CHAP 6
Smiles Thank you to my MANY wonderful reviewers. I will shortly be
releasing another fic that will feature more James and Peter, sorry this
one didn't. I really do have a one-track mind.
"No, it's not that I'm disgusted. I just can't believe it." I heard Remus's voice before I saw him.
But although I ordered my ears to shut off, they did not listen. It wasn't really uncommon-I'm nosy and that's the end of discussion. However, just this once I wished with all the might my sixteen-year old body possessed that my mind would listen to itself.
James was the calm and rational one when Moony wasn't. Our group had silently decided that from the beginning. I suppose this was the reason Remus went to him instead of Peter or Lily. But, he and Peter never did get along and Lily and he were in the middle of a fight he would tell us nothing of-this possibly could have contributed too.
"What's so difficult to believe about it? This isn't the first time Sirius has been caught snogging in our dormitory with a guy or girl for that matter."
By now I had made my way down the stairs, keeping my face in shadow. Always shadow, it hid the mind and soul so well.
"I don't know. No, wait, I do.but-''
"I have to promise not to laugh right?"
"Right."
"Don't worry mate, you know I won't."
This was followed by a long stretch of silence in which I imagined had I tried I would have heard the spirits of students passed cry out from the stone around us. Sheltering us, the students of Hogwarts from the evil surrounding the world.
"Moony?"
"Yes?"
"Mr. Prongs informs you that this is the part where you share what you need to tell him."
"Right, right.James?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think I can!"
"Does it have anything to do with Mr. Padfoot?"
I had to lean down lower but I was able to watch the knight in golden armour nod his head. He often reminded me of Apollo, the god of sun in his glory.
"Okay, um, wild guess here-you like him in that way."
"Why would you think that?" Remus's voice dropped the way it did when he was curious without wanting to seem so. How used to it the rest of us were. All his life at Hogwarts our Moony had been the naïve one who knew little about the world outside his family's home. How little we knew about him.
"Well, the facts aren't that really scarce are they? You're gay, no don't frown, we've all known for some time," I had to smile in remembrance about the time James had backed Moony's evil side (Romulus) into a corner and wormed a confession out of him, "You and Sirius are very close plus he understands you. We all do but him more so. After all Remus, who became the dog?"
This was followed by a strangled noise as if someone had decided to purge the soul of their feelings yet their voice would not allow it. That was when I realised from where he was standing-James had seen me. His dark eyes rarely missed movements others would.
"Sirius, I think you owe someone an apology or an explanation-whichever one works best for you Padfoot," it always amused me-how my best friend could remain calm even in the face of irony.
All of a sudden Remus turned and his fear and panic were mirrored in my steel eyes. Too bad that did not relate to my nerve or my heart at times. Immediately my system reverted back to that of my cave ancestors and I held every desire to run as fast as my legs would carry me.
"Thank you so much James for informing me that you knew I was here," sarcasm was more than present.
"I-I have to go!" Moony fled.
*
I had searched everywhere, denying usage of the Marauder's Map for some stupid reason my dormant mind concocted. James was probably mocking my very stupidity at that moment with Lily. But at last I found him in the Shrieking Shack.
Originally some ethereal force drove me to the haunted cabin. Even if Remus was its demon it still contained a drop of pure evil in my opinion. Years of pain, torture and discrimination poured into the walls by its occupants I suppose.
I found Remus sitting there, silhouetted by the nearly full moon. Odd how I was coming to him at long last, really coming to him under the very object Moony and his kin shied away from like the peasants and the bubonic plague.
"Just pretend you didn't hear me and James alright? That conversation never occurred," perhaps his near-lupine senses alleviated him as to my motions.
"No, I-I won't because," I joined Remus on the solitary couch that was not so much a couch but a pile of rubbish, "because I'm glad it happened. Because I like you, a lot Remus and I don't care what you really feel."
My chance to make a move never happened because I had the smaller boy collapse into my chest. I never expected him to sob Remus was emotional at the worst of times but not like this. It almost frightening the way his body was wracked.
"I-I th-thought that you w-would hate me f-for s-saying that s-stuff t-to James. Wh-when I saw you k-kissing D-Daniel I thought that y-you two w-were serious!"
There was nothing to do but hold him until the sobs subsided to hiccoughs. Even when his eyes were swollen with sadness Remus was still beautiful, the moonlight reflecting off his already pale complexion. He looked as if made from the hands of a Greek or Roman sculptor-perfect.
"It meant nothing, that bastard tricked me. You're the only person who ever meant anything-honest."
Passion resounded within my person. Heat radiated throughout each of my limbs and into my spirit. I loved Remus, even if I should not speak it, I loved him.
Everything that occurred was slow, as if halted by the hands of time. It was not as it is in the movies though. No fireworks went off, the meaning of life did not become clear and we did not do any of that stuff when the girl sucks on the man's lower lip. But Remus and I did kiss.
It was tentative as I imagine all first kisses are for the majority of people. Our lips met without extravagance or flourish but they met. Under the moonlight and stars with nature as our only witness my dream became reality.
"So I'm not alone in my feelings?" it was neither statement nor question.
Looking into Remus's eyes when we separated, not gasping for air but flushed with excitement and embarrassment, I was able to detect a hint of good humour. So different from the trouble and angst that had resided there before.
"No, Remus, I don't think you are," and, as if Fate had snapped its fingers, I was myself in all humour once again.
*
"I heard that the moon makes humans do strange things. Not just werewolves," Remus told me as we walked hand-in-hand back to the Ravenclaw tower, not caring whom should spy us.
"Perhaps you're right. After all, why would the great Sirius Black go after perfect Remus J. Lupin?"
"Because he's realized the error of his ways and is currently berating himself for not seeing it before."
"You have no idea how correct your words are m'dear. I really have-no more empty relationships. I promise!" I decreed for the world to bear witness to with all the earnesty I could muster.
Warmth that had receded came rushing back into my being as my new love flung his arms about my neck, burying his face into my shoulder. It really was wonderful to feel him in my arms without restraint.
"It's about time! See James, I told you it would work out!" Lily's commanding words resonated throughout the stone corridor along with a slap as flesh hit clothing.
Looking up I recognized the figures of Lily Evans and James Potter or Miss Twitter (as we, the Marauders so fondly called her) and Mr. Prongs, standing farther down hand-in-hand.
"Care to explain Twity?" I called out.
Sheepishly, Lily stepped forwards. Dragging her practically-husband with her. In that moment her skin matched very much with her hair.
"Remus and I were fighting because I figured out that he fancied you and I told him to tell you but he looked at me like I was a nutter and started to get all angry so I got angry back and James knew that you fancied him so we put two and two together. Too bad James had to go and ruin it with getting a confession out of Mr. Moony whilst you were there and ruining it so he was all positive that he'd wrecked any chance of you and Remus getting together but I sure it would work out and I was right!" I believe that was the most anyone had ever gotten out of the quiet Lily.
I just smiled, relieved by the events of that night. If the moon made humans do strange things I was glad of it this once.
"No, it's not that I'm disgusted. I just can't believe it." I heard Remus's voice before I saw him.
But although I ordered my ears to shut off, they did not listen. It wasn't really uncommon-I'm nosy and that's the end of discussion. However, just this once I wished with all the might my sixteen-year old body possessed that my mind would listen to itself.
James was the calm and rational one when Moony wasn't. Our group had silently decided that from the beginning. I suppose this was the reason Remus went to him instead of Peter or Lily. But, he and Peter never did get along and Lily and he were in the middle of a fight he would tell us nothing of-this possibly could have contributed too.
"What's so difficult to believe about it? This isn't the first time Sirius has been caught snogging in our dormitory with a guy or girl for that matter."
By now I had made my way down the stairs, keeping my face in shadow. Always shadow, it hid the mind and soul so well.
"I don't know. No, wait, I do.but-''
"I have to promise not to laugh right?"
"Right."
"Don't worry mate, you know I won't."
This was followed by a long stretch of silence in which I imagined had I tried I would have heard the spirits of students passed cry out from the stone around us. Sheltering us, the students of Hogwarts from the evil surrounding the world.
"Moony?"
"Yes?"
"Mr. Prongs informs you that this is the part where you share what you need to tell him."
"Right, right.James?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think I can!"
"Does it have anything to do with Mr. Padfoot?"
I had to lean down lower but I was able to watch the knight in golden armour nod his head. He often reminded me of Apollo, the god of sun in his glory.
"Okay, um, wild guess here-you like him in that way."
"Why would you think that?" Remus's voice dropped the way it did when he was curious without wanting to seem so. How used to it the rest of us were. All his life at Hogwarts our Moony had been the naïve one who knew little about the world outside his family's home. How little we knew about him.
"Well, the facts aren't that really scarce are they? You're gay, no don't frown, we've all known for some time," I had to smile in remembrance about the time James had backed Moony's evil side (Romulus) into a corner and wormed a confession out of him, "You and Sirius are very close plus he understands you. We all do but him more so. After all Remus, who became the dog?"
This was followed by a strangled noise as if someone had decided to purge the soul of their feelings yet their voice would not allow it. That was when I realised from where he was standing-James had seen me. His dark eyes rarely missed movements others would.
"Sirius, I think you owe someone an apology or an explanation-whichever one works best for you Padfoot," it always amused me-how my best friend could remain calm even in the face of irony.
All of a sudden Remus turned and his fear and panic were mirrored in my steel eyes. Too bad that did not relate to my nerve or my heart at times. Immediately my system reverted back to that of my cave ancestors and I held every desire to run as fast as my legs would carry me.
"Thank you so much James for informing me that you knew I was here," sarcasm was more than present.
"I-I have to go!" Moony fled.
*
I had searched everywhere, denying usage of the Marauder's Map for some stupid reason my dormant mind concocted. James was probably mocking my very stupidity at that moment with Lily. But at last I found him in the Shrieking Shack.
Originally some ethereal force drove me to the haunted cabin. Even if Remus was its demon it still contained a drop of pure evil in my opinion. Years of pain, torture and discrimination poured into the walls by its occupants I suppose.
I found Remus sitting there, silhouetted by the nearly full moon. Odd how I was coming to him at long last, really coming to him under the very object Moony and his kin shied away from like the peasants and the bubonic plague.
"Just pretend you didn't hear me and James alright? That conversation never occurred," perhaps his near-lupine senses alleviated him as to my motions.
"No, I-I won't because," I joined Remus on the solitary couch that was not so much a couch but a pile of rubbish, "because I'm glad it happened. Because I like you, a lot Remus and I don't care what you really feel."
My chance to make a move never happened because I had the smaller boy collapse into my chest. I never expected him to sob Remus was emotional at the worst of times but not like this. It almost frightening the way his body was wracked.
"I-I th-thought that you w-would hate me f-for s-saying that s-stuff t-to James. Wh-when I saw you k-kissing D-Daniel I thought that y-you two w-were serious!"
There was nothing to do but hold him until the sobs subsided to hiccoughs. Even when his eyes were swollen with sadness Remus was still beautiful, the moonlight reflecting off his already pale complexion. He looked as if made from the hands of a Greek or Roman sculptor-perfect.
"It meant nothing, that bastard tricked me. You're the only person who ever meant anything-honest."
Passion resounded within my person. Heat radiated throughout each of my limbs and into my spirit. I loved Remus, even if I should not speak it, I loved him.
Everything that occurred was slow, as if halted by the hands of time. It was not as it is in the movies though. No fireworks went off, the meaning of life did not become clear and we did not do any of that stuff when the girl sucks on the man's lower lip. But Remus and I did kiss.
It was tentative as I imagine all first kisses are for the majority of people. Our lips met without extravagance or flourish but they met. Under the moonlight and stars with nature as our only witness my dream became reality.
"So I'm not alone in my feelings?" it was neither statement nor question.
Looking into Remus's eyes when we separated, not gasping for air but flushed with excitement and embarrassment, I was able to detect a hint of good humour. So different from the trouble and angst that had resided there before.
"No, Remus, I don't think you are," and, as if Fate had snapped its fingers, I was myself in all humour once again.
*
"I heard that the moon makes humans do strange things. Not just werewolves," Remus told me as we walked hand-in-hand back to the Ravenclaw tower, not caring whom should spy us.
"Perhaps you're right. After all, why would the great Sirius Black go after perfect Remus J. Lupin?"
"Because he's realized the error of his ways and is currently berating himself for not seeing it before."
"You have no idea how correct your words are m'dear. I really have-no more empty relationships. I promise!" I decreed for the world to bear witness to with all the earnesty I could muster.
Warmth that had receded came rushing back into my being as my new love flung his arms about my neck, burying his face into my shoulder. It really was wonderful to feel him in my arms without restraint.
"It's about time! See James, I told you it would work out!" Lily's commanding words resonated throughout the stone corridor along with a slap as flesh hit clothing.
Looking up I recognized the figures of Lily Evans and James Potter or Miss Twitter (as we, the Marauders so fondly called her) and Mr. Prongs, standing farther down hand-in-hand.
"Care to explain Twity?" I called out.
Sheepishly, Lily stepped forwards. Dragging her practically-husband with her. In that moment her skin matched very much with her hair.
"Remus and I were fighting because I figured out that he fancied you and I told him to tell you but he looked at me like I was a nutter and started to get all angry so I got angry back and James knew that you fancied him so we put two and two together. Too bad James had to go and ruin it with getting a confession out of Mr. Moony whilst you were there and ruining it so he was all positive that he'd wrecked any chance of you and Remus getting together but I sure it would work out and I was right!" I believe that was the most anyone had ever gotten out of the quiet Lily.
I just smiled, relieved by the events of that night. If the moon made humans do strange things I was glad of it this once.