The Simple Things
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the great lyrics
Summary: Jess's story, before and through the transfer to SH.
A/N On every chapter there's going to be a song by "ALL"
;D
Chapter 5 – Man Of Steel
Mom wasn't home. I had one call to make, and as expected, she wasn't home.
They didn't have a lot on me. They found only the money, it wasn't enough to prove I was a juggler*. Lucky for me, the package was already handed to its destination. Probably saved me a few years at a youth offenders' institution.
My age also played in my favor.
They tried to press me for information. Tried to frighten me with threats, but I knew better. Informing on Adrian was much more horrifying than any threat they could have made, thinking about his potential reprisal made their threats sound appealing.
Eventually, realizing that this was my first slip, and seeing my mother's attitude and of course the fact that they actually had nothing on me, they decided not to charge me, they just lectured me some and tried to talk to my mom. Yeah, like that'll help...
That night, when my mom never came, I had time to think. A lot of time, really. I couldn't sleep in there.
Damn my father for leaving us, maybe if he'd stayed, I wouldn't have turned out like this, ended in police custody for the night. But I knew I was only deceiving myself. It wouldn't have changed a thing. It's not like we were close or anything. He just went to his random new job every morning, then I sometimes saw him late at night, sometimes not, that's it. Nothing more. We were never a warm family.
I thought about my mom. She didn't deserve the title, but nevertheless, she was, my mom. I sometimes felt angry thinking about her, but mostly, I felt sorry for her. And for me. It was sad, she was a sad person. I don't remember her being happy. I guess she was at some point in her life, everyone got to have a few happy moments, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was the cause to her sadness. Maybe before having me, she was happy, maybe my parents were happy together once. I couldn't shake this nagging feeling that kept making me feel unwanted. A baggage.
Nowadays, she was pretty pathetic, depending on her dumb ass 'boyfriends' who treated her like crap. A pathetic crap magnet, my mom.
No wonder I ended up here.
Then I came to think about myself. I was hitting rock bottom at the moment, but there was also a little promise at the situation, the knowledge that no doubt this was to be my all time lowest point, it gave me hope, I mean, how (more)low can I go?
I knew I had potential, I can do more. Only problem was – I wasn't acting on it.
'A potential is not enough' my 8th grade teacher used to tell me when I kept letting her down over and over again. 'you have to seize that latent potential in order to fulfill yourself, otherwise, a day will come that you'll regret it.'
'Grasp onto it and make it real'.
Once, she told me the story behind her constant insistence about the subject. She too, had potential, but she was too afraid to fully explore it. She let herself and her environment suppress that potential. Instead of believing in herself, she believed in others' thoughts, and she'll regret it 'till the day she'll die, that's what she told me.
Now it descended upon me. I never understood her before, but it sank at that moment. There, when I had time to think about it all.
It won't be easy, but I'm gonna make it for myself.
I want no regrets when I'll look back.
* A juggler == teen aged street dealer
------------------------------------------
"Man Of Steel" By ALL
If I ever get out of this hole that I'm in
I'll take a stand. I'll be a man of steel.
Too many mistakes, not enough breaks
In my life for one man to stand
I will overcome my fears, and I'll be a strong as I appear.
I'll be a man of steel. I am really REALLY real.
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the great lyrics
Summary: Jess's story, before and through the transfer to SH.
A/N On every chapter there's going to be a song by "ALL"
;D
Chapter 5 – Man Of Steel
Mom wasn't home. I had one call to make, and as expected, she wasn't home.
They didn't have a lot on me. They found only the money, it wasn't enough to prove I was a juggler*. Lucky for me, the package was already handed to its destination. Probably saved me a few years at a youth offenders' institution.
My age also played in my favor.
They tried to press me for information. Tried to frighten me with threats, but I knew better. Informing on Adrian was much more horrifying than any threat they could have made, thinking about his potential reprisal made their threats sound appealing.
Eventually, realizing that this was my first slip, and seeing my mother's attitude and of course the fact that they actually had nothing on me, they decided not to charge me, they just lectured me some and tried to talk to my mom. Yeah, like that'll help...
That night, when my mom never came, I had time to think. A lot of time, really. I couldn't sleep in there.
Damn my father for leaving us, maybe if he'd stayed, I wouldn't have turned out like this, ended in police custody for the night. But I knew I was only deceiving myself. It wouldn't have changed a thing. It's not like we were close or anything. He just went to his random new job every morning, then I sometimes saw him late at night, sometimes not, that's it. Nothing more. We were never a warm family.
I thought about my mom. She didn't deserve the title, but nevertheless, she was, my mom. I sometimes felt angry thinking about her, but mostly, I felt sorry for her. And for me. It was sad, she was a sad person. I don't remember her being happy. I guess she was at some point in her life, everyone got to have a few happy moments, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was the cause to her sadness. Maybe before having me, she was happy, maybe my parents were happy together once. I couldn't shake this nagging feeling that kept making me feel unwanted. A baggage.
Nowadays, she was pretty pathetic, depending on her dumb ass 'boyfriends' who treated her like crap. A pathetic crap magnet, my mom.
No wonder I ended up here.
Then I came to think about myself. I was hitting rock bottom at the moment, but there was also a little promise at the situation, the knowledge that no doubt this was to be my all time lowest point, it gave me hope, I mean, how (more)low can I go?
I knew I had potential, I can do more. Only problem was – I wasn't acting on it.
'A potential is not enough' my 8th grade teacher used to tell me when I kept letting her down over and over again. 'you have to seize that latent potential in order to fulfill yourself, otherwise, a day will come that you'll regret it.'
'Grasp onto it and make it real'.
Once, she told me the story behind her constant insistence about the subject. She too, had potential, but she was too afraid to fully explore it. She let herself and her environment suppress that potential. Instead of believing in herself, she believed in others' thoughts, and she'll regret it 'till the day she'll die, that's what she told me.
Now it descended upon me. I never understood her before, but it sank at that moment. There, when I had time to think about it all.
It won't be easy, but I'm gonna make it for myself.
I want no regrets when I'll look back.
* A juggler == teen aged street dealer
------------------------------------------
"Man Of Steel" By ALL
If I ever get out of this hole that I'm in
I'll take a stand. I'll be a man of steel.
Too many mistakes, not enough breaks
In my life for one man to stand
I will overcome my fears, and I'll be a strong as I appear.
I'll be a man of steel. I am really REALLY real.