Sorry that I haven't updated for a aaaaages but I've been doing other stuff. Anyway, I'm not going to spend ages on an introduction, so I'll just say thanks to all you reviewers and get on with chapter 10.

Makaveli: Thanks, on with the story!

Lady Qiao: Danke shön, but the vote is about even-stevens at the moment so I still don't know if they'll end up together. . . in fact I don't even know when this fic is going to end!

LiquidSky: Ah yes, the horrors of kanoodling. Thank-you! (for when you get to this chapter)

Serini the WaveTrapmaster: Weapons of mass destruction it is then! Don't worry, the weapons will come in very handy when the tournament rolls around!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Blast From the Arse, I Mean Past.

Jin skips into the lounge where most of the fighters are, er, lounging.

Jin: Yay! I'm fighting True Ogre first round of the tournament!

Paul: Why are you so happy about it? He almost destroyed the world!

Jin: Yeah, you wouldn't have thought he'd be such a wimp in real life.

Who are you fighting first round?

Paul: Unknown.

Jin: Well, then go and check on the notice board.

Paul: No, the person I'm fighting is Unknown.

Jin: Yeah, so go check on the board, all the fixtures are written there.

Paul: Look! You don't understand, the name of the person I'm fighting is Unknown!

Jin: SO GO AND CHECK THE FRICKIN BOARD!!

Paul: Why do I bother?

Paul walks off.

Jin: (to his hand) Let's go find Xiayu and ask her who she's fighting.

He skips (yes skips) around the building calling for Xiayu.

Bitchums-Snugglebuns? Oh, Bitchums-Snugglebuns, where are yoooooouuuuuu?

He reaches the door to her room and bursts in.

Bitchums-Snuggle-- AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!

Xiayu and Hwoarang are once again kanoodling!

Jin breaks down in tears.

How could you do this to me?! I thought you loved me!!

Hwoarang: Well, thing is, Jin, I like you as a friend. . . well I don't, but that's besides the point. . . but I don't think I really like you in that way.

Jin: Not you! Xiayu! I hate you!!!

He runs out of the room yodelling.

Xiayu and Hwoarang: Oh well!

They continue kanoodling.

* * *

Jin is in his room weeping into a pillow.

The ugly UGLY child enters.

Ugly Baby: Jin?

Jin: Ah! It talks!!

Ugly Baby: Let's not dwell on plot-holes, I have something far more important to tell you.

Jin: I'm really a woman?!!

Ugly Baby: Um . . . . noooooo.

What I wanted to tell you is that I am your child! [Dum dum dummmmmmm!]

Jin leaps through the window.

The ugly Baby pops his head through the ready-made Jin-shaped hole which has been installed in every window within a 10km radius of the Tekken house to protect Jin's fragile iccle body.

Jin: But how?? You're so ugly and I'm so beautiful.

Ugly Baby: Ever heard of a little thing called genotype and phenotype?. . . . Okay, so I guess that's two things.

Jin: No.

Ugly Baby: Well neither have I, but the long and short of it is that you did not always possess your bum-bursting good looks.

Jin: (distracted) Wha'?

Ugly Baby: Yes. Think back, Jin, way back.

Jin: (still distracted) Wha'?

Ugly Baby: Are you even listening to me?

He turns to see Jin doing a tribal rain-dance.

JIN!

Jin: Wha'?

Ugly Baby: (eyebrow twitch) Anyway, why do you think you didn't appear in the series until you were at the ripe old age of eighteen, while other characters, Jack 2 for example, entered the series when they were still in swaddling bands!? . . . Literally! Yes, that certainly caused a few mishaps.

Jin: Um. . . . . . 'cos I only became a fighter after Ogre killed my ma?

Ugly Baby: That's only what they wanted you to think! How is your mother still alive in just about every fic then? Hmmm??

Jin: Er. . . . . because she's a useful character in adding structure in the topsy-turvey (and highly illogical) world of the Tekken fighters and acts as a mediator in my life of battling, betrayal and hate. . . come to think of it, shouldn't I have been clinically insane by the time I reached eighteen, after all, I've been through a lot of traumatic--

Ugly Baby: NO!! I mean, no, Jin. The reason you only came into the game when you turned eighteen is because that is the legal age at which you can get plastic surgery without parental consent!!

Jin: Yes! It all makes sense now!. . . . . You mean?--

Ugly Baby: Yes, Jin, you were once. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ugly.