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Where Have All The Good Men Gone? 02 All Notes and Disclaimers in Part 01
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//...long have they been like this...//
//...c'mon Toni, just one date...//
//...but Tempest wasn't affected...//
//...Alpha Team reporting. Manhattan is under attack...//
//...Shut up, Roy...//
*oh god make them stop*
//...don't please I promise I'll be good...//
//...vital signs good...//
//Where are we?//
//...Gar, stop jumping on the sofa...//
//...like their minds just shut down...//
*please just be quiet please please please*
//...but why just these five...//
//...swarms of ships in the skies across the world...//
//SHAZAM! Damn it's not working!//
//...but Donna was right by them when it happened...//
*make them stop make them stop make them stop*
//Come on Tyler wake up//
//...but why Mary Marvel...//
//...never gonna be good enough..//
//Mon, wake up//
//...keeps changing forms...//
//...not in control...//
//...only telepaths and mystics...//
//...what about the cat...//
*PERSE!*
==========================
The voices stopped as I bolted up. But this wasn't right. I wasn't in the conference room any more. I was in a grassy area surrounded by stone walls.
"Perse!"
"I've got her here, Tyler," Grant said. He was cradling Perse in his arms, her body limp.
"Oh, God." I whispered as I rushed to my feet. I took her into my arms and held her to my chest.
"Please, Perse. Don't be..." Tears welled in my eyes and I choked back the sobs.
"De cat's not dead, Mon."
I spun to face the woman named Empress. Standing next to her was a girl in a white tunic with a lightning bolt across the front.
"She been dat way since we been here. You, too. Your boy here been holding onto you two de 'tire time since he wake up." Empress folded her arms. "Somet'ing you want tell us 'bout, Grant?"
"Not now, Anita," Grant said as he placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Well, I've got a question, then," came another female voice. I turned to find Lilith sitting in a lotus position. She opened her eyes. "Who are you?"
"My name is Tyler," I said as I stroked Perse's fur. "But the last time you saw me, I was Vesper."
"Actually, the last time I saw you," the girl in the tunic said, "you were someone else."
"What? I don't understand."
Grant gently turned me to face him.
"While we were talking to Donna, you started changing forms."
"But I wasn't using the dial."
"I know. It's like you lost control."
"I don't get it. That's never happened before. I don't know what caused it."
"I do."
Perse lifted her head.
"I caused it."
"DE CAT CAN TALK?"
==========================
"During the time that I was building your mental blocks, I was also enhancing the power of the dial within you. Normally it would take years for the effects of the dial to become part of you. We didn't have that much time. You needed to be ready sooner."
The five of us were sitting and Perse was pacing back and forth before us.
"Ready for what? You told me when I first got the dial that I was going to be some sort of savior. You never told me what I was supposed to do or what was going to happen!" My patience was being sorely tested.
"I don't know what is going to happen. All I know is that it was devined that the dial's host in the next century would perform a great deed and save countless lives in the process.
"So what happened? Why did he lose control and we all end up here?" Grant asked.
"I discovered that Tyler is a metahuman."
"What?!?" I exclaimed.
"While building the blocks, I found that you have a suppressed ability. I was afraid that it would interfere with the dial, so I buried it even further. However, it seems that it has broken free of the bonds I placed on it."
The girl I now knew to be Mary Marvel spoke up, "So what was this power?"
"He blocks mental and mystical abilities," Lilith answered.
"Yes," Perse confirmed, obviously impressed at the redhead's assessment. "Tyler, earlier at the beach when you were changing forms repeatedly, you must have triggered the dial's hold. At the same time, the blocks around your ability began to crumble..."
"...and since de dial is magic, dey started fighting for control." Empress finished. "So, why de hell we all here?"
"The must have been some sort of backlash effect," Mary offered. "Since all of us have powers that are mental or mystical in nature, only we were affected."
"Why wasn't Tempest affected, then?" Grant asked.
"He wasn't in the room with us," Lilith said. "Perhaps there was a limited range."
"Most likely," Perse agreed.
"All right, then. So where are we?" Grant said.
In a very small voice I answered.
"We're in my mind."
Grant wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tight to him.
"So what do we do now?" he asked.
Perse sat still and then answered.
"We tear down the blocks and help Tyler take on his power."
==========================
We'd been walking through a maze of walls now for what seems like hours. Perse had been one very busy cat, it seems. Without her guiding us, it would probably take us forever to get through all this. Mary Marvel and Grant had tried to fly above it all, but they couldn't get airborn. No one had spoken in a long time. Well, not everyone. Mary Marvel kept muttering something under her breath over and over again.
Lilith finally broke the silence.
"Persephone, I've got to commend you on all this. This is the most extensive network of blocks I've ever seen. You must teach me how you did all this."
"When we get out, you will have all my expertise at your disposal. Until then, I suggest we get to work here."
Perse rounded one last corner and we all stepped out into a clearing. In the center was a crumbling tower. Through holes and cracks in the walls, a bright yellow light was pouring out.
*Whoa.*
"What do we do?" I asked.
"You stand there are get ready for a big shock, grasshopper. When the power is released, It's going to seek you out. You're going to have to pull it into yourself and hold onto it."
"I have no idea how to do that."
"You will have to learn quickly. Lilith and I will try to harness it, but you will have take control of it. Are you ready?"
"God, no. But do it anyway."
Perse and Lilith took positions on either side of me. Grant, Mary Marvel and Empress stood around the tower. At the nod of Perse's head, they began striking the walls. Grant and Mary Marvel pummeled them with their fists. Empress was prying the blocks away with her staff. As they continued more light poured though the holes. The first bit of energy shot out and swirled around the tower before diving straight towards me. It struck me right in the chest. I went rigid as I felt the energy pour directly into me. More of the blocks fell and streaks of the energy filled the sky, at first roaming randomly then zeroing in on me. I looked to my left where Lilith stood. Her hands hovered near my shoulder. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she seemed to be vibrating. A quick glance to Perse and I saw that she looked the same. Grant's voice called my attention back to the tower.
"All right, people! Here it comes and it looks pissed!"
Mary Marvel and Empress rushed away from the walls and Grant pulled back for one last punch.
Two things stuck in my mind as I watched the tower crumble under the force of his blow. The first is that I will never fail to be impressed with Grant's sheer strength. The second is that I will forever more have a new level of respect for sponges.
The energy now freed from its prison leapt into the sky and oriented itself. I swear it actually looked at me and smiled. It raced down and poured itself into me, filling me completely. I opened my mouth in a silent shout. The walls that surrounded the clearing began to shake and then fall apart.
"Hold onto it, Tyler!" Perse shouted. "Hold on to it!"
My body was glowing now, pulsing with light.
"I can't! It's too much!"
"You can! You can do it! Hold on to it and don't let it out!"
"I'm trying! It's just too much! "It's just too..."
==========================
"...much!" I screamed as I sat upright. Something pulled on my arm and there was a sharp pain in my wrist.
"Thank god, you're back!" Lian exclaimed as she rushed to my side. She pulled a bandage out of her pocket and pressed it to my wrist where blood was flowing freely down my arm. I looked at where she was applying pressure.
"You pulled out the I.V.," she explained as she lowered me back down onto the bed. She produced a roll of tape and secured the bandage in place.
I glanced around the room. I was in the medbay again. I'm beginning to think I spend far too much time here. Grant and the others were no where to be seen.
"Where are the others? Are they ok?"
"They're doing fine. They woke up last night."
"Last night? How long have I been out?"
"About two days now. Hold on for just a second."
Lian pressed a couple of buttons on the wall.
"Toni?" She spoke into the intercom.
"Yes, Lian?"
"Our patient is awake now. Can you send in Grant?"
"Will do."
Lian slid her hands into the pockets of her white jacket.
"How are feeling?"
"I'm kind of tired and a little groggy, I guess," I answered. "My wrist hurts."
Lian managed a slight chuckle. The door opened and Grant walked in, carrying Perse with him. He crossed to the side of the bed and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Welcome back," he said as he pushed away a lock of blonde hair that had fallen into my eyes.
"What the hell?" I said as I reached to my head and discovered that I had a full head of long blonde hair. I noticed for the first time the pale tone of my skin. I also noticed that I was now sporting a set of breasts.
"You had been changing forms since you passed out. You stopped changing last night when the others woke up. This is the last form your were in at the time." Lian said. "Lilith explained to me that you have a latent meta ability that blocks magic. I can only surmise at this point that this power is overriding the dial. Can you try to change back?"
I concentrated on willing the dial into my hand to no avail. I looked up at Grant with I'm sure what must have been a completely helpless expression.
"Try it without the dial. You've been changing without it since Sunday," he offered.
I tried to focus on the change, pulling from memory what it felt like when I transformed with the dial. I shut my eyes tight until tears formed at the corner of my eyes. I opened them and blinked to clear my sight.
"Perse? What am I going to do?" I asked her.
A long moment passed before Grant spoke up.
"She says that you aren't hearing her. Your power is blocking her," Grant said.
"The cat is magic?" Lian asked.
"No. She's telepathic. The power affects that, too," I said, weakly.
=============
I stood outside on the small island looking at the smoke rising from Manhattan across the bay. The wind picked up a little and I pulled the sweater tighter around me. Lian had "borrowed" some clothes for me from Argent's closet. She assured me that she wouldn't mind. Argent apparently has more clothes than she could ever wear in this lifetime. And frankly, this outfit was more comfortable than the uniform that came with this form.
The terrorists turned out to be a full-scale global attack from some group calling themselves Omega Strike. In the two days past, they had struck all the same cities that the Harbingers had attacked. The armed forces and small teams of heroes had managed to push them back, but not before the damage had been done.
I wasn't there to help and I had taken two of the Titans' heavy hitters out of the action, too. I can still hear that Arsenal guy, Roy something or the other, screaming at the top of his lungs about bringing a rank amateur into a crisis.
One guess as to who the rank amateur is. DING DING DING DING DING! You win the booby prize! Or rather, the boobies prize. Right now, that seems more than apropos.
I can't reach my mother in Metropolis. The communications are down there, just like they are in all the cities that were hit. Now that the attacks have halted, crews are working to get the lines back up and running. I don't even know what I would say to her anyway. I do you explain that your racially mixed gay son is now a white heterosexual woman. Oh, and by the way, I've been parading around New York for the past few months playing at being a superhero.
I walked along the rocky coastline and left my gaze fall across the island where the Tower had stood. The only thing there now looked like a small bunker of some kind. This had confused me when I first noticed it. I first thought that the Tower had been blown up in the attack. Grant explained that the Tower was actually just a hologram. I decided to let him explain what a hologram was later and I helped Perse into her pack and then secured said pack and cat onto Grant's shoulders. Grant took my chin in his palm and looked at me with an "it'll be ok, kid" expression. He kissed me and then raced to join their team. They were going to the battle zone to help find people trapped in the rubble of the collapsed buildings. I wanted to join them, but Donna said no. Until they are sure my powers have stabilized, I'm a liability.
And Grant kissed me. Two days ago, he wouldn't kiss me because I was Vesper at the time. He kissed me today and I don't even know who I am right now. I don't even know how to react to that.
I sat down on a particularly large rock and took a deep breath. And concentrated.
I can feel the blocks flowing inside of me. It's hard to describe the feeling. It's almost like a constant white noise in the background. You don't notice it if you're not paying attention, but it's there. I just wish I knew how to turn it off. I tried to pull from the experience of learning to trust the instincts I gained from the dial. Maybe that's the key, trusting my instincts. I just have to find out what they are right now.
I sat still for a long time, listening to the waves brush against the rocks. Listening to the constant hum that filled me now. I so inwardly focused I didn't hear the approaching footsteps behind me.
"Can I sit with you?"
I looked up and saw Lilith there. She hadn't spoken to me since I woke up. I scooted over and patted the rock.
"Have a seat," I said.
We sat together in silence, both of us staring out at the destruction across the water. Grant and Perse were over there somewhere. Being useful.
"It's nice hanging out with you. Most people have this constant buzz going on in their heads. I have to keep these shields up constantly just so I have hear my own thoughts, " Lilith said, finally breaking the silence.
"No offense, but I think I'd rather have the buzz back."
We sat still for a while longer.
"I know what you going through."
I turned to look at Lilith, but she kept staring out over the water.
"In my early years with the Titans I was just the second string party girl who could read minds. I never stuck around with them on a regular basis. I always felt like I was a liability. I spent more time held hostage by some crazy than Daphne from Scooby-Doo. I had to be rescued more than I'd like to admit."
I laughed, despite myself.
"Even when my powers expanded and I became Omen, I still had that doubt with me all the time. I still do."
I regarded Lilith for a moment.
"Why do you stay in the business then?"
She looked at me for the first time since she sat down.
"There is a Chinese proverb that says the great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure," she answered. "I'm not content with failure. I don't think you are either."
I held her gaze for a moment, then turned my attention back over the water.
"I don't even really know what I'm doing, though."
"I gotta a newsflash for you. None of us did either. There wasn't any kind of super hero school for us. Donna, Roy and Garth had their mentors. I never had someone to guide me when I was just starting out, that came much later. Even so, these mentors spent most of the time slapping our wrists and saying 'Bad Titan'. Most often, we made it up as we went along.
"Despite everything this team has been through, we're a family. We take care of our own. Grant is one of ours. Now, so are you by proxy. There are two sayings that have always gotten us through. The first one is 'Titans Together'."
"What's the second one?"
" 'Shut up, Roy!' "
She smiled back at me then broke out into a giggle. I couldn't help but join her. Soon we were laughing so loudly, the gulls along the shore were spooked by the noise and flew away. It felt good to laugh as hard as we did. I really needed this.
"Ok. I've got one more expression," Lilith started, trying to catch her breath.
"What are you - some kind of fortune cookie?" I ask, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes and then giggling again.
"Last one," she promised then offered her hand to me as she stood up.
"My grandpa always said 'When life gives you lemons'," she said as she helped me to my feet, " 'make Lynchburg Lemonade!' C'mon and let me buy you a drink."
We headed back to the bunker wiping the sand from the seat of our jeans.
"You know, it's hard not to learn a lot about someone when you're trapped in their mind. You're a good person, Tyler. Your heart is in the right place. You care about the world now more than you used to, despite everything that you've been through in the past," Lilith said. "It's easy to see why Grant loves you."
It took me three more steps before the neurons and synapses synched up. When they did, you could have knocked me over with a feather!
*Grant loves me?*
==========================
Lilith and I sat in the Titans' common room nursing our beers for most of the afternoon. I'm not much of a drinker so it took me about three hours to get through two of them. Despite the length of time it had taken for me to drink those, I was sporting a pleasant buzz and was very relaxed. I became very quiet and tried to just let the stress slide off me.
"You got quiet all of a sudden," Lilith commented. "You're not starting to brood again, are you?"
I took a deep breath and slowly released it.
"No. Well, maybe. I don't know." I answered with no real commitment. "I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I really don't. I just want things back the way they were before..."
"Well, I think I've got someone that can help."
I spun around on the sofa to see Lian walk into the room. She sat down in the chair facing me.
"Christopher King experienced a side-effect of the dial some years ago. He would change form every hour, with no control over the transformation. S.T.A.R. Labs helped him out, so they have some experience with the dial. They do a lot of work with the metahuman phenomenon," she explained. "I told a colleague there about your case. She would like to take a look and see what can be made of it. I think this is a good idea, Tyler."
*S.T.A.R. Labs? Am I that far gone that I'm going to be some scientist's experiment?*
Visions of caged super-monkeys appeared in my mind.
"Can I think about it for a while?"
"Yes, but not too long," she answered. "We don't know if this is permanent. The sooner it's investigated, the better."
*This could be permanent? What the hell have I done to myself?*
"All right. Thank you," I said. "Would you excuse me? I'd like to lie down for a while."
I stood and then headed for the elevators. When the doors closed before me, I realized I had no idea where I was headed. I really did not want to go back to the medbay again. I pressed the button for the living quarters. I hope Grant doesn't mind me crashing in his room for a while, but I can't go back to my own apartment looking like this. I don't have a key and the door attendant wouldn't let me in without one. I hoped I'd remembered to leave an extra key in Perse's pack. Eventually, I will need to go back, even if it's only to make sure that everything is ok.
The doors opened and I wound my way through the halls until I found Grant's room in the dormitory. I tried the handle and found the door unlocked. Although grateful for that, it did surprise me a little. I don't know why. Although, I guessed there really would not be a reason to lock your door when the good guys occupy the place.
I entered the room and weaved my way through the boxes from Grant's move. Either he's been really busy since moving here from Chicago or he's not much into housekeeping, I thought to myself. I settled down on his unmade bed and tried to relax.
OK, take stock: You're a woman. This form has some sort of ability, but you can't identify it. You have a of meta-ability that works against magic and telepathy. You're a woman and your back hurts. You're a woman, your back hurts and you have to pee.
I rushed to the bathroom and prayed, yet again, that the instincts would take over!
The instincts were fine; however, I gained a new appreciation for my mother always yelling at me to put the seat down. After what will be forever more be remembered as 'the toilet incident', I turned on the tap to take a suddenly needed shower.
I undressed in a rising cover of steam. I draped a pink towel (note to self: ask Grant about the pink towels) over the shower rod and tested the water to make sure it wasn't too hot. It was. I never cared for hot showers very much. It always felt as if I was being boiled alive like a lobster. After adjusting the temperature slightly so that the water was just a bit warm, but not too much so, I stepped into the shower.
Then I froze.
A little bit of my personal history: I've never touched a woman. Ever. The desire was never there. I accepted being gay early in life, so there was never that issue of dating girls or experimenting sexually before permanently heading to the land of the Y chromosome. There was no looking back. What could I say? Penises made me smile.
Now, I had a woman's body.
Moreover, I had to touch it to clean it.
Some part of my psyche told me that this is just washing your body. The other, now more dominate side, was screaming at me that I have to touch a girl! A girl! One with all those woman parts that I'd never wanted to touch before!
The dominant side won. I took Grant's shower gel from the shelf and drizzled it onto my skin, until I was fairly well covered in the stuff. I then stepped under the pulsing water and allowed the gel to foam up, and then rinsed it off at the same time. It probably wasn't the cleanest shower I've ever taken, but it got me out of there with a minimum of trauma. I turned off the water once I stopped seeing foam by the drain. I pulled the towel from the rod and wrapped it around myself, not even bothering to rub this skin dry.
That would mean touching myself.
I stepped out of the shower and found a smaller pink towel to wrap around the blonde hair that was slicked against my neck and shoulders.
I stood before the mirror and wiped the steam from its surface. This form had come with makeup... the whole shebang: foundation, blush, lipstick, eye shadow and mascara. Now, said makeup was now running down my face. Apparently, the dial has never heard of waterproof makeup.
*Makeup, heh, or war paint as Rivka had called it.*.
I got a handful of the shower gel and proceeded to scrub the raccoon eyes and lipstick away. It's funny, I thought. I could wash my face, but anything below the neck is off-limits.
I can imagine what Perse would say right now.
"It's just a body. So, get over it! You think I've been a cat my entire existence?"
I knew that. However, she always had time to get used to a new body since she was reborn each time. She never just became a full-grown person.
After rinsing my skin clean, I stared at the face that I didn't recognize as my own. It felt pink and raw. I must have scrubbed it a little too much. Maybe I hoped that my own face would appear from beneath it. It's not a bad face. It's attractive... I guess.
I pulled the towel from my head and let the hair fall down to my shoulders. It's going to take forever for this mop to dry, I thought. I rummaged through the drawers in Grant's bathroom and discovered a blow- dryer... with a diffuser!
*Yea! Grant Emerson, I will kiss you for being such a good 'mo!*
I set about drying the hair and discovered that I was right. It took me about five times as long to dry this hair. I stood before the mirror remembering all those times as a child that I just wished and prayed that Santa would bring me a Make Me Pretty Barbie for Christmas. He never did, but I guess that was my own fault. I never asked for one. Granted, I did ask for Abba's Greatest Hits Vols. I and II and he did bring those on CD. He also brought me that poster of Ricky Martin. Living la Vida Loca indeed! I wondered how he and George Michael are doing these days. I had not thought of either of them since their commitment ceremony was broadcast live on VH-1 a couple of years ago.
I turned the dryer off and flipped the hair forward then back. While I looked at the mirror I combed through the mop with my fingers. While Grant may have a great blow-dryer, he doesn't own a decent brush. Not too bad, I thought, as the hair, my hair, fell into place on its own accord.
As I fiddled through the long blonde tresses (my hair. mine. my. hair.) trying to get the bangs just right, the towel covering my woman's body slipped. I grabbed it just before it fell and began to cinch it back in place, but stopped.
*No one is here. Go on and look. It's not like you haven't seen a naked woman before.*
*Naked.*
The thought of the word resounded in my ears without being spoken.
*Sooooooooooo Naked.*
It pounded in my head.
*Naked! Naked! Naked!*
*STOP!*
I regained consciousness of myself. My... self.
I allowed the towel to loosen a bit and I slid it down, revealing the (...my, gulp) cleavage. After a few seconds, I opened the towel slowly over... my left breast.
My heart was pounding so hard that I felt tremors in veins in my neck and forehead. I closed my eyes and tried to will my heart rate down.
"Get a grip!" I admonished myself. " It's not like this is your first time as a woman! You turned into Aeon back when you first got the dial!"
I thought back to when I had been Aeon. That form had come with a tight costume, but had been covered with a cape and cowl. In addition, I had only been that way for about two hours then I was happily back to me. Well, the me with a penis.
I peeked through the tight slits of my lids to see the reflection that held my current form in its silver frame. The light tone to the skin was complimented by the rose colored nipple that rose to a slight point. I allowed my eyes to open further and then opened the lifted the right side of the towel to expose my other breast. I lowered the towel a bit and then cinched it tightly around my waist.
There they were.
Both of 'em.
Moreover, I haven't turned into a pillar of salt or run screaming from the room.
I had stopped breathing, though. Realizing this, I inhaled sharply and nearly choked on the subsequent gasp once I watched my breasts rise in response to the sudden influx of air into my lungs. I barely suppressed a fit of coughing as I struggled to get my breathing under control. I rested against the open door, waiting for the lightheaded feeling of too much oxygen to pass.
Looking into the mirror again, I saw the profile of my breasts in the mirror. I turned a bit and silently observed the reflection. I turned around and looked over my shoulder to view my back. I then continued my turn till I was face front again. With a sudden flash of boldness, I pulled the towel from my waist and dropped it to the floor.
I allowed my eyes to travel lower, but soon found after a few agonizing seconds that I could not see lower than my navel in the reflection.
"I've got to do this now," I said to myself.
I walked into Grant's room to find something to stand on. While I looked around Grant's poor excuse for housekeeping, I caught my reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door that exited into the hallway. To my own credit, I did not hyperventilate.
Well, there I was in all my naked glory. I slowly turned to face the reflection and examined what fate had dealt me: pale skin, perky breasts, taut stomach, small waist, and a dark triangle of neatly trimmed hair.
"What the...," I said out loud.
I guess this form wasn't a natural blonde! I didn't have much time to muse on the aesthetic leanings of the dial, however. The door suddenly swing wide open and I was now face to face with some green guy wearing a white on red costume.
"Grant, are you...," he began and then stopped in mid-sentence.
Then he screamed like a girl. No, really! He screamed like a little girl just scared by the boogeyman. I don't have much room to talk, since I was screaming right along with him. In my defense, however, his voice was of a higher pitch than mine.
"AAAHHHHH!"
"AAAHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
"SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!" I finally managed to yell back.
In a flash of red light, the green guy changed into a bird and flew away from the door and then down the hallway. I rushed to the door and slammed it shut behind him. I then scrambled around the room for something, no, anything to wear.
I found a pair of Grant's boxer shorts and a sweatshirt. I pulled them on so quickly that I'm surprised I didn't rip either of them. I then dove under the sheets of the unmade bed and squeezed my eyes shut tight, praying this day to be over.
This was just the worst day ever.
I decided right then and there. I don't care about super monkeys in cages! I want *me* back!
====================================================
To be continued.
Where Have All The Good Men Gone? 02 All Notes and Disclaimers in Part 01
====================================================
//...long have they been like this...//
//...c'mon Toni, just one date...//
//...but Tempest wasn't affected...//
//...Alpha Team reporting. Manhattan is under attack...//
//...Shut up, Roy...//
*oh god make them stop*
//...don't please I promise I'll be good...//
//...vital signs good...//
//Where are we?//
//...Gar, stop jumping on the sofa...//
//...like their minds just shut down...//
*please just be quiet please please please*
//...but why just these five...//
//...swarms of ships in the skies across the world...//
//SHAZAM! Damn it's not working!//
//...but Donna was right by them when it happened...//
*make them stop make them stop make them stop*
//Come on Tyler wake up//
//...but why Mary Marvel...//
//...never gonna be good enough..//
//Mon, wake up//
//...keeps changing forms...//
//...not in control...//
//...only telepaths and mystics...//
//...what about the cat...//
*PERSE!*
==========================
The voices stopped as I bolted up. But this wasn't right. I wasn't in the conference room any more. I was in a grassy area surrounded by stone walls.
"Perse!"
"I've got her here, Tyler," Grant said. He was cradling Perse in his arms, her body limp.
"Oh, God." I whispered as I rushed to my feet. I took her into my arms and held her to my chest.
"Please, Perse. Don't be..." Tears welled in my eyes and I choked back the sobs.
"De cat's not dead, Mon."
I spun to face the woman named Empress. Standing next to her was a girl in a white tunic with a lightning bolt across the front.
"She been dat way since we been here. You, too. Your boy here been holding onto you two de 'tire time since he wake up." Empress folded her arms. "Somet'ing you want tell us 'bout, Grant?"
"Not now, Anita," Grant said as he placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Well, I've got a question, then," came another female voice. I turned to find Lilith sitting in a lotus position. She opened her eyes. "Who are you?"
"My name is Tyler," I said as I stroked Perse's fur. "But the last time you saw me, I was Vesper."
"Actually, the last time I saw you," the girl in the tunic said, "you were someone else."
"What? I don't understand."
Grant gently turned me to face him.
"While we were talking to Donna, you started changing forms."
"But I wasn't using the dial."
"I know. It's like you lost control."
"I don't get it. That's never happened before. I don't know what caused it."
"I do."
Perse lifted her head.
"I caused it."
"DE CAT CAN TALK?"
==========================
"During the time that I was building your mental blocks, I was also enhancing the power of the dial within you. Normally it would take years for the effects of the dial to become part of you. We didn't have that much time. You needed to be ready sooner."
The five of us were sitting and Perse was pacing back and forth before us.
"Ready for what? You told me when I first got the dial that I was going to be some sort of savior. You never told me what I was supposed to do or what was going to happen!" My patience was being sorely tested.
"I don't know what is going to happen. All I know is that it was devined that the dial's host in the next century would perform a great deed and save countless lives in the process.
"So what happened? Why did he lose control and we all end up here?" Grant asked.
"I discovered that Tyler is a metahuman."
"What?!?" I exclaimed.
"While building the blocks, I found that you have a suppressed ability. I was afraid that it would interfere with the dial, so I buried it even further. However, it seems that it has broken free of the bonds I placed on it."
The girl I now knew to be Mary Marvel spoke up, "So what was this power?"
"He blocks mental and mystical abilities," Lilith answered.
"Yes," Perse confirmed, obviously impressed at the redhead's assessment. "Tyler, earlier at the beach when you were changing forms repeatedly, you must have triggered the dial's hold. At the same time, the blocks around your ability began to crumble..."
"...and since de dial is magic, dey started fighting for control." Empress finished. "So, why de hell we all here?"
"The must have been some sort of backlash effect," Mary offered. "Since all of us have powers that are mental or mystical in nature, only we were affected."
"Why wasn't Tempest affected, then?" Grant asked.
"He wasn't in the room with us," Lilith said. "Perhaps there was a limited range."
"Most likely," Perse agreed.
"All right, then. So where are we?" Grant said.
In a very small voice I answered.
"We're in my mind."
Grant wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tight to him.
"So what do we do now?" he asked.
Perse sat still and then answered.
"We tear down the blocks and help Tyler take on his power."
==========================
We'd been walking through a maze of walls now for what seems like hours. Perse had been one very busy cat, it seems. Without her guiding us, it would probably take us forever to get through all this. Mary Marvel and Grant had tried to fly above it all, but they couldn't get airborn. No one had spoken in a long time. Well, not everyone. Mary Marvel kept muttering something under her breath over and over again.
Lilith finally broke the silence.
"Persephone, I've got to commend you on all this. This is the most extensive network of blocks I've ever seen. You must teach me how you did all this."
"When we get out, you will have all my expertise at your disposal. Until then, I suggest we get to work here."
Perse rounded one last corner and we all stepped out into a clearing. In the center was a crumbling tower. Through holes and cracks in the walls, a bright yellow light was pouring out.
*Whoa.*
"What do we do?" I asked.
"You stand there are get ready for a big shock, grasshopper. When the power is released, It's going to seek you out. You're going to have to pull it into yourself and hold onto it."
"I have no idea how to do that."
"You will have to learn quickly. Lilith and I will try to harness it, but you will have take control of it. Are you ready?"
"God, no. But do it anyway."
Perse and Lilith took positions on either side of me. Grant, Mary Marvel and Empress stood around the tower. At the nod of Perse's head, they began striking the walls. Grant and Mary Marvel pummeled them with their fists. Empress was prying the blocks away with her staff. As they continued more light poured though the holes. The first bit of energy shot out and swirled around the tower before diving straight towards me. It struck me right in the chest. I went rigid as I felt the energy pour directly into me. More of the blocks fell and streaks of the energy filled the sky, at first roaming randomly then zeroing in on me. I looked to my left where Lilith stood. Her hands hovered near my shoulder. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she seemed to be vibrating. A quick glance to Perse and I saw that she looked the same. Grant's voice called my attention back to the tower.
"All right, people! Here it comes and it looks pissed!"
Mary Marvel and Empress rushed away from the walls and Grant pulled back for one last punch.
Two things stuck in my mind as I watched the tower crumble under the force of his blow. The first is that I will never fail to be impressed with Grant's sheer strength. The second is that I will forever more have a new level of respect for sponges.
The energy now freed from its prison leapt into the sky and oriented itself. I swear it actually looked at me and smiled. It raced down and poured itself into me, filling me completely. I opened my mouth in a silent shout. The walls that surrounded the clearing began to shake and then fall apart.
"Hold onto it, Tyler!" Perse shouted. "Hold on to it!"
My body was glowing now, pulsing with light.
"I can't! It's too much!"
"You can! You can do it! Hold on to it and don't let it out!"
"I'm trying! It's just too much! "It's just too..."
==========================
"...much!" I screamed as I sat upright. Something pulled on my arm and there was a sharp pain in my wrist.
"Thank god, you're back!" Lian exclaimed as she rushed to my side. She pulled a bandage out of her pocket and pressed it to my wrist where blood was flowing freely down my arm. I looked at where she was applying pressure.
"You pulled out the I.V.," she explained as she lowered me back down onto the bed. She produced a roll of tape and secured the bandage in place.
I glanced around the room. I was in the medbay again. I'm beginning to think I spend far too much time here. Grant and the others were no where to be seen.
"Where are the others? Are they ok?"
"They're doing fine. They woke up last night."
"Last night? How long have I been out?"
"About two days now. Hold on for just a second."
Lian pressed a couple of buttons on the wall.
"Toni?" She spoke into the intercom.
"Yes, Lian?"
"Our patient is awake now. Can you send in Grant?"
"Will do."
Lian slid her hands into the pockets of her white jacket.
"How are feeling?"
"I'm kind of tired and a little groggy, I guess," I answered. "My wrist hurts."
Lian managed a slight chuckle. The door opened and Grant walked in, carrying Perse with him. He crossed to the side of the bed and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Welcome back," he said as he pushed away a lock of blonde hair that had fallen into my eyes.
"What the hell?" I said as I reached to my head and discovered that I had a full head of long blonde hair. I noticed for the first time the pale tone of my skin. I also noticed that I was now sporting a set of breasts.
"You had been changing forms since you passed out. You stopped changing last night when the others woke up. This is the last form your were in at the time." Lian said. "Lilith explained to me that you have a latent meta ability that blocks magic. I can only surmise at this point that this power is overriding the dial. Can you try to change back?"
I concentrated on willing the dial into my hand to no avail. I looked up at Grant with I'm sure what must have been a completely helpless expression.
"Try it without the dial. You've been changing without it since Sunday," he offered.
I tried to focus on the change, pulling from memory what it felt like when I transformed with the dial. I shut my eyes tight until tears formed at the corner of my eyes. I opened them and blinked to clear my sight.
"Perse? What am I going to do?" I asked her.
A long moment passed before Grant spoke up.
"She says that you aren't hearing her. Your power is blocking her," Grant said.
"The cat is magic?" Lian asked.
"No. She's telepathic. The power affects that, too," I said, weakly.
=============
I stood outside on the small island looking at the smoke rising from Manhattan across the bay. The wind picked up a little and I pulled the sweater tighter around me. Lian had "borrowed" some clothes for me from Argent's closet. She assured me that she wouldn't mind. Argent apparently has more clothes than she could ever wear in this lifetime. And frankly, this outfit was more comfortable than the uniform that came with this form.
The terrorists turned out to be a full-scale global attack from some group calling themselves Omega Strike. In the two days past, they had struck all the same cities that the Harbingers had attacked. The armed forces and small teams of heroes had managed to push them back, but not before the damage had been done.
I wasn't there to help and I had taken two of the Titans' heavy hitters out of the action, too. I can still hear that Arsenal guy, Roy something or the other, screaming at the top of his lungs about bringing a rank amateur into a crisis.
One guess as to who the rank amateur is. DING DING DING DING DING! You win the booby prize! Or rather, the boobies prize. Right now, that seems more than apropos.
I can't reach my mother in Metropolis. The communications are down there, just like they are in all the cities that were hit. Now that the attacks have halted, crews are working to get the lines back up and running. I don't even know what I would say to her anyway. I do you explain that your racially mixed gay son is now a white heterosexual woman. Oh, and by the way, I've been parading around New York for the past few months playing at being a superhero.
I walked along the rocky coastline and left my gaze fall across the island where the Tower had stood. The only thing there now looked like a small bunker of some kind. This had confused me when I first noticed it. I first thought that the Tower had been blown up in the attack. Grant explained that the Tower was actually just a hologram. I decided to let him explain what a hologram was later and I helped Perse into her pack and then secured said pack and cat onto Grant's shoulders. Grant took my chin in his palm and looked at me with an "it'll be ok, kid" expression. He kissed me and then raced to join their team. They were going to the battle zone to help find people trapped in the rubble of the collapsed buildings. I wanted to join them, but Donna said no. Until they are sure my powers have stabilized, I'm a liability.
And Grant kissed me. Two days ago, he wouldn't kiss me because I was Vesper at the time. He kissed me today and I don't even know who I am right now. I don't even know how to react to that.
I sat down on a particularly large rock and took a deep breath. And concentrated.
I can feel the blocks flowing inside of me. It's hard to describe the feeling. It's almost like a constant white noise in the background. You don't notice it if you're not paying attention, but it's there. I just wish I knew how to turn it off. I tried to pull from the experience of learning to trust the instincts I gained from the dial. Maybe that's the key, trusting my instincts. I just have to find out what they are right now.
I sat still for a long time, listening to the waves brush against the rocks. Listening to the constant hum that filled me now. I so inwardly focused I didn't hear the approaching footsteps behind me.
"Can I sit with you?"
I looked up and saw Lilith there. She hadn't spoken to me since I woke up. I scooted over and patted the rock.
"Have a seat," I said.
We sat together in silence, both of us staring out at the destruction across the water. Grant and Perse were over there somewhere. Being useful.
"It's nice hanging out with you. Most people have this constant buzz going on in their heads. I have to keep these shields up constantly just so I have hear my own thoughts, " Lilith said, finally breaking the silence.
"No offense, but I think I'd rather have the buzz back."
We sat still for a while longer.
"I know what you going through."
I turned to look at Lilith, but she kept staring out over the water.
"In my early years with the Titans I was just the second string party girl who could read minds. I never stuck around with them on a regular basis. I always felt like I was a liability. I spent more time held hostage by some crazy than Daphne from Scooby-Doo. I had to be rescued more than I'd like to admit."
I laughed, despite myself.
"Even when my powers expanded and I became Omen, I still had that doubt with me all the time. I still do."
I regarded Lilith for a moment.
"Why do you stay in the business then?"
She looked at me for the first time since she sat down.
"There is a Chinese proverb that says the great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure," she answered. "I'm not content with failure. I don't think you are either."
I held her gaze for a moment, then turned my attention back over the water.
"I don't even really know what I'm doing, though."
"I gotta a newsflash for you. None of us did either. There wasn't any kind of super hero school for us. Donna, Roy and Garth had their mentors. I never had someone to guide me when I was just starting out, that came much later. Even so, these mentors spent most of the time slapping our wrists and saying 'Bad Titan'. Most often, we made it up as we went along.
"Despite everything this team has been through, we're a family. We take care of our own. Grant is one of ours. Now, so are you by proxy. There are two sayings that have always gotten us through. The first one is 'Titans Together'."
"What's the second one?"
" 'Shut up, Roy!' "
She smiled back at me then broke out into a giggle. I couldn't help but join her. Soon we were laughing so loudly, the gulls along the shore were spooked by the noise and flew away. It felt good to laugh as hard as we did. I really needed this.
"Ok. I've got one more expression," Lilith started, trying to catch her breath.
"What are you - some kind of fortune cookie?" I ask, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes and then giggling again.
"Last one," she promised then offered her hand to me as she stood up.
"My grandpa always said 'When life gives you lemons'," she said as she helped me to my feet, " 'make Lynchburg Lemonade!' C'mon and let me buy you a drink."
We headed back to the bunker wiping the sand from the seat of our jeans.
"You know, it's hard not to learn a lot about someone when you're trapped in their mind. You're a good person, Tyler. Your heart is in the right place. You care about the world now more than you used to, despite everything that you've been through in the past," Lilith said. "It's easy to see why Grant loves you."
It took me three more steps before the neurons and synapses synched up. When they did, you could have knocked me over with a feather!
*Grant loves me?*
==========================
Lilith and I sat in the Titans' common room nursing our beers for most of the afternoon. I'm not much of a drinker so it took me about three hours to get through two of them. Despite the length of time it had taken for me to drink those, I was sporting a pleasant buzz and was very relaxed. I became very quiet and tried to just let the stress slide off me.
"You got quiet all of a sudden," Lilith commented. "You're not starting to brood again, are you?"
I took a deep breath and slowly released it.
"No. Well, maybe. I don't know." I answered with no real commitment. "I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I really don't. I just want things back the way they were before..."
"Well, I think I've got someone that can help."
I spun around on the sofa to see Lian walk into the room. She sat down in the chair facing me.
"Christopher King experienced a side-effect of the dial some years ago. He would change form every hour, with no control over the transformation. S.T.A.R. Labs helped him out, so they have some experience with the dial. They do a lot of work with the metahuman phenomenon," she explained. "I told a colleague there about your case. She would like to take a look and see what can be made of it. I think this is a good idea, Tyler."
*S.T.A.R. Labs? Am I that far gone that I'm going to be some scientist's experiment?*
Visions of caged super-monkeys appeared in my mind.
"Can I think about it for a while?"
"Yes, but not too long," she answered. "We don't know if this is permanent. The sooner it's investigated, the better."
*This could be permanent? What the hell have I done to myself?*
"All right. Thank you," I said. "Would you excuse me? I'd like to lie down for a while."
I stood and then headed for the elevators. When the doors closed before me, I realized I had no idea where I was headed. I really did not want to go back to the medbay again. I pressed the button for the living quarters. I hope Grant doesn't mind me crashing in his room for a while, but I can't go back to my own apartment looking like this. I don't have a key and the door attendant wouldn't let me in without one. I hoped I'd remembered to leave an extra key in Perse's pack. Eventually, I will need to go back, even if it's only to make sure that everything is ok.
The doors opened and I wound my way through the halls until I found Grant's room in the dormitory. I tried the handle and found the door unlocked. Although grateful for that, it did surprise me a little. I don't know why. Although, I guessed there really would not be a reason to lock your door when the good guys occupy the place.
I entered the room and weaved my way through the boxes from Grant's move. Either he's been really busy since moving here from Chicago or he's not much into housekeeping, I thought to myself. I settled down on his unmade bed and tried to relax.
OK, take stock: You're a woman. This form has some sort of ability, but you can't identify it. You have a of meta-ability that works against magic and telepathy. You're a woman and your back hurts. You're a woman, your back hurts and you have to pee.
I rushed to the bathroom and prayed, yet again, that the instincts would take over!
The instincts were fine; however, I gained a new appreciation for my mother always yelling at me to put the seat down. After what will be forever more be remembered as 'the toilet incident', I turned on the tap to take a suddenly needed shower.
I undressed in a rising cover of steam. I draped a pink towel (note to self: ask Grant about the pink towels) over the shower rod and tested the water to make sure it wasn't too hot. It was. I never cared for hot showers very much. It always felt as if I was being boiled alive like a lobster. After adjusting the temperature slightly so that the water was just a bit warm, but not too much so, I stepped into the shower.
Then I froze.
A little bit of my personal history: I've never touched a woman. Ever. The desire was never there. I accepted being gay early in life, so there was never that issue of dating girls or experimenting sexually before permanently heading to the land of the Y chromosome. There was no looking back. What could I say? Penises made me smile.
Now, I had a woman's body.
Moreover, I had to touch it to clean it.
Some part of my psyche told me that this is just washing your body. The other, now more dominate side, was screaming at me that I have to touch a girl! A girl! One with all those woman parts that I'd never wanted to touch before!
The dominant side won. I took Grant's shower gel from the shelf and drizzled it onto my skin, until I was fairly well covered in the stuff. I then stepped under the pulsing water and allowed the gel to foam up, and then rinsed it off at the same time. It probably wasn't the cleanest shower I've ever taken, but it got me out of there with a minimum of trauma. I turned off the water once I stopped seeing foam by the drain. I pulled the towel from the rod and wrapped it around myself, not even bothering to rub this skin dry.
That would mean touching myself.
I stepped out of the shower and found a smaller pink towel to wrap around the blonde hair that was slicked against my neck and shoulders.
I stood before the mirror and wiped the steam from its surface. This form had come with makeup... the whole shebang: foundation, blush, lipstick, eye shadow and mascara. Now, said makeup was now running down my face. Apparently, the dial has never heard of waterproof makeup.
*Makeup, heh, or war paint as Rivka had called it.*.
I got a handful of the shower gel and proceeded to scrub the raccoon eyes and lipstick away. It's funny, I thought. I could wash my face, but anything below the neck is off-limits.
I can imagine what Perse would say right now.
"It's just a body. So, get over it! You think I've been a cat my entire existence?"
I knew that. However, she always had time to get used to a new body since she was reborn each time. She never just became a full-grown person.
After rinsing my skin clean, I stared at the face that I didn't recognize as my own. It felt pink and raw. I must have scrubbed it a little too much. Maybe I hoped that my own face would appear from beneath it. It's not a bad face. It's attractive... I guess.
I pulled the towel from my head and let the hair fall down to my shoulders. It's going to take forever for this mop to dry, I thought. I rummaged through the drawers in Grant's bathroom and discovered a blow- dryer... with a diffuser!
*Yea! Grant Emerson, I will kiss you for being such a good 'mo!*
I set about drying the hair and discovered that I was right. It took me about five times as long to dry this hair. I stood before the mirror remembering all those times as a child that I just wished and prayed that Santa would bring me a Make Me Pretty Barbie for Christmas. He never did, but I guess that was my own fault. I never asked for one. Granted, I did ask for Abba's Greatest Hits Vols. I and II and he did bring those on CD. He also brought me that poster of Ricky Martin. Living la Vida Loca indeed! I wondered how he and George Michael are doing these days. I had not thought of either of them since their commitment ceremony was broadcast live on VH-1 a couple of years ago.
I turned the dryer off and flipped the hair forward then back. While I looked at the mirror I combed through the mop with my fingers. While Grant may have a great blow-dryer, he doesn't own a decent brush. Not too bad, I thought, as the hair, my hair, fell into place on its own accord.
As I fiddled through the long blonde tresses (my hair. mine. my. hair.) trying to get the bangs just right, the towel covering my woman's body slipped. I grabbed it just before it fell and began to cinch it back in place, but stopped.
*No one is here. Go on and look. It's not like you haven't seen a naked woman before.*
*Naked.*
The thought of the word resounded in my ears without being spoken.
*Sooooooooooo Naked.*
It pounded in my head.
*Naked! Naked! Naked!*
*STOP!*
I regained consciousness of myself. My... self.
I allowed the towel to loosen a bit and I slid it down, revealing the (...my, gulp) cleavage. After a few seconds, I opened the towel slowly over... my left breast.
My heart was pounding so hard that I felt tremors in veins in my neck and forehead. I closed my eyes and tried to will my heart rate down.
"Get a grip!" I admonished myself. " It's not like this is your first time as a woman! You turned into Aeon back when you first got the dial!"
I thought back to when I had been Aeon. That form had come with a tight costume, but had been covered with a cape and cowl. In addition, I had only been that way for about two hours then I was happily back to me. Well, the me with a penis.
I peeked through the tight slits of my lids to see the reflection that held my current form in its silver frame. The light tone to the skin was complimented by the rose colored nipple that rose to a slight point. I allowed my eyes to open further and then opened the lifted the right side of the towel to expose my other breast. I lowered the towel a bit and then cinched it tightly around my waist.
There they were.
Both of 'em.
Moreover, I haven't turned into a pillar of salt or run screaming from the room.
I had stopped breathing, though. Realizing this, I inhaled sharply and nearly choked on the subsequent gasp once I watched my breasts rise in response to the sudden influx of air into my lungs. I barely suppressed a fit of coughing as I struggled to get my breathing under control. I rested against the open door, waiting for the lightheaded feeling of too much oxygen to pass.
Looking into the mirror again, I saw the profile of my breasts in the mirror. I turned a bit and silently observed the reflection. I turned around and looked over my shoulder to view my back. I then continued my turn till I was face front again. With a sudden flash of boldness, I pulled the towel from my waist and dropped it to the floor.
I allowed my eyes to travel lower, but soon found after a few agonizing seconds that I could not see lower than my navel in the reflection.
"I've got to do this now," I said to myself.
I walked into Grant's room to find something to stand on. While I looked around Grant's poor excuse for housekeeping, I caught my reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door that exited into the hallway. To my own credit, I did not hyperventilate.
Well, there I was in all my naked glory. I slowly turned to face the reflection and examined what fate had dealt me: pale skin, perky breasts, taut stomach, small waist, and a dark triangle of neatly trimmed hair.
"What the...," I said out loud.
I guess this form wasn't a natural blonde! I didn't have much time to muse on the aesthetic leanings of the dial, however. The door suddenly swing wide open and I was now face to face with some green guy wearing a white on red costume.
"Grant, are you...," he began and then stopped in mid-sentence.
Then he screamed like a girl. No, really! He screamed like a little girl just scared by the boogeyman. I don't have much room to talk, since I was screaming right along with him. In my defense, however, his voice was of a higher pitch than mine.
"AAAHHHHH!"
"AAAHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
"SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!" I finally managed to yell back.
In a flash of red light, the green guy changed into a bird and flew away from the door and then down the hallway. I rushed to the door and slammed it shut behind him. I then scrambled around the room for something, no, anything to wear.
I found a pair of Grant's boxer shorts and a sweatshirt. I pulled them on so quickly that I'm surprised I didn't rip either of them. I then dove under the sheets of the unmade bed and squeezed my eyes shut tight, praying this day to be over.
This was just the worst day ever.
I decided right then and there. I don't care about super monkeys in cages! I want *me* back!
====================================================
To be continued.