Love Hina – Felony Assault
Fanfic by Steven Biggs
Chapter Two – Conspirators
Wednesday Night
[The next two persons that I interviewed did not seem to be directly involved in the incident at first, but their statements were enlightening, nonetheless. I spoke with a Miss Konno next.]
"Miss Konno Mitsune, please sit down."
"Please, call me Kitsune."
"Yes, Miss Kitsune. What is your relation to the victim, and what can you tell me about what happened tonight?"
"Well, Keitaro-san and I have an agreement of sorts."
"Can you be more specific?"
"One grope is worth one month's rent."
"Pardon me?"
"You see, if Keitaro-san grabs my breasts, he's got to give me a month free here."
[That statement was very interesting. This place may be a front for a brothel of some sort. The victim may have been pimping these young women against their will, which would explain their desire to be rid of him.]
"And are those the breasts in question?"
"Yes, and you can stop drooling now."
"So, the victim demanded sexual favors in return for allowing you to stay here?"
"Hey flatfoot, are you insinuating something? I just like to play tricks on him."
[Tricks. Interesting in that was the specific word that slipped out.]
"I see, and could you describe the incident?"
"Keitaro-san accidentally tripped over Su, fell down and grabbed Shinobu's skirt, was struck by Motoko, fell against Naru, and was punched through the wall. Nothing special."
"So, it was all just a complete accident?"
"Well, I actually shoved Su's chair with my foot just as Keitaro-san walked behind her."
"And just why did you do that?"
"Su and I always make sure that happens."
"So, you are saying that you set the victim up to fall?"
"That's right. It's always nice to have a show during dinner."
"Interesting. I think that I am beginning to understand things around here. You may go, and send Miss Kaolla in."
"Okay, flatfoot!"
[Miss Su is a foreign resident of this inn and her English is passable so I spoke to her that way.]
"Miss Su, please have a seat."
"What'cha calling me a glass of water for?"
"Excuse me? A glass of water?"
"Yep! Mizu means water around these parts. My name is Su."
"Okay Su. Can you tell me in your own words what happened?"
"My own words? Does it look like someone else's mouth is stuck to my face?"
[Su seems strangely belligerent. This may provide a valuable clue if I can get her to slip up.]
"Just tell me what happened, from the beginning."
"Well, about fifteen billion years ago, there was this really big explosion. I mean gargantuan! It spread out through space, creating in an instant all the stuff in the universe."
"Uh, not that beginning. I mean tonight when you were having dinner."
"Why didn't ya say so? Boy, for a copper you're kinda stupid. Hold on! Wait a minute!"
[Su then pulled a beeping object out of her pocket. At least, I assume she did, even though at the time it did not appear that there was room in her school uniform for any pockets.]
"What is that object?"
"The Tama-Tracker Mark IV! Let's see, bearing two-oh-four degrees, range three point oh-five meters, elevation point seven. I've got you now, you little bugger!"
[This little girl then jumped over the table in one leap and landed on the side of the china cabinet. I must have been getting tired after a long day, because I thought I saw her chasing a small 'flying' turtle around the room. After a few seconds, she captured the creature, tied it up, and hung it above a stewpot that somehow was now on the table in front of me.]
"I'm gonna eat ya for sure this time, Tama-chan!"
"Mew?"
"Excuse me, but what are you doing?"
"Havin' a little snack! Ya want some turtle stew?"
"I would rather continue this interview, if you really do not mind."
"Darn! I guess I'll have ta eat you some other time, Tama-chan. You can go now."
"Mew!"
[I need to get glasses; I thought that I saw that little turtle fly out the window.]
"In brief, what happened tonight?"
"You're weird! Why do ya want me to tell my story wearing briefs? You's a pervert or something?"
[Sigh.]
"Just tell me what happened to your manager."
"Why didn't ya say so?"
"Please, Miss Su."
"There ya go calling me water again!"
[Sigh.]
"Let's skip talking in English. Tell me the story in Japanese."
"We already are in Japan!"
[Groan!]
"Hey, copper! Ya wanna hear something neat?"
"Why not? Go ahead."
"Well, ya see Keitaro was going to help Shinobu carry the trays to the table. Kitsune gives me a push in the right direction and I trips him up. Ya shoulda seen his face when Shinobu's skirt fell! Blood spurtin' everywhere! Then Motoko hauls off and whacks him good with her sword trick. Naru rushes over to help him and he falls into her. Ya never saw someone blush so hard! We're talking red here. Well, Naru punches Keitaro smack dead-center in the forehead and sends him through the wall. I wonder if the earth looked blue when he was up in the sky?"
[Finally.]
"Thank you for you're your statement, Miss, uh, Su. You can send Miss Maehara in now."
"Sure thing copper!"
End of Chapter Two.
Fanfic by Steven Biggs
Chapter Two – Conspirators
Wednesday Night
[The next two persons that I interviewed did not seem to be directly involved in the incident at first, but their statements were enlightening, nonetheless. I spoke with a Miss Konno next.]
"Miss Konno Mitsune, please sit down."
"Please, call me Kitsune."
"Yes, Miss Kitsune. What is your relation to the victim, and what can you tell me about what happened tonight?"
"Well, Keitaro-san and I have an agreement of sorts."
"Can you be more specific?"
"One grope is worth one month's rent."
"Pardon me?"
"You see, if Keitaro-san grabs my breasts, he's got to give me a month free here."
[That statement was very interesting. This place may be a front for a brothel of some sort. The victim may have been pimping these young women against their will, which would explain their desire to be rid of him.]
"And are those the breasts in question?"
"Yes, and you can stop drooling now."
"So, the victim demanded sexual favors in return for allowing you to stay here?"
"Hey flatfoot, are you insinuating something? I just like to play tricks on him."
[Tricks. Interesting in that was the specific word that slipped out.]
"I see, and could you describe the incident?"
"Keitaro-san accidentally tripped over Su, fell down and grabbed Shinobu's skirt, was struck by Motoko, fell against Naru, and was punched through the wall. Nothing special."
"So, it was all just a complete accident?"
"Well, I actually shoved Su's chair with my foot just as Keitaro-san walked behind her."
"And just why did you do that?"
"Su and I always make sure that happens."
"So, you are saying that you set the victim up to fall?"
"That's right. It's always nice to have a show during dinner."
"Interesting. I think that I am beginning to understand things around here. You may go, and send Miss Kaolla in."
"Okay, flatfoot!"
[Miss Su is a foreign resident of this inn and her English is passable so I spoke to her that way.]
"Miss Su, please have a seat."
"What'cha calling me a glass of water for?"
"Excuse me? A glass of water?"
"Yep! Mizu means water around these parts. My name is Su."
"Okay Su. Can you tell me in your own words what happened?"
"My own words? Does it look like someone else's mouth is stuck to my face?"
[Su seems strangely belligerent. This may provide a valuable clue if I can get her to slip up.]
"Just tell me what happened, from the beginning."
"Well, about fifteen billion years ago, there was this really big explosion. I mean gargantuan! It spread out through space, creating in an instant all the stuff in the universe."
"Uh, not that beginning. I mean tonight when you were having dinner."
"Why didn't ya say so? Boy, for a copper you're kinda stupid. Hold on! Wait a minute!"
[Su then pulled a beeping object out of her pocket. At least, I assume she did, even though at the time it did not appear that there was room in her school uniform for any pockets.]
"What is that object?"
"The Tama-Tracker Mark IV! Let's see, bearing two-oh-four degrees, range three point oh-five meters, elevation point seven. I've got you now, you little bugger!"
[This little girl then jumped over the table in one leap and landed on the side of the china cabinet. I must have been getting tired after a long day, because I thought I saw her chasing a small 'flying' turtle around the room. After a few seconds, she captured the creature, tied it up, and hung it above a stewpot that somehow was now on the table in front of me.]
"I'm gonna eat ya for sure this time, Tama-chan!"
"Mew?"
"Excuse me, but what are you doing?"
"Havin' a little snack! Ya want some turtle stew?"
"I would rather continue this interview, if you really do not mind."
"Darn! I guess I'll have ta eat you some other time, Tama-chan. You can go now."
"Mew!"
[I need to get glasses; I thought that I saw that little turtle fly out the window.]
"In brief, what happened tonight?"
"You're weird! Why do ya want me to tell my story wearing briefs? You's a pervert or something?"
[Sigh.]
"Just tell me what happened to your manager."
"Why didn't ya say so?"
"Please, Miss Su."
"There ya go calling me water again!"
[Sigh.]
"Let's skip talking in English. Tell me the story in Japanese."
"We already are in Japan!"
[Groan!]
"Hey, copper! Ya wanna hear something neat?"
"Why not? Go ahead."
"Well, ya see Keitaro was going to help Shinobu carry the trays to the table. Kitsune gives me a push in the right direction and I trips him up. Ya shoulda seen his face when Shinobu's skirt fell! Blood spurtin' everywhere! Then Motoko hauls off and whacks him good with her sword trick. Naru rushes over to help him and he falls into her. Ya never saw someone blush so hard! We're talking red here. Well, Naru punches Keitaro smack dead-center in the forehead and sends him through the wall. I wonder if the earth looked blue when he was up in the sky?"
[Finally.]
"Thank you for you're your statement, Miss, uh, Su. You can send Miss Maehara in now."
"Sure thing copper!"
End of Chapter Two.