Lots of new reviews! Yay! Most of them good! Yay! Since a lot of people have asked for longer chapters, I think I've given you the longest fanfic chapter in recorded history. It's four pages long on my computer. If it's still too short for you I'm gonna lose it altogether. So don't say it's too short this time, please? Please?

I wrote little messages to you, so for those of you who haven't read my AN: read it! I spent a lot of time working on that AN. So you better read it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The room was bleak and grim, dimly lit with neon lights. It reeked of chlorine and other irksome smells. What was more off-putting was that, scattered on benches, there lay bags with towels and clothes spilling out, most of them damp and from the looks of it, going mouldy. The gloomy atmosphere was topped off by the sound of dripping water coming from the showers.

Legolas shuddered. "Ewwwwwwwww, changing rooms."

"Yes, you'd think these people would have worked out by now that the public would be more willing to go to the pool if they had the facilities in slightly better conditions. It reeks in here." You know a room has earned the "Hell-on-earth" label when Aragorn thinks it's gross.

"Oh well, the quicker we get changed the quicker we can get out of here." Frodo was in a dangerously cheerful mood, which could be attributed to one of two things: either Gandalf had slipped happy pills into his morning decaf-skinny-latte-with-mocha-sprinkles again, or he was scared stiff and was determined not to show it. Come to think of it, it could have been both.

They all got changed with minimum fuss, although Gimli's board shorts looked slightly bulkier than they should have because he was, despite all of Legolas' protests, wearing his metal bathers under the normal ones. Oh and of course, as what happened before all encounters with the public, the hobbits, dwarf and elf had grabbed a limb each and carried Aragorn kicking and screaming protests into the shower, where he had been forcibly held down and sprayed with cold water to get rid of most of the dirt he'd acquired over the last century. As a result, anyone to use that shower next would encounter a pungent, browny-grey mud about 10cm deep that had an amazing property of being impossible to wash off without using some sort of car-cleaning liquid at the very least. And everybody knows what that sort of stuff does to your legs. Moisturising!

So anyways, the board shorts were on and they were almost ready to go. Except there was one small, tiny, minor, unnoticeable problem.

"Gimli, you have to leave your axe in the change rooms."

"Och, first m'bathers an' now me axe? What's ye problem with me?"

"We reached an agreement about the bathers. But if you bring your axe in and start waving it around people will think you're an escaped lunatic."

"That wouldn't be too far off the mark."

"What did you say about me Frodo?"

"Nothing, nothing!"

"Oh, is the liddle dwarfy-warfy scared to leave his axy-waxy behind in case the big nasty men get it?"

"Yeh going the right way to meetin' Mary Queen of Scots, ranger!"

"Oh goody! Do you think she's my type?"

"Aragorn, Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded at least 300 years ago. And I don't see what you're so happy about, you have to leave your sword behind as well."

Aragorn's face went a shade of off-white. "Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh………….what sword?"

"The one that you're wearing."

"I'm not wearing a sword."

"Then what's that in your pocket?" Gimli asked suspiciously.

"Oh, you wanna know about that?" asked Aragorn, attempting to be seductive. "Come up to my room tonight and I'll show you."

Frodo, Sam and Legolas understood exactly what he was talking about only a split second before their brains went onto automatic and concentrated on the least erotic image they could come up with (Elrond skipping through a field of daisies singing "I feel pretty".)

Gimli hadn't got the message. "Show me what?"

Legolas gathered his senses and said "You really don't want to know" very quickly before Aragorn launched into a full description. Aragorn looked slightly disappointed.

"Aragorn, you have been warned of pain of death or worse against attempting to be seductive. For this crime against humanity, you will most definitely have to leave your sword behind."

"What? No! Please, have mercy! Not Andy! If I leave him behind he'll get lonely!"

"Anduril won't get lonely, it's got Gimli's axe to keep it company."

"But what if Gimli's axe is nasty to him? He's only a baby!"

"Have you got something against my axe?"

"Noooooooo…I'm just…just…" Aragorn cast around desperately for a good phrase.

Frodo rescued him, "A little uncomfortable about leaving Anduril in the change rooms when he's sort of shy."

Legolas gritted his teeth and concentrated very hard on not losing it completely, grabbing the closest thing he could see and putting them both out of their misery. Aragorn really needed to meet some new people, this fixation with his sword had been going on ever since they started the quest. And even before that. He was always going on about "the blade that was broken" when he was going around doing whatever it is rangers do. That is, probably being pervy-hobbit-fanciers with the excuse of "protecting the Shire". Yeah right. Exactly what from, Legolas didn't even want to consider, since it was obviously no coincidence that the Shire was conveniently located within a week's walking distance of Bree, Staddle, Archet and other towns with large populations of men.

Gimli put his axe down on the bench very slowly. Aragorn's version was more like a funeral, with the ranger sobbing and wailing and promising that it wasn't Andy's fault, that he'd be back soon, that he still loved Andy and that once he got back they'd never be parted ever again. Or so he thought. Legolas had other ideas.

"You owe me big time, elf." Gimli grunted after Aragorn's leaving ceremony had been completed. "And remember, dwarves are like elephants."

"What, they stink?"

"Yes. No!" Gimli was getting confused.

"Or they have really big noses." Frodo and Sam had seen the fun and decided to join in.

"No!"

"Or you put them in enclosures at the zoo and they give themselves dust baths."

"NO! Memories! Elephants never forget, Dwarves don't forget…y'get it, neither of us forget!"

Gimli stomped out of the change rooms. Legolas, Sam and Frodo exchanged amused looks and followed Gimli outside.

"You know, not everybody likes elephants."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A first swimming lesson is scary for anyone. However, when you've been brought up to think of swimming as being for elves and men and the mentally insane, as well as being dared into it at a very reckless moment by someone you thought had good wishes for your health until that point, defining this first lesson as 'scary' is the understatement of the century. Who your teacher is can also affect the way you view swimming, as our rather nervous hobbits and dwarf are about to find out.

Frodo regarded his swimming teacher, her back turned to them at present, with suspicion. She seemed very, very familiar, but he couldn't place her at that very moment. Maybe he'd just met her once over the course of history. It was a small world, after all. Judging from the puzzled looks on the others' faces, they appeared to almost recognise her too. That was strange. I mean, a Fellowship of nine can only meet the same person a limited number of times.

Then she finished doing whatever she was doing and turned around. Gold hair. Blue eyes. Pointy ears. As one they gaped in shock. Oh yes. She was definitely familiar.

Legolas recovered first. "Galadriel. How…nice to see you."

"Legolas! Frodo! Sam! Aragorn! Gimli! It's been ages since I saw you last! How are you? What have you been doing lately? Are you still living together?" Behind her apparently beaming face Legolas could practically smell the sympathy waves Galadriel was emitting, mainly towards him and Frodo. Actually all towards him and Frodo, since they were still relatively mature, she'd quickly lost interest in having Gimli as a pet after they left Lothlorien, and things had gone rather pear-shaped with Aragorn after he and Arwen had got a divorce. And, well, no offence to Sam but she'd never really noticed him in the first place. Legolas almost pitied her for having to give Frodo, Sam and Gimli a swimming lesson, until he remembered the last time they'd met a few centuries ago, when he'd something bad about Galadriel's hair, or maybe she'd said something bad about his hair. Whoever said it, it had resulted in the Thirteenth Great Elven Bitchfight. Also known as the Wars of the Roses. To get back to the point, said memories stopped him from pitying the Queen-of-Lothlorien-turned-socialite-elf.

He was jerked back to the present by the wordless gibbering coming from all three students as Galadriel got in the shallow end of the pool, before they were shoved rather roughly to the edge of the pool and grimly sat on the edge. Aragorn saw Frodo and Gimli giving each other sidelong looks. The dare was definitely on and they were both determined to go through with it. Oh dear. Things were likely to get very interesting.

"Now guys," Galadriel cooed in the most fake voice Aragorn had ever heard, "just relax. Swimming's not going to hurt you. The first activity we're going to learn today is called the Deadman's Float."

Sam looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Dead! Mr Frodo, she said dead man! She wants to kill you!"

"Elf witch!" shrieked Gimli, grabbing for his axe until he remembered that Legolas had made him leave it in the change rooms. Oh shit, he thought, I'm in trouble now.

"Elf bitch more like it!" Frodo was about to say more when Aragorn grabbed a handy towel and used it to muffle his curses.

"Sorry about that Galadriel, they're a bit…er…jumpy."

"Oh don't mention it, although I must say that I've never seen anyone react to a swimming lesson quite that way before. I'm sure they didn't mean it…" Neither Legolas nor Aragorn were fooled for one second by Galadriel's small talk. They'd had experience with her before, and behind the cheesy smile they could sense the presence of the unholy demon that exists in every female elf and quite a lot of male ones too. An unfortunate somebody was going to die a slow, lingering and horribly painful death soon. Quite a lot of unfortunate somebodies. Two hobbits, a dwarf, a man and an elf to be exact…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the toddlers' paddling pool, Aragorn, Frodo, Sam and Gimli walked around cautiously to try and get used to the water, while Galadriel and Legolas sat on the edge and had a long, relaxing bitching session about everything that had pissed them off for the last few centuries. In Quenya of course, so the others couldn't understand a word they were saying.

"I try to keep the peace and make sure they're looked after relatively well, but it's just so hard with seven of them. Frodo's only reliable for help when he's not having Sauron hallucinations, and those always seem to happen when I need his help the most. I don't know why I bother, I honestly don't. I mean, what have they ever done for me?"

"Legolas, you're doing a very charitable thing by looking after them. I'm sure they appreciate it, they just don't know how to show it."

"They could try a bit harder."

Galadriel went on as if she hadn't heard him. "It does seem like hell on earth, but because of all this suffering that it's causing you, you'll have less reincarnations to go through and you'll reach nirvana and become enlightened sooner."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Oh sorry, I forgot that you're not a Buddhist or a Hindu."

Their talk was interrupted by Frodo coming up to them with a carefully calculated mix of cuteness and pleading on his face. "Legolas, can we go on the slide?" He pointed at the desired object, a contraption about 1m high.

"Why are you asking me? You don't have to ask me for permission. Of course you can go on the slide."

"Yeah, it's just…" Frodo looked awkward, although still cute. "We're not sure about how safe it is and…"

"You want me to go down it first to make sure it's safe?"

Frodo nodded and smiled with relief. Legolas almost sighed. Why did it have to be him? "Why can't you get Aragorn to test it for you?"

"Well, it's made for kids really and we're sorta scared he'll break it and we thought that since you're, er, lighter, you should test it."

Legolas didn't fancy Gimli's chances on the slide if it was made for kids. Or Sam's too, come to that. The way things were going, Frodo might have the whole slide to himself. He made a sound of defeat and agreement and got up. Frodo beamed.

After five goes on the slide, Legolas was quite impressed at how strong it was. Although it was unlikely that the people who made this particular slide had ever looked into the future and seen them using it, he couldn't help but marvel at the coincidence.

Legolas got off and gave the others the thumbs up. "It's fine." He was about to walk away and go back to the bitching session with Galadriel, when there was a large splash that succeeded in saturating the elf up to his waste. He turned around and was confronted with the sight of the hobbits, Gimli and Aragorn sitting together at the bottom of the slide.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"We're playing slide tiggy!" Frodo announced happily.

Legolas raised his eyebrows. "And what exactly is this so-called 'slide tiggy' that you speak of?"

"Well, everybody sits in a line on the slide, and we all slide down together and make a big splash when we get to the bottom. It's so much fun!" Frodo appeared to have totally bypassed the sarcasm that the elf had directed at him.

"Not for the people who are on the receiving end of the splash. Do you absolutely have to play this game?"

"Yes," Frodo announced determinedly, "and you have to play too."

"I have to?"

"Otherwise precious'll make you." It wasn't the actual threat that scared Legolas. It was the fact that Frodo had mentioned the One Ring. Which meant that maybe his rant earlier hadn't been entirely made up. Which meant that he was having bad flashbacks. Which meant that he could easily go into a Dark Lord-induced spasm attack. Which they definitely didn't need right now.

"Oh, all right." They arranged themselves in this order going down the slide: Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Sam, Frodo. After a bit of pushing, they slid down what was supposed to be a very short way, if Legolas' calculations were correct. Any second now and they would splash into the water…

BOOM.

FLASH.

They blinked and found themselves in a place that was definitely not the toddlers' pool. They were on a diving board. The highest diving board Legolas had imagined, and higher, because he couldn't see the pool below even with elven eyesight. He felt a wave of nausea coming.

Frodo, Sam, Gimli and Aragorn looked down and stared. And stared a bit more. And a bit more than that.

"OH MY GOD WHERE ARE WE?"

"HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE US! WE'RE TRAPPED!"

"GET US OUT OF HERE!"

They looked around frantically. There was absolutely no sign of the swimming pool centre. No sign of a ladder or steps to get down. They were most definitely screwed.

Then they felt themselves being pushed. Hands grabbed at air uselessly. They were falling.

Legolas wasn't sure who started screaming first. All he knew was that within a few seconds of the first scream, everybody else was screaming. He was screaming. Hell, he didn't care. He was scared, dammit, really scared!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They all screamed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Galadriel cackled evilly. The plan was working perfectly. Those suckers wouldn't know what had hit them. She started whistling cheerfully. Using her ring to create a worm hole had been a piece of cake. The people who wrote the history of the Rings of Power were totally wrong. Whoever said the three Elvish rings didn't work any more?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh that's an evil cliffhanger. I'm horrible, I know, but it's part of my job as an older sister. Anyway, there's another chapter on the way, but this one's extra long so I hope all of you who asked for longer chapters are happy. There'll be more appearances by various other characters in the next chapter. But for me to post the next chapter, you have to be nice and review! I'll probably post the next chapter anyway, but it would be nicer if you reviewed.

That's all folks! Thankyou and goodnight!

enelya