*
JULY 14, 1984
Secluded apartment in London
Twenty-two-year-old Sirius Black was bored – extremely bored. He was lying on his bed – with his head where his feet should be and his feet on his pillow – staring at the ceiling. After graduating from Hogwarts, he and his three best friends – James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew – had all gone their different ways, still keeping in touch, but never meeting.
Remus had decided to go abroad in search for a job. He had badly wanted to work at the Ministry, but the fact that he was a werewolf made every single department reject him immediately. He had moved East to Germany, where the wizarding population was moderate and life for wizards was slow and easy – never rushed like in England.
Peter had decided not to work for a couple of years and instead had wanted to stay with his mother for a few years, as she was supposedly very sick. Sirius hadn't heard much of him, but he had apparently settled down well and was making a small income after a while by doing errands for the Muggles that lived nearby.
James had wanted to get a job at the Ministry at some point of time, but for the moment, he was biding his time and making the most out of his freedom. Of the three, he was the one who kept in touch with Sirius the most. He sent his friend an owl once a week, and vice versa. They two had always been closer to one another than with Remus and Peter, and their friendship was more of that between two brothers than two schoolmates. James had written to Sirius that he was looking for a few jobs in the Muggle community before turning to the Ministry. He "wanted to have some fun before going all 'Sirius'" as he said.
Sirius himself had been shuffling from job to job both in the Wizarding and Muggle community. His first thought had been that of business, so he had looked for a company that was willing to hire someone who was absolutely inexperienced in the line of business. There were no takers. The first job he eventually got was at a garage. Sirius had always loved tinkering around with tools and playing with cars, so when he was hired as a car mechanic he felt his life was set. But when he accidentally slipped in a puddle of oil on the ground and the tools he was carrying hit his boss on the head, he got the pink slip.
A number of other jobs followed his mechanic job – janitor at a local school, shopkeeper at the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade, reporter for the Daily Prophet… The list was about a total of seven jobs. But now, Sirius had been fired from his last job – that of a vendor at the cricket stadium.
So, now completely jobless, Sirius was extremely bored. He expected a letter from James to come that day, but James could be unpredictable at times. Just yesterday, he had gotten a letter from Remus saying that he had settled down well in Munich, one of the busier cities of Germany, and had gotten a job at one of the 'treasure-hunting' branches of Gringotts. He worked as one of the accountants there. He had even hinted that he had a girlfriend, though he didn't mention any names.
But what did Sirius care that Remus was happy in Germany with a girlfriend and a high-salary job? He was more concerned about his own situation. He hadn't been able to find a good job for a long time. He had no idea what to do. James had been getting along quite well, even with a minimum wage job, but Sirius was in ruins. He had no friends where he stayed, and when he was out of a job, he spent his whole day either in a bar or at home. He had gotten into the habit of drinking whenever he was sad or angry, and since he was either sad or angry all the time, nearly all his money went to buy himself drinks. He knew he was slowly killing himself by doing it, but he had gotten hooked onto alcohol.
Just wait till James and Remus find you here, drinking twenty-four seven. They'll yell their heads off at you. No, they won't. They'll help you get a job. But no, they won't even come. Why should they come to see you? They don't care about stupid Sirius Black.
Sirius had become so depressed that he had stopped replying to James' letters. He thought James would then get a hint that he didn't want to talk to anyone anymore and stop sending letters. But James took a different hint – he got the feeling that something was wrong and instead sent more and more letters. But they all remained unopened.
If there was one thing in the world Sirius was thankful for, it was for the one person whom he had left in his life – Liana Matheson. Liana had always thought the world of Sirius, and the two had been happy together for the first two years after they graduated from Hogwarts, but after Sirius took to drinking, both of their lives had turned upside-down. As much as Sirius had tried to push her away and make her find someone else, she insisted on visiting him every single day. He tried to make her think that he didn't appreciate the money she would slip into his pockets every now and then, or the strong coffee she would make him every morning, or the books she would buy for him to read, but Liana knew him too well.
Sirius loved Liana fiercely, but he refused to admit it. But she didn't need words to know what was in Sirius' mind. She could understand his thoughts by just watching him and taking in his actions and expressions. Such was the relationship they shared. But it was slowly deteriorating against their will along with Sirius' health. Liana's worst fear was that the day would come when she would have to learn to live without Sirius. And Sirius' worst fear was that one day Liana would listen to him and leave him.
But that day, Liana hadn't come. There was no smell of brewing coffee, or of the light perfume that she wore. The curtains hadn't been drawn, and there was no sunlight poring into his room. There were no flowers on the table, and no books on the dresser. The clothes that Sirius himself had left in a heap on the floor hadn't been folded neatly and kept away. In fact, the one-bedroom flat in which Sirius lived was the same way in which he had left it last night. Liana hadn't come.
While staring up at the ceiling, tears threatened to spill out of Sirius' eyes. He let them. He had nothing better to do, anyway. His stock of drink was finished and he didn't feel like going out to buy more. He absent-mindedly swung the bottle in his hand. He shut his eyes as the tears rolled down his cheek and fell on the bedspread. He jerked them open again and smashed the glass bottle onto his other hand.
"Why – why did this all have to happen to me?" he cried, staring at his bleeding hand.
*
"James, you've got to do something about Sirius. His condition's getting worse every day. He won't even let me bring in a doctor to check him up. James, you're the only one who can make him see reason."
James had been getting increasingly worried about Sirius, and had therefore owled Liana to ask her what had happened. Liana, glad to tell all her troubles to someone she could trust, poured out the whole story of the last five years to him. They had decided to meet at a coffee shop in London and discuss what to do. Liana had been so anxious to meet James and get all their problems solved that she hadn't even dropped by at Sirius' to leave a note to say she would come late.
"Liana, I don't think you should worry. The Sirius I remember could take care of himself fairly well. The only thing that's ailing him, from what I see, is that he's lonely. Personally, I don't blame him. I've felt pretty down and out too, when I think back on our Hogwarts days. Remus is in Germany, Peter's gone to Wales to live with his mum, and Sirius is doing his own thing. But trust me, Liana. If you just give him some more company, he'll be able to take care of himself," James said positively.
"Maybe he can in normal situations, but not when he's half drunk!" Liana choked. "The Sirius you remember is long gone, James. He's completely ruined himself. He can't get a damn job anywhere, and whatever money I bring in for him he spends on drinks. He's gotten fired for about the seventh or eighth time yesterday, and I don't know where he's going to look next. It's all I can do to pay his rent for him and do his shopping and things, what with my own job and housework."
James took a sip of his coffee and leaned forward. He seemed to be contemplating what to say next. "Liana, don't take this in the wrong way, but have you ever seriously considered moving in with him, at least until he's back on his own two feet?"
Liana looked at him, unable to decide whether James was being serious or not. "James, what would we achieve by having me move in with him?"
"Well, for one, you wouldn't have to Apparate every time you want to see him. You'll be there to keep an eye on him nearly all the time, and he'll be happier knowing that you'll be there for him a lot more. It'll also be easier on you too. You won't have to do double the housework, and you'll only have to pay half the rent."
Liana sighed and shook her head slightly. "James, it isn't possible to move in with him. His apartment is the tiniest of things. Believe me, I've thought of it before, but it isn't possible. And he's too possessive to let me take him to my place. I've brought it up so many times, but he just refuses to listen. This is why I thought you should be able to help."
"Liana, I'll do my best. If you're not going to, then, well, I thought since I'm up in London now, I might as well stay a while. I can stay with him for a week or two until you're ready to take him."
"That would be a big help, James," Liana said, forcing a smile. "But now, I think I should go. I'll take you to his place, since I have to go anyway. He'll be wondering why his coffee isn't ready."
"You know, you might want to cut down on the money you're giving him. If he can't afford the drinks, he won't buy them," James suggested as he paid the bill for the coffee and walked towards Liana's car.
"Oh, you don't know Sirius. He'll get his drink one way or another."
The two got into the car and Liana started the ignition and drove away. Liana constantly seemed on the verge of tears, so James tried to keep the mood lively by telling her about his job and the people he'd met, but it just seemed to upset her more.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Liana. I'm just trying to cheer you up, but I'm making you feel worse," he said, shrugging.
"Don't worry about me, James. Just having you here is good enough for me."
A few minutes elapsed without any talking, but finally, James spoke, curiosity getting the better of him.
"What's that on your finger, Liana?" he asked her.
"Oh, this, oh, it's the ring Sirius gave me in – at the end of school – uh, after seventh year," she said slowly.
"You still have it? I should have thought that would make Sirius happy."
Liana sniffed and said, "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to take it off. It won't budge now. And I think it makes him feel worse to see that I still have it. He keeps telling me to move on and find someone else. I keep telling him that if I ever search I'll just end up on his doorstep again."
"So, what job did you find?" James asked jovially, trying to change the topic.
"I got a job as a reporter for the Daily Prophet. It doesn't pay much, but it's enough to get what we need. Sirius was making a bit of money now and then, so I used to spend it on books whenever I could get at it. He reads a bit whenever I'm there because he knows I hate to see him drink. But he hits the bottles as soon as I leave. We have some money in Gringotts if it comes to the worst, and I opened an account in one of the Muggle banks nearby for the checks that Sirius got from the Muggles who hired him. We've got about a hundred pounds together here, and at Gringotts, I've got quite a bit. But I don't know about Sirius. He's never let me check his vault."
In a couple more minutes, they had reached the apartment. Liana dropped James outside saying she would park the car and come back. She handed him the key.
"It's the one on top and all the way to the right – 306. When Sirius first got it he said that if he has to live in a small apartment he might as well live in one with a good view."
She sped off into the parking lot at the back while James jogged up the stairs till he reached the third floor. Turning right he saw four oak doors.
Okay, all the way to the right – but there are four of them. No, two – two of them are on the sides. She wouldn't mean those. Looks like I'll just have to guess.
James walked up to the two doors and inspected each of them. Remembering that he had the key with him, he pulled it out and pushed it into the keyhole of the first door. A wave of relief washed over him as he heard a click when the key turned in the locked. He pushed the door and it swung open with a creak.
The place was in a mess. Beer bottles were stacked in a corner, and the TV in the corner had a squashed soda can on top. There were clothes – undoubtedly Sirius' – lying on the floor in a heap. But nevertheless, James couldn't help feeling that his apartment, though small was more or less a nice, livable one.
All the walls had been painted a light, creamy beige color. The furniture was simple and modern – a small olive green couch and a matching armchair were in the living room. A wooden coffee table stood between them, and on it was an open book. There was a small vase that held wilted flowers. The kitchen was extremely small, but the manner in which the cabinets were arranged made it so that no space was wasted. There was a small extension like a table above which there were more cabinets. Through the space in between, one could look into the living room.
James picked his way through the rooms until he found a closed door. He reached out for the handle, but Liana, who had come up, put her hand on his arm to stop him.
"No, James, it's better not to go and see Sirius yet. For all you know, he might still be asleep – if he got any, that is," Liana said softly. "I'll just go in and – well, do what I normally do," she said dully.
James retreated into the living room and picked up the book that was lying on the table and forced himself to read it. But all his attention was fixed on listening to what happened.
Liana pushed the bedroom door open softly. Unlike the main door, this one didn't creak. She went in, pushed the curtains apart slowly, and turned around, taking in the room. She saw that Sirius was awake and smiled at him. He didn't smile back. She was about to pick up his clothes from the floor but he spoke, and she stopped.
"You didn't come this morning. Where were you?"
"Sirius, I – that is, the people at the Daily Prophet, they wanted me to come early today. I was running late so I didn't drop by to tell you. I'm sorry if you're upset," she lied, and reached down for the clothes again.
"No, leave them there. I like them on the floor," he said.
Liana picked them up anyway, and walked out of the room. She didn't go into the living room however. Instead, she walked into a small room off the side and dumped them into a basket there. She went into the kitchen and started the coffee maker, ignoring James completely. He tried not to take notice of her, but he couldn't help follow her movements with his eyes until she had walked back into the bedroom.
"Liana… why do you lie to me?" he said, shaking his head at her.
"Who said I was lying?" she said quickly, rounding on him.
"You weren't at work today. You were somewhere else. You were with someone, hmm?" he asked.
"Sirius, I told you –"
"And I told you to leave me alone. Who'd you bring with you, Liana – your new friend?" he asked her.
"No, I brought your friend, so that he can make you see reason. James, come here," she said with a slight tone of impatience in her voice.
"Liana, Liana, Liana – why do you bother to do such things? Come – come and sit here, next to me," he said to her, patting the bed.
"Oh my God, Sirius, what happened to your hand?" she asked, suddenly filled with worry as she caught sight of his bleeding hand. She rushed over to him and picked up his hand, tracing the cuts with her finger.
"I got angry with myself. I've been a bad boy, so I had to be punished. You weren't there to punish me, so I did it myself."
"Sirius, what are you talking about? James – oh, can you hand me the antiseptic? It's in my purse."
"James, so you really have come, eh?" Sirius called.
"I came on my own. You weren't answering my letters, so I got worried," James answered as he handed the bottle to Liana, along with a washcloth.
Liana washed the blood off of his hand with the cloth, and carefully put the antiseptic on his hand where it had been cut. Sirius jerked a little when she put it on. The antiseptic stung him slightly, and he couldn't bear the pain anymore than he was able to as a child.
Liana smiled affectionately at him. "You're such a child, Sirius. You still can't hold still when I put this on you."
"You don't have to put it on. I can do without."
"It'll get infected if I don't. You know that. James, can you hand me the bandages from the shelf over there?"
James did as he had been told, but he couldn't help but feel that no matter how hard up they were, the relationship that Sirius and Liana shared hadn't changed a bit. He only wished that it would stay that way.
"Here you go, Liana. Uh, I'll just wait in the living room, shall I?" he said and walked out.
"There you go. You're alright now. Mind you, if you go swinging any more bottles you won't be."
"Liana, why do you do so much for me? I don't need it. I don't deserve it," Sirius answered, lifting the hand that wasn't covered in bandages to stroke her cheek.
"Sirius, you know the answer to that," Liana said, looking away.
"You're scared to look me in the eye. Look at me, Liana. I said look at me!" he yelled.
Liana gasped and raised her eyes to look at him. His blue eyes pierced her soft hazel ones. Liana tried to read the expression in them, but for the first time in her life, she found herself at a loss. Unable to bear it, she looked away again.
"Sirius, you've changed. You're not the playful, mischievous boy I used to know. You're different. You've become a drinker, a job-shifter – you're not the Sirius I used to think so much of."
"You're worried about me."
"Of course I'm worried about you! Who wouldn't be? Even James is worried. And I'm sure that if Remus knew too, he'd be just as worried."
"Remus Lupin… stupid bloody git – too wrapped up in his own affairs to even bother writing a letter to me. After everything I did to help him out…"
"Sirius, stop it," Liana said, getting up from the bed hurriedly. "I don't get you. You make promises that you don't keep. You do things you say you'll never do. And then – you make other people do things they never thought they'd do." Liana turned away from him and started to walk out of the room.
"You love me so much, don't you? Poor Liana, she gives out love to the whole world, but no one gives her love back – except for me," Sirius said slowly, staring at the bedspread.
Liana didn't turn around, but instead shut her eyes. The tears that had been threatening to fall for the last three years finally made their escape and trickled down her cheek. When she finally turned back around to face Sirius, he was sitting on the bed in the same pose, only with his arm stretched out towards her. Suddenly weeping, she ran to him and wrapped her hands around his neck. As she sobbed into his shoulder, he ran his hand down her back, kissing her head lightly.
"Stop drinking, Sirius. Please, for my sake, forget about it. Just think about what you're going to do with your future. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on drink. Leave your drinking habits behind, Sirius."
"Will you leave me?"
"Sirius –"
"Can you leave me? You can't, can you? In that way, I can't stop drinking. It's all I have left. Now, it's just me and my drinks."
"And what about me – I just go down the drain, do I? Forgotten, tossed aside just like an empty bottle, that's my destiny, is it?" Liana retaliated.
"Liana…"
"Sirius, look at this," Liana said, showing him the ring on her finger, the one James had pointed out to her while they had been driving.
"That's the ring," Sirius choked, "that I gave you when we graduated."
"And I still have it. Do you have any idea why?"
"Because it won't come off your finger, that's why it's still there. If it would, you'd have thrown it in the trash a couple years ago."
"Sirius Black I –" Liana began, but Sirius interrupted.
"Liana Black I –" he said, and stopped.
"Sirius, what –"
"The ring was supposed to be for that. It's just that I didn't have the nerve to ask you then. And five years have gone by since. Well, it wasn't really for that, just to tell you that I would in a couple of years. But I haven't, yet. I would've, but I took to drink instead. I didn't think you'd want to marry a job-shifter. I should've realized you wouldn't have wanted to marry a drunkard either,"
"Sirius, calm down, please. If you'd have told me something – anything – I would've –"
"You would've said no."
"Sirius, why are you so pessimistic?" Liana asked.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't have time to be your English teacher. But why are you always so insulting to yourself and to everything around you?" she asked again.
"The same reason why everything around me always insults me…"
"Sirius please stop it! You're ruining yourself by all this. You're purposely bungling up your jobs so that you can stay at home and laze around. You're purposely drinking more and more so you can slowly kill yourself. You want everyone to pity you and feel sorry for you. Well, that's happened, so I hope you're happy," Liana shouted.
She prepared to walk out of the room again, but when she got to the door, she met up with James. She backed away slowly. When Sirius caught sight of James, he jumped off the bed quickly.
"Uh, sorry to interrupt you guys, but I just heard some shouts so I came to see what was going on," James said looking from one to another.
"Oh, I just suggested that since you're over, well, we haven't seen each other in five years so I thought I'd treat you to dinner someplace tonight. Liana just thought I wouldn't be fit, but I feel fine now. We were just discussing – a little loudly, maybe – where we should go. I was thinking of a Mexican restaurant that had opened recently, but she insisted that your favorite food was Italian. I'm right, aren't I?" Sirius said in a rush, making Liana just shake her head and glare at him.
"Uh, yeah – you are. Um, I guess we could go, now. Maybe Liana can show me around the city a bit till then," James said, slightly confused at Sirius' sudden enthusiasm. He walked out slowly, still puzzling over Sirius sudden change.
"Sirius, why do you even suggest such things?" Liana asked wearily.
"I suggested it so that you can celebrate."
"What's there to celebrate?" she said, rolling her eyes.
"I promise you that I'll stop."
"What'll you stop?" Liana said, making sure that he promised the right thing.
"I promise you that I'll stop drinking if –"
"You really will, honest?" she asked, still not believing that her begging hadn't been in vain after all.
"There is an 'if', you know."
"Okay, go ahead and finish," she said dully.
"I promise you that I'll stop drinking if you marry me," he said, stroking her cheek once more.
Lifting up her hand to pull his hand down, she said, "You really promise all that?"
"But in case you don't want to wait another couple of years, you're still allowed to look for someone else," Sirius added.
"Sirius…" she whined, sitting next to him and placing her head on his shoulder.
"Okay, maybe I walked in at a wrong time…" James said, turning around and starting to walk away. "I just wanted to ask when you guys were coming…"
Liana hurriedly got up, and blushing furiously, she walked out of the room.
"You know, I don't think she really needed me to visit. She seems to have made you stop without me doing much."
"You've been listening?" Sirius asked, scowling.
"No, I just have sharp hearing."
"James, you haven't changed a bit, you know that?"
"And you've changed a lot, you know that?"
"Yeah, but what can I say? After-school-life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would."
"You haven't ever thought of – well, you know what the four of us were thinking about in fifth year…"
"I thought about it, really, I did. But I didn't think I'd be able to without you and Moony."
"Have you heard from him at all?" James asked again.
"I got an owl from him yesterday. He's working at the treasure branch of Gringotts in Munich. He's got himself a girlfriend by the looks of it – which just leaves you out, Prongs."
"Shut up, Padfoot."
"Yes, sir…"
"Sirius – James – are you two coming or do I have to drag you by the ears? Hurry up, will you?" Liana called from the living room, swinging the car keys around her finger.
"Yes, ma'am!" they answered together.
*