Captain Jake's Amity Boat Tours
By: Felicity
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Skipper:
I know you all have had to wait,
But please step back from the silver gates,
In a moment they will open wide,
Then we can begin our boat tour ride,
Now take your seat and watch your step,
Don't worry about the water you wil get wet,
Whether on the left or on the right,
Seven in a row? Squeeze in tight,
Now shark attacks are not to fear,
No Great Whites spotted in over 25 years,
And for your safety I have this gun,
Sir you need to sit I'm almost done,
Even though it make look fake it's real,
And that's the end of my safety spiel,
Now mam I'm really tired of this crap,
How many times must I say the child cannot sit in your lap,
And sir I've told your there is no food,
Don't make me stop this boat in route,
This is Amity 6 Come in Base,
We've got to go no time to waste.
Base:
This is base you're clear to go,
That dispatch was 50 seconds! You're way too slow.
Skipper:
Well time to start our voyage wave goodbye,
To the happy landlubbers and our loading guy,
Good afternoon everybody and welcome here,
Wait one moment while I pretend to steer,
Now Captain Jake's is the best tour around,
And of course THE only one in town,
I'll be your skipper today as we visit the sites,
Where the story of Jaws begins to take flight,
And those poor innocent islanders, how sad they died,
He devoured them whole and that isn't a lie,
Now to the port side is the Home of our chief,
He really blew up that shark and brought us relief,
He was a real hero we even through a aparade,
Roy Schieder played him in the movie they made.
Gordon Cuts Through Over the Intercom:
There's something int he water he's attacking my boat,
Please help me I'm sinking I won't stay afloat,
It's turning around it's coming again,
Someone please help I think it's the end.
Skipper:
Amity 7 to base did you copy that please?
Sounded like Gordon on Amity 3.
Base:
Of course we copied that transmission we're Base afterall,
You need to hold on just pace and stall,
Pretend to look scared like you don't know what to do,
As if Gordon was a friend and meant something to you,
Now he was on his way in you should pass him by,
Why you haven't seen him yet we don't know why,
Don't worry about things continue your show,
And if you see anything just let us know.
Skipper:
10-4, okay folks a little trouble nothing major I'm sure,
We'll go ahead on and continue our tour,
As we round the jeti the storyline comes unglued,
Because now we're entering show scene 2,
I can't bleieve this was happened Amity 6 to base,
Amity 3 is sinking just debris, survivors no trace,
I don't know what could have done this not even a clue,
The only think I can think of is a shark what about you?
Base:
This is BAse Amity 6, what did you say?
Skipper:
I said there's a shark and he's coming our way,
He's going under the boat base what should we do,
If we don't get away we'll end up fish food,
Base:
Use the grenade launcher, aim it and shoot!
Skipper:
Yikes missed again this is no good,
I can't shoot this gun we have to get out,
BAse tell Brody we'll wait in Quint's Boathouse,
Now that the doors have finally shut,
Let's find a place where we can tie up,
Hello, anybody here? Something's not right,
Why isn't there anybody in sight,
Crash, bang, boom some boats fall down,
Did you hear soemthing? What was that sound?
It's him over there he's trying to break through,
What can we do our options are few,
We have to get out before it's too late,
Before he gets in and seals our fate,
Oh no, now the boat won't drop into gear,
Things are worse than I could have feared,
Aw c'mon man this isn't funny lets go,
This has gone beyond a simple boat tour show,
Yes! Finally the boat has dropped into gear,
I got it hang on we're outta here.
Chief Brody:
This is Brody hold on we'll be there in 10,
I won't be alone I'm brining some men,
We'll be there soon, so sit tight and wait.
Skipper:
Did he say 10 minutes? Oh that's great!
In 10 minutes we're going to be shark bait,
Where is he, I don't see him, where did he go,
There he is I'm taking my shot oh no!
I blew up the plant this is bad very bad,
And now a ring of fire is blocking our path,
We can't go around or reverse on teh track,
We have to go through it there's no turning back,
Yes! Hang on, we made it through here,
Now we're going to try and get off on that old fishing pier,
We'll unload one at a time, stay seated and keep your arms inside,
And be careful of the barge if we touch it we're friend,
I think we should be... oh no look,
I thought we had gotten away but I was mistook,
As the anger rises up I ball my fist,
He's gone too far nad now I'm pist,
He killed my friend Gordon and with all these pent up emotions inside,
The killer in me begins to arise,
I grab my gun with a look of steel,
Search the water ready to make him my meal,
And then w/ great speed he attacks our port side,
I trip and shoot as small kids start to cry,
I shoot him again and get him this time,
As he's electrocuted from chewing ont eh cable line,
That thinng is disgusting we blew him away,
and all I can say is man what a day.
Brody:
Amity 6 what on earth is going on with your poem?
Skipper:
Nothing chief call off the marines we're coming home,
Ladies and Gentlemen I don't know what to say,
You showed incredable bravery here today,
But uh.. hey ya know,
WE probably don't need to tell anybody what happened in our show,
If word leaked out about our fish episode ont eh news,
That would be it for Captain Jake's Amity Boat Cruise,
So let's keep this our secret and not tell anybody,
I mean afterall we did get, didn't we?
Thank you again no need for applause,
You were the ones who helped me conquer the menace of Jaws