Chapter Two - Everything
Cordelia knew that the Vampire wouldn't be up. It was 9:30 in the morning and after no sleep, she decided she needed some serious help if she was going to put her family back together again. Buffy already knew she was here so it was only a matter of time before the rest of the Scoobies found out that part of the Fang Gang were in good old Sunnyhell. The last thing she wanted to do was explain herself to them as to why they weren't talking, she couldn't even explain it herself. There was one friendship that Cordelia had rebuilt. Willow, the girl who helped tear her heart apart was the closest thing Cordelia had to a friend in this hellhole. Willow wouldn't judge her and she was a powerful witch. If there wasn't a Pylean demon around to read her mind then the next best thing was Willow. Cordelia was past caring what people thought of her all she wanted was her Angel back. The only problem lay in the fact that Willow now lived with Buffy and the never-dying Slayer was the last person Cordelia wanted to see. Angel had mentioned that Buffy had a job as a school councillor so Cordelia hoped that she would be at Sunnydale High by now. She raised a hesitant fist to the door but it was opened before she could knock.
"Oh Cordelia! Jeeze, I knew Angel was here but Buffy didn't say she had seen you too." The red-head exclaimed, removing earphones from her ear. "I was just going for a jog. Only safe in the day-time kinda past-time."
"I just got in this morning." Cordelia answered meekly, not liking to lie to her new found friend. "I was actually coming to see you. I need your help with something but I'll come back later if your busy." Cordelia drew the long sleeves of her top over her clenched fists and began to walk away.
"No, Cordy, come back. It's just a little ploy of Giles to try and get me to relax. I swear 7000 miles away and he is the boss man. So what can I do for you?" Willow asked, directing Cordelia into the Summer's home.
Cordelia sunk defeated into the couch. "God, Willow, I don't know where to start. You know about the whole half-demon thing I have going on well let's just say it isn't as plain as simple as that. I was meant to met Angel at this point on the coast, we were going to talk." Cordelia started to cry as the memories of that night swept over her
Willow gently held her hand as the sobs overtook Cordelia's body. The witch's face was now filled with concern and confusion. What could be so bad that it would cause Cordelia to cry out in front of her. Willow let go of Cordelia's hand as she found her composure.
"But before I got there, Skip stopped me. He told me that I was never meant to meet Angel that night, instead my destiny lay as a Higher Power. Trust me as far fetched as this might sound, I was there. Can anyone say 'Day's Of Our Lives'? So I went up to…where ever the Powers live and there I stayed. But my demon counterpart stayed behind and decided my life would be a great one to muck around with. So while I was sitting up there, bored out of my mind this demon was walking around as me. I..I mean it did some pretty horrific things. It slept with Connor, Angel's son. Angel found them just as I finally made it back into my own body and kicked my demon back into kingdom come only Angel won't believe it wasn't me. He hates me so much Willow." Cordelia began to cry. "He even moved away from LA. What have I done?"
Willow pulled the sobbing Seer into her shoulder. "Shh, Cordy, it's OK. I know how Angel must have reacted. He isn't exactly Mr-Dealable. I don't get where I help here. I can't convince Angel anymore than Xander can and I can't see that happening anytime soon."
"I was thinking more magical intervention. You're a powerful witch Willow. You must something that will allow Angel to read my mind or see where I have been. I'm desperate Willow." Cordelia noted Willow move away from her. "What? I know it sounds crude but I think it is the only way."
"No, I understand Cordelia but I thought you knew. I don't practise magic anymore. I got into trouble, hurt people, killed people. Giles brought me back…I lost control of my power and I can't do it, ever."
Cordelia looked as if he world had just ended. All her hopes, life and future rested on this one favour from a friend. Now Willow had had just wrecked everything.
*Now that I'm down on my knees,
Begging for change
Look down at the water
Before I jump in
To find I was sinking fast
In all that might have been*
If she couldn't be with Angel then why did she even bother. "Willow, I understand that but you're better now. We need your help. I need your help. I would never ask anyone but if I lose Angel then I have nothing left to live for. It's just like when you lost Tara, magic and the Powers screw everything up…"
"I can't Cordelia. I can't risk it, I could kill someone. I'm sorry. Maybe if I contact Giles…"
"No!" Cordelia shouted in protest. She stood up. "I couldn't bear it if anyone else knew. It doesn't matter."
"I'm sor…" Willow never got a chance to finish as the front door slammed shut and Cordelia was gone.
Later
She must have been walking for hours, the sun had set an hour before and the night had brought a plunge in temperature, not that the girl on the street could feel the biting cold. She couldn't feel the cold, her body was too numb in hopelessness. This wasn't who she was but it was all she could be. Cordelia Chase was strong, never let anything defeat her. She was sick of fighting. She fought and fought for the Powers and all they did was let her down. She battled the evil that they couldn't and this was how they repaid her. All she wanted was to be loved by someone but they couldn't even give her that. Cordelia had reached rock-bottom and there was no sign of an exit sign.
"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?" A mocking voice called to her as she turned to greet it. "Cordelia Chase. Well haven't we slipped down a peg or two."
Cordelia turned around to find Bailey Matthews, a jock from her year at high school was standing in front of her in full vamp-fight mode.
"Wow, I haven't seen you since Graduation. What a blast that was. Next thing I know I'm clawing my way through the ground in a funeral suit. I feel great though. You don't seem to be very scared of me though."
"You're not the first Vampire I've seen Bailey. Jeeze I live in LA, we are just swimming in them there." Cordelia muttered backing away. Bailey was strong as a human, she had felt it before.
"Right so you know the drill then. You scream, I chase you and then I eat you. So…um, start running."
Cordelia pulled the stake out of her purse and stood firm to her spot. "Bring it on Matthews."
He ran for her and Cordelia stood firm, ready to block his first punch but he swept her legs form under her. She fell to the ground with a thud and looked up to find Bailey towering over her, fangs posed.
"Come on then. Just kill me. Take it all away." Cordelia cried as she felt herself fall again. "Make my pain go away."
Cordelia closed her eyes and waited for the fangs to pierce her neck. Instead she felt a breeze and then the fluttering of snow on her face. She opened her eyes to find Bailey gone, Angel standing over her, with worried eyes and ash clinging to her clothes. When he realised she was OK, Angel turned away.
"Wait!" Cordelia called to him. "Why did you save me if you hate me so much? I mean it isn't as if I'm an innocent, I have a demon inside of me."
"You're a Power. I swore to protect them until I turned human.
"How can I be a Power Angel? I have a demon inside of me. They screwed up, they got it wrong."
Angel stood there, not knowing what to say the woman staring up a him. Staring at him with pleading eyes. Pleading with him to make it all right again. He turned away from her again. This time she didn't call him back instead when he turned around he found Cordelia gone, nothing but her coat abandoned to a tombstone.
He couldn't tell you how long he had wandered through the dark streets of Sunnydale, nor could he tell you where he had been. He couldn't tell you what he was feeling because right now the angel with a soul was overwhelmed by feelings that he couldn't tell you where one stop and the other began. Angel found himself back in front of the mansion. He looked at the blackened, shadowed walls and felt alone, something he wasn't a stranger to. For the first time in 3 ½ years he felt empty. After Buffy, he had promised himself that he wouldn't become dependant on people. And here he was again, hurt and alone. If this was what humans could do, he didn't want to be one again.
The door felt even heavier than usual. It resembled his mood. The lights were off, the room clocked in a husky darkness. He could smell her in the room, a mixture of salt, vanilla, and fear. Angel hated the stench of fear, the way a mouse feared the snap of the trap. He peered through the darkness and saw her figure hidden behind the raw flames of the fire, pressed between the fireplace and the sandstone wall at 90° . She seemed so small, so fragile, so innocent. Angel couldn't believe that the woman that he had slowly grown to love was capable of hurting him so badly.
"Cordelia?" He called weakly knowing she was there.
Cordelia slowly lifted her head and searched the darkness for the voice that had called her. Angel gasped at her face. He could see the scratches on her face from the previous fight. Her eyes were sunken into her face, cheek bones protruding from her pale face making her look half starved. But what frightened him the most was her eyes; they seemed as dead as his heart. The light he had loved so much about her had gone, and it was all his fault. He walked slowly towards her and she drew further into the wall. As he reached out to her, the door behind him opened, causing him tot urn away from his Seer.
"Angel, get away from her, she didn't do anything wrong."
Angel backed up and walked away from Cordelia towards Willow. "What do you mean, she didn't do anything wrong? How do you know what she did?"
"She came to me for help but Buffy told you what happened last time I used magic. I owe Cordelia so much. She was a bitch to me, I caused her to doubt love. I think she came off worse. I can do a spell, put her memories into an orb and let you watch them. That orb can't lie, memories don't lie!" She saw Angels concerned face. "Don't worry, it's no kicks magic, in fact it is painful for me to take someone's memories from their mind.
"Cordelia, Cordelia?" Angel called her name but she didn't respond.
Willow walked over and took a self-tranced Cordelia by the hands. "What have you done to her?" She asked in a low whisper knowing the Vampire would hear her. "Cordelia I need you to hold this orb in your hands and concentrate on it. I'm gonna do a spell, it may hurt a little but it will help."
Willow placed the orb in the Cordelia's cupped hands, still worried about Cordelia's trance-like state. If Cordelia's memories missed the orb they might go anywhere and she might never get them back. Willow stood back, the incantation in her hand. It was in English but couldn't be said out loud, it was the telepathic link that moved the memories. She started to whisper the words in her head, her eyes closed. She felt a ripping pain in her mind as the spell fired into Cordelia's head. The spell was over and Willow opened her eyes. Cordelia still stood in a trance, as expected, while still holding the now-glowing orb.
"Did it work?" Angel asked from the side-lines.
Willow gripped the orb and looked at it.. "Yeah it worked!" She handed it to Angel. "It's like a slideshow of her memories, when you see the one you want to look at, you just click on it. Kinda like a link on the internet." She looked at the realisation on his face. Maybe Cordelia had, had a bigger effect on Angel than they had first thought. "I'm going to lie down in Cordelia's room. Be careful Angel, memories are fragile.
She left Angel in the brighter room, lightened by the glowing orb of repeating pictures. He watched them scroll by; Cordelia as a girl waving sadly at a retreating car. Crying beside a grave, fresh with flowers. He saw her face when she was showing Xander a dress, the one she wore to prom, he thought. He saw what happened to her when she first arrived in LA, happy to be demon-free but so terrified it scared Angel to the core of his dead heart. Finally the memories of the gang came to mind. He stopped a memory showing the after affects of Dolye's death. Angel frowned at his attitude. He should have comforted her more, but he was too wrapped up in his own grief to notice just how much Cordelia was hurting. Angel furrowed his head, shame filling his mind. He has still been reeling from Buffy's visit and then Doyle…He hadn't seen just how much she had changed since Doyle had jumped, how she had drawn into herself after Barneys attack, how she became afraid of what Doyle had given her. The memory ended and scrolled by.
Angel watched the intro's to when Darla had shown up, just helpless Cordelia had felt when she was showing up in his dreams. How hurt she had been when Darla announced that Angel was going to be a daddy, the ballet, Groo. Cordelia stored every moment, he marvelled. Finally he reached Cordelia's ascension. Angel watched as she argued with Skip the night she was due to meet him at the Point but in the end she had accepted her destiny. He watched her rise into the sky and the globe went black. Angel called out in surprise but Cordelia neither heard nor moved. If she wasn't in Connor's bed there could be no memory of it. The Vampire slid to the floor in horror. All the things he accused her of, all the things he had called her. He stared up at his Seer. She was still his frustrating Seer, the heart of Angel Investigations. Her demon aspect was gone, she was back. Angel shifted the image of Cordelia and Connor together into the back of his mind where he kept his demon. There as a memory that could not be purged but could be hidden well. How could he have doubted the woman he loved? How could he have hurt her so badly again? Clothes weren't going to make everything OK this time and he doubted anything could.
Willow stood at the top of the stairs watching the crumbling Vampire. The guilt and pain must have been unimaginable, she thought. In one single thought, Willow realised just what Angel and Cordelia were. They weren't just warriors, fighting for and invisible force or two lost souls trying to put the world to rights. Somewhere along a strange, rocky road, they became each others everything.
*You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that helps me trust
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You are my everything*
Willow walked slowly towards the couple, crouching down to Angels level. He still sat on the floor, the orb tight in his hands. He wanted answers and he had got them.
"Are you finished? Do you want to see them again?" Willow asked gently
Angel looked up at her with tear-laden eyes. "NO! I never want to see it again. I should never have believed…" He trailed off. "Give her them back."
Willow took the orb over to Cordelia and placed it in her still cupped hands. As Willow took a step back, the orb relit, a purple haze bathing the Seer. Her hollow features stood out even more, the bruises on her face now black. Willow closed her eyes and began the reversal spell. The orb glowed brighter than before and then a pyrotechnic flash. The orb shattered in Cordelia's hands, falling to the floor and she blinked.
"What happened?" She asked the witch in front of her, looking at the glass on floor, the Vampire on the ground with tears on his cheeks. "Well?"
"You asked me to prove what your demon did when you were in a higher plain. He seen the truth, he seen what your demon did to Connor."
Cordelia slowly wrapped her arms around the witch that used to hate her and whispered thank-you in her ear. Willow smiles and turned for the door leaving them to pick up the broken piece, of the orb and the heart.
Neither spoke for a few minutes. Cordelia pulled her sleeves down while Angel sat like a marble statue on a sandstone floor.
"Can you forgive me?" She asked softly, sitting on the floor at Angels level.
"You did nothing wrong."
"Can you forget what my demon did?" She asked, rephrasing her original question.
He looked away and that was all the answer she needed.
"Can you forgive me for not trusting you? Angel asked as timid as a child.
"No." She simply said. I trusted you when I shouldn't have; Darla, the massacre at Holland's mansion. I believed in you."
Cordelia rose from the stone floor and picked up the long abandoned duster. She placed it on her shoulders. With one last, long look back, she opened the heavy oak doors and walked into the night. The night, she knew, would claim her but not this night. This night was hers as much as the day was. Maybe the sun she had willingly forsaken would teach her to forgive or maybe all she needed was time. Time was one thing she did have as she walked down the leafy Sunnydale street.
*This will fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And everything else that was
We can't take back*
Well that's all folks. I am right now working on getting all my ongoing Angel fan fiction finished. Hope you liked it and most of the grammatical errors in this story were for the purpose of the story. As far as I know the lyrics were:
1) Life house - Everything
2) Matchbox 20 - Last Beautiful girl
Tell me what you think please. Took me 7 months to write!!!!
Nutty