Author: Holly
Email: shipperslut@hotmail.com
Website:
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Pairing: BJ/Hawkeye, mentions of Hawkeye/Trapper
Archive: Just tell me where it's going
Summary: 'The real world didn't apply here. You couldn't react from thoughts, only on instincts.'
I don't know how it happened originally. One moment we were talking, the next we were kissing.
It was a first for me, but not for him.
I never thought I would ever go for another guy, but out here in Korea nothing I thought from back home mattered anymore – the real world didn't apply here. You couldn't react from thoughts, only on instincts.
And instinct is what got us here.
His mouth was over mine, his tongue battling mine for dominance. His lips were slightly chapped and his stubble felt rough on my cheek. His hands were cupping my face, drawing me closer.
If we'd gotten any closer we'd have to have been sharing a body.
My hands were on his waist, one on bare skin where his shirt had ridden up.
It wasn't that different from kissing a woman. Not many people know that, and if they do, then they certainly don't publicise it.
He knew, he'd known before. In total confidence he'd told me about stolen kisses in the supply room with Trapper, about their fling.
He'd told me about how Trapper was the only person who he'd loved more than medicine. How he was the only person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
He'd told me about how heartbroken he'd been when Trapper had left and how he hadn't said goodbye to him.
I couldn't help but feel I was just a replacement for him; just another body to the infamous Hawkeye Pierce.
I pulled away and told him no. That I can't do this. That I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
It wasn't a complete lie. Just a half truth.
As hurt as he looked, I moved over to my own bunk and pulled the blanket around me. He watched me constantly; I couldn't help but feel sad for him. Even though I thought I'd made the right decision.
Instinct had made me kiss him.
And it was instinct that made me pull away.
I don't want to be his replacement.