Shadows of Fire
Huge thanks to Jessica, my wonderful Beta! You really are helping me alot. ^_^
*Chapter 4*
I hear Giles coming down the stairs but I don't turn from my watch over Spike.
I'll talk with him when I'm ready. Though it could be that I'll never be ready.
I frown and listen as Giles moves a chair next to me. He looks at me and moves his chair back a little.
Giving me space. That's nice of him.
Would've preferred my space without him near it…
All of this is really too much to take. I guess he knows how much I hate it when he dumps everything on me at once.
That's probably why he's so patient with me right now.
I glance at him. He just stares at me.
Sitting there with concern written all over his face.
Wanting to speak but holding back.
Maybe I should say something first.
This isn't the Giles I know. The old Giles would give me the "You must not let this burdening information interfere with your work" speech.
But he doesn't, he just sits there, waiting to see if I'll say something. God, even his look has changed.
Everyone has changed so much, it scares me.
He looks from me towards the cot where Spike is asleep.
He has an expression I can't fully understand…it might've been amazement. Or maybe complete shock.
Probably both. Probably because of me. For my choice. Not necessarily Spike himself.
Spike doesn't get to sleep often. I'm glad the soldiers gave me some of those painkillers.
I don't want him completely awake until he's fully healed.
He was worried that he would be useless if he was drugged but the chip removal was serious.
The surgery was draining on him. He tried to play the tough guy with me but I knew.
He needs to mend. It's best.
I'd like his thoughts on the current situations…
But I can't go to him for everything.
I have so many questions… there really isn't anywhere to start.
There isn't time either.
Nothing is ever easy. And things only continue getting more complicated.
"Buffy?" Giles quietly asks.
Well, so much for the waiting for me to speak.
"Yeah." I answer in my normal voice.
He looks at Spike; like he's afraid he'll wake up and hear.
"He's out of it. Will be for the next hour or so."
"Oh. Good then."
"And that means what?" I give him a look.
"Just that I would like to speak with you further and it'd be best if we're alone."
I hesitantly nod. I'd rather not talk anymore but I don't have time to think over everything.
I have to know whatever Giles has to tell me.
"Is there anything you wish to ask me?" Giles hesitantly says.
"I really don't know where to begin. Just tell me what else I need to know."
He thinks on that for a moment.
"The First Evil uses anything to achieve its plans. We must be cautious of everyone."
"I know. I've been careful." Who does he think he's talking to? I won't stupidly endanger anyone.
"Including those currently around us." He adds strongly.
"Wha…" I trail off realizing he is speaking of Spike.
He sees that I understand.
"Yes. But not only him. Willow could be manipulated. Or anyone else. We must be extremely careful."
He's just as worried about Willow as I am. But the concern for Spike seems to be all mine.
After all, Giles most likely doesn't care what happens to Spike.
I'm pretty sure he'd stake him himself if it wasn't for me in the way.
"The First Evil is only able to manifest itself when balance is seriously shifted."
He's looking directly at me.
I raise an eyebrow.
"I believe that the very first time it came here was when Angel was returned from hell."
That was some major shifting of powers…
So is it me? That brought the First Evil out?
"I thought… I'm the reason? Right?"
"No. You aren't the cause of this." He firmly states.
"But you are a factor in the First's plan to destroy Slayers permanently." He quickly added.
"I'm not the cause? I'm pretty sure me being brought to life had to have some sort of change in the balance."
"That did shift the balance. And alerted the First to the weakness in the Slayer line."
"Then… what?" What changed things so drastically?
"Spike. Winning his soul. The First took that opportunity, I think, to come to this dimension."
Oh God! It's still my fault! He got the soul for me.
"The First also knew that it could use Spike against you. And I'm sure it still will." Giles says.
I shake my head. "That won't happen."
"You don't know that, Buffy. Neither does Spike."
"Giles, I know it can happen. But why would he have more of a chance being manipulated than you or me?"
He sighed and shook his head. "That's beside the point."
"What do you want me to do?"
This is the safest place for him…
With me. By my side. I can't not have him here…
"I don't know. I just feel it's not safe with him here."
"He can't leave. He's not leaving! This is the best place for him."
I look at Spike. He seems so peaceful when he sleeps.
Nowadays, when I sleep, it's never peaceful. It's filled with nightmares.
Giles is about to say more.
"The First would get him again! Do you not remember what happened the last time that happened?!?"
I hate to remember.
I couldn't get to him fast enough… I couldn't protect him.
And that failure brought pain to everyone. Especially him.
I was sure I would defeat the Turok Han… but it was… almost impossible.
A girl died… I almost died.
Giles wasn't here before Spike was taken but he did see him after.
Saw the results of my failure.
Giles does not respond.
"So you're saying he's safer out there somewhere, alone? I'm all he has Giles. He's safer here than anywhere else."
Giles hesitates but then nods.
"You're right. I apologize. I didn't intend to upset you." Giles answers.
I glare at him. Then turn back to watch Spike.
"Aren't you supposed to be working on some spell? To rid me of my little problem?" I snap at him.
"Buffy…"
I look back at his pleading tone. He seems genuinely sorry.
"Giles… I just need some time alone." I quietly tell him.
"All right then. I'll leave you be." He heads to the stairs. He stops briefly at the bottom then ascends.
~
Huge thanks to Jessica, my wonderful Beta! You really are helping me alot. ^_^
*Chapter 4*
I hear Giles coming down the stairs but I don't turn from my watch over Spike.
I'll talk with him when I'm ready. Though it could be that I'll never be ready.
I frown and listen as Giles moves a chair next to me. He looks at me and moves his chair back a little.
Giving me space. That's nice of him.
Would've preferred my space without him near it…
All of this is really too much to take. I guess he knows how much I hate it when he dumps everything on me at once.
That's probably why he's so patient with me right now.
I glance at him. He just stares at me.
Sitting there with concern written all over his face.
Wanting to speak but holding back.
Maybe I should say something first.
This isn't the Giles I know. The old Giles would give me the "You must not let this burdening information interfere with your work" speech.
But he doesn't, he just sits there, waiting to see if I'll say something. God, even his look has changed.
Everyone has changed so much, it scares me.
He looks from me towards the cot where Spike is asleep.
He has an expression I can't fully understand…it might've been amazement. Or maybe complete shock.
Probably both. Probably because of me. For my choice. Not necessarily Spike himself.
Spike doesn't get to sleep often. I'm glad the soldiers gave me some of those painkillers.
I don't want him completely awake until he's fully healed.
He was worried that he would be useless if he was drugged but the chip removal was serious.
The surgery was draining on him. He tried to play the tough guy with me but I knew.
He needs to mend. It's best.
I'd like his thoughts on the current situations…
But I can't go to him for everything.
I have so many questions… there really isn't anywhere to start.
There isn't time either.
Nothing is ever easy. And things only continue getting more complicated.
"Buffy?" Giles quietly asks.
Well, so much for the waiting for me to speak.
"Yeah." I answer in my normal voice.
He looks at Spike; like he's afraid he'll wake up and hear.
"He's out of it. Will be for the next hour or so."
"Oh. Good then."
"And that means what?" I give him a look.
"Just that I would like to speak with you further and it'd be best if we're alone."
I hesitantly nod. I'd rather not talk anymore but I don't have time to think over everything.
I have to know whatever Giles has to tell me.
"Is there anything you wish to ask me?" Giles hesitantly says.
"I really don't know where to begin. Just tell me what else I need to know."
He thinks on that for a moment.
"The First Evil uses anything to achieve its plans. We must be cautious of everyone."
"I know. I've been careful." Who does he think he's talking to? I won't stupidly endanger anyone.
"Including those currently around us." He adds strongly.
"Wha…" I trail off realizing he is speaking of Spike.
He sees that I understand.
"Yes. But not only him. Willow could be manipulated. Or anyone else. We must be extremely careful."
He's just as worried about Willow as I am. But the concern for Spike seems to be all mine.
After all, Giles most likely doesn't care what happens to Spike.
I'm pretty sure he'd stake him himself if it wasn't for me in the way.
"The First Evil is only able to manifest itself when balance is seriously shifted."
He's looking directly at me.
I raise an eyebrow.
"I believe that the very first time it came here was when Angel was returned from hell."
That was some major shifting of powers…
So is it me? That brought the First Evil out?
"I thought… I'm the reason? Right?"
"No. You aren't the cause of this." He firmly states.
"But you are a factor in the First's plan to destroy Slayers permanently." He quickly added.
"I'm not the cause? I'm pretty sure me being brought to life had to have some sort of change in the balance."
"That did shift the balance. And alerted the First to the weakness in the Slayer line."
"Then… what?" What changed things so drastically?
"Spike. Winning his soul. The First took that opportunity, I think, to come to this dimension."
Oh God! It's still my fault! He got the soul for me.
"The First also knew that it could use Spike against you. And I'm sure it still will." Giles says.
I shake my head. "That won't happen."
"You don't know that, Buffy. Neither does Spike."
"Giles, I know it can happen. But why would he have more of a chance being manipulated than you or me?"
He sighed and shook his head. "That's beside the point."
"What do you want me to do?"
This is the safest place for him…
With me. By my side. I can't not have him here…
"I don't know. I just feel it's not safe with him here."
"He can't leave. He's not leaving! This is the best place for him."
I look at Spike. He seems so peaceful when he sleeps.
Nowadays, when I sleep, it's never peaceful. It's filled with nightmares.
Giles is about to say more.
"The First would get him again! Do you not remember what happened the last time that happened?!?"
I hate to remember.
I couldn't get to him fast enough… I couldn't protect him.
And that failure brought pain to everyone. Especially him.
I was sure I would defeat the Turok Han… but it was… almost impossible.
A girl died… I almost died.
Giles wasn't here before Spike was taken but he did see him after.
Saw the results of my failure.
Giles does not respond.
"So you're saying he's safer out there somewhere, alone? I'm all he has Giles. He's safer here than anywhere else."
Giles hesitates but then nods.
"You're right. I apologize. I didn't intend to upset you." Giles answers.
I glare at him. Then turn back to watch Spike.
"Aren't you supposed to be working on some spell? To rid me of my little problem?" I snap at him.
"Buffy…"
I look back at his pleading tone. He seems genuinely sorry.
"Giles… I just need some time alone." I quietly tell him.
"All right then. I'll leave you be." He heads to the stairs. He stops briefly at the bottom then ascends.
~