorn as Elrond paused to look hard at each one of them in turn. "...Doesn't this seem...familiar?" whispered Legolas. Aragorn opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Pippin.
"Oh, Valar!" cried the young hobbit. "I'm stuck in *this* dream again! Blah, blah, blah doom to the world blah, blah, blah we're all going to die if you don't do something blah, blah, blah I'm just a dumb Elf, not capable of doing anything but bossing people around blah, blah, bl--"
Gandalf beaned 'im.
Unfazed, Elrond continued: "You have been summoned here for...a reason other than to answer the threat of Mordor..." Elrond turned a deep shade of crimson. "I didn't really think of the rest of it..."
Legolas rolled his eyes. "So what else is new?"
Elrond sent a death glare his way then tried to continue. "Uh... You have been, eh...summoned here?"
"You said that already," said Merry flatly.
"Strangers of all...lands?"
"That too," said Gandalf, rolling his eyes.
"Stupid cows from Bree?"
"You al--no, wait..." said Pippin, scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Er, other than the threat--"
"SAID IT!" yelled Aragorn.
"...of Mordor?"
"Master Elrond, sir, what is in the folder?" asked Sam quietly, pointing at the manila folder.
Elrond stared at Sam blankly for a few moments before his face lit up. "Oooh! Thank you, Samwise!" he squealed, doing a little hop and making all, save Pippin, who was unconscious, and Sam, who just sat there and blushed, roll their eyes.
"Now," said Elrond, "I will show you the *real* reason you were summoned here tonight! It is because of the fact that you are all being bla---"
"Tra LA la la la LA! LA LA LA LA LA LA!" sang/screamed Pippin, suddenly regaining consciousness, and throwing his arms in the air. Unfortunately, his right hand hit Gandalf square in the nose and made the poor wizard tip his chair backwards and fall to the ground. Pippin made a hasty apology while Gandalf repeatedly whacked him on the head with his broken staff, all the while screaming "FOOL OF A TOOK!".
When this small ordeal was over, Elrond continued, though rather uncertainly.
"As I was saying," he said, pausing to clear his throat, "The *real* reason you were summoned here tonight was because all of you are being bla---"
The front door opened suddenly with a loud bang, making all of them jump, save Elrond, who starting banging his fist down onto the table repeatedly and yelling at no one in particular.
A bedraggled and wet Elf skidded into the hall and ran toward them, all the while trying to keep from falling flat on his face.
"Lord Elrond! Lord Elrond!" he cried sliding a bit before, panting, he reached the table. "Forgive me if I am late, but I do have a good reason...Lord Elrond..." He looked uncertain and he had an odd tone in his voice.
Elrond glared at him. "I was in the middle of talking!" he yelled, slamming his fist down onto the table. "Who raised you? I would really like to know, for if they are anywhere near as rude as you, then I wish to speak with them!" He slammed his fist down onto the table again, all the while glaring at the Elf.
The Elf stared owlishly at him, not accustomed to this side of his Lord. "Has he been at the wine?" he asked, nudging Frodo a bit, who slapped his arm angrily.
"I am not a thing which you can poke and prod, Master Elf, and it would be greatly appreciated if you didn't do so!" yelled the hobbit. "And, no, I have not seen him with any wine."
The Elf sighed and walked to the head of the table. "Excuse me, Lord Elrond, but this is my seat."
The guests watched in astonishment, save Pippin, who was 'tra la la la la-ling' again, as the Elf pushed Elrond aside and sat down at the head of the table. The Elf squirmed in his chair for a moment, trying to get comfortable, and Elrond kept muttering something over and over again as he stood by his side.
"Elrond, why are you allowing such an Elf to do that to you?" asked Merry.
"Because he is but a mere butler of Rivendell," said the Elf with a secretive smile. Elrond harrumphed loudly, stomping a foot.
"Liar, liar pants on a telephone wire!" he yelled.
"It's 'liar, liar pants on fire', Elrond," said the Elf.
"Well, you would know...liar," muttered Elrond, crossing his arms and turning his back to the Elf.
"No..." said Boromir. "He is *Lord* Elrond of Rivendell."
"Imladris," corrected Aragorn.
"Same thing."
"Well, no, it's not the same thing. Rivendell and Imladris are spelled different and they don't rhyme and they don't---"
"It *means* the same thing."
"Oh, yes, it does."
Boromir rolled his eyes and Aragorn stuck his tongue out at him, but quickly put it back in his mouth when Legolas pretended to try to cut it off, making Boromir once again scream "Oh, sharp and/or pointy objects!" and hide under the table.
"Well, who are you then?" asked Gandalf, pointing at the Elf.
"My name is Mylenia Superduperhappyman."
"Mylenia?" Legolas snorted. "That is a name fit for a female!"
"Why do you think people call me Mr. Superduperhappyman instead?" said Mr. Superduperhappyman with a frown.
"Well, that name makes you sound like Barney or something," remarked Merry, punching Pippin in the shoulder.
Pippin was suddenly inspired to sing.
"SDHM!" he sang/screeched. "SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! TRALALALALALALA! SUPER--DUPER--HAPPY--MAN! SQUISH 'EM ALL TOGETHER AND IT'S SUPERDUPERHAPPYMAN! DUCKS AND GEESE, SMEL-LY FEET! PORK RINDS, AND POR-CU-PINES! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! ...I can't think of anything else..."
The reason Pippin had been able to sing until his song was finished was due to the fact that, though he tried, Gandalf couldn't hit him with his broken staff, for it fell short by a few inches and instead bonked its owner on the nose instead.
Mr. Superduperhappyman stared, bewildered. "I am also your host," he said after a moment.
Sam gasped. "But I thought Mister Elrond was our host!"
"Wrong-o."
"That is a stupid word!" snorted Elrond, hitting Mr. Superduperhappyman upside the head. "Don't use it!" Seeing that all was unnaturally quiet, he said: "The *real* reason you were invited tonight was because..." he paused and made sure everyone was listening. "Is because all of you are being blackmailed!"
He smiled broadly as he finally finished his sentence.
~
~
~
~
~
Short? Yes. Well, maybe. It was four pages long. Stupid? Yes. Lacking in humor? Uh...maybe. You tell me. Sorry it took so long. You can all thank punky for it being up today ; ) He...pushed me to write faster.
Me muse (I guess you could call him Elrond since he...uh...*is* Elrond): HE YELLED AT US! *sniff* Waaaaahh!! *runs off to ski with story-Elrond*
Anywho, I wrote another story. It's one of those Fan mail things were you--the prized, wonderful, great, etc. reviewers ASK QUESTIONS (hint hint...couldn't get more obvious) and the characters ANSWER THE QUESTIONS. So...yeah. It looks like The Super Sleuths will have to wait. *sigh* Poor, unappreciated Elves.
BYE! I hope to get the next chapter up before next week!