Title: Depression
By: Ryan AKA: Star
Summary: Sydney gets sick of her life and falls into depression, will someone be there to dig her out from it? Read and find out!
Disclaimer: It's not mine!
Chapter 6: Getting Help
I smile "Yeah, I'm ready." I was finally ready to put my past let downs, and pain behind me. I couldn't go on like this. I was too depressed and tired of life. All I know is that my life has already begun to turn up with Vaughn so I'm going to just go with the flow from here on, following my heart not head.
I paused and realized I had to tell some things, I couldn't let Vaughn do it all for me. "I needed to clear my head and get away from things for a while."
All Dr. Barnett did was nod. Vaughn picked up again. "I found her huddled on the ground, crying. She was just sitting there in the soaking rain, oblivious to everything around her. She had cuts on her hand too with blood dripping from her wounds." He explained my state and lifted my hand to show her, but I quickly pulled it back.
"How'd you hurt yourself?" Once again a question I had to answer. I thought about if I should tell her what I hadn't even told Vaughn.
"Some glass from a near by store window."
"And how did it break? Was it the storm? Or did you break it?" She questioned.
I had stayed strong and I didn't want to cry but I knew this would make me cry when I saw Vaughn's reaction, "I punched the window in frustration and anger. I was mad that my life was basically a living hell." I paused and reached over and gripped Vaughn's hand tightly. He squeezed it in comfort and urging me to continue, "I wanted.I needed a way out. What I was doing was no longer classified as living. No one would miss me I thought.there was only one option in my eyes.to end it, to end my hell."
I glance over to Vaughn and I see his eyes are filled with unshed tears. "Syd why didn't you tell me?" He asks under his breath.
I can feel my eyes give way and the water built up in mine spill over and tears pour down my cheeks. "I grabbed a piece of glass in my hand and I held it to my wrist. My hand was shaking violently; in that time it seemed as if my life flashed before me as I contemplated this decision to take my life. I thought about all the people who'd let me down through my life, all those who'd forgotten about me, all those who'd betrayed me, and then finally I remembered the one person who'd never let me down, who'd never forgotten me, who'd never betrayed me; Vaughn." I turn towards Vaughn and I see him crying now also.
He hugs me and I embrace him tight. We gripped each other as if we were each other's lifeline. I did pull back a little eventually though, but only long enough to finish this story. "When I thought about you Vaughn," I say now forgetting Dr. Barnett is there and only talking to Vaughn from my heart, "I realized one person was enough cause for me to live. I didn't want to hurt you more than my family already has done. Vaughn you are the reason I didn't kill myself there and then. I just collapsed onto the ground in the rain, and cried. It was the only thing I knew how to do at that time, I was just so lost. Then when I woke up from this I saw an angel, you. Just seeing you come for me, to help. Just knowing you were there with me to help then I could relax."
Dr. Barnett was scribbling away on her paper some more, but I didn't care. I locked eyes with Vaughn. I brushed a quick kiss across his lips and then brought him back into an embrace. We stayed like that in silence for a while until Dr. Barnett spoke up.
"Ms. Bristow, I see you have experienced some bad depression over the last 24 hours. Now, I realize your life has had its obstacles, and it hasn't been no picnic. Normally I would have to report you and document you as unfit for active duty under your condition, however I can see you are of sound mind. You had at least the sense to come for help."
I pull away from Vaughn enough to face Barnett and listen. I blush a little, "I'd have to give that credit to Vaughn. I didn't want to come, I just wanted to be with Vaughn, but he insisted I get professional help."
Dr. Barnett scribbles some more down on her notepad. At first I'm scared I shouldn't have said that but then she looks back up and has a smile on. She nods her head, "Well I guess you are more lucky than I thought. It seems to me you have someone right here willing to take care of you."
I look over at Vaughn and smile brightly. Vaughn reaches his hand up and wipes some falling tears from my face. "Yeah I do have someone very special here. I have my own guardian angel."
Barnett smiles, "Well anyway, I do suggest you come in a few times a week to speak with me. Keep me updated on happenings in your life, with your family and friends. I'm sure you can talk to Agent Vaughn also. Hopefully through talking through your problems you can come up with a better twist, and better thoughts about your life. Turn yourself in to an optimist instead of a pessimist. I also think you should take it easy on your work load this week, I won't take you off duty but I would recommend a reduced amount."
I nod as she explains this all to me. Just getting this all out today has helped me.
Just then the door swings open. All of our heads turn and I'm surprised to see my father. "Jack?" Vaughn says surprised.
Dr. Barnett stands up, "Excuse me Jack but this is a private session. If you need to talk to me, I'll be done in a second." Jack cuts her off and walks over to stand in front of me. This is the first time I notice his eyes are filled with tears. He reaches out and grabs my hands, standing me up and pulling me into a hug.
"Dad what are you doing here?" I ask into his ear as he continues to hold me tight.
He pulls away a little to look me in the face, "I'm so sorry Sydney. I didn't mean to abandon you and disregard your problems."
"woah, woah, dad." I say pulling back slightly. He stands back a little and smiles a little before explaining. "Honey I just heard what you were saying, and I know that I haven't..."
I cut in all confused, "Wait, you heard?"
"I'm sorry but I had to know what was going on with you and you wouldn't tell me. I planted a listening device in here."
"Dad!" I say annoyed at his breach of my privacy. Vaughn rubs his hand up and down my arm in support.
"Sydney please forgive me but I was worried. Like I was saying I haven't been there for you when you needed me. I didn't pay attention to your personal problems. I'm very sorry for that but I can say I'm happy that in my absence you managed to find someone so wonderful as Agent Vaughn here to take care of you." He says as he nods respectfully to Vaughn.
"Dad it's not your fault." I try to reassure him.
"Sydney I'm not going to play the blame game. I just wanted to make sure you knew that from now on I'm going to be here for you whether you have a personal or professional problem. Just.you can come to me." I smile and hug him tightly. I start to cry again.
Vaughn gets worried and asks me what's wrong. I'm not crying because I'm sad or depressed though, not this time. This time I'm crying because I'm happy. My life might not be fixed completely yet, but with all these people willing to hold me and help me, how can I fall? I think with all these people already starting to help me, I can overcome this struggle and any other struggle that comes my way.
I guess I realized life is only as good as I make it. If I give into it being hell then sure that's all it'll be, but if I try to make it more I realize now that it 'can' be so much more. Besides hell is as low as it gets, so my life can only get better. Through all this depression over the past days though I did realize one thing, I don't live for others, but I live for myself. Whether I have one person who cares about me or twenty it doesn't matter, it's quality not quantity.
***Okay so how'd you like this story of mine. It's my first 'serious' one. Hope I wrote it believably. Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. If you like my writing check out some of my other stories like 'A License to Flirt' a s/v fluff piece. Thanks again all!
By: Ryan AKA: Star
Summary: Sydney gets sick of her life and falls into depression, will someone be there to dig her out from it? Read and find out!
Disclaimer: It's not mine!
Chapter 6: Getting Help
I smile "Yeah, I'm ready." I was finally ready to put my past let downs, and pain behind me. I couldn't go on like this. I was too depressed and tired of life. All I know is that my life has already begun to turn up with Vaughn so I'm going to just go with the flow from here on, following my heart not head.
I paused and realized I had to tell some things, I couldn't let Vaughn do it all for me. "I needed to clear my head and get away from things for a while."
All Dr. Barnett did was nod. Vaughn picked up again. "I found her huddled on the ground, crying. She was just sitting there in the soaking rain, oblivious to everything around her. She had cuts on her hand too with blood dripping from her wounds." He explained my state and lifted my hand to show her, but I quickly pulled it back.
"How'd you hurt yourself?" Once again a question I had to answer. I thought about if I should tell her what I hadn't even told Vaughn.
"Some glass from a near by store window."
"And how did it break? Was it the storm? Or did you break it?" She questioned.
I had stayed strong and I didn't want to cry but I knew this would make me cry when I saw Vaughn's reaction, "I punched the window in frustration and anger. I was mad that my life was basically a living hell." I paused and reached over and gripped Vaughn's hand tightly. He squeezed it in comfort and urging me to continue, "I wanted.I needed a way out. What I was doing was no longer classified as living. No one would miss me I thought.there was only one option in my eyes.to end it, to end my hell."
I glance over to Vaughn and I see his eyes are filled with unshed tears. "Syd why didn't you tell me?" He asks under his breath.
I can feel my eyes give way and the water built up in mine spill over and tears pour down my cheeks. "I grabbed a piece of glass in my hand and I held it to my wrist. My hand was shaking violently; in that time it seemed as if my life flashed before me as I contemplated this decision to take my life. I thought about all the people who'd let me down through my life, all those who'd forgotten about me, all those who'd betrayed me, and then finally I remembered the one person who'd never let me down, who'd never forgotten me, who'd never betrayed me; Vaughn." I turn towards Vaughn and I see him crying now also.
He hugs me and I embrace him tight. We gripped each other as if we were each other's lifeline. I did pull back a little eventually though, but only long enough to finish this story. "When I thought about you Vaughn," I say now forgetting Dr. Barnett is there and only talking to Vaughn from my heart, "I realized one person was enough cause for me to live. I didn't want to hurt you more than my family already has done. Vaughn you are the reason I didn't kill myself there and then. I just collapsed onto the ground in the rain, and cried. It was the only thing I knew how to do at that time, I was just so lost. Then when I woke up from this I saw an angel, you. Just seeing you come for me, to help. Just knowing you were there with me to help then I could relax."
Dr. Barnett was scribbling away on her paper some more, but I didn't care. I locked eyes with Vaughn. I brushed a quick kiss across his lips and then brought him back into an embrace. We stayed like that in silence for a while until Dr. Barnett spoke up.
"Ms. Bristow, I see you have experienced some bad depression over the last 24 hours. Now, I realize your life has had its obstacles, and it hasn't been no picnic. Normally I would have to report you and document you as unfit for active duty under your condition, however I can see you are of sound mind. You had at least the sense to come for help."
I pull away from Vaughn enough to face Barnett and listen. I blush a little, "I'd have to give that credit to Vaughn. I didn't want to come, I just wanted to be with Vaughn, but he insisted I get professional help."
Dr. Barnett scribbles some more down on her notepad. At first I'm scared I shouldn't have said that but then she looks back up and has a smile on. She nods her head, "Well I guess you are more lucky than I thought. It seems to me you have someone right here willing to take care of you."
I look over at Vaughn and smile brightly. Vaughn reaches his hand up and wipes some falling tears from my face. "Yeah I do have someone very special here. I have my own guardian angel."
Barnett smiles, "Well anyway, I do suggest you come in a few times a week to speak with me. Keep me updated on happenings in your life, with your family and friends. I'm sure you can talk to Agent Vaughn also. Hopefully through talking through your problems you can come up with a better twist, and better thoughts about your life. Turn yourself in to an optimist instead of a pessimist. I also think you should take it easy on your work load this week, I won't take you off duty but I would recommend a reduced amount."
I nod as she explains this all to me. Just getting this all out today has helped me.
Just then the door swings open. All of our heads turn and I'm surprised to see my father. "Jack?" Vaughn says surprised.
Dr. Barnett stands up, "Excuse me Jack but this is a private session. If you need to talk to me, I'll be done in a second." Jack cuts her off and walks over to stand in front of me. This is the first time I notice his eyes are filled with tears. He reaches out and grabs my hands, standing me up and pulling me into a hug.
"Dad what are you doing here?" I ask into his ear as he continues to hold me tight.
He pulls away a little to look me in the face, "I'm so sorry Sydney. I didn't mean to abandon you and disregard your problems."
"woah, woah, dad." I say pulling back slightly. He stands back a little and smiles a little before explaining. "Honey I just heard what you were saying, and I know that I haven't..."
I cut in all confused, "Wait, you heard?"
"I'm sorry but I had to know what was going on with you and you wouldn't tell me. I planted a listening device in here."
"Dad!" I say annoyed at his breach of my privacy. Vaughn rubs his hand up and down my arm in support.
"Sydney please forgive me but I was worried. Like I was saying I haven't been there for you when you needed me. I didn't pay attention to your personal problems. I'm very sorry for that but I can say I'm happy that in my absence you managed to find someone so wonderful as Agent Vaughn here to take care of you." He says as he nods respectfully to Vaughn.
"Dad it's not your fault." I try to reassure him.
"Sydney I'm not going to play the blame game. I just wanted to make sure you knew that from now on I'm going to be here for you whether you have a personal or professional problem. Just.you can come to me." I smile and hug him tightly. I start to cry again.
Vaughn gets worried and asks me what's wrong. I'm not crying because I'm sad or depressed though, not this time. This time I'm crying because I'm happy. My life might not be fixed completely yet, but with all these people willing to hold me and help me, how can I fall? I think with all these people already starting to help me, I can overcome this struggle and any other struggle that comes my way.
I guess I realized life is only as good as I make it. If I give into it being hell then sure that's all it'll be, but if I try to make it more I realize now that it 'can' be so much more. Besides hell is as low as it gets, so my life can only get better. Through all this depression over the past days though I did realize one thing, I don't live for others, but I live for myself. Whether I have one person who cares about me or twenty it doesn't matter, it's quality not quantity.
***Okay so how'd you like this story of mine. It's my first 'serious' one. Hope I wrote it believably. Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. If you like my writing check out some of my other stories like 'A License to Flirt' a s/v fluff piece. Thanks again all!