Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
Arnold Schwarzenegger belongs to himself/
So does God/
Suddenly the warp pad stuffed up.
'Where are we?' said Nazza. His voice sounded weird, and it echoed.
Luigi and Crash and Coco and Nazza all looked around. Their necks seemed to twist in a weird way, though they didn't feel pain.
'Aargh!' said Luigi. He had noticed that Coco's head had done a full 360 revolution.
They had observed that they were in a strange neverending stretch of swirling colours.
'What happened?' wondered Nazza. He moved his paw up to his face to look at it, and noticed his arm didn't move.
'Whoa!' said Luigi. 'You can move your paw by itself!'
'Yeah, cool!' said Nazza. He stretched, and his paw flew off into the distance. 'Hey! I want my paw back!'
Suddenly Nazza's paw flew back and attached itself to his arm.
'I think something's wrong,' said Crash. Even talking looked weird. His mouth was moving but his face wasn't.
'Watch this!' said Coco. She stretched her arm out, and it reached all the way over to Luigi, who was far away from her.
'Whoa, this is weird,' said Crash. 'It's like our imagination is in control.'
Nazza closed his eyes for a few seconds, then suddenly he changed bright green, like his paws and underbelly. 'Cool, it does work!'
Luigi closed his eyes for a few seconds, then Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly appeared.
'What am I doing here?' said Arnold. 'I'll be back.'
Then he disappeared.
'I'd say something stuffed up in the warp pad,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, then his hands turned into chainsaws. 'I'm a chainsaw murderer from Texas!' laughed Crash.
'I think something in the computer programming stuffed up,' said Nazza.
'I understand,' said Luigi. 'Maybe the game CD was scratched, and it's caused us to end up here in non-existant-world!'
'Game CD?' said Coco. 'What are you talking about?'
'Don't worry,' said Nazza. 'It's for us to know and you never to figure out.'
'I have an idea,' said Coco. She closed her eyes and suddenly her shirt began to bulge...
[CHAPTER 7: SNOW PAIN]
Suddenly they were transported to a never-before-seen level.
Coco looked down at her shirt. 'Oh, it didn't work,' said Coco.
'Hey cool, I'm still blue,' said Nazza.
'That's because we're always supposed to look the way we are,' said Luigi. 'But when we entered the glitch, it caused us to change because it was a glitch.'
'I want to go back to the glitch!' said Coco.
'Well too bad, we're stuck in this very cold level,' said Nazza. 'No warp pad in sight.'
'There's ice everywhere,' said Crash. 'I've never seen this place before.'
'It's like the Ice Cap level,' said Nazza.
'On Sonic 3?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
'What the hell are you guys talking about?' said Coco.
'Nothing...' said Luigi and Nazza in unison.
'Come on, tell me,' said Coco.
'It's for us to know and for you to ponder for the rest of your life,' said Nazza.
Nazza, Luigi, Crash and Coco tried to walk, but all slipped and fell flat on their faces.
'This is slippery,' said Luigi. 'If only we had some tennis racquets to use as shoes.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'It's for us to know and for you to laugh about nervously because you don't understand,' said Nazza.
'How come you keep saying variations of that?' asked Crash.
'It's for me to know and you to - Coz I feel like it, that's why.'
'Look, there's some snow over there,' said Luigi. 'We can try crawling across the ice to get there.'
'Hey cool,' said Nazza, standing up on all four feet. 'The bright green parts of my paws act as suction cups!'
'Then why did you fall over before?' asked Crash.
'Coz I felt like it, that's why,' replied Nazza. He took a few steps backward, then ran forward and skidded on his side into the snow.
'That was cool,' said Coco.
'I know,' said Nazza. He stood up, walked through the snow and found some stable, non-slip ice. 'This ice is non-slip, come over here.'
'We can't,' said Crash.
'Why not?'
Crash pointed at Luigi, who was trying to swim on the ice but getting nowhere.
'Hey Luigi, you could use some tennis racquets right now eh?'
'Yes,' said Luigi.
'Whoa!' said Nazza. 'There's some tennis racquets stuck in the non-slip ice!'
'But you'll have to break the ice to get to them, won't you?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'I'm not strong enough to though.'
'I wonder who could help us out?' said Luigi.
Suddenly a purple blur flew down and landed.
'Spyro!' said Nazza.
'Hey Nazza,' said Spyro. 'Need help?'
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'The other guys -' he pointed to Crash, Coco and Luigi '-need tennis racquets to walk properly on the slippery ice.'
'Sure thing,' said Spyro. He shot a blast of fire at the ice, and it melted away.
It also melted the tennis racquets, but only a bit.
Only so that they were black and a bit deformed.
'Good job, Spyro,' said Nazza. Spyro flew off, and was eaten by a giant ice dragon.
Of course, Nazza, Crash, Coco and Luigi didn't notice. Nazza threw them the six tennis racquets, and Crash and Luigi tied them to their shoes.
'What do we have tennis racquets for?' said Coco. 'Playing tennis won't help.'
Coco noticed Luigi and Crash walking on the tennis racquets that were tied to their shoes.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco. She stood up on the tennis racquets, but they didn't seem to want to magically rise with her feet.
'Come on, Coco,' said Crash. Him and Luigi had already made it to the small section of snow.
'How did you get the tennis racquets to stick to your feet?' asked Coco.
'We tied them to our shoes with extra shoelace,' said Crash.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A few minutes on, and they were still walking across the non-slip ice.
'Hey look! That ice looks deformed!' said Luigi. He pointed to the ice, which was in strange little squares.
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'This secret level wasn't put together very well.'
'Why do you say that?' asked Coco.
Nazza pointed to the huge chasm with a small bridge of ice between it.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.
They walked over to the bridge, and began walking across it. Suddenly, the ice dragon landed behind them and roared.
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.
They all turned around and saw the dragon. 'What is this dragon doing here?' asked Luigi.
The dragon roared some more. 'It says we can't continue through the secret level!' said Crash.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'It says that it will kill us if we do,' said Crash.
'How will it kill us?' said Coco, who was unfazed.
The dragon roared again. 'It's going to freeze us. The dragon's breath create a block of ice around anything it touches.'
Coco stepped forward, and grabbed a frozen stick. 'I'll take care of this,' said Coco.
'But Coco -' said Crash.
'You'll be killed,' said Nazza.
'I don't care,' said Coco. 'Quick, run to the other side!'
Nazza, Crash and Luigi hurried to the other side of the chasm, and watched nervously.
The dragon roared. 'You shall not pass!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down on the bridge.
The dragon roared again. 'You shall not pass!' Coco shouted again. And agian she slammed the stick down on the icy bridge.
'If she keeps slamming that stick down, she's going to crack the ice,' said Nazza.
'I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing,' said Crash.
The dragon roared once more. 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down, and the bridge cracked. The ice dragon, the bridge, and Coco, fell into the chasm.
'Coco!' shouted Nazza.
'Coco!' shouted Crash.
'Ice dragon!' shouted Luigi. 'I mean, chocolate!'
'It's Coco,' said Crash.
'Coco pops!' shouted Luigi.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The three sat on the non-slip ice for some time.
'Why are we so gloomy?' asked Luigi.
'Because Coco fell down the chasm,' said Crash.
'Duh,' said Nazza.
'Oh,' said Luigi. 'I thought it was because of the blizzard that is heading our way.'
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.
'You shouldn't swear,' said God who was up in heaven.
'Another glitch,' muttered Nazza.
'No, I didn't mean to offend you God,' said Crash, 'but there's a holy cow in that blizzard.'
Crash pointed, and they saw that there was a cow with a halo around its head being swirled around.
'Technically its a tornado,' said Nazza.
'It's a blizzard!' said Luigi.
'No, it's actually a snow tornado,' said God.
'Luigi says it's a blizzard, so it's a blizzard!' said Luigi.
'Whatever,' said God.
'Hey wait don't go -' said Crash.
'Too late,' said God.
'Damn, now we don't have God to save us,' said Crash.
'Darn it,' said Luigi.
Nazza built a small igloo out of snow.
'How'd you do that so fast?' asked Crash.
'While you guys were talking, I found myself an igloo and brought it here.'
'But that's impossible,' said Crash.
'Well, he did it didn't he?' said Luigi.
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'I think this level was just a giant glitch. A beta level that they forgot to remove.'
'Most likely,' said Luigi.
'Quick, get in the igloo,' said Nazza.
They stepped into the igloo, and surprisingly, while the snow tornado went past, the igloo stayed put.
'That was close,' said Nazza, looking to check that the tornado had gone.
'We escaped from the snow tornado?' asked Crash.
'BLIZZARD!' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
Crash walked out, then shouted 'Holy cow!'
'Not another holy cow,' said Nazza.
'No, not cows, POLAR BEARS!'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They hid in the igloo, hoping the polar bears wouldn't notice. Yeah, like polar bears would just walk past an igloo in the middle of non-slip ice.
The polar bears noticed the igloo, and walked in. Nazza, Crash and Luigi jumped in fright, and cowered in the corner of the igloo. Wait, igloos don't have corners. They cowered on the side of the igloo opposite the bears.
'Don't be scared, we just want directions,' said one of the polar bears.
'Oh, where to?' asked Crash.
'To the ice dragon,' said the polar bear.
'Uh, he fell down the chasm,' said Nazza.
'HE DID? WHO DID IT!'
'Uh, my sister,' said Crash.
'GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRRRR, I KILL YOU!' shouted the polar bear. The three polar bears attacked Nazza, Luigi and Crash.
The polar bears lept at their counterparts, and they all fell against the igloo wall. Except they didn't stop, they actually fell through it and into another glitch world.
'Whoa, this again!' said Luigi.
Suddenly the polar bears were floating helplessly. 'Help us!' shouted the polar bear that had attacked Crash.
'They don't have imaginations,' Nazza concluded. 'We can easily defeat them now!'
'I'll destroy mine first,' said Luigi. He closed his eyes, and suddenly a ghostbusters suit and equipment appeared. Luigi then threw the equipment at his polar bear,and the bear shattered into pieces.
'Why didn't you suck the bear up?' asked Nazza.
'You mean *that's* how they defeat the ghosts?' said Luigi.
'My turn,' said Nazza. He closed his eyes, turned yellow and started firing up.
'Super Saiyan Nazza!' said the polar bear.
'Not quite,' said Nazza. 'It's just Super Nazza, like Super Sonic. Hey, how do you know my name?'
Nazza shot an energy ball at the polar bear and it was destroyed.
'My turn,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, concentrated hard, then...
His polar bear blew up.
'All your imagination, and all you could come up with was blowing him up?' said Nazza.
'well, it worked didn't it,' said Crash.
'I spose so,' said Nazza.
'Hey look! A warp hole!' said Luigi.
'You sure it's not a plothole?' asked Nazza.
'No, it's like a warp pad, except it's a hole,' said Crash. 'Let's go to the next level!'
They floated over to the warp hole, and flew through it...
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/
Arnold Schwarzenegger belongs to himself/
So does God/
Suddenly the warp pad stuffed up.
'Where are we?' said Nazza. His voice sounded weird, and it echoed.
Luigi and Crash and Coco and Nazza all looked around. Their necks seemed to twist in a weird way, though they didn't feel pain.
'Aargh!' said Luigi. He had noticed that Coco's head had done a full 360 revolution.
They had observed that they were in a strange neverending stretch of swirling colours.
'What happened?' wondered Nazza. He moved his paw up to his face to look at it, and noticed his arm didn't move.
'Whoa!' said Luigi. 'You can move your paw by itself!'
'Yeah, cool!' said Nazza. He stretched, and his paw flew off into the distance. 'Hey! I want my paw back!'
Suddenly Nazza's paw flew back and attached itself to his arm.
'I think something's wrong,' said Crash. Even talking looked weird. His mouth was moving but his face wasn't.
'Watch this!' said Coco. She stretched her arm out, and it reached all the way over to Luigi, who was far away from her.
'Whoa, this is weird,' said Crash. 'It's like our imagination is in control.'
Nazza closed his eyes for a few seconds, then suddenly he changed bright green, like his paws and underbelly. 'Cool, it does work!'
Luigi closed his eyes for a few seconds, then Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly appeared.
'What am I doing here?' said Arnold. 'I'll be back.'
Then he disappeared.
'I'd say something stuffed up in the warp pad,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, then his hands turned into chainsaws. 'I'm a chainsaw murderer from Texas!' laughed Crash.
'I think something in the computer programming stuffed up,' said Nazza.
'I understand,' said Luigi. 'Maybe the game CD was scratched, and it's caused us to end up here in non-existant-world!'
'Game CD?' said Coco. 'What are you talking about?'
'Don't worry,' said Nazza. 'It's for us to know and you never to figure out.'
'I have an idea,' said Coco. She closed her eyes and suddenly her shirt began to bulge...
[CHAPTER 7: SNOW PAIN]
Suddenly they were transported to a never-before-seen level.
Coco looked down at her shirt. 'Oh, it didn't work,' said Coco.
'Hey cool, I'm still blue,' said Nazza.
'That's because we're always supposed to look the way we are,' said Luigi. 'But when we entered the glitch, it caused us to change because it was a glitch.'
'I want to go back to the glitch!' said Coco.
'Well too bad, we're stuck in this very cold level,' said Nazza. 'No warp pad in sight.'
'There's ice everywhere,' said Crash. 'I've never seen this place before.'
'It's like the Ice Cap level,' said Nazza.
'On Sonic 3?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
'What the hell are you guys talking about?' said Coco.
'Nothing...' said Luigi and Nazza in unison.
'Come on, tell me,' said Coco.
'It's for us to know and for you to ponder for the rest of your life,' said Nazza.
Nazza, Luigi, Crash and Coco tried to walk, but all slipped and fell flat on their faces.
'This is slippery,' said Luigi. 'If only we had some tennis racquets to use as shoes.'
'Huh?' said Coco.
'It's for us to know and for you to laugh about nervously because you don't understand,' said Nazza.
'How come you keep saying variations of that?' asked Crash.
'It's for me to know and you to - Coz I feel like it, that's why.'
'Look, there's some snow over there,' said Luigi. 'We can try crawling across the ice to get there.'
'Hey cool,' said Nazza, standing up on all four feet. 'The bright green parts of my paws act as suction cups!'
'Then why did you fall over before?' asked Crash.
'Coz I felt like it, that's why,' replied Nazza. He took a few steps backward, then ran forward and skidded on his side into the snow.
'That was cool,' said Coco.
'I know,' said Nazza. He stood up, walked through the snow and found some stable, non-slip ice. 'This ice is non-slip, come over here.'
'We can't,' said Crash.
'Why not?'
Crash pointed at Luigi, who was trying to swim on the ice but getting nowhere.
'Hey Luigi, you could use some tennis racquets right now eh?'
'Yes,' said Luigi.
'Whoa!' said Nazza. 'There's some tennis racquets stuck in the non-slip ice!'
'But you'll have to break the ice to get to them, won't you?' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'I'm not strong enough to though.'
'I wonder who could help us out?' said Luigi.
Suddenly a purple blur flew down and landed.
'Spyro!' said Nazza.
'Hey Nazza,' said Spyro. 'Need help?'
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'The other guys -' he pointed to Crash, Coco and Luigi '-need tennis racquets to walk properly on the slippery ice.'
'Sure thing,' said Spyro. He shot a blast of fire at the ice, and it melted away.
It also melted the tennis racquets, but only a bit.
Only so that they were black and a bit deformed.
'Good job, Spyro,' said Nazza. Spyro flew off, and was eaten by a giant ice dragon.
Of course, Nazza, Crash, Coco and Luigi didn't notice. Nazza threw them the six tennis racquets, and Crash and Luigi tied them to their shoes.
'What do we have tennis racquets for?' said Coco. 'Playing tennis won't help.'
Coco noticed Luigi and Crash walking on the tennis racquets that were tied to their shoes.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco. She stood up on the tennis racquets, but they didn't seem to want to magically rise with her feet.
'Come on, Coco,' said Crash. Him and Luigi had already made it to the small section of snow.
'How did you get the tennis racquets to stick to your feet?' asked Coco.
'We tied them to our shoes with extra shoelace,' said Crash.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A few minutes on, and they were still walking across the non-slip ice.
'Hey look! That ice looks deformed!' said Luigi. He pointed to the ice, which was in strange little squares.
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'This secret level wasn't put together very well.'
'Why do you say that?' asked Coco.
Nazza pointed to the huge chasm with a small bridge of ice between it.
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.
They walked over to the bridge, and began walking across it. Suddenly, the ice dragon landed behind them and roared.
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.
They all turned around and saw the dragon. 'What is this dragon doing here?' asked Luigi.
The dragon roared some more. 'It says we can't continue through the secret level!' said Crash.
'Why not?' asked Nazza.
'It says that it will kill us if we do,' said Crash.
'How will it kill us?' said Coco, who was unfazed.
The dragon roared again. 'It's going to freeze us. The dragon's breath create a block of ice around anything it touches.'
Coco stepped forward, and grabbed a frozen stick. 'I'll take care of this,' said Coco.
'But Coco -' said Crash.
'You'll be killed,' said Nazza.
'I don't care,' said Coco. 'Quick, run to the other side!'
Nazza, Crash and Luigi hurried to the other side of the chasm, and watched nervously.
The dragon roared. 'You shall not pass!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down on the bridge.
The dragon roared again. 'You shall not pass!' Coco shouted again. And agian she slammed the stick down on the icy bridge.
'If she keeps slamming that stick down, she's going to crack the ice,' said Nazza.
'I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing,' said Crash.
The dragon roared once more. 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down, and the bridge cracked. The ice dragon, the bridge, and Coco, fell into the chasm.
'Coco!' shouted Nazza.
'Coco!' shouted Crash.
'Ice dragon!' shouted Luigi. 'I mean, chocolate!'
'It's Coco,' said Crash.
'Coco pops!' shouted Luigi.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The three sat on the non-slip ice for some time.
'Why are we so gloomy?' asked Luigi.
'Because Coco fell down the chasm,' said Crash.
'Duh,' said Nazza.
'Oh,' said Luigi. 'I thought it was because of the blizzard that is heading our way.'
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.
'You shouldn't swear,' said God who was up in heaven.
'Another glitch,' muttered Nazza.
'No, I didn't mean to offend you God,' said Crash, 'but there's a holy cow in that blizzard.'
Crash pointed, and they saw that there was a cow with a halo around its head being swirled around.
'Technically its a tornado,' said Nazza.
'It's a blizzard!' said Luigi.
'No, it's actually a snow tornado,' said God.
'Luigi says it's a blizzard, so it's a blizzard!' said Luigi.
'Whatever,' said God.
'Hey wait don't go -' said Crash.
'Too late,' said God.
'Damn, now we don't have God to save us,' said Crash.
'Darn it,' said Luigi.
Nazza built a small igloo out of snow.
'How'd you do that so fast?' asked Crash.
'While you guys were talking, I found myself an igloo and brought it here.'
'But that's impossible,' said Crash.
'Well, he did it didn't he?' said Luigi.
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'I think this level was just a giant glitch. A beta level that they forgot to remove.'
'Most likely,' said Luigi.
'Quick, get in the igloo,' said Nazza.
They stepped into the igloo, and surprisingly, while the snow tornado went past, the igloo stayed put.
'That was close,' said Nazza, looking to check that the tornado had gone.
'We escaped from the snow tornado?' asked Crash.
'BLIZZARD!' said Luigi.
'Yeah,' said Nazza.
Crash walked out, then shouted 'Holy cow!'
'Not another holy cow,' said Nazza.
'No, not cows, POLAR BEARS!'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They hid in the igloo, hoping the polar bears wouldn't notice. Yeah, like polar bears would just walk past an igloo in the middle of non-slip ice.
The polar bears noticed the igloo, and walked in. Nazza, Crash and Luigi jumped in fright, and cowered in the corner of the igloo. Wait, igloos don't have corners. They cowered on the side of the igloo opposite the bears.
'Don't be scared, we just want directions,' said one of the polar bears.
'Oh, where to?' asked Crash.
'To the ice dragon,' said the polar bear.
'Uh, he fell down the chasm,' said Nazza.
'HE DID? WHO DID IT!'
'Uh, my sister,' said Crash.
'GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRRRR, I KILL YOU!' shouted the polar bear. The three polar bears attacked Nazza, Luigi and Crash.
The polar bears lept at their counterparts, and they all fell against the igloo wall. Except they didn't stop, they actually fell through it and into another glitch world.
'Whoa, this again!' said Luigi.
Suddenly the polar bears were floating helplessly. 'Help us!' shouted the polar bear that had attacked Crash.
'They don't have imaginations,' Nazza concluded. 'We can easily defeat them now!'
'I'll destroy mine first,' said Luigi. He closed his eyes, and suddenly a ghostbusters suit and equipment appeared. Luigi then threw the equipment at his polar bear,and the bear shattered into pieces.
'Why didn't you suck the bear up?' asked Nazza.
'You mean *that's* how they defeat the ghosts?' said Luigi.
'My turn,' said Nazza. He closed his eyes, turned yellow and started firing up.
'Super Saiyan Nazza!' said the polar bear.
'Not quite,' said Nazza. 'It's just Super Nazza, like Super Sonic. Hey, how do you know my name?'
Nazza shot an energy ball at the polar bear and it was destroyed.
'My turn,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, concentrated hard, then...
His polar bear blew up.
'All your imagination, and all you could come up with was blowing him up?' said Nazza.
'well, it worked didn't it,' said Crash.
'I spose so,' said Nazza.
'Hey look! A warp hole!' said Luigi.
'You sure it's not a plothole?' asked Nazza.
'No, it's like a warp pad, except it's a hole,' said Crash. 'Let's go to the next level!'
They floated over to the warp hole, and flew through it...