Buffy just stared at him.

"God, whatever. Can't you ever be serious for once?"

Spike made a big show of thinking really hard about it. He raised an eyebrow and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Buffy giggled to herself. He looked so… cute doing that.

Spike, being a vampire and all, had heard the giggle and grinned, then laughed a little to himself.

The two of them laughed softly for a moment before the chuckles died away. Buffy shifted nervously. She had the feeling she was supposed to say something, but couldn't for the life of her figure out what it was. Buffy had always hated awkward silences. She wished for anything to talk about, but this was Spike she was dealing with. What were they supposed to discuss? Their relationship? Though it would be nice to clear some things up, Buffy didn't think she could handle her growing attraction to him and his ever present love for her, after Buffy had tried so hard to push him away. She was actually starting to regret that now, but she would never admit that to herself, let alone Spike.

Spike gently reached up and touched her on the arm.

"Buffy? Are you ok?" Spike asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out.

Spike's mouth dropped open in astonishment.

"Come again?"

"I'm sorry… if I hurt you." She repeated quietly.

Spike's mouth opened and closed a few times. His mind raced. Sorry?  He shook his head as if to rid himself of a thought.

Buffy continued, ignoring Spike's confusion and discomfort. She had to get this said.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I'm sorry I used you like I did. I know that I hurt you… in more ways than one. I realized that you truly loved me, but I didn't want to admit that to myself. I was scared of what that meant. I couldn't deal with that. I hated you, and for that… I am truly sorry."
Buffy seemed to deflate, as if a large weight had been taken away and she no longer needed to put on the show of being fine, though Spike sensed she had something else to say.  Trying to hide his conflicting emotions, he hesitantly sat up further, pushing the pain the movement caused to the back of his mind.

"But?" he pressed.

Buffy sighed and looked away. She couldn't bring herself to stare at him. She didn't want to see the look on his face.

"But… I never loved you." She stated, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I could never bring myself to do it. No matter how desperate I was at times, I never truly loved you. I saw you as everything I was, but didn't want to be. I used you as a sort of reminder to myself. But there was never love, Spike… and I don't think there ever will be." She finished.

She could feel Spike's gaze on the back of her head. Turn around, Buffy. Don't run away. No more running. She listened to her heart and slowly turned to the vampire.

The first thing she saw was his eyes. Those blinding cerulean eyes that always seemed to be boring deep into her being. Those eyes that showed her such deep consuming love that it burned to gaze at them. But now they were filled with… an emotion that Buffy was surprised to find that she knew quite well. She wanted to say sorrow, but looking deeper she knew it was something different. Defeat seemed the closest. And… it hurt. He did everything to please her, told her that he loved her, a thousand times and counting.

"Buffy…" he reached out to touch her, but she cringed away.

"Don't…" she whispered.

"Buffy." He said again and laid a hand on her arm. She yanked away, trembling.

"Don't! …don't… love me." She pleaded, staring into his eyes. Those eyes… he loved her, but she couldn't give it back. She was too afraid; too terrified that she'd fall short. In his eyes, she was everything. In her eyes… there was only his reflection. And every time she heard the word 'love', Angel would come back to haunt her. The sight of his eyes staring into her, filled with nothing but love, the sight of his outstretched arm, reaching for her. But she let go. She had never held on to begin with. She had to… or at least that's what she told herself.

"It wouldn't work, Spike! I thought I could do it with Angel, but I couldn't! It's just… not meant to be."

Spike stared silently at her. Buffy looked down at her feet, hiding her face. "I… can't. Please don't make me." She said quietly.

Spike sighed and leaned back. "Then leave."

Buffy's head jerked up to stare at him. "What?"

"Leave. You may not love me Buffy, but I sure as hell love you. But… I need some time, alright? That's a lot to put on a sick man."

Buffy bit her lip. "I'm sorry…"

"For God's sake, Buffy! Stop apologizing! You're confusing me! One day you're screaming at me, and the next day you're apologizing to me while calmly explaining why you can't love me."

Spike cocked his head to the side and peered at her. "Buffy… is it that time of the month?"

Buffy stared at him. Then what he said slowly registered and her face turned into a mask of rage. She stood up, tore a cushion off the sofa, and walloped him in the face with it. Spike let out a cry of pain and clutched his now throbbing head.

"Good lord woman, are you insane?!"

"You JERK! Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out to you and apologizing for what a bitch I was being, and you think it's PMS! I take it all back, everything I said. I hate you!" she screamed, and stormed out of the crypt.

"HEY! That was a totally legitimate question!" he hollered after her. He was going to shout something a bit more vulgar after that, but he had to quickly duck as a large rock narrowly missed his head, flying in through the ruins on the crypt door.