Chapter 4! Hey, thank you so much for reviewing and please do it again for this chapter! For those of you that asked, yes, I have PLANS for Mark and Chloe…(Plan laugh). I don't own Friends, blah blah blah, here we go!

Scene: R&Rs apartment, continued from end of last chapter.

Emily – Ross!

Bonnie – You married Rachel?!?

Julie – THE Rachel!?!

Ross – Calm down! It's not what it looks like! We were in Vegas! We were drunk!

Emily – So I suppose you got an annulment right away?

Ross – Actually…

Elizabeth – Oh no. He kept putting the annulment off until they couldn't get it anymore. It was like two months after they got back, and they had to get a divorce.

Julie – You got divorced a third time?

Bonnie – What took you so long?

Emily – Yes Ross, you and I were only married for a couple of weeks! Why did you and Rachel decide to stay married longer?

Elizabeth – They didn't. Ross told Rachel he got it right away. She didn't even know they were still married.

Bonnie – Ross!

Julie – Why would you do that?

Ross – (Pause) Oh, you want me to talk now?

Emily – Ross, why didn't you tell Rachel you were married?

Ross – Well…

Scene: A store, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey are there shopping.

Monica – I don't know how you're supposed to find anything in this store. They're so disorganized! Look! Changing tables are over here next to the swings! Why would you put changing tables next to swings? Swings are for fun, but changing tables are necessary! And the cribs are in that corner, but the sheets and mobiles are all the way on the other side of the store! How are you supposed to find anything?

Phoebe – I don't know Monica, maybe you should organize it for them.

Monica – Good idea!

Chandler – No Monica, right now we need to shop for the baby. Maybe after it's born you can come back and reorganize the store.

Monica – Okay!

Joey – Hey guys! Check this out! (Hold up a teddy bear and pretends to make it talk) "My name's Snuggly! I'm best friends with Hugsy! We're shopping for the Bing baby now! We've been shopping for the Bing baby for the last four hours!"

Phoebe – (Laughs hysterically)

Chandler – Not funny Joe!

Monica – Go away Joey! Chandler, next on the list is…a car seat.

Chandler – Oooh, cool! How about the one with the stars on it?

Monica – No, it's too dark a fabric. How about this one with the rainbows?

Chandler – Monica, if we get that, other people's babies will make fun of our kid.

Joey – How about this one? It has ice cream cones on it!

Chandler – And if we get that one, our kid will be fat.

Phoebe – Oooh! Oooh! You should get this one! (Holds up a tie-dyed car seat)

Monica – No Phoebe.

Phoebe – Why not?

Monica – Because it's weird.

Phoebe - Okay. Well, since Ross isn't here, I suggest on behalf of Ross that you get the one with the dinosaurs on it…

Time Lapse: R&Rs apartment.

Emily – Ross? Why didn't you tell Rachel you were married?

Ross – Well…

Bonnie – I bet he was still in love with her!

Ross – What? No!

Julie – Oh, that makes perfect sense! Good job Bonnie!

Bonnie – Thank you.

Ross – It does not!

Emily – Ross? Were you still in love with Rachel?

Ross – No, I'm not in love with Rachel!

Elizabeth – Uh, Ross, she asked were you, not are you.

Ross – Oh. Well, no to both.

Julie – Oh my god, he's still in love with her!

Ross – I AM NOT! (Knock on the door) Aaaahhhh! (Goes to the door and opens it) What!?! No no no no…Carol!?!

Carol – Oh hey Ross.

Ross – Carol, what are you doing here? We divorced happily. You have Susan. You have a good life without me!

Carol – I know! I just came by to ask if you would mind watching Ben this weekend, Susan and I both have to go out of town.

Ross - …oh. Yeah, sure, I'd love to.

Carol – Great, thanks. (Notices everyone else) Hello. Have we met?

Emily – Yes, we have. I'm Emily, Ross's second wife?

Julie – I'm Julie, remember?

Bonnie – I never met you. I'm Bonnie.

Carol – Carol.

Elizabeth – Yeah, I remember you. I'm Elizabeth, remember?

Carol – Oh yeah…Ross, what are all your ex-girlfriends doing here?

Ross – Apparently I'm cursed. (Knock on the door) And it continues! (He opens the door) Oh look! Now Mona's here! Isn't this SO MUCH FUN!??!?!

Mona – Nice to see you too Ross. What's going on?

Ross – Nothing, just a lot of people here…

Julie – Are you another ex-girlfriend of Ross's?

Mona – Yeah, we dated a couple of months ago. Who are you people?

Bonnie – Instead of going around in a circle again, lets just say we're all ex-girlfriends of Ross's.

Mona – Oh. Okay.

Ross – (Uncomfortable) Okay then… what were we talking about again?

Julie – About how you were still in love with Rachel.

Ross – No we weren't!

Mona – Oh my gosh, you are? You told me you weren't!

Emily – Join the club.

Ross – I'm not!

Mona – God Ross, it's not enough that you married her and had a baby with her, now you're in love with her too?

Ross – Ssshhhh!

Emily, Julie, Bonnie, and Elizabeth – WHAT!?!?!

Carol – Yeah, I knew all that, so can I go?

Time Lapse: The store, continued from earlier. Monica is passing baby bottles to Phoebe, who has the cart.

Monica – Okay Pheebs, how may do we have now?

Phoebe – Fifteen.

Monica – Three in each color?

Phoebe – Yup. Blue, pink, green, yellow and clear.

Monica – Good! One more in each and we'll have an even twenty! You can help me put numbers on the bottom later!

Phoebe – I can't. I have plans.

Monica – You told me earlier you were doing nothing but shopping with us all day.

Phoebe - Memory lapse. I must be in the early stages of, you know, amnesia.

Meanwhile…on the other side of the store…

Chandler – You think Monica would notice if I snuck this in the cart? (Hold up a book, A Baby's First Joke Book.)

Joey – I don't know… She noticed when I added ketchup to her tomato sauce the other day.

Chandler – See, that's why she threw Hugsy off the balcony!

Joey – And I'll never forgive her for that!

Chandler – Whatever. Monica sent us to pick out some bibs, so lets just do it, okay?

Joey – Fine. (Picks up a bib with a penguin on the front) Oh…

Chandler – Joey, will you stop? Monica's sorry! She didn't see the truck!

Scene: R&Rs apartment.

Julie – Ross! You have a baby with Rachel? How could you not tell us?

Ross – I was afraid you'd get mad! And, see, you are!

Mona – Yeah, and he didn't even tell me until we were way into our relationship.

Bonnie – That's awful! Is that why you broke up?

Mona – No, we almost did, but then he told me that he wasn't in love with Rachel and he never would be.

Julie – Ross was never very good at telling the truth.

Elizabeth – (Agreeing) No.

Ross – What? No! You have got to stop bringing this up! I am not in love with Rachel!

Emily – Yes, you are.

Ross – No, I'm not.

Julie – Then why didn't you tell her you were still married? Why do you have a baby with her? Next thing, I suppose you'll be telling me she lives right next door!

Mona – (Enjoying herself) Oh, he didn't tell you? Rachel lives here.

Elizabeth, Emily, Julie, Bonnie – (Glare at Ross)

Ross – (Pause) No, see, she LIVES here, but as a roommate, not as a-. Oh, forget it.

Carol – Wow, this so beats spinning class at the gym. Ross, you should tell them about the time you cheated on her.

Ross – Thank you Carol.

Scene: The store, at checkout.

Clerk – Takes receipt out) Your total is nine hundred ninety-one dollars and fourteen cents.

Monica – What? Are you sure? See, when I added it up, I got nine hundred eighty-five dollars and nine cents.

Clerk – Well, sorry, but I think the computer can do a better job than you can.

Joey – Oh, crap.

Phoebe – Take it back, take it back!

Chandler – I'm going to call and get a pizza delivered, it's gonna be awhile.

Monica – Oh yeah? The computer's better than me? Come on, let's go, we'll see who's better!

Joey – Make sure you get the Joey Special!

Time Lapse: R&Rs apartment.

Emily – Ross. You cheated on Rachel?

Ross – See, technically, no-

Carol – Ross, if you say "We were on a break" one more time, I'm going to keep you away from Ben forever so you can't screw up his relationships! After I tell Rachel!

Ross – Okay then.

Bonnie – Honestly Ross, how could you do that to her? You were so close.

Julie – Yeah, I mean, we were mad when you dumped us for Rachel, but we understood.

Mona – Yeah, and deep down, I guess we were kind of happy for you…

Ross – Really?

Mona – Well, I don't know about them, but I pretty much wanted you in hell.

Emily – Yeah, me too.

Bonnie – Pretty much.

Julie – Yep.

Elizabeth – Not really. I had nothing to do with Rachel, so…whatever. I did hate you for awhile, though.

Ross – Great. So you all hate me now, just because things didn't work out between us?

Carol – I don't hate you. I'm just not attracted to you anymore.

Ross. That's comforting. Look, I just have to say that you are all so stubborn. I mean, things ended between us years ago! Can't we be friends? I mean, Rachel was the worst breakup I've ever been through, and she's like my best friend! Can't we put the past behind us?

Bonnie – No, we hate you Ross.

Emily – Always!

Carol – I don't!

Julie – Yeah, he didn't dump you for Rachel!

Scene: The store, Monica is arguing with the clerk while Chandler is talking on his cell phone.

Chandler – Yes, that's one large vegetarian and one large with sausage, pepperoni, ham, and…(Looks at Joey, who is making fish motions with his hands, and then runs off somewhere) anchovies. Deliver to Babies Plus on Fourteenth Street. Thanks. (Hangs up)

Phoebe – I'm bored!

Chandler – Me too… where'd Joey go?

Phoebe – He went to take a nap in a crib. He said to come and get him when the pizzas get here.

Monica – (Yelling) Look! If you add up all eighty-two items on the calculator and add the sales tax, it comes out to MY amount! I win!

Woman – (Standing behind Chandler) Goodness, that woman is taking her time! Do you know her?

Chandler – Who me? No, never met her before in my life.

Clerk – You got it wrong. You have eighty-three items in your cart.

Monica – Eighty-three? But that's impossible. I only picked up what was on this list. (Shows him the list)

Clerk – (Skims it over) Yes, you have all that, and…(Looks through the bags and holds up Chandler's book)

Monica – What the heck is this? (She looks and it and suddenly screams) CHANDLER!

Chandler – (To Woman) Gotta go.

(He runs out of the store with Monica screaming after him, "Chandler, how could you try to sneak in something that wasn't on the list? You ALWAYS follow the list no matter what! Do you WANT our baby to have your sense of humor? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!?!?")

TBC

Ends Chapter 4! Okay, the next chapter will be different, I promise! I have other purposes for them now. Mwahaha… Okay, sorry. Please review! Thanks!