Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
Sonic and related characters belong to Sonic Team and (in my opinion) should belong to Sega or Sony not Nintendo (don't get me started on Nintendo)/
[CHAPTER 5: ROLLING STONES]
The four found the warp pad.
'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
'How come you don't know about warp pads?' asked Crash.
'Oh, I know about warp pads, but I just don't know how to use them,' said Luigi. 'Mario kidnapped me, shoved me in a small rectangular box and delivered me to Papu Papu.'
'What did this rectangular box look like?' asked Nazza.
'Well, it was rectangular, and it had a sticker on the front of it,' said Luigi.
'What did the sticker say?'
'It said "Super Mario 64",' said Luigi.
Nazza gasped.
'I think it's some sort of code,' Luigi continued. 'Super might stand for something...I know Mario is Mario...64 might stand for something...'
'How did they fit you inside a Nintendo 64 cartridge?' wondered Nazza.
'There was probably nothing in there to begin with,' said Crash. 'After all, it *is* Super Mario 64...I could never get it to work...'
'Because you need a Nintendo 64,' said Nazza. 'That's where Nintendo stuffed up. They chose to stay with cartridges and not move onto CDs. Therefore all those games for Nintendo 64 that people say are *good* (maybe there's an insanity epidemic) can't become backwards compatible like PlayStation.'
'Yeah, because Nintendo 64 sucks,' said Luigi.
'Which is why Nintendo stole Sonic,' said Nazza. 'Because they couldn't be bothered porting Nintendo 64 games to the GameCube because Nintendo are a bunch of lazy slobs!'
'Yeah!' said Luigi.
'Yeah!' said Crash.
'Yeah...' said Coco. Nazza noticed she was gazing at him again.
'So we should jump onto the portal now, right?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They arrived in a small shelter, which was actually a tree with a hole in it.
'Cool!' said Crash. 'There's Wumpa fruit in here!'
While Crash gnawed on the wumpa fruit, Nazza went out of the small shelter to check something.
'Yep,' said Nazza. 'This is what I think it is.'
'You mean it's dinnertime?' said Crash.
'No, this is one of the places where the big giant boulders fall down and we have to run for our lives.'
'We won't die, will we?' asked Coco.
'Well...' said Nazza.
'Let's just stay here then,' said Crash.
'No, we can't do that,' said Luigi.
'Why not?'
'Because then we'll be stuck here forever. And I want to get back at Mario.'
'And I want to get back at Miniscule Cortex,' said Nazza.
'And I want to get back at Polar,' said Coco.
'Why?' asked Nazza.
'He beat me in the Crash Team Racing tournament!'
'When was that?'
'A few weeks ago,' said Crash. 'A pity you decided to meet us a few weeks after it was on. It was really good.'
'Except that bastard Polar knocked me into a TNT box and i came fourth instead of second!'
'I won it, of course,' said Crash.
'So are we just gonna stand around here forever?' said Nazza.
'The alternative is getting crushed by a boulder,' said Crash.
'We don't want that to happen,' said Coco.
'At least not to us,' said Crash. 'We're not sure about *you*.'
'Hey, she's only a kid,' said Nazza.
'Only a kid? Only a kid? Why I...'
'Why isn't Coco attacking Nazza?' wondered Luigi.
'I'm not sure,' said Crash.
'Hey, Coco, you're just a little kid,' stated Luigi.
'Why you stupid Italian!' shouted Coco. She ran over to him and began punching him. Fortunately, Luigi was strong and it wasn't hard for him to resist the pain.
'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco, you're just a little kid, you're not grown up like us.'
'I HATE YOU CRASH!' shouted Coco. She ran over to Crash and jumped on him, fists flying in the air.
Crash pushed Coco off him. 'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco is bashing everyone up except for Nazza.'
(Creepy music)
'I think we should get going now,' said Nazza.
'But what if the boulder squashes one of us?' whined Coco.
'Listen to me, Coco,' said Crash, 'the only person slow enough to get crushed is you. ...And maybe Luigi.'
'Hey!' said Luigi.
'It's just I've never seen you run before,' said Crash. 'My point is...Coco's a little girl!'
'AAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Coco.
'Calm down, calm down,' said Crash.
'So are we going to stay here all day, or are we actually going to do something?' said Nazza.
'Yeah, I think we should get on with it,' said Crash. 'Even if one of us might get squashed. Emphasis on "one".'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They stood up. Luigi noticed Coco was shaking.
'Coco, why are you shaking?'
'There's a boulder out there that's going to fall down, then we're going to have to run for our lives.'
'Wow!' said Nazza. 'You can predict the future!'
'I've been through here before, dummy - I mean, Nazza,' said Coco.
'Let's go,' said Crash.
The four slowly walked out just a tiny bit.
'Okay,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready, set -'
'Wait!' said Luigi.
'What?' said Crash.
'I need to do a pee.'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Once Luigi had finished, he walked back over to the others.
'Finished?' asked Crash.
'Yeah,' said Luigi.
'Anyone else need to go before we start running for our lives?'
'Nope,' said Nazza.
'No,' said Coco.
'Okay then,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready...'
Luigi looked around nervously.
'Set...'
Coco gulped, sweat dripping down her forehead.
'GO!'
They ran like hell.
Nazza was in the lead, closely followed by Crash, then Luigi just in front of Coco. The boulder fell down and started rolling.
'AAAAARRRGGGHHH!' screamed Nazza.
'Yeah, it's scary isn't it,' shouted Crash.
'No, it's not that,' shouted Nazza. 'There's a hole in the road!!!'
Nazza leapt and made it across the chasm. Crash leapt and made it, then Luigi and Coco.
Nazza looked behind him for a second. 'The boulder's still chasing us!' he shouted.
'Obviously!' shouted Coco.
'It's gonna take a while before we get to another shelter which is actually a tree with a hole in it,' shouted Crash.
'Great,' shouted Nazza sarcastically.
They kept on running, and jumped over another small chasm. Again, the boulder didn't fall down the small chasm.
'Uh-oh,' shouted Nazza.
'What?' Crash shouted.
'There's a *big* chasm with only a few strange moving logs to jump onto!' shouted Nazza.
'They're *easy*,' shouted Crash.
'Stop shouting you're hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.
They stopped shouting.
'Make that boulder stop, it's hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.
Nazza leapt onto one of the moving logs, then another, and onto land again. Crash followed a few steps behind, while Luigi and Coco were even further behind.
'Look! There's the next shelter!' shouted Crash. 'Stop when you get into it!'
They ran to the shelter that was actually a hole in a giant tree, and Nazza stopped, and as he was going so fast he skidded on his bare paws.
Crash came in and skidded on his feet.
Luigi came in and jumped against the wall, stopping him from going further.
Coco continued running, out of the shelter. Then the giant boulder started rolling.
'Well, that's made it a lot easier,' exclaimed Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When the boulder had finished rolling, they walked along the path at ease, not in any rush whatsoever. It was only when they got to the end of the path that adrenaline started pumping.
'How - how are we going to go through if the boulder's there?' said Luigi, pointing to the boulder blocking the road.
'Help me! Help me!' they heard Coco's voice faintly.
'Oh, shut up Coco!' said Crash. 'We're in more of a sticky situation here!'
'I hate to say it Coco, but Crash is right,' said Nazza. 'How are we going to get out of this situation?'
'What we need is some way of destroying the rock,' stated Luigi.
'Duh,' said Crash.
'That's it!' said Nazza. He pulled out a mobile phone, pressed some buttons then held it up to his ear. 'Uh, yes, this is Nazza here.' Pause. 'Is Knuckles there?' Longer pause. 'Hey Knuckles. Listen, I'm in a bit of a sticky situation here. Me and some pals - who are they? Uh, Crash Bandicoot, his sister and Luigi. - No I'm not crazy, Luigi hates Nintendo as well. Thanks, see you soon.'
'Who was that?' asked Crash.
'Knuckles the Echidna,' said Nazza.
'You know Knuckles the Echidna?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' Nazza replied. 'We met a few months ago actually. It all happened back when I -'
'No flashbacks, please,' said Crash.
'Okay then,' said Nazza.
They stood around waiting for a while, ignoring Coco's cries of attention. ('Help! I'm running out of air!' The boulder's blocking only *one* side of the shelter, not two Coco.)
Then Knuckles came running from the distance. And boy was he fast. Faster than Nazza. (Only just.)
'Hey Knuckles,' said Nazza.
'Hey Nazza,' said Knuckles. 'Wassup?'
'We need to get past this boulder,' said Nazza.
'No prob.'
Knuckles walked up to the giant boulder and began swinging his knuckled fists.
The boulder crumbled and disappeared. Coco, who was leaning on the rock, fell to the ground.
'Cya later!' said Knuckles.
'Thanks!' said Nazza as Knuckles sped off into the distance. Unfortunately, he was squashed by a boulder, and as the boulder rolled down the hill into a dark chasm, so did Knuckles who was squashed up against it.
'Isn't someone going to help me up?' said Coco impatiently.
'No,' said Crash.
Coco growled angrily, then said, 'Fine then, I'll get up all by myself without the help of Nazza.'
'Who said I had to help you up?' said Nazza.
'No one,' said Coco.
'Then how come you expected me to help you up?' said Nazza.
'Coz I thought you would be a gentlemen, unlike Crash, and help me up!'
Crash burst out laughing. 'You actually expected Nazza to act like a *gentlemen*, and help you up?'
With that, Nazza burst out laughing as well.
Luigi noticed everyone laughing, then started to laugh as well. 'Hahaha, haha, what are we laughing at?'
'Nothing,' said Crash, who had stopped abruptly. 'Let's go now.'
'Luckily Knuckles made the boulder fall,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They walked along the path at their own leisure, and arrived at the end of the level at their own leisure.
'I've gotta remember to thank Knuckles,' said Nazza.
'Hey, what about me?' said Coco. 'I helped out by making the boulder fall and only I had to run. Shouldn't I get something?'
'Like what?' said Crash.
'Like a hug, maybe?' suggested Coco.
'No, I'm not an inbred,' said Crash.
'I didn't mean you,' said Coco.
'Sorry, I don't have feelings for you,' said Luigi.
'Not you either,' said Coco.
They all looked at Nazza.
'Uh, do I have to?'
Coco nodded.
Sweat dripped down Nazza's forehead. 'Do I *really* have to?'
Coco made a frowning face.
'I think you'd better,' said Crash.
'I swear, I'm gonna get you one day -' but before Nazza had finished Coco had jumped at him, practically strangling him.
'Okay - okay - Coco, I can't breathe - someone *help me* -'
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
Sonic and related characters belong to Sonic Team and (in my opinion) should belong to Sega or Sony not Nintendo (don't get me started on Nintendo)/
[CHAPTER 5: ROLLING STONES]
The four found the warp pad.
'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
'How come you don't know about warp pads?' asked Crash.
'Oh, I know about warp pads, but I just don't know how to use them,' said Luigi. 'Mario kidnapped me, shoved me in a small rectangular box and delivered me to Papu Papu.'
'What did this rectangular box look like?' asked Nazza.
'Well, it was rectangular, and it had a sticker on the front of it,' said Luigi.
'What did the sticker say?'
'It said "Super Mario 64",' said Luigi.
Nazza gasped.
'I think it's some sort of code,' Luigi continued. 'Super might stand for something...I know Mario is Mario...64 might stand for something...'
'How did they fit you inside a Nintendo 64 cartridge?' wondered Nazza.
'There was probably nothing in there to begin with,' said Crash. 'After all, it *is* Super Mario 64...I could never get it to work...'
'Because you need a Nintendo 64,' said Nazza. 'That's where Nintendo stuffed up. They chose to stay with cartridges and not move onto CDs. Therefore all those games for Nintendo 64 that people say are *good* (maybe there's an insanity epidemic) can't become backwards compatible like PlayStation.'
'Yeah, because Nintendo 64 sucks,' said Luigi.
'Which is why Nintendo stole Sonic,' said Nazza. 'Because they couldn't be bothered porting Nintendo 64 games to the GameCube because Nintendo are a bunch of lazy slobs!'
'Yeah!' said Luigi.
'Yeah!' said Crash.
'Yeah...' said Coco. Nazza noticed she was gazing at him again.
'So we should jump onto the portal now, right?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They arrived in a small shelter, which was actually a tree with a hole in it.
'Cool!' said Crash. 'There's Wumpa fruit in here!'
While Crash gnawed on the wumpa fruit, Nazza went out of the small shelter to check something.
'Yep,' said Nazza. 'This is what I think it is.'
'You mean it's dinnertime?' said Crash.
'No, this is one of the places where the big giant boulders fall down and we have to run for our lives.'
'We won't die, will we?' asked Coco.
'Well...' said Nazza.
'Let's just stay here then,' said Crash.
'No, we can't do that,' said Luigi.
'Why not?'
'Because then we'll be stuck here forever. And I want to get back at Mario.'
'And I want to get back at Miniscule Cortex,' said Nazza.
'And I want to get back at Polar,' said Coco.
'Why?' asked Nazza.
'He beat me in the Crash Team Racing tournament!'
'When was that?'
'A few weeks ago,' said Crash. 'A pity you decided to meet us a few weeks after it was on. It was really good.'
'Except that bastard Polar knocked me into a TNT box and i came fourth instead of second!'
'I won it, of course,' said Crash.
'So are we just gonna stand around here forever?' said Nazza.
'The alternative is getting crushed by a boulder,' said Crash.
'We don't want that to happen,' said Coco.
'At least not to us,' said Crash. 'We're not sure about *you*.'
'Hey, she's only a kid,' said Nazza.
'Only a kid? Only a kid? Why I...'
'Why isn't Coco attacking Nazza?' wondered Luigi.
'I'm not sure,' said Crash.
'Hey, Coco, you're just a little kid,' stated Luigi.
'Why you stupid Italian!' shouted Coco. She ran over to him and began punching him. Fortunately, Luigi was strong and it wasn't hard for him to resist the pain.
'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco, you're just a little kid, you're not grown up like us.'
'I HATE YOU CRASH!' shouted Coco. She ran over to Crash and jumped on him, fists flying in the air.
Crash pushed Coco off him. 'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco is bashing everyone up except for Nazza.'
(Creepy music)
'I think we should get going now,' said Nazza.
'But what if the boulder squashes one of us?' whined Coco.
'Listen to me, Coco,' said Crash, 'the only person slow enough to get crushed is you. ...And maybe Luigi.'
'Hey!' said Luigi.
'It's just I've never seen you run before,' said Crash. 'My point is...Coco's a little girl!'
'AAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Coco.
'Calm down, calm down,' said Crash.
'So are we going to stay here all day, or are we actually going to do something?' said Nazza.
'Yeah, I think we should get on with it,' said Crash. 'Even if one of us might get squashed. Emphasis on "one".'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They stood up. Luigi noticed Coco was shaking.
'Coco, why are you shaking?'
'There's a boulder out there that's going to fall down, then we're going to have to run for our lives.'
'Wow!' said Nazza. 'You can predict the future!'
'I've been through here before, dummy - I mean, Nazza,' said Coco.
'Let's go,' said Crash.
The four slowly walked out just a tiny bit.
'Okay,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready, set -'
'Wait!' said Luigi.
'What?' said Crash.
'I need to do a pee.'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Once Luigi had finished, he walked back over to the others.
'Finished?' asked Crash.
'Yeah,' said Luigi.
'Anyone else need to go before we start running for our lives?'
'Nope,' said Nazza.
'No,' said Coco.
'Okay then,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready...'
Luigi looked around nervously.
'Set...'
Coco gulped, sweat dripping down her forehead.
'GO!'
They ran like hell.
Nazza was in the lead, closely followed by Crash, then Luigi just in front of Coco. The boulder fell down and started rolling.
'AAAAARRRGGGHHH!' screamed Nazza.
'Yeah, it's scary isn't it,' shouted Crash.
'No, it's not that,' shouted Nazza. 'There's a hole in the road!!!'
Nazza leapt and made it across the chasm. Crash leapt and made it, then Luigi and Coco.
Nazza looked behind him for a second. 'The boulder's still chasing us!' he shouted.
'Obviously!' shouted Coco.
'It's gonna take a while before we get to another shelter which is actually a tree with a hole in it,' shouted Crash.
'Great,' shouted Nazza sarcastically.
They kept on running, and jumped over another small chasm. Again, the boulder didn't fall down the small chasm.
'Uh-oh,' shouted Nazza.
'What?' Crash shouted.
'There's a *big* chasm with only a few strange moving logs to jump onto!' shouted Nazza.
'They're *easy*,' shouted Crash.
'Stop shouting you're hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.
They stopped shouting.
'Make that boulder stop, it's hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.
Nazza leapt onto one of the moving logs, then another, and onto land again. Crash followed a few steps behind, while Luigi and Coco were even further behind.
'Look! There's the next shelter!' shouted Crash. 'Stop when you get into it!'
They ran to the shelter that was actually a hole in a giant tree, and Nazza stopped, and as he was going so fast he skidded on his bare paws.
Crash came in and skidded on his feet.
Luigi came in and jumped against the wall, stopping him from going further.
Coco continued running, out of the shelter. Then the giant boulder started rolling.
'Well, that's made it a lot easier,' exclaimed Crash.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When the boulder had finished rolling, they walked along the path at ease, not in any rush whatsoever. It was only when they got to the end of the path that adrenaline started pumping.
'How - how are we going to go through if the boulder's there?' said Luigi, pointing to the boulder blocking the road.
'Help me! Help me!' they heard Coco's voice faintly.
'Oh, shut up Coco!' said Crash. 'We're in more of a sticky situation here!'
'I hate to say it Coco, but Crash is right,' said Nazza. 'How are we going to get out of this situation?'
'What we need is some way of destroying the rock,' stated Luigi.
'Duh,' said Crash.
'That's it!' said Nazza. He pulled out a mobile phone, pressed some buttons then held it up to his ear. 'Uh, yes, this is Nazza here.' Pause. 'Is Knuckles there?' Longer pause. 'Hey Knuckles. Listen, I'm in a bit of a sticky situation here. Me and some pals - who are they? Uh, Crash Bandicoot, his sister and Luigi. - No I'm not crazy, Luigi hates Nintendo as well. Thanks, see you soon.'
'Who was that?' asked Crash.
'Knuckles the Echidna,' said Nazza.
'You know Knuckles the Echidna?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' Nazza replied. 'We met a few months ago actually. It all happened back when I -'
'No flashbacks, please,' said Crash.
'Okay then,' said Nazza.
They stood around waiting for a while, ignoring Coco's cries of attention. ('Help! I'm running out of air!' The boulder's blocking only *one* side of the shelter, not two Coco.)
Then Knuckles came running from the distance. And boy was he fast. Faster than Nazza. (Only just.)
'Hey Knuckles,' said Nazza.
'Hey Nazza,' said Knuckles. 'Wassup?'
'We need to get past this boulder,' said Nazza.
'No prob.'
Knuckles walked up to the giant boulder and began swinging his knuckled fists.
The boulder crumbled and disappeared. Coco, who was leaning on the rock, fell to the ground.
'Cya later!' said Knuckles.
'Thanks!' said Nazza as Knuckles sped off into the distance. Unfortunately, he was squashed by a boulder, and as the boulder rolled down the hill into a dark chasm, so did Knuckles who was squashed up against it.
'Isn't someone going to help me up?' said Coco impatiently.
'No,' said Crash.
Coco growled angrily, then said, 'Fine then, I'll get up all by myself without the help of Nazza.'
'Who said I had to help you up?' said Nazza.
'No one,' said Coco.
'Then how come you expected me to help you up?' said Nazza.
'Coz I thought you would be a gentlemen, unlike Crash, and help me up!'
Crash burst out laughing. 'You actually expected Nazza to act like a *gentlemen*, and help you up?'
With that, Nazza burst out laughing as well.
Luigi noticed everyone laughing, then started to laugh as well. 'Hahaha, haha, what are we laughing at?'
'Nothing,' said Crash, who had stopped abruptly. 'Let's go now.'
'Luckily Knuckles made the boulder fall,' said Nazza.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They walked along the path at their own leisure, and arrived at the end of the level at their own leisure.
'I've gotta remember to thank Knuckles,' said Nazza.
'Hey, what about me?' said Coco. 'I helped out by making the boulder fall and only I had to run. Shouldn't I get something?'
'Like what?' said Crash.
'Like a hug, maybe?' suggested Coco.
'No, I'm not an inbred,' said Crash.
'I didn't mean you,' said Coco.
'Sorry, I don't have feelings for you,' said Luigi.
'Not you either,' said Coco.
They all looked at Nazza.
'Uh, do I have to?'
Coco nodded.
Sweat dripped down Nazza's forehead. 'Do I *really* have to?'
Coco made a frowning face.
'I think you'd better,' said Crash.
'I swear, I'm gonna get you one day -' but before Nazza had finished Coco had jumped at him, practically strangling him.
'Okay - okay - Coco, I can't breathe - someone *help me* -'