Chapter Five:
Sex Ed
(AN: This chapter's dedicated to the other three-quarters of the Four Musketeers. Especially Kayla who thinks I talk about sex too much. LOL. - Jess)
Greg surprised Norah one night with a true proposal. They went out to a fancy Italian restaurant and he made them both a big spectacle. As he pulled out the ring a violinist and a singer came to their table and both started doing their thing. Norah laughed, even though she was so embarrassed. Everyone at the surrounding tables clapped afterward.
When word of the whole presentation got around the lab Grissom only said, "Definitely something Greg would do." Then he congratulated him and went back to work.
Catherine hugged him and hurriedly left the building to pick Lindsey up from the mall.
Warrick didn't say anything. He half smiled and muttered something that might have been a congratulation.
Sara just shook her head and buried her nose into the book she was reading.
Archie frowned. "I didn't even get one date with her, man."
Greg shook his head. "Thanks for the support, guys." He walked out of the break room and down the hall. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea," he muttered as he sat on his stool. He shook the idea out of his head. "What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with what everyone else thinks, it's about what me and Norah think." He nodded. He didn't realize that Abby was standing in the doorway listening to him fight with himself.
"I know where babies come from," Abby shouted.
Greg looked over the table at the 30 pounds of loudness.
"Daddy told me." She nodded.
"Where did you come from?" He asked.
She took it a little too literally. "From my mommy and daddy. They went to bed and daddy went 'uh uh' and mommy went 'oh nick.'"
He covered his ears. "I'm not listening to this!" He got up and stepped over her and shouted down the hall. "Nick! Come get your daughter!"
"Is that what you and Cousin Norah do?"
Greg squinted at her. "I'm not discussing my sex life with a three-year- old."
Abby's eyes widened. "You said a bad word! I'm telling my daddy!"
Nick walked down the hall and picked Abby up when he got to the lab.
"Daddy, Asshole said s-e-k-s!" Abby said.
"Nick, Abby was telling me about your sex life!" Greg tattled too.
"There he goes again saying that word!" Abby shook her head.
"Okay, honey, something tells me it's time to go home." He walked down the hall. "Don't say asshole again, okay? It makes your mommy very mad at daddy," he explained.
Greg watched them get farther away and then eventually disappear. "What is the world's youth coming to?" He threw his hands in the air. He scrunched his nose up. "I sound like Eckley."
-----
"Mommy?"
"Yeah, honey?" Lydia was trying to follow a cookbook, which was opened to the page on how to make lemon chicken. "Set the oven to 365°," she read aloud.
"I think you've been misinforbed about where babies come from," Abby nodded.
"Misinforbed? You mean misinformed. Where did you hear that word?" Lydia looked up.
Abby thought for a second. "Mr. Grissom." Abby shook her head, frustrated that her mother changed the subject. "Mommy, you've been misinforbed about babies."
"What?"
"They don't come from storks. Daddy said so," Abby told her.
"Nicholas Stokes!" Lydia shouted.
"Call the fire department now?" He shouted from the living room.
Lydia glared. "No. Get your butt in here."
"What?" He asked from the doorway.
"What did you tell Abby about sex?"
Abby gasped and covered her mouth. "Ooh!"
Lydia shook her head. "I guess we should tell her the truth. Even though she'll have a total of no innocence left at all." Lydia shook her head and continued. "When a mommy and a daddy, who are married and love each other a lot, decide it's time to have a baby, when they're married and realize they love each other a lot --"
Nick cut her off. "And they've check the TV guide thoroughly and decided there isn't any good sporting events on..."
Lydia elbowed him in the stomach and continued.
Abby looked at her when she was done in confusion. "Is there lots of kissing evolved in his?"
"You mean involved, sweetie," Lydia corrected.
"Yes," Nick told her.
Abby scrunched up her face in disgust. "Eww. I don't ever want to make babies." She picked a doll up off the kitchen floor and walked out of the room.
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about her losing her virginity before she discovers boys." He shrugged.
Lydia shook her head and returned to her chicken.
"What's burning?" Nick sniffed the air.
"I haven't even put the chicken in the oven yet, Nick." Lydia stared icily at him.
Nick shrugged and grabbed an apple from the counter. "Well something's burning."
She could smell it, too. She opened the oven and turned it off. She fanned the black smoke that was rising from the oven as Nick opened the window. She pulled a plastic cookie tray out of the oven with an oven mitt.
Nick left the kitchen and shouted toward Abby's room. "Pizza time!"
Abby ran out of her room. "Yay!"
"Plastic food?" Lydia looked at the deformed fake slice of pizza through the thick smoke. "Abby! What did you do?"
Abby started to cry. Half because of the smoke and half because her mom was yelling at her. "I just wanted to be like you, mommy."
Lydia grinned with flattery until Nick spoke up. "Well, you've definitely achieved it." He choked on some smoke.
Lydia elbowed him in the stomach again and noticed something. "Why isn't the smoke detector going off?"
Nick's eyes broadened. "Um...I think we should get out of the house."
"Nick! You forgot to change the battery didn't you?" She asked him, knowing the answer.
"I'm sorry!" He started to the door, Abby in his arms.
Lydia followed them. She was fuming.
"Should we call the fire department NOW, honey?" Nick asked her.
She scowled at him. "You're such an ignoramus."
"I said sorry! No need to call names," Nick told her, walking across the street.
Lydia followed. "What if that happened at night and we all died?"
"As long as you don't start cooking midnight snacks for yourself, we'll be fine." Nick knocked on the door of their neighbor.
Abby giggled.
Lydia became more enraged. "Nicholas Stokes, state my word, if you don't change that battery you won't have to wait for a fire to die."
Her glare sent a chill down Nick's spine. "Fine, I'll do it when we can actually go back into the house."
Lydia wondered if she could believe him. "Good."
"Ah, Mrs. Wilson. You look lovely this afternoon," he told the aged women. She wore a pink muumuu with matching curlers and fuzzy slippers.
"What a charmer," she said dryly. "What can I do for you, Nicholas?"
Nick always saw Mrs. Wilson as the female version of Jim Brass. He thought it was probably the sarcasm, although they had similar bone structure. Maybe they were cousins. He shrugged. "Can we use your phone ma'am? Our kitchen is on fire."
"I thought the fire fighters told you to keep her out of the kitchen the last time this happened."
Lydia's jaw dropped. "What if it wasn't my fault?" She challenged.
"Who are you trying to kid?" Mrs. Wilson moved aside to let the three in.
Nick placed Abby on the plastic-covered couch and picked up the black phone on the table next to it.
As Nick talked on the phone, Abby was also striking up a conversation. "Mrs. Wilson, would you like to know where babies come from?"
Lydia covered her mouth. "Um, baby, that's not something we should talk about now."
"Okay." She smiled.
Mrs. Wilson cocked an eyebrow. She sighed impatiently, obviously annoyed by their presence.
Nick picked Abby up when he was done with the phone. "Thanks, Mrs. Wilson." He left to stand in front of his house on the sidewalk to wait for the fire department. Lydia followed faithfully.
Some neighbors had stepped outside to witness the smoke. They glared at Lydia.
Lydia folded her arms across her chest.
When the firemen and women cleared the house the family went back in. Lydia flopped down on the couch and pouted. Nick checked out the damage in the kitchen, which wasn't much at all.
He walked back out into the living room and sat next to Lydia. "It's good," he reassured her, after seeing a hint of a tear in her eye.
"It's not that. It's just the fact that I'm trying so hard to be a good mother and wife and so far I'm failing miserably," Lydia said wiping her eyes.
"No you're not. Are you kidding me? Abby loves you. She totally adores you. That's why this all started," he reminded her. He paused for her smile. "As for a wife -- I don't think I could have asked for a better girl to be with."
She laughed slightly. "That was so corny."
"I try," he grinned. Nick leaned in and kissed her gently.
They turned after hearing a loud "eww" over their shoulders.
Abby stood there making a face at their PDA. "Gross! I don't want to see you two make a baby!" She paused for a second. "Actually...I want a little brother." She nodded. "If you're taking 'quests."
They smiled at each other.
Abby shook her head and walked back into her room.
(AN: This chapter's dedicated to the other three-quarters of the Four Musketeers. Especially Kayla who thinks I talk about sex too much. LOL. - Jess)
Greg surprised Norah one night with a true proposal. They went out to a fancy Italian restaurant and he made them both a big spectacle. As he pulled out the ring a violinist and a singer came to their table and both started doing their thing. Norah laughed, even though she was so embarrassed. Everyone at the surrounding tables clapped afterward.
When word of the whole presentation got around the lab Grissom only said, "Definitely something Greg would do." Then he congratulated him and went back to work.
Catherine hugged him and hurriedly left the building to pick Lindsey up from the mall.
Warrick didn't say anything. He half smiled and muttered something that might have been a congratulation.
Sara just shook her head and buried her nose into the book she was reading.
Archie frowned. "I didn't even get one date with her, man."
Greg shook his head. "Thanks for the support, guys." He walked out of the break room and down the hall. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea," he muttered as he sat on his stool. He shook the idea out of his head. "What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with what everyone else thinks, it's about what me and Norah think." He nodded. He didn't realize that Abby was standing in the doorway listening to him fight with himself.
"I know where babies come from," Abby shouted.
Greg looked over the table at the 30 pounds of loudness.
"Daddy told me." She nodded.
"Where did you come from?" He asked.
She took it a little too literally. "From my mommy and daddy. They went to bed and daddy went 'uh uh' and mommy went 'oh nick.'"
He covered his ears. "I'm not listening to this!" He got up and stepped over her and shouted down the hall. "Nick! Come get your daughter!"
"Is that what you and Cousin Norah do?"
Greg squinted at her. "I'm not discussing my sex life with a three-year- old."
Abby's eyes widened. "You said a bad word! I'm telling my daddy!"
Nick walked down the hall and picked Abby up when he got to the lab.
"Daddy, Asshole said s-e-k-s!" Abby said.
"Nick, Abby was telling me about your sex life!" Greg tattled too.
"There he goes again saying that word!" Abby shook her head.
"Okay, honey, something tells me it's time to go home." He walked down the hall. "Don't say asshole again, okay? It makes your mommy very mad at daddy," he explained.
Greg watched them get farther away and then eventually disappear. "What is the world's youth coming to?" He threw his hands in the air. He scrunched his nose up. "I sound like Eckley."
-----
"Mommy?"
"Yeah, honey?" Lydia was trying to follow a cookbook, which was opened to the page on how to make lemon chicken. "Set the oven to 365°," she read aloud.
"I think you've been misinforbed about where babies come from," Abby nodded.
"Misinforbed? You mean misinformed. Where did you hear that word?" Lydia looked up.
Abby thought for a second. "Mr. Grissom." Abby shook her head, frustrated that her mother changed the subject. "Mommy, you've been misinforbed about babies."
"What?"
"They don't come from storks. Daddy said so," Abby told her.
"Nicholas Stokes!" Lydia shouted.
"Call the fire department now?" He shouted from the living room.
Lydia glared. "No. Get your butt in here."
"What?" He asked from the doorway.
"What did you tell Abby about sex?"
Abby gasped and covered her mouth. "Ooh!"
Lydia shook her head. "I guess we should tell her the truth. Even though she'll have a total of no innocence left at all." Lydia shook her head and continued. "When a mommy and a daddy, who are married and love each other a lot, decide it's time to have a baby, when they're married and realize they love each other a lot --"
Nick cut her off. "And they've check the TV guide thoroughly and decided there isn't any good sporting events on..."
Lydia elbowed him in the stomach and continued.
Abby looked at her when she was done in confusion. "Is there lots of kissing evolved in his?"
"You mean involved, sweetie," Lydia corrected.
"Yes," Nick told her.
Abby scrunched up her face in disgust. "Eww. I don't ever want to make babies." She picked a doll up off the kitchen floor and walked out of the room.
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about her losing her virginity before she discovers boys." He shrugged.
Lydia shook her head and returned to her chicken.
"What's burning?" Nick sniffed the air.
"I haven't even put the chicken in the oven yet, Nick." Lydia stared icily at him.
Nick shrugged and grabbed an apple from the counter. "Well something's burning."
She could smell it, too. She opened the oven and turned it off. She fanned the black smoke that was rising from the oven as Nick opened the window. She pulled a plastic cookie tray out of the oven with an oven mitt.
Nick left the kitchen and shouted toward Abby's room. "Pizza time!"
Abby ran out of her room. "Yay!"
"Plastic food?" Lydia looked at the deformed fake slice of pizza through the thick smoke. "Abby! What did you do?"
Abby started to cry. Half because of the smoke and half because her mom was yelling at her. "I just wanted to be like you, mommy."
Lydia grinned with flattery until Nick spoke up. "Well, you've definitely achieved it." He choked on some smoke.
Lydia elbowed him in the stomach again and noticed something. "Why isn't the smoke detector going off?"
Nick's eyes broadened. "Um...I think we should get out of the house."
"Nick! You forgot to change the battery didn't you?" She asked him, knowing the answer.
"I'm sorry!" He started to the door, Abby in his arms.
Lydia followed them. She was fuming.
"Should we call the fire department NOW, honey?" Nick asked her.
She scowled at him. "You're such an ignoramus."
"I said sorry! No need to call names," Nick told her, walking across the street.
Lydia followed. "What if that happened at night and we all died?"
"As long as you don't start cooking midnight snacks for yourself, we'll be fine." Nick knocked on the door of their neighbor.
Abby giggled.
Lydia became more enraged. "Nicholas Stokes, state my word, if you don't change that battery you won't have to wait for a fire to die."
Her glare sent a chill down Nick's spine. "Fine, I'll do it when we can actually go back into the house."
Lydia wondered if she could believe him. "Good."
"Ah, Mrs. Wilson. You look lovely this afternoon," he told the aged women. She wore a pink muumuu with matching curlers and fuzzy slippers.
"What a charmer," she said dryly. "What can I do for you, Nicholas?"
Nick always saw Mrs. Wilson as the female version of Jim Brass. He thought it was probably the sarcasm, although they had similar bone structure. Maybe they were cousins. He shrugged. "Can we use your phone ma'am? Our kitchen is on fire."
"I thought the fire fighters told you to keep her out of the kitchen the last time this happened."
Lydia's jaw dropped. "What if it wasn't my fault?" She challenged.
"Who are you trying to kid?" Mrs. Wilson moved aside to let the three in.
Nick placed Abby on the plastic-covered couch and picked up the black phone on the table next to it.
As Nick talked on the phone, Abby was also striking up a conversation. "Mrs. Wilson, would you like to know where babies come from?"
Lydia covered her mouth. "Um, baby, that's not something we should talk about now."
"Okay." She smiled.
Mrs. Wilson cocked an eyebrow. She sighed impatiently, obviously annoyed by their presence.
Nick picked Abby up when he was done with the phone. "Thanks, Mrs. Wilson." He left to stand in front of his house on the sidewalk to wait for the fire department. Lydia followed faithfully.
Some neighbors had stepped outside to witness the smoke. They glared at Lydia.
Lydia folded her arms across her chest.
When the firemen and women cleared the house the family went back in. Lydia flopped down on the couch and pouted. Nick checked out the damage in the kitchen, which wasn't much at all.
He walked back out into the living room and sat next to Lydia. "It's good," he reassured her, after seeing a hint of a tear in her eye.
"It's not that. It's just the fact that I'm trying so hard to be a good mother and wife and so far I'm failing miserably," Lydia said wiping her eyes.
"No you're not. Are you kidding me? Abby loves you. She totally adores you. That's why this all started," he reminded her. He paused for her smile. "As for a wife -- I don't think I could have asked for a better girl to be with."
She laughed slightly. "That was so corny."
"I try," he grinned. Nick leaned in and kissed her gently.
They turned after hearing a loud "eww" over their shoulders.
Abby stood there making a face at their PDA. "Gross! I don't want to see you two make a baby!" She paused for a second. "Actually...I want a little brother." She nodded. "If you're taking 'quests."
They smiled at each other.
Abby shook her head and walked back into her room.