Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza



N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
Sonic and related characters belong to Sonic Team and (in my opinion) should belong to Sega or Sony not Nintendo (don't get me started on Nintendo)/

[CHAPTER 6: HOG WILD]



After Nazza had been revived, they found the warp pad.

'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.

'Oh no, don't start this again,' said Crash. 'The big long talk that ends up being about how PlayStation is better than Nintendo because Nintendo sucks.'

'Oh yeah, now I remember what to do,' said Luigi. He jumped on the warp pad.

'Ladies first,' said Crash.

'Yay!' said Coco. She jumped onto the warp pad.

'Ladies first,' said Crash.

'Very funny,' said Nazza sarcastically. He jumped on the warp pad, and Crash followed closely behind.

They appeared in what looked like a jungle. There was a straight path through, except there were spikes on the sides of the path and some boxes in the way.

'Where's this?' wondered Luigi.

'This is Hog Wild,' said Crash.

'So, shouldn't there be some hogs?' said Nazza.

'There is,' said Crash. 'We just need to find them.'

'So, what do we do to find them?' asked Luigi.

'We walk,' said Crash.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So it was that they went walking and fifteen minutes later found some hogs just wandering around doing nothing.

'Oooh, I bags this one!' said Luigi, walking over to one of the hogs.

'I have the smallest one,' said Coco, hopping onto one the size of a...small dog.

'That's *too* small,' said Crash. He jumped onto the biggest one, which was like a small horse.

Coco jumped onto the second smallest one.

'Still too small.'

Coco jumped onto the third smallest one.

'Still too small.'

Coco jumped onto the fifth smallest one.

'Too big.'

'Well too bad, I'm riding this one!' said Coco.

Nazza hopped onto a hog. 'Now what do we do?'

'Kick 'em in the butt,' said Crash.

Luigi hopped off his hog and kicked it up the butt. It ran screaming away.

'Uh, was I supposed to be on it when I kicked it?' said Luigi.

Nazza, Crash and Coco kicked the butts of their hogs without getting off, and the hogs shot forward.

'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' said Coco.

'Is what Tails does -'

'What are you doing here, Sonic?' said Crash.

'I'm not sure,' said Sonic. 'I'll be leaving now.'

'Wait for me!' shouted Luigi.

'Just look around for a secret teleporter!' shouted Crash. 'It will teleport you to the end!'

'Hey!' said Nazza. 'How come we couldn't just use the secret teleporter?'

'It's a glitch,' said Crash.

'In the Matrix?' suggested Nazza.

'Possibly. But the point is, once I tried to go through the teleporter and I, like, disappeared for a week.'

'That's a bad thing for Luigi,' said Nazza.

'We don't really need Luigi, do we?' said Coco.

'Coco!' said Nazza. 'So, what you're saying, Crash, is that Luigi could end up lost in a demented fourth dimension or something?'

'Possibly. But the point is, once I tried to go -'

'Read the script properly,' said Coco. 'Next line down.'

'Possibly. But, Aku Aku has studied these strange "glitches".'

'And?'

'And they send people to the fourth dimension.'

'Your point being?'

'Well, Aku Aku has learnt to find people who are trapped in these glitches and pull them back out.'

'That's a relief.'

'Just like Tails -' shouted Sonic.

'SHUT UP!'

'So Aku Aku will rescue Luigi?' said Nazza.

'Most likely,' said Crash.

They rode along the path, dodging boxes and spiky bushes and jumping over small chasms.

'How long now?' asked Nazza.

'Not long before we get to the end of the level,' said Crash.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

'It's been fifteen minutes and we still haven't reached the end of the level,' said Crash.

'Strange,' said Crash. 'It usually only takes two.'

'I think we're lost,' said Coco.

'I think so too,' said Nazza.

'But - how come there aren't any footprints?' said Crash.

'Because we're riding hogs, idiot,' said Coco.

'But wouldn't the hogs' footprints show up?' said Crash.

'Not neccessarily,' said Nazza. 'Glitch in the matrix.'

Suddenly a strange meerkat burst out of the bushes. 'Pumbaa! Pumbaa!'

'That's strange,' said Crash.

'Ssh!' said Coco. 'It could be dangerous.'

'There you are Pumbaa!' said the meerkat, walking towards Nazza's hog.

'Aargh!' shouted Nazza. 'It's got a gun!'

He kicked the hog and shot off into the distance. Coco and Crash followed.'

'Did it really have a gun?' asked Coco once they had gotten away from it.

'No,' said Nazza.

'Then why did you say it did?'

'It was going to take my hog!'

'So?' said Crash.

'I'm not going to walk while you guys get a free ride,' said Nazza.

'I see,' said Crash.

'Hey look, there's Luigi!' said Coco.

'It'sa me, Luigi!' said Luigi.

'Did you find a secret teleporter?' asked Crash.

'No, I found a secret bridge,' said Luigi. 'It took me to the end of the level.'

'Where's the end of the level?'

'Just over there,' said Luigi, pointing forward.

'See,' said Crash, 'I told you we weren't lost!'

'Yeah, Coco,' said Nazza.

'Hey! You agreed with me when I said we were lost!' said Coco.

'...No I didn't...' Nazza replied.

They rode to the warp pad, and had to wait for a minute for Luigi to catch up.

'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.

'Yep,' said Crash.

Luigi jumped on the warp pad. Then Crash. Then Nazza. Then Coco.

Then...