I don't own Sherlock Holmes or Dr. Watson in anyway shape or form. I do kind of own Emerald and Ruby, but not really (okay I just don't know) but anyway, you know. Oh, and I don't own the Grim Reaper or Igor. Cause I just, don't, that's how it is.
Okay guys, this is really stupid. I wrote it a long time and figured I may as well do something with it. I don't write like this anymore, this is just one of those stupid things that I sat down and wrote for no apparent reason. I think it's one of those things that you just keep reading to see if it gets any dumber. Anyway, please review, whether you think it's good or bad, and please don't judge all of my writing on this because, well, I don't write like this anymore…
Play: The First Adventure of Holmes and Watson
Characters: Grim Reaper, Igor, Emerald Watson- the great, great, granddaughter of Dr. Watson, Murderer, Ruby Holmes- the great, great granddaughter of Sherlock Holmes, Murder Victims
Dark, scary, cluttered, bedroom with woman laying on bed. It is now time to start.
Narrator: It is now time to start. To start the tale of horror. We are going to start with Dr. Watson, the great, great grandchild of Dr. Watson, the Dr. that- I think you know. If you don't y our way to dumb to be here. So, this is the tale that we are going to tell, about the real things that happen when there is a murder. Are you ready? Well, ready or not here it is.
SCENE 1 The murderer enters. The murderer kills (however, I leave it up to your imagination) The murderer leaves. The grim reaper enters, his partner is right behind him. They Speak…
Grim: Come to me, it is time, you must come to me!
Igor: Yes, come to him, come to him! He needs you! He lost his last soul playing Poker.
Grim: smacks Igor Come to me my child!
Woman rises. Walks over to Grim. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunt. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts.
Grim, Igor, and woman exit, she is still grunting.
Ruby Holmes enters. Dr. Watson Enters. They stand there for a moment. Then they speak…
Watson: She dead?
Holmes: Uh, yeah.
Watson: You sure?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Emerald, Elementary.
Watson: I'm afraid I don't recall.
Holmes: Of course you don't.
Watson: What shall we do?
Holmes: Investigate.
Watson: How?
Holmes: Must I explain it to you once again?
Watson: Please, I'll take notes this time, for my book.
Holmes: Alright, take notes and observe- First you get out the magnify glass and look at and around the body. Then you describe the body. You must also, later on after you look at and around the body, find out about the person that died. And then you hope that there is another murder similar to this one so that you can link them. Then you wait outside of the suspect's house-
Watson: how did we get a suspect?
Holmes: that's just how it works, Emerald. You know, I don't understand how your memory fails you so.
Holmes looks at and around the body with the magnify glass. He starts to exit. They Speak…
Watson: Why are we leaving?
Holmes: so that we can find out more about this dead girl. Or woman. Actually, there is no body.
Watson: you noticed?
Holmes: why did you not tell me?
Watson: why didn't you notice?
Holmes: I was busy telling you the steps that I didn't notice that the pile of blood wasn't actually a person.
Watson: Are the steps changed now?
Holmes: Uh, yeah.
Watson: shall we head to the Holmes Mobil?
They exit, Holmes muttering the new steps to Dr. Watson.
SCENE 2
In Ruby Holmes nice, cozy, comfortable living room. Dr. Watson is sitting In the chair next to Detective Holmes, she is taking notes, as Ruby takes yet another drag on her cig. They Speak…
Watson: You get that information?
Holmes: But of course, but of course.
Watson: well?
Holmes: take notes my dear Watson, take notes. This lady, she was very poor. In fact it wasn't ever her house that she was in.
Watson: whose was it?
Holmes: I suspect the murderer's.
Watson: then the case is solved?
Holmes: no, for no who seems to know who the house belongs to. It used to belong to old Mrs. Loghorn, but she passed away many a day ago. The tax company says that they don't really care whose living in it as long as they get the taxes paid. But they are fairly sure that the young lady that was killed didn't live there.
Watson: how is it that we know it was a young lady?
Holmes: Blood samples.
Watson: I don't recall.
Holmes: Collage, my dear Watson, Collage.
SCENE 3 murderer enters another bed room. Murderer kills. Murderer drops paper on ground. Murderer drags woman out of room. Murderer comes back in. murderer grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Murderer mumbles that his is proud of his work. Murderer exits.
Grim reaper and Igor enter. They appear astonished. They Speak…
Grim: where on earth has the body gone?
Igor: you don't suppose that the murderer took her away so that she could be a wife for the murderer's great, great, great, great granduncle do you?
Grim: how on earth do you come up with these things?
Igor: it could happen.
Grim: smacks Igor we must find that body! We can not have people running around that are alive! We must not let this happen. Pluto will not have it!
Igor: Pluto?
Grim: why must you be so dumb? The mighty king of the underworld is, but of course, Pluto.
Igor: I thought that he was a dog.
Grim: shut it Igor, we must find that body!
Igor: yes master. Yes master!
Grim and Igor exit. Holmes and Watson enter about 7 seconds later. They Speak…
Watson: another murder I suppose?
Holmes: I suppose so my dear Watson, I suppose so.
Watson: the murderer was just here.
Holmes: how do you know?
Watson: there is a letter right here that says "murderer just here. 4:45 PM"
Holmes: what time is it?
Watson: 4:50
Holmes: we must catch that murderer!!!
Holmes exits. Watson takes notes before leaving, and sticks the murderers note in her notebook. She starts to exit, but the murderer blocks her way. They Speak…
Watson: I'm sorry Mr. Murderer, but I must be going, Ruby needs me to help chase you.
Murderer: you know too much.
Watson: all I know is that your name is Michael, you've killed all over the world and enjoy killing young poor women. You have been doing this for 12 years and 6 months, and one other detective, my wonderful cousin I do believe, found out. Yet you got her before she could tell anyone.
Murderer: how do you know this?
Watson: holds up her notebook and shakes it in the murderers face. do you actually think that I wrote all of this? My sister was smarter then you or me, for a matter of fact. She didn't keep one file of notes.
Murderer: you know I can't let you live now right?
Watson: of course you can't!
Murderer: prepare to die! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!
Murderer leaps at Dr. Watson and stabs her. Watson grunts, and flings her notes at the murderer. They hear footsteps, thinking that the footsteps belong to Holmes, the murderer jumps in the closet. Grim and Igor enter.
Igor: are you the murderer?
Grim: don't be stupid, why would the murderer stab herself?
Igor: it could happen.
Grim: Come to me my child! Come to me!
Igor: yes, come to him! Come to him!
Watson: cut the crap! she yanks the knife out of her chest and quick footstep are heard.
Grim: laughs you plan on killing me? The grim reaper? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-
Igor: cut the crap!
Grim: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!!
Igor: Kill him! Quick!
Holmes enters, panting, she starts to speak, but stops, as she see Watson leap at the grim reaper, she stabs him and he stumbles backwards.
Grim: I thought I was e-mortal! This can't be happening! Help me Igor! Help! Help!
Watson: HA! she makes her way to the closet, where the killer leaps out, she stabs him, bug suddenly remembers that he won't die because grim was dead.
Murderer: HA!
Watson: do something Holmes! Your our only hope!
Holmes: Igor! You must now take over the duties of the grim!
Heavy, slow, dragging footsteps are heard and the 2nd dead woman enters.
Igor: Come to me Murderer! Come to me Murderer!
Watson: yes, go to him, Murderer! Go to him!
Murderer: ahhhh, what the heck!
Murderer makes his way to Igor, they both exit.
Igor enters again.
Watson: you know I'm going to have a terrible scar right there. She says, touching her chest where she had been stabbed.
Holmes: Of course you will Watson. You know I'm very proud of you for solving the case.
Watson: why, I don't recall!
Holmes: of course, what did I expect?
Watson: why, my dear cousin solved the case.
Dead Woman 2: Yes indeed I did, Holmes. Indeed I did.
Holmes: I'm terribly confused.
Watson: me too, but I don't' really need to know how it happened, considering that I just did what my dear cousin told me too.
Holmes: becomes furious I AM THE ONE THAT IS TO TELL WATSON WHAT TO DO! NOT YOU! she lunges at Watson's cousin, an evil sneer on her face. She takes a gun with a silver bullet in it out of her pocket and shoot the gun at the dead woman. The dead woman grunts and then falls to the ground, now dead forever.
Watson: I fail to understand why you did that Holmes.
Holmes: take notes. She had hair growing on ever part of her body hair could grow, she had fangs, and she was drooling. This means that she was a werewolf. And the only way you can kill a werewolf once and for all, is by shooting them with a silver bullet through the heart.
Watson: and you just happen to keep a gun like this ready in your pocket in case a werewolf comes along?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Emerald, Elementary.
They exit, then all of the characters enter again and bow. They leave and the narrator comes on stage.
Narrator: this is what happens in real life murder cases. This was told by Watson's account, just to let you know. Thank you for coming! And have a nice day!
Audience claps if there is an audience left by the end of the show.
THE END
Okay guys, this is really stupid. I wrote it a long time and figured I may as well do something with it. I don't write like this anymore, this is just one of those stupid things that I sat down and wrote for no apparent reason. I think it's one of those things that you just keep reading to see if it gets any dumber. Anyway, please review, whether you think it's good or bad, and please don't judge all of my writing on this because, well, I don't write like this anymore…
Play: The First Adventure of Holmes and Watson
Characters: Grim Reaper, Igor, Emerald Watson- the great, great, granddaughter of Dr. Watson, Murderer, Ruby Holmes- the great, great granddaughter of Sherlock Holmes, Murder Victims
Dark, scary, cluttered, bedroom with woman laying on bed. It is now time to start.
Narrator: It is now time to start. To start the tale of horror. We are going to start with Dr. Watson, the great, great grandchild of Dr. Watson, the Dr. that- I think you know. If you don't y our way to dumb to be here. So, this is the tale that we are going to tell, about the real things that happen when there is a murder. Are you ready? Well, ready or not here it is.
SCENE 1 The murderer enters. The murderer kills (however, I leave it up to your imagination) The murderer leaves. The grim reaper enters, his partner is right behind him. They Speak…
Grim: Come to me, it is time, you must come to me!
Igor: Yes, come to him, come to him! He needs you! He lost his last soul playing Poker.
Grim: smacks Igor Come to me my child!
Woman rises. Walks over to Grim. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunt. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Grunts.
Grim, Igor, and woman exit, she is still grunting.
Ruby Holmes enters. Dr. Watson Enters. They stand there for a moment. Then they speak…
Watson: She dead?
Holmes: Uh, yeah.
Watson: You sure?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Emerald, Elementary.
Watson: I'm afraid I don't recall.
Holmes: Of course you don't.
Watson: What shall we do?
Holmes: Investigate.
Watson: How?
Holmes: Must I explain it to you once again?
Watson: Please, I'll take notes this time, for my book.
Holmes: Alright, take notes and observe- First you get out the magnify glass and look at and around the body. Then you describe the body. You must also, later on after you look at and around the body, find out about the person that died. And then you hope that there is another murder similar to this one so that you can link them. Then you wait outside of the suspect's house-
Watson: how did we get a suspect?
Holmes: that's just how it works, Emerald. You know, I don't understand how your memory fails you so.
Holmes looks at and around the body with the magnify glass. He starts to exit. They Speak…
Watson: Why are we leaving?
Holmes: so that we can find out more about this dead girl. Or woman. Actually, there is no body.
Watson: you noticed?
Holmes: why did you not tell me?
Watson: why didn't you notice?
Holmes: I was busy telling you the steps that I didn't notice that the pile of blood wasn't actually a person.
Watson: Are the steps changed now?
Holmes: Uh, yeah.
Watson: shall we head to the Holmes Mobil?
They exit, Holmes muttering the new steps to Dr. Watson.
SCENE 2
In Ruby Holmes nice, cozy, comfortable living room. Dr. Watson is sitting In the chair next to Detective Holmes, she is taking notes, as Ruby takes yet another drag on her cig. They Speak…
Watson: You get that information?
Holmes: But of course, but of course.
Watson: well?
Holmes: take notes my dear Watson, take notes. This lady, she was very poor. In fact it wasn't ever her house that she was in.
Watson: whose was it?
Holmes: I suspect the murderer's.
Watson: then the case is solved?
Holmes: no, for no who seems to know who the house belongs to. It used to belong to old Mrs. Loghorn, but she passed away many a day ago. The tax company says that they don't really care whose living in it as long as they get the taxes paid. But they are fairly sure that the young lady that was killed didn't live there.
Watson: how is it that we know it was a young lady?
Holmes: Blood samples.
Watson: I don't recall.
Holmes: Collage, my dear Watson, Collage.
SCENE 3 murderer enters another bed room. Murderer kills. Murderer drops paper on ground. Murderer drags woman out of room. Murderer comes back in. murderer grunts. Grunts. Grunts. Murderer mumbles that his is proud of his work. Murderer exits.
Grim reaper and Igor enter. They appear astonished. They Speak…
Grim: where on earth has the body gone?
Igor: you don't suppose that the murderer took her away so that she could be a wife for the murderer's great, great, great, great granduncle do you?
Grim: how on earth do you come up with these things?
Igor: it could happen.
Grim: smacks Igor we must find that body! We can not have people running around that are alive! We must not let this happen. Pluto will not have it!
Igor: Pluto?
Grim: why must you be so dumb? The mighty king of the underworld is, but of course, Pluto.
Igor: I thought that he was a dog.
Grim: shut it Igor, we must find that body!
Igor: yes master. Yes master!
Grim and Igor exit. Holmes and Watson enter about 7 seconds later. They Speak…
Watson: another murder I suppose?
Holmes: I suppose so my dear Watson, I suppose so.
Watson: the murderer was just here.
Holmes: how do you know?
Watson: there is a letter right here that says "murderer just here. 4:45 PM"
Holmes: what time is it?
Watson: 4:50
Holmes: we must catch that murderer!!!
Holmes exits. Watson takes notes before leaving, and sticks the murderers note in her notebook. She starts to exit, but the murderer blocks her way. They Speak…
Watson: I'm sorry Mr. Murderer, but I must be going, Ruby needs me to help chase you.
Murderer: you know too much.
Watson: all I know is that your name is Michael, you've killed all over the world and enjoy killing young poor women. You have been doing this for 12 years and 6 months, and one other detective, my wonderful cousin I do believe, found out. Yet you got her before she could tell anyone.
Murderer: how do you know this?
Watson: holds up her notebook and shakes it in the murderers face. do you actually think that I wrote all of this? My sister was smarter then you or me, for a matter of fact. She didn't keep one file of notes.
Murderer: you know I can't let you live now right?
Watson: of course you can't!
Murderer: prepare to die! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!
Murderer leaps at Dr. Watson and stabs her. Watson grunts, and flings her notes at the murderer. They hear footsteps, thinking that the footsteps belong to Holmes, the murderer jumps in the closet. Grim and Igor enter.
Igor: are you the murderer?
Grim: don't be stupid, why would the murderer stab herself?
Igor: it could happen.
Grim: Come to me my child! Come to me!
Igor: yes, come to him! Come to him!
Watson: cut the crap! she yanks the knife out of her chest and quick footstep are heard.
Grim: laughs you plan on killing me? The grim reaper? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-
Igor: cut the crap!
Grim: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!!
Igor: Kill him! Quick!
Holmes enters, panting, she starts to speak, but stops, as she see Watson leap at the grim reaper, she stabs him and he stumbles backwards.
Grim: I thought I was e-mortal! This can't be happening! Help me Igor! Help! Help!
Watson: HA! she makes her way to the closet, where the killer leaps out, she stabs him, bug suddenly remembers that he won't die because grim was dead.
Murderer: HA!
Watson: do something Holmes! Your our only hope!
Holmes: Igor! You must now take over the duties of the grim!
Heavy, slow, dragging footsteps are heard and the 2nd dead woman enters.
Igor: Come to me Murderer! Come to me Murderer!
Watson: yes, go to him, Murderer! Go to him!
Murderer: ahhhh, what the heck!
Murderer makes his way to Igor, they both exit.
Igor enters again.
Watson: you know I'm going to have a terrible scar right there. She says, touching her chest where she had been stabbed.
Holmes: Of course you will Watson. You know I'm very proud of you for solving the case.
Watson: why, I don't recall!
Holmes: of course, what did I expect?
Watson: why, my dear cousin solved the case.
Dead Woman 2: Yes indeed I did, Holmes. Indeed I did.
Holmes: I'm terribly confused.
Watson: me too, but I don't' really need to know how it happened, considering that I just did what my dear cousin told me too.
Holmes: becomes furious I AM THE ONE THAT IS TO TELL WATSON WHAT TO DO! NOT YOU! she lunges at Watson's cousin, an evil sneer on her face. She takes a gun with a silver bullet in it out of her pocket and shoot the gun at the dead woman. The dead woman grunts and then falls to the ground, now dead forever.
Watson: I fail to understand why you did that Holmes.
Holmes: take notes. She had hair growing on ever part of her body hair could grow, she had fangs, and she was drooling. This means that she was a werewolf. And the only way you can kill a werewolf once and for all, is by shooting them with a silver bullet through the heart.
Watson: and you just happen to keep a gun like this ready in your pocket in case a werewolf comes along?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Emerald, Elementary.
They exit, then all of the characters enter again and bow. They leave and the narrator comes on stage.
Narrator: this is what happens in real life murder cases. This was told by Watson's account, just to let you know. Thank you for coming! And have a nice day!
Audience claps if there is an audience left by the end of the show.
THE END