Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/ The Simpsons, Homer Simpson and any related stuff belongs to Matt Groening (I think)/ Nazza is my own creation (obviously)
[CHAPTER 2: GREAT GATE]
Nazza reappeared to see a giant wall, made of giant wooden stakes. 'Where are we?' he asked.
'We're at the Great Gate,' Crash announced.
'Do we have to climb that?' asked Nazza.
'Yep,' said Crash.
'We do it all the time,' Coco told him.
'But, I'm not a cat,' said Nazza.
'Neither are we,' said Coco.
'How do we get up then?' asked Nazza.
'Using the platforms and elevators and everything,' said Crash.
'This sounds more interesting than Insanity Beach,' said Nazza. 'But I don't see any platforms or elevators.'
'Follow us,' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Nazza followed Crash and Coco as they walked along the gigantic (and I mean HUGE) wooden wall.
'Who decided to put this here?' asked Nazza.
'Neo Cortex,' said Crash.
'How come?' asked Nazza. 'I could understand if it was Miniscule Cortex, because he's an idiot, but Neo did it. How come?'
'To keep me from getting to him,' said Crash.
'Why does he want that?' asked Nazza.
'Because.it's a long story,' said Crash. 'And this story's going to be long regardless of whether I tell my story or not. So I won't.'
'Oh well,' said Nazza. 'I could tell adventures longer than this story.'
'No you couldn't,' said Coco.
'Yes I could,' said Nazza.
'No you can't,' said Coco.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'No you ca -' Coco was interrupted by Crash, who was glaring at her. 'How come you're glaring at me and not Nazza?'
'Because you started it!' said Crash.
'No I didn't,' said Coco.
'Yes you did,' said Crash.
'No I didn't,' said Coco.
'Yes you did,' said Crash.
'No I di-' Coco was interrupted by Nazza, who was attempting to climb the wall with his own claws. He could only climb a few metres before he would fall down, then try again, then fall down.
'Nazza! You can't climb up that wall!' said Crash.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'No you can't,' said Crash.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'If you could,' Crash told him, 'you would have to jump back down again and you would die.'
'No, I'd just climb back down,' said Nazza, who was now as high as he'd ever climbed in his life.
'You'd fall,' shouted Crash.
'No I wouldn't,' said Nazza. 'Just you wait, I'll show you, I'll -'
Nazza came crashing to the ground.
'Ow, my back,' he moaned.
There was a ringing sound that came from Coco's pants. 'What's that?' asked Crash.
'It's my mobile,' said Coco.
'You have a mobile?' asked Nazza.
'Yes, I do,' said Coco. 'You've gotta keep with the times, you know.'
'So do you have the Internet?'
'What the hell is "Internet"?'
'You're not very good at keeping up with the times,' Nazza said.
'Ssh!' whispered Crash. 'She still thinks it's the 80's!'
'Yeah right,' said Nazza. 'As if she thinks it's still the 80's.'
'Yeah, we're living in the 80's!' said Coco.
Nazza stared blankly at her. 'Tell me your joking.'
'I told you to ssh,' said Crash quietly.
'Okay, my back feels better now,' said Nazza. 'Where's the nearest platform?'
'Follow me,' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was a long walk along-side the wall. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
Nazza looked around for a while. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
They continued walking. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'What would you say if I said "Yes"?' asked Crash.
'I'd say "I can't see any platform anywhere", probably,' said Nazza.
'So if you saw the platform would you ask me if we were near the platform?' asked Crash.
'How the hell would I know?' asked Nazza.
'Because we're near the platform,' said Crash.
'I can't see any platform anywhere,' said Nazza.
'There it is,' said Coco, pointing at a platform sticking out of the wall.
'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The platform was about a metre off the ground. It was held up by a single pole in the middle of the platform.
Nazza, Coco and Crash climbed up onto it. 'Where's the next platform?' asked Nazza.
'Here,' said Crash, climbing up onto another platform in front of the first one. This one was about one metre above the first platform.
'Oh, I see now,' said Nazza. 'The platforms go up and up and up till the top.'
'Yes,' said Crash. 'Except we can't climb over the other side when we get to the top.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'Because their aren't any platforms on the other side of the wall,' said Crash.
'I could just climb down then,' said Nazza.
'Remember when you tried climbing up the wall and you slipped?' said Crash.
'Nope,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When the reached the top platform, Nazza stood up and looked over the edge of the wall, through cracks in the sharp points that the wooden stacks ended in. 'That's a long way down,' said Nazza.
'Try jumping down if you like,' said Crash.
Nazza started climbing with his back legs.
'On the other hand, don't jump,' said Crash.
'Where do we go now?' asked Nazza.
'See that long platform?' said Crash, as they faced the platforms that led downward. Across from the platform they were standing on was another platform, this one long though. It had a few bits broken, as if someone had cut bits of the wood to make it more dangerous.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Let me guess. We have to go along that platform?'
'Yep,' said Crash.
'What a guess!' said Nazza.
Nazza leapt over to the long platform, then Coco jumped, and Crash somersaulted over.
'Ladies first,' said Nazza, letting Coco go ahead of him. 'Bandicoots first,' he said, letting Crash go ahead of him.
'Why do you want us to go ahead of you?' asked Crash. He turned around, and saw Nazza scrambling up, trying to jump over the other side. 'Stop that!' shouted Crash.
Nazza stopped, and looked down, whining in a doggish voice.
'You can go before me,' said Crash.
'But I want to see how to get across!' said Nazza. 'I don't know how to do this level without your help!'
'Coco knows how to,' said Crash. 'Why do you want to jump over to the other side?'
'Because I'm bored of platforms,' Nazza whined.
The three walked along the platform, and before long came to a bit where the wood had fallen out, leaving a gap between platforms. Coco jumped across, then Nazza, and Crash followed.
They continued walking, jumping over gaps, occasionally knocking Venus fly- trap flowers out of their way (Nazza wondered how flowers had grown so far up on pieces of wood), until Nazza saw a huge wooden stake going up. It was thicker than the thickest tree in the world, probably ten metres from one side to the other. 'That's a big stake,' said Nazza.
'Mmm, stake,' said Homer.
'Who are you?' asked Crash, looking at the yellow man, with his rotund belly, two hairs on his otherwise bald head, a beer can in one hand and a remote in the other.
'I am.why do you want to know who I am?' asked Homer. 'You aren't going to KILL me, are you?'
'He's Homer Simpson,' said Nazza. 'One of the Simpsons.'
Coco stared blankly at Nazza. 'You know, the TV show "The Simpsons"?'
Crash nodded, understanding what Nazza said, but Coco stared blankly at him.
'Heehee! A talking doggy!' said Homer. 'Here, doggy! Here, doggy! Come on, doggy!'
'Remember, Simpsons were invented in the 90's,' Crash mumbled out of the corner of his mouth so only Nazza could hear. 'Coco's living in the 80's, remember?'
'Yes, I remember,' said Nazza.
'Oh wow! Two kangaroos!' said Homer. 'They look a little different from last time I was in Australia, but.well.I can't imagine what else they could be.'
'We're not kangaroos,' said Coco.
'And Homer, we're not in Australia,' said Nazza.
'Where am I then?' asked Homer. 'I was watching TV, then I accidentally pressed a few buttons at once, and I was zapped up here!'
'Hey,' said Nazza. 'Can you sing that song?'
'What song?' asked Homer. 'What is this "song" you speak of?'
'You know, the one "I get knocked down, but I get up again". Can you sing it for us?'
'Sure,' said Homer. He started bobbing up and down.
'I drink a whisky drink, I drink a chocolate drink
'And when I need to pee, I use the kitchen sink!'
Nazza cracked up laughing. Coco stared blankly at Homer.
'Heheh, what do you think of Flanders?' asked Nazza.
'What do I think of Flanders? This is what I think of Flanders! I think he -'
Homer took a step backwards, but realised there wasn't any more platform behind him. 'Heeeeeeelp!' cried Homer. 'Oh well, if I'm going to die, I might as well enjoy it.' With that, he skulled the rest of his beer.
Homer landed on a warp pad, and disappeared.
'Well, that was entertaining,' said Nazza. 'How come there's a big wooden stake?'
'It's to get up to the next warp pad,' Crash explained.
'The next warp pad's up there?' asked Nazza, pointing to the top of the wooden stake.
'Last time I checked,' said Crash. 'But we have to get past them.' He pointed at some upside-down wooden stakes ahead, that were slamming into the wood, then moving upward, then slamming down again.
The three walked over to them. 'It's all in the timing!' shouted Crash, who couldn't be heard above the crashing sound of the wooden stakes.
Crash waited until one of the wooden stakes had crashed down, then as it lifted back up, he ran under it, jumped over a gap on the platform, and landed safely on the other side.
Coco did the same, but nearly slipped and fell. Crash grabbed her and pulled her back onto the platform.
Nazza closed his eyes, and started running. He didn't realise there was a gap, and only just grabbed onto the edge.
'Help!' said Nazza. 'There's no warp pad underneath me!'
Coco walked over to him and crouched down. 'Help me!' shouted Nazza.
'Here's my little secret,' said Coco quietly. Then, in a whisper, 'I killed Mufasa.'
'Get out of the way, Coco,' said Crash. He grabbed Nazza's paw and lifted him to safety.
'Coco's scary,' Nazza muttered so only Crash could hear. 'And I thought Lion King was in the 90's.'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The three continued to walk along the platform until they reached the end, which was just past the giant wooden stake.
'How do we get up?' asked Nazza.
'By these springs,' said Crash, pointing to a spring. He jumped on it, and it launched him into the air. He moved to the right, and landed on another spring attached to a platform, then left onto another platform, then up and right to another platform, and continued until he was out of sight.
'You can go now,' said Coco.
'No I think I'll go last,' said Nazza.
'Okay,' said Coco. She jumped on the spring and launched up into the air.
'Here goes nothing,' said Nazza. He jumped on the spring, and it launched him into the air. He flew over to the next platform, and the next spring.
There were so many springs he thought the warp pad might be up in space, but before long, he came to the last spring. He bounced up, and landed on the last platform face first. 'Ow, that hurt,' he commented.
He stood up, and saw that they were up in the sky, with clouds all around. Coco was waiting for Nazza.
'Crash has gone ahead,' said Coco. 'This platform is another long one. At the end is a warp pad.'
'Okay, I'll follow you then,' said Nazza.
Coco went slowly ahead, and Nazza followed. She jumped over a gap, and so did he.
Suddenly there was a ringing. 'That would be my mobile phone,' said Coco.
She pulled it out of her pocket and said, 'Hello?' She paused to listen, then, 'Mm-hm, mm-hm, yep, yeah, nah, yeah, okay.' She hung up and put the mobile back into her pocket.
'Who was it?' asked Crash.
'Some prank caller,' said Coco.
The two continued, then Coco ran ahead. 'Hey! Where are you going?' shouted Nazza.
'There's solid platform all the way to the warp pad!' Coco shouted back.
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He started running.
He ran for what seemed like ten minutes, but in reality it was only five. Then finally he saw the warp pad.
'Finally,' thought Nazza, as he jumped into the warp pad. There was a flash, then he disappeared.
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/ The Simpsons, Homer Simpson and any related stuff belongs to Matt Groening (I think)/ Nazza is my own creation (obviously)
[CHAPTER 2: GREAT GATE]
Nazza reappeared to see a giant wall, made of giant wooden stakes. 'Where are we?' he asked.
'We're at the Great Gate,' Crash announced.
'Do we have to climb that?' asked Nazza.
'Yep,' said Crash.
'We do it all the time,' Coco told him.
'But, I'm not a cat,' said Nazza.
'Neither are we,' said Coco.
'How do we get up then?' asked Nazza.
'Using the platforms and elevators and everything,' said Crash.
'This sounds more interesting than Insanity Beach,' said Nazza. 'But I don't see any platforms or elevators.'
'Follow us,' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Nazza followed Crash and Coco as they walked along the gigantic (and I mean HUGE) wooden wall.
'Who decided to put this here?' asked Nazza.
'Neo Cortex,' said Crash.
'How come?' asked Nazza. 'I could understand if it was Miniscule Cortex, because he's an idiot, but Neo did it. How come?'
'To keep me from getting to him,' said Crash.
'Why does he want that?' asked Nazza.
'Because.it's a long story,' said Crash. 'And this story's going to be long regardless of whether I tell my story or not. So I won't.'
'Oh well,' said Nazza. 'I could tell adventures longer than this story.'
'No you couldn't,' said Coco.
'Yes I could,' said Nazza.
'No you can't,' said Coco.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'No you ca -' Coco was interrupted by Crash, who was glaring at her. 'How come you're glaring at me and not Nazza?'
'Because you started it!' said Crash.
'No I didn't,' said Coco.
'Yes you did,' said Crash.
'No I didn't,' said Coco.
'Yes you did,' said Crash.
'No I di-' Coco was interrupted by Nazza, who was attempting to climb the wall with his own claws. He could only climb a few metres before he would fall down, then try again, then fall down.
'Nazza! You can't climb up that wall!' said Crash.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'No you can't,' said Crash.
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.
'If you could,' Crash told him, 'you would have to jump back down again and you would die.'
'No, I'd just climb back down,' said Nazza, who was now as high as he'd ever climbed in his life.
'You'd fall,' shouted Crash.
'No I wouldn't,' said Nazza. 'Just you wait, I'll show you, I'll -'
Nazza came crashing to the ground.
'Ow, my back,' he moaned.
There was a ringing sound that came from Coco's pants. 'What's that?' asked Crash.
'It's my mobile,' said Coco.
'You have a mobile?' asked Nazza.
'Yes, I do,' said Coco. 'You've gotta keep with the times, you know.'
'So do you have the Internet?'
'What the hell is "Internet"?'
'You're not very good at keeping up with the times,' Nazza said.
'Ssh!' whispered Crash. 'She still thinks it's the 80's!'
'Yeah right,' said Nazza. 'As if she thinks it's still the 80's.'
'Yeah, we're living in the 80's!' said Coco.
Nazza stared blankly at her. 'Tell me your joking.'
'I told you to ssh,' said Crash quietly.
'Okay, my back feels better now,' said Nazza. 'Where's the nearest platform?'
'Follow me,' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was a long walk along-side the wall. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
Nazza looked around for a while. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
They continued walking. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
'What would you say if I said "Yes"?' asked Crash.
'I'd say "I can't see any platform anywhere", probably,' said Nazza.
'So if you saw the platform would you ask me if we were near the platform?' asked Crash.
'How the hell would I know?' asked Nazza.
'Because we're near the platform,' said Crash.
'I can't see any platform anywhere,' said Nazza.
'There it is,' said Coco, pointing at a platform sticking out of the wall.
'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The platform was about a metre off the ground. It was held up by a single pole in the middle of the platform.
Nazza, Coco and Crash climbed up onto it. 'Where's the next platform?' asked Nazza.
'Here,' said Crash, climbing up onto another platform in front of the first one. This one was about one metre above the first platform.
'Oh, I see now,' said Nazza. 'The platforms go up and up and up till the top.'
'Yes,' said Crash. 'Except we can't climb over the other side when we get to the top.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'Because their aren't any platforms on the other side of the wall,' said Crash.
'I could just climb down then,' said Nazza.
'Remember when you tried climbing up the wall and you slipped?' said Crash.
'Nope,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When the reached the top platform, Nazza stood up and looked over the edge of the wall, through cracks in the sharp points that the wooden stacks ended in. 'That's a long way down,' said Nazza.
'Try jumping down if you like,' said Crash.
Nazza started climbing with his back legs.
'On the other hand, don't jump,' said Crash.
'Where do we go now?' asked Nazza.
'See that long platform?' said Crash, as they faced the platforms that led downward. Across from the platform they were standing on was another platform, this one long though. It had a few bits broken, as if someone had cut bits of the wood to make it more dangerous.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Let me guess. We have to go along that platform?'
'Yep,' said Crash.
'What a guess!' said Nazza.
Nazza leapt over to the long platform, then Coco jumped, and Crash somersaulted over.
'Ladies first,' said Nazza, letting Coco go ahead of him. 'Bandicoots first,' he said, letting Crash go ahead of him.
'Why do you want us to go ahead of you?' asked Crash. He turned around, and saw Nazza scrambling up, trying to jump over the other side. 'Stop that!' shouted Crash.
Nazza stopped, and looked down, whining in a doggish voice.
'You can go before me,' said Crash.
'But I want to see how to get across!' said Nazza. 'I don't know how to do this level without your help!'
'Coco knows how to,' said Crash. 'Why do you want to jump over to the other side?'
'Because I'm bored of platforms,' Nazza whined.
The three walked along the platform, and before long came to a bit where the wood had fallen out, leaving a gap between platforms. Coco jumped across, then Nazza, and Crash followed.
They continued walking, jumping over gaps, occasionally knocking Venus fly- trap flowers out of their way (Nazza wondered how flowers had grown so far up on pieces of wood), until Nazza saw a huge wooden stake going up. It was thicker than the thickest tree in the world, probably ten metres from one side to the other. 'That's a big stake,' said Nazza.
'Mmm, stake,' said Homer.
'Who are you?' asked Crash, looking at the yellow man, with his rotund belly, two hairs on his otherwise bald head, a beer can in one hand and a remote in the other.
'I am.why do you want to know who I am?' asked Homer. 'You aren't going to KILL me, are you?'
'He's Homer Simpson,' said Nazza. 'One of the Simpsons.'
Coco stared blankly at Nazza. 'You know, the TV show "The Simpsons"?'
Crash nodded, understanding what Nazza said, but Coco stared blankly at him.
'Heehee! A talking doggy!' said Homer. 'Here, doggy! Here, doggy! Come on, doggy!'
'Remember, Simpsons were invented in the 90's,' Crash mumbled out of the corner of his mouth so only Nazza could hear. 'Coco's living in the 80's, remember?'
'Yes, I remember,' said Nazza.
'Oh wow! Two kangaroos!' said Homer. 'They look a little different from last time I was in Australia, but.well.I can't imagine what else they could be.'
'We're not kangaroos,' said Coco.
'And Homer, we're not in Australia,' said Nazza.
'Where am I then?' asked Homer. 'I was watching TV, then I accidentally pressed a few buttons at once, and I was zapped up here!'
'Hey,' said Nazza. 'Can you sing that song?'
'What song?' asked Homer. 'What is this "song" you speak of?'
'You know, the one "I get knocked down, but I get up again". Can you sing it for us?'
'Sure,' said Homer. He started bobbing up and down.
'I drink a whisky drink, I drink a chocolate drink
'And when I need to pee, I use the kitchen sink!'
Nazza cracked up laughing. Coco stared blankly at Homer.
'Heheh, what do you think of Flanders?' asked Nazza.
'What do I think of Flanders? This is what I think of Flanders! I think he -'
Homer took a step backwards, but realised there wasn't any more platform behind him. 'Heeeeeeelp!' cried Homer. 'Oh well, if I'm going to die, I might as well enjoy it.' With that, he skulled the rest of his beer.
Homer landed on a warp pad, and disappeared.
'Well, that was entertaining,' said Nazza. 'How come there's a big wooden stake?'
'It's to get up to the next warp pad,' Crash explained.
'The next warp pad's up there?' asked Nazza, pointing to the top of the wooden stake.
'Last time I checked,' said Crash. 'But we have to get past them.' He pointed at some upside-down wooden stakes ahead, that were slamming into the wood, then moving upward, then slamming down again.
The three walked over to them. 'It's all in the timing!' shouted Crash, who couldn't be heard above the crashing sound of the wooden stakes.
Crash waited until one of the wooden stakes had crashed down, then as it lifted back up, he ran under it, jumped over a gap on the platform, and landed safely on the other side.
Coco did the same, but nearly slipped and fell. Crash grabbed her and pulled her back onto the platform.
Nazza closed his eyes, and started running. He didn't realise there was a gap, and only just grabbed onto the edge.
'Help!' said Nazza. 'There's no warp pad underneath me!'
Coco walked over to him and crouched down. 'Help me!' shouted Nazza.
'Here's my little secret,' said Coco quietly. Then, in a whisper, 'I killed Mufasa.'
'Get out of the way, Coco,' said Crash. He grabbed Nazza's paw and lifted him to safety.
'Coco's scary,' Nazza muttered so only Crash could hear. 'And I thought Lion King was in the 90's.'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The three continued to walk along the platform until they reached the end, which was just past the giant wooden stake.
'How do we get up?' asked Nazza.
'By these springs,' said Crash, pointing to a spring. He jumped on it, and it launched him into the air. He moved to the right, and landed on another spring attached to a platform, then left onto another platform, then up and right to another platform, and continued until he was out of sight.
'You can go now,' said Coco.
'No I think I'll go last,' said Nazza.
'Okay,' said Coco. She jumped on the spring and launched up into the air.
'Here goes nothing,' said Nazza. He jumped on the spring, and it launched him into the air. He flew over to the next platform, and the next spring.
There were so many springs he thought the warp pad might be up in space, but before long, he came to the last spring. He bounced up, and landed on the last platform face first. 'Ow, that hurt,' he commented.
He stood up, and saw that they were up in the sky, with clouds all around. Coco was waiting for Nazza.
'Crash has gone ahead,' said Coco. 'This platform is another long one. At the end is a warp pad.'
'Okay, I'll follow you then,' said Nazza.
Coco went slowly ahead, and Nazza followed. She jumped over a gap, and so did he.
Suddenly there was a ringing. 'That would be my mobile phone,' said Coco.
She pulled it out of her pocket and said, 'Hello?' She paused to listen, then, 'Mm-hm, mm-hm, yep, yeah, nah, yeah, okay.' She hung up and put the mobile back into her pocket.
'Who was it?' asked Crash.
'Some prank caller,' said Coco.
The two continued, then Coco ran ahead. 'Hey! Where are you going?' shouted Nazza.
'There's solid platform all the way to the warp pad!' Coco shouted back.
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He started running.
He ran for what seemed like ten minutes, but in reality it was only five. Then finally he saw the warp pad.
'Finally,' thought Nazza, as he jumped into the warp pad. There was a flash, then he disappeared.