Sauron's Life
Author's Note:I was really tired when I wrote this... Flame me. It deserves flaming. It does. It is too fucked up to have good reviews, if indeed any reviews at all e.e *cough* Well... Here goes.
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What a fine day in Mordor! Said Saurwyn, the future mother of Sauron, as she looked up at the rolling black clouds and ash all about her. I think I'll go screw someone and have a child that will soon be the dark lord of Mordor!
And so she stomped off, being of the height and girth of a full-grown oliphaunt. But who would want to have a child with her, you ask? You would not believe me if I told you. Mordorian folk are odd folk indeed, and relationships are not willingly created, if created at all, for they're usually fighting with each other. Sauron, who is, or soon will be, an Aquarius, has higher and better things in mind than fighting over who gets to use the local porta-potty first.
As she stumbled and stomped and croaked random curses in the Black Tongue whenever she tripped, storm grew over Mt. Doom. What a cheesy name, she thought, Mt. Doom'. Might as well name it... Name it... Mt. Death or something. Sheesh. And so as she stumbled, she came across an Orc sitting by a stream of molten lava, which rolled and tumbled down into a dark crevas and carrened into a large pool of more and more lava, which encircled the Black Tower of Barad-Dur in its madly black... Ness. said Saurwyn cheerily in her harsh and throaty voice, which croaked and gurgled and could hardly be deciphered with all of the foam profusing from her mouth (which could not be seen under the matted hair that grew on clumps on her head and the rest of her disfigured body).
What d'you want? asked the Orc as he started cackling and foaming at the mouth.
To have sex and eventually have a child that will become the Dark Lord of Mordor of course! What d'you think!?!
I dunno... Sex is weird....
Oh, come on! It's fun!
How would you know?
I don't! I'm just cheesily trying to persuade you into raping me! Or at least molesting me until I can find someone else. But I do watch Orc Bondage.
The Orc raised a brow at the crazed... Thing. What was she anyway? She was too big to be a troll... Meh. He'd get squished in the breeding process anyway. And he was a virgin. How odd. Something so evil and so harsh and so very ugly could be so pure and un-marred by the insertion of... Yea. he said, shrugging.
So off the two stumbled over the craggy and jagged turf of Mordor. Many signs passed them by, such as Please watch for falling flesh' or One way'. There was no easy way, but there was always some way. And that some way was usually just back to where you started. They needed paths in this place.
After an hour or two of their stumbling and cursing, a few Nazgul flew overhead and started shitting on them, cackling manically. Saurwyn flipped them off and the Orc started eating the shit in mad hunger.
When the Nazgul were finished, they started pissing on their heads, and the Orc drank it, and Saurwyn flipped them off further. The Nazgul couldn't tell for two reasons. One:Saurwyn's hands were so disfigured and blobbed with fat that fingers were no longer decipherable, if indeed she had any at all. And two:They couldn't see anyway, only sniff with their false noses.
The Nazgulk finally left them in the little peace that Mordor offered and they stumbled and went careening on their way.
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Meh... Tiiiired....
~Mr. Kittlez