Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
[CHAPTER 4: PAPU PAPU]
They arrived in a giant forest, bigger than Insanity Beach (why is it called a beach if it's a forest?) and appeared in some bushes.
'Don't worry, Nazza,' said Coco. 'We've defeated Papu Papu countless times. If we think he's gonna beat you, we'll help out.'
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'What she said.'
'Wait,' said Nazza. 'How come Papu Papu is in a little house, but we're stuck in a forest hiding behind bushes?'
'Because the house is over there,' said Crash, pointing to the left at a small house.
'Oh,' said Nazza. 'Well, at least he won't bash me up *too* bad, because you guys are with me.'
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'Except this is different from the games you've played. Instead of just battling Papu Papu, we have to go inside the house, complete a mission and then get out before Papu Papu gets back.'
'So, I've been worrying all this time over nothing?' said Nazza.
'Not really,' said Coco. 'If you get caught you have to fight Papu Papu.'
'But what if I *do* get caught?' asked Nazza.
'Then we'll have to fight Papu Papu,' said Crash.
'God dammit!' said Nazza. 'Why do stories like these always have to have long chapters?'
Coco and Crash stared at him.
'What do you mean, stories?' asked Coco.
'Nothing, nothing, just, um, I think I'm going insane,' said Nazza. 'Yes, that's it. I'm...going insane.'
'O-kay then,' said Crash. 'Here, drink this potion.'
Crash handed Nazza a potion. As soon as he had drunk it he stood up on his hind legs and started spinning like Crash, only faster.
'That's starting to give me a headache,' said Coco.
Crash jumped and kicked Nazza. He stopped spinning, then said, 'Whoa, that was *cool*.' He held his hand up to his face. 'Haha, I can see little people on my hand...'
'Uh, what did you give him?' Coco asked.
'I thought I gave him an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'I made it on Insanity Beach.'
'You stupid bandicoot!' shouted Coco. 'If you make anything from Insanity Beach it becomes an anti-*sanity* potion.'
'Whoops,' said Crash.
'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!' shouted a duck's voice from far off.
'Hey,' said Nazza, who was still fascinated by the little people on his paw, said, 'That's Joe, the mental patient of ducks who likes spagetti.'
'In English?' said Coco.
Suddenly a yellow duck ran past, shouting 'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!'
'Here, drink this potion,' said Crash. He handed Nazza another potion.
Nazza drank it, and suddenly looked confused. 'Why am I staring at my paw?'
'It's an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'Now, what was that yellow duck thing?'
'I think it was Joe the duck,' said Nazza. 'He sometimes strangely appears in my adventures.'
'I see...' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
'Uh, shouldn't we go into the house now?' asked Nazza.
'Okay,' said Crash.
'Okay,' said Coco.
'Shouldn't we start moving now?' asked Nazza.
'Okay,' said Crash.
Nazza looked at Coco. She was gazing at Nazza. Not looking, gazing. Don't argue with me.
'Uh, Coco, what are you doing?' asked Nazza.
'Huh? Oh, uh, nothing,' said Coco. 'So, we should start moving now, right?'
'Yes,' said Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'Because...I don't know,' said Crash.
'So let's get going,' said Nazza.
'Yeah,' said Coco.
So the three stood up, got out of the bushes and started walking over to Papu Papu's house. 'Are there any security cameras or anything?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash. 'No security whatsoever. Well, maybe a henchmen or two, but apart from that...'
Coco sighed.
'Why did you just sigh?' asked Crash.
'Nothing,' said Coco dreamily. She began gazing at Nazza again. No, not looking, *gazing*.
'Stop looking at me!' said Nazza. (Yes, I know that contradicts what I've been saying.)
'Okay then,' said Coco.
Crash walked up to the door of Papu Papu's house, and opened it. Or tried to open it.
'What's wrong?' asked Nazza.
'It's locked,' said Crash.
Nazza ran back about ten metres, then charged at the door, knocking it down easily.
'Wow,' said Coco.
'How'd u do that?' asked Crash.
'Joe the duck taught me,' said Nazza.
'I see...' said Crash. 'And how would I contact this duck?'
'Uh, you'd have to be in the right place at the wrong time, I guess,' said Nazza.
'Don't you mean at the right time?' said Coco.
'No,' said Nazza. 'You don't want to hang around Joe too much. He makes you go crazy.'
'I see...' said Crash. 'But if I did want to contact him?'
'You'd have to find him, and make sure he's not busy, but you'll have to wait until this adventure is over.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'THAT'S RIGHT JOE, YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL THIS ADVENTURE IS OVER BEFORE YOU CONTACT CRASH.'
Crash stared at Nazza. No, not looked, *stared*.
'I told you hanging around Joe makes you go temporarily crazy,' said Nazza.
So the three walked into Papu Papu's house. 'It's pretty small,' said Nazza.
'Where's the prisoner?' asked Crash.
'What prisoner?' asked Nazza.
'There's a prisoner somewhere in the house,' said Crash. 'We need to rescue him.'
'Try the basement,' said Coco. She pointed at the stairs that led to a basement.
'I see...' said Crash.
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!
Only kidding.
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!
'What are you doing trapped in here, Luigi?' asked Nazza.
'I would like to say a few things first,' said Luigi, who was chained to the wall. 'I am not really Luigi. Sure, I am Luigi, but I'm the fanfiction writer Luigi appearing in the form of Luigi.'
'I think I understand that,' said Crash.
'Secondly, Luigi belongs to Nintendo the basta - I mean, thirdly, Mario locked me up.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'Mario is now in league with egg head - I mean Cortex. Miniscule Cortex that is.'
'Anything else you want to say?' asked Crash.
'No, not really,' said Luigi.
'Okay then, I think we'll get going,' said Crash.
'Wait!' said Luigi. 'Aren't you going to unchain me?'
'Oh alright,' said Crash. 'Nazza, you find a way to free Luigi.'
'I'll help,' said Coco.
'No, we've got to go outside and watch for Papu Papu,' said Crash.
The two walked up the stairs.
'So, how are you going to get me down?' asked Luigi.
'I don't know,' said Nazza. He looked around.
'What about that chainsaw over there?' suggested Luigi.
'Ah, yes,' said Nazza. He walked over to the chainsaw, picked it up, walked on his two back feet over to Luigi, and pulled the string that started up the chainsaw.
'Whoa!' shouted Nazza. 'This thing is loud! - And heavy!'
'Hurry up and cut the chains!' shouted Luigi.
'Okay, okay,' said Nazza. He cut the chains, and Luigi fell to the floor.
'Shouldn't you turn the chainsaw off now?' shouted Luigi.
'I - can't - seem - to - get - this - chainsaw - to - turn - off,' shouted Nazza.
'You're not a chainsaw murderer from Texas, are you?' shouted Luigi.
'No, I'm Australian like Crash,' shouted Nazza. 'I think Green Devil might be a chainsaw murderer from Texas though.'
'Shouldn't you be working on trying to turn the chainsaw off?' shouted Luigi.
'Nah,' shouted Nazza. 'I'll just -' Nazza threw it at the wall. It cut a giant hole, then caught on a strange sparkling object and the chain suddenly flew off. It frisbeed, swinging a few centimetres over Nazza's head, and getting stuck on the opposite wall near the stairs.
'That was close,' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Well, let's get going.'
'Hang on a minute!' said Luigi. 'That sparkling thing that the chainsaw hit. It looks like a gem!'
'We don't have time for gems, now let's get going,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
'Hey Coco,' said Nazza.
'Hello Nazza,' said Coco. 'Crash is outside.'
Coco was on one side of the door, the one inside the house.
'Could you tell him to open the door?' asked Nazza.
'Crash,' Coco whispered through the keyhole. 'Can you open the door for us?'
'I can't,' Crash whispered back. 'Pot-belly Budgie is coming.'
'Who?' whispered Coco.
'He means Papu Papu is coming,' said Nazza. 'Uh-oh, I don't like fat people.'
'Why not?' said Luigi.
'Because they can sit on you,' said Nazza. He shuddered at the thought.
Luigi shuddered.
Coco gazed at Nazza.
'Uh, Coco,' said Nazza. 'Now's not a good time to start looking at me again.'
'Why not?' asked Coco.
'Because the fat man is behind you...'
Coco jumped, just before a giant stick landed where she was.
'That was close,' said Coco.
'Very close,' said Luigi.
'Papu Papu is angry!' shouted Papu Papu. 'Papu Papu begin talking like baby! Raaaargh!'
He slammed the stick down again, straight in front of Nazza.
'Great,' said Coco. 'Crash is nowhere in sight.'
'How are we going to defeat him?' asked Luigi.
'Well, Coco can't battle Papu Papu, so she has to get out of here.'
'Hey!' said Coco.
Nazza jumped onto Papu Papu's stick, then up onto Papu Papu's head. He began digging his claws in.
'Blue wolf hurt Papu Papu's head! Raaaargh!'
Coco ran out of the door. 'Are you going to get out, Luigi?' shouted Nazza.
'No, I'm staying here to help you out,' said Luigi.
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He jumped back to the floor just before Papu Papu's stick hit Papu Papu's head.
'Ow!' cried Papu Papu. 'Blue wolf make Papu Papu hit Papu Papu!'
'How can you help?' asked Nazza.
'With this!' said Luigi. He pulled out...a vacuum!
Only kidding.
He pulled out...a vacuum!
'How's a vacuum cleaner going to help?' asked Nazza.
'Well,' said Luigi, 'it can help in many different ways. One -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can clean up Papu Papu's stinky smelly house. Two -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can be used to elongate things -'
'Hurry up and get to the point!' said Nazza.
'Three -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can irritate people!' Luigi grabbed the vacuuming end and shoved it up Papu Papu's crack.
'Oww!' cried Papu Papu. 'Big stick up Papu Papu's big bum! Raaaargh!'
The two ran out of the house, and Papu Papu slammed his stick down one more time.
All four met up in time to watch Papu Papu's house collapse.
'Now,' said Nazza, 'Where's the next portal?'
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
[CHAPTER 4: PAPU PAPU]
They arrived in a giant forest, bigger than Insanity Beach (why is it called a beach if it's a forest?) and appeared in some bushes.
'Don't worry, Nazza,' said Coco. 'We've defeated Papu Papu countless times. If we think he's gonna beat you, we'll help out.'
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'What she said.'
'Wait,' said Nazza. 'How come Papu Papu is in a little house, but we're stuck in a forest hiding behind bushes?'
'Because the house is over there,' said Crash, pointing to the left at a small house.
'Oh,' said Nazza. 'Well, at least he won't bash me up *too* bad, because you guys are with me.'
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'Except this is different from the games you've played. Instead of just battling Papu Papu, we have to go inside the house, complete a mission and then get out before Papu Papu gets back.'
'So, I've been worrying all this time over nothing?' said Nazza.
'Not really,' said Coco. 'If you get caught you have to fight Papu Papu.'
'But what if I *do* get caught?' asked Nazza.
'Then we'll have to fight Papu Papu,' said Crash.
'God dammit!' said Nazza. 'Why do stories like these always have to have long chapters?'
Coco and Crash stared at him.
'What do you mean, stories?' asked Coco.
'Nothing, nothing, just, um, I think I'm going insane,' said Nazza. 'Yes, that's it. I'm...going insane.'
'O-kay then,' said Crash. 'Here, drink this potion.'
Crash handed Nazza a potion. As soon as he had drunk it he stood up on his hind legs and started spinning like Crash, only faster.
'That's starting to give me a headache,' said Coco.
Crash jumped and kicked Nazza. He stopped spinning, then said, 'Whoa, that was *cool*.' He held his hand up to his face. 'Haha, I can see little people on my hand...'
'Uh, what did you give him?' Coco asked.
'I thought I gave him an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'I made it on Insanity Beach.'
'You stupid bandicoot!' shouted Coco. 'If you make anything from Insanity Beach it becomes an anti-*sanity* potion.'
'Whoops,' said Crash.
'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!' shouted a duck's voice from far off.
'Hey,' said Nazza, who was still fascinated by the little people on his paw, said, 'That's Joe, the mental patient of ducks who likes spagetti.'
'In English?' said Coco.
Suddenly a yellow duck ran past, shouting 'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!'
'Here, drink this potion,' said Crash. He handed Nazza another potion.
Nazza drank it, and suddenly looked confused. 'Why am I staring at my paw?'
'It's an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'Now, what was that yellow duck thing?'
'I think it was Joe the duck,' said Nazza. 'He sometimes strangely appears in my adventures.'
'I see...' said Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
'Uh, shouldn't we go into the house now?' asked Nazza.
'Okay,' said Crash.
'Okay,' said Coco.
'Shouldn't we start moving now?' asked Nazza.
'Okay,' said Crash.
Nazza looked at Coco. She was gazing at Nazza. Not looking, gazing. Don't argue with me.
'Uh, Coco, what are you doing?' asked Nazza.
'Huh? Oh, uh, nothing,' said Coco. 'So, we should start moving now, right?'
'Yes,' said Nazza.
'No,' said Crash.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'Because...I don't know,' said Crash.
'So let's get going,' said Nazza.
'Yeah,' said Coco.
So the three stood up, got out of the bushes and started walking over to Papu Papu's house. 'Are there any security cameras or anything?' asked Nazza.
'No,' said Crash. 'No security whatsoever. Well, maybe a henchmen or two, but apart from that...'
Coco sighed.
'Why did you just sigh?' asked Crash.
'Nothing,' said Coco dreamily. She began gazing at Nazza again. No, not looking, *gazing*.
'Stop looking at me!' said Nazza. (Yes, I know that contradicts what I've been saying.)
'Okay then,' said Coco.
Crash walked up to the door of Papu Papu's house, and opened it. Or tried to open it.
'What's wrong?' asked Nazza.
'It's locked,' said Crash.
Nazza ran back about ten metres, then charged at the door, knocking it down easily.
'Wow,' said Coco.
'How'd u do that?' asked Crash.
'Joe the duck taught me,' said Nazza.
'I see...' said Crash. 'And how would I contact this duck?'
'Uh, you'd have to be in the right place at the wrong time, I guess,' said Nazza.
'Don't you mean at the right time?' said Coco.
'No,' said Nazza. 'You don't want to hang around Joe too much. He makes you go crazy.'
'I see...' said Crash. 'But if I did want to contact him?'
'You'd have to find him, and make sure he's not busy, but you'll have to wait until this adventure is over.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'THAT'S RIGHT JOE, YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL THIS ADVENTURE IS OVER BEFORE YOU CONTACT CRASH.'
Crash stared at Nazza. No, not looked, *stared*.
'I told you hanging around Joe makes you go temporarily crazy,' said Nazza.
So the three walked into Papu Papu's house. 'It's pretty small,' said Nazza.
'Where's the prisoner?' asked Crash.
'What prisoner?' asked Nazza.
'There's a prisoner somewhere in the house,' said Crash. 'We need to rescue him.'
'Try the basement,' said Coco. She pointed at the stairs that led to a basement.
'I see...' said Crash.
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!
Only kidding.
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!
'What are you doing trapped in here, Luigi?' asked Nazza.
'I would like to say a few things first,' said Luigi, who was chained to the wall. 'I am not really Luigi. Sure, I am Luigi, but I'm the fanfiction writer Luigi appearing in the form of Luigi.'
'I think I understand that,' said Crash.
'Secondly, Luigi belongs to Nintendo the basta - I mean, thirdly, Mario locked me up.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'Mario is now in league with egg head - I mean Cortex. Miniscule Cortex that is.'
'Anything else you want to say?' asked Crash.
'No, not really,' said Luigi.
'Okay then, I think we'll get going,' said Crash.
'Wait!' said Luigi. 'Aren't you going to unchain me?'
'Oh alright,' said Crash. 'Nazza, you find a way to free Luigi.'
'I'll help,' said Coco.
'No, we've got to go outside and watch for Papu Papu,' said Crash.
The two walked up the stairs.
'So, how are you going to get me down?' asked Luigi.
'I don't know,' said Nazza. He looked around.
'What about that chainsaw over there?' suggested Luigi.
'Ah, yes,' said Nazza. He walked over to the chainsaw, picked it up, walked on his two back feet over to Luigi, and pulled the string that started up the chainsaw.
'Whoa!' shouted Nazza. 'This thing is loud! - And heavy!'
'Hurry up and cut the chains!' shouted Luigi.
'Okay, okay,' said Nazza. He cut the chains, and Luigi fell to the floor.
'Shouldn't you turn the chainsaw off now?' shouted Luigi.
'I - can't - seem - to - get - this - chainsaw - to - turn - off,' shouted Nazza.
'You're not a chainsaw murderer from Texas, are you?' shouted Luigi.
'No, I'm Australian like Crash,' shouted Nazza. 'I think Green Devil might be a chainsaw murderer from Texas though.'
'Shouldn't you be working on trying to turn the chainsaw off?' shouted Luigi.
'Nah,' shouted Nazza. 'I'll just -' Nazza threw it at the wall. It cut a giant hole, then caught on a strange sparkling object and the chain suddenly flew off. It frisbeed, swinging a few centimetres over Nazza's head, and getting stuck on the opposite wall near the stairs.
'That was close,' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Well, let's get going.'
'Hang on a minute!' said Luigi. 'That sparkling thing that the chainsaw hit. It looks like a gem!'
'We don't have time for gems, now let's get going,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
'Hey Coco,' said Nazza.
'Hello Nazza,' said Coco. 'Crash is outside.'
Coco was on one side of the door, the one inside the house.
'Could you tell him to open the door?' asked Nazza.
'Crash,' Coco whispered through the keyhole. 'Can you open the door for us?'
'I can't,' Crash whispered back. 'Pot-belly Budgie is coming.'
'Who?' whispered Coco.
'He means Papu Papu is coming,' said Nazza. 'Uh-oh, I don't like fat people.'
'Why not?' said Luigi.
'Because they can sit on you,' said Nazza. He shuddered at the thought.
Luigi shuddered.
Coco gazed at Nazza.
'Uh, Coco,' said Nazza. 'Now's not a good time to start looking at me again.'
'Why not?' asked Coco.
'Because the fat man is behind you...'
Coco jumped, just before a giant stick landed where she was.
'That was close,' said Coco.
'Very close,' said Luigi.
'Papu Papu is angry!' shouted Papu Papu. 'Papu Papu begin talking like baby! Raaaargh!'
He slammed the stick down again, straight in front of Nazza.
'Great,' said Coco. 'Crash is nowhere in sight.'
'How are we going to defeat him?' asked Luigi.
'Well, Coco can't battle Papu Papu, so she has to get out of here.'
'Hey!' said Coco.
Nazza jumped onto Papu Papu's stick, then up onto Papu Papu's head. He began digging his claws in.
'Blue wolf hurt Papu Papu's head! Raaaargh!'
Coco ran out of the door. 'Are you going to get out, Luigi?' shouted Nazza.
'No, I'm staying here to help you out,' said Luigi.
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He jumped back to the floor just before Papu Papu's stick hit Papu Papu's head.
'Ow!' cried Papu Papu. 'Blue wolf make Papu Papu hit Papu Papu!'
'How can you help?' asked Nazza.
'With this!' said Luigi. He pulled out...a vacuum!
Only kidding.
He pulled out...a vacuum!
'How's a vacuum cleaner going to help?' asked Nazza.
'Well,' said Luigi, 'it can help in many different ways. One -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can clean up Papu Papu's stinky smelly house. Two -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can be used to elongate things -'
'Hurry up and get to the point!' said Nazza.
'Three -'
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.
'It can irritate people!' Luigi grabbed the vacuuming end and shoved it up Papu Papu's crack.
'Oww!' cried Papu Papu. 'Big stick up Papu Papu's big bum! Raaaargh!'
The two ran out of the house, and Papu Papu slammed his stick down one more time.
All four met up in time to watch Papu Papu's house collapse.
'Now,' said Nazza, 'Where's the next portal?'