Well, here's the next postie, folks... hope you enjoy!
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Chapter Nine
Jaina sat in her room, waiting for the Millennium Falcon to land at the base. She knew she should be overjoyed at seeing her parents again, but something inside her whispered, Why should you be glad? They're never around anyway. Once you start to feel good, they'll just go away and break your heart again. Why ask for certain pain? Besides, you're going to die soon. Start distancing yourself from the people that love you, or they'll get hurt. You'll hurt them like Anakin hurt you.
Stop it! She cried internally. Stop it now!
You know I'm right, the voice whispered back. You're going to die.
Jaina closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. No matter how much she tried to fight against the voice, there was no way she could defeat it. It was a part of her, all the insecurity and pain caused by Anakin's death and her parents' seeming neglect. Always present in her dreams, the dark voice whispered seductively in her ear, luring her to the Dark Side. Now she knew what her grandfather and uncle had gone through. I will fight this, she thought. And I will defeat it. I will not end up some twisted, bitter creature, afraid to let anyone get close.
But you already have.
She bit back a sob. You're right.
Nobody loves you, the voice continued. You've pushed them all away, and now they don't want to come back They have their own lives, and you are no longer a part of them. Luke and Mara have Ben. Your parents have their mission. Jacen. you don't even know whether or not he really is alive. It probably was just a figment of your imagination. Anakin's dead. Chewbacca's dead. What have you got left to live for?
Jag! she cried. I have Jag!
But he's going to leave soon. You know he will. How much longer do you think he can stay before his father calls him back? You're living in a dream world. It's time to sit up and face the facts of your life.
Jaina bit her lip as tears rolled down her cheeks. She screamed with anguish, screamed again and again until she could scream no more. She flung herself down on the floor, sobbing, her heart broken.
************************
In her own room, Mara Jade Skywalker was meditating as well, reaching out to the Force to renew her wearied body. She breathed it in, basking in its feel. I don't ever remember being this tired, she thought wryly. But, then again, I've never been a mother before. Expanding her senses, she reached outward with the Force. All seemed well, the pilots and crew as cheerful as could be under the circumstances.
Mara reached out to check on her sister-in-law and her husband. They had just arrived in system and would land at the base in approximately one standard hour. She smiled as Leia scolded her for butting in on a "private moment."
Mentally shaking her head, Mara next reached out to touch her niece. A roiling mass of agony and anguish met her touch. Startled, she momentarily lost contact. Jaina?
A mental scream ripped her heart open. Her cry was so full of hurt, so forlorn. Tears came to her eyes. Jaina, I'll be right there.
Mara abruptly cut herself off from her meditation and sprinted down the hall to Jaina's quarters. Punching the access codes in, the door slid back to reveal her niece collapsed on the floor sobbing bitterly. "Jaina, what's the matter?" Going over to the young woman, Mara knelt down and gathered her into a hug. Gently rocking her niece, she murmured soothing sounds that had become part of her vocabulary only after Ben was born.
They stayed in this position for several minutes until Jaina ran out of tears. Clutching her aunt around the neck, she hugged her back fiercely. "Aunt Mara, do you. love me?"
The soft question couldn't have startled Mara more. "Of course I do, Jaina," she replied. "You're my favorite niece."
That earned a watery smile from Jaina. "Aunt Mara, I'm your only niece."
Mara chuckled. "I don't see why that makes a difference." Stroking Jaina's brow, she quickly became serious. "Jaina, your uncle taught me about love. Before he came along, I didn't love anything or anyone except my own freedom. You and your family changed all that for me. If you had told me twenty years ago that I'd marry Luke Skywalker and have a son, I would have shot that person on the spot. And now look at me. A lot has happened since then, but trust me when I say this, I'll always make time for you, no matter how busy I am."
"Thank you, Aunt Mara. You have no idea how much that means to me." Jaina wiped away a stray tear. "Ummm. do you mind. that is, could I possibly renew my apprenticeship, do you think? If you have time, that is," she added hastily. "And in private. I mean, goddesses aren't supposed to need training and all, but. I'd like to."
Mara smiled. "I'd love to."
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Well. that was. different.
I'm sorry if Mara seemed a little ooc, but I thought this had to be written the way it was. The way I see it, Ben has done a lot to soften her, but before him there was Jaina. I believe Mara has a softer side, and also that she's willing to show that side to people other than Luke. And as for Jaina. I thought she'd be bitter about her mother not being there. And ya know how posts sometimes write themselves? Well, consider this one of those.
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Chapter Nine
Jaina sat in her room, waiting for the Millennium Falcon to land at the base. She knew she should be overjoyed at seeing her parents again, but something inside her whispered, Why should you be glad? They're never around anyway. Once you start to feel good, they'll just go away and break your heart again. Why ask for certain pain? Besides, you're going to die soon. Start distancing yourself from the people that love you, or they'll get hurt. You'll hurt them like Anakin hurt you.
Stop it! She cried internally. Stop it now!
You know I'm right, the voice whispered back. You're going to die.
Jaina closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. No matter how much she tried to fight against the voice, there was no way she could defeat it. It was a part of her, all the insecurity and pain caused by Anakin's death and her parents' seeming neglect. Always present in her dreams, the dark voice whispered seductively in her ear, luring her to the Dark Side. Now she knew what her grandfather and uncle had gone through. I will fight this, she thought. And I will defeat it. I will not end up some twisted, bitter creature, afraid to let anyone get close.
But you already have.
She bit back a sob. You're right.
Nobody loves you, the voice continued. You've pushed them all away, and now they don't want to come back They have their own lives, and you are no longer a part of them. Luke and Mara have Ben. Your parents have their mission. Jacen. you don't even know whether or not he really is alive. It probably was just a figment of your imagination. Anakin's dead. Chewbacca's dead. What have you got left to live for?
Jag! she cried. I have Jag!
But he's going to leave soon. You know he will. How much longer do you think he can stay before his father calls him back? You're living in a dream world. It's time to sit up and face the facts of your life.
Jaina bit her lip as tears rolled down her cheeks. She screamed with anguish, screamed again and again until she could scream no more. She flung herself down on the floor, sobbing, her heart broken.
************************
In her own room, Mara Jade Skywalker was meditating as well, reaching out to the Force to renew her wearied body. She breathed it in, basking in its feel. I don't ever remember being this tired, she thought wryly. But, then again, I've never been a mother before. Expanding her senses, she reached outward with the Force. All seemed well, the pilots and crew as cheerful as could be under the circumstances.
Mara reached out to check on her sister-in-law and her husband. They had just arrived in system and would land at the base in approximately one standard hour. She smiled as Leia scolded her for butting in on a "private moment."
Mentally shaking her head, Mara next reached out to touch her niece. A roiling mass of agony and anguish met her touch. Startled, she momentarily lost contact. Jaina?
A mental scream ripped her heart open. Her cry was so full of hurt, so forlorn. Tears came to her eyes. Jaina, I'll be right there.
Mara abruptly cut herself off from her meditation and sprinted down the hall to Jaina's quarters. Punching the access codes in, the door slid back to reveal her niece collapsed on the floor sobbing bitterly. "Jaina, what's the matter?" Going over to the young woman, Mara knelt down and gathered her into a hug. Gently rocking her niece, she murmured soothing sounds that had become part of her vocabulary only after Ben was born.
They stayed in this position for several minutes until Jaina ran out of tears. Clutching her aunt around the neck, she hugged her back fiercely. "Aunt Mara, do you. love me?"
The soft question couldn't have startled Mara more. "Of course I do, Jaina," she replied. "You're my favorite niece."
That earned a watery smile from Jaina. "Aunt Mara, I'm your only niece."
Mara chuckled. "I don't see why that makes a difference." Stroking Jaina's brow, she quickly became serious. "Jaina, your uncle taught me about love. Before he came along, I didn't love anything or anyone except my own freedom. You and your family changed all that for me. If you had told me twenty years ago that I'd marry Luke Skywalker and have a son, I would have shot that person on the spot. And now look at me. A lot has happened since then, but trust me when I say this, I'll always make time for you, no matter how busy I am."
"Thank you, Aunt Mara. You have no idea how much that means to me." Jaina wiped away a stray tear. "Ummm. do you mind. that is, could I possibly renew my apprenticeship, do you think? If you have time, that is," she added hastily. "And in private. I mean, goddesses aren't supposed to need training and all, but. I'd like to."
Mara smiled. "I'd love to."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well. that was. different.
I'm sorry if Mara seemed a little ooc, but I thought this had to be written the way it was. The way I see it, Ben has done a lot to soften her, but before him there was Jaina. I believe Mara has a softer side, and also that she's willing to show that side to people other than Luke. And as for Jaina. I thought she'd be bitter about her mother not being there. And ya know how posts sometimes write themselves? Well, consider this one of those.