Lucifer the Indigo, Gabriel the Green and Eddie the White
A/N: I just watched LOTR: Two Towers. It was SUPERB! Absobally the best! But if I hear more people blabbering about Legolas, I make sure something Bad happens to him in this fic.*is immediately stoned by hordes of rabid Legolas fan girls* BTw, this fic is dedicated to my friend, Eddie (Silhouette Panther) for her birthday. This story is going to be a rather short one that will be broken up into short pieces, unless inspiration strikes from Heaven above. Not much chance though. * looks at her birth cert* nope, definitely not much chance.
Disclaimer: I owe several copies of LOTR and the Hobbit, but sadly, I do not owe the VCDs.* editor shouts, " Out of Point!"* Fine. I'm not Tolkien, cos he's dead. So there.
The rather Bizarre and short and downright crazy adventure of Lucifer, Eddie and Gabriel
In the Shire
A lone figure paced the green hills, restlessly walking. It was an old man, garbed in robes of faded purple, with a beard of egg-white white frosted with green moss. He was muttering, " Late! I knew I arrived too early! Tis a tragedy that we mages never know how to be early! And Gabriel should know better! An elf none the less! Alas!" No one heeded his call, for the Tower Hills were silent as always. He stamped his feet, a rather childish act for one so venerable. " Gabriel! Eddie! May your footsteps be blighted for years if you do not turn up soon! I weary of waiting! It has been thirty years! Really! I know patience is a virtue but really!" Sighing exasperatedly, he muttered expletives under his breath while brushing moss away from his robes.
After a year, if Lucifer had bothered to look, there was a new patch of moss, on the hem of his tattered robes. However, his attention was occupied with a black dot on the horizon, which was slowly growing in size and stature. Lucifer stared, as the Black Panther leapt from hill to hill, coming nearer and nearer. The wizard seated on the feline waved, albeit rather dizzily. " Hi, Satan! Wow! You're early!" he shouted, wiping his face with a white handkerchief, reading a yellowed scroll while attempting to balance on his rather active steed. Unfortunately, wizards' minds and limbs are not suited for this type of multi-tasking. Thus, Eddie fell from the panther and landed rather painfully on the hill next to Lucifer.
Lucifer continued staring, as though nothing had happened. For something had happened which he had never seen before, Eddie in a dressrobe. The dressrobe had frilly edges that went ill with Eddie's white beard and wrinkled face. The dressrobe as a matter of fact, did not go well with Eddie at all. Lucifer thought, " By Merlin's beard! Wait, wrong fic. By Telperion of many names! (Eldest of trees, for the uninitiated) What possessed Eddie to dress in a dress robe?!"
Eddie smiled foolishly, not yet wholly recovered from his fall. " Hi Satan. My, you are early! How long have you been waiting?" He continued to babble, his face taking on a mossy-tinge. He shook his head, squinted at the constellations circling his head. "Hang on a tick, I thought there is no constellation that looks like a basketball?" he spoke to the stars. "Ow! What did you hit me for?"
" To preserve what sanity you have left."
Eddie frowned. " That makes sense. I think."
Lucifer rolled his eyes. " Eddie, are your brain scrambled? Why are you in a dress robe??? It ill becomes you. Well?" * tap tap went his foot *
Eddie looked sheepish. " Gabe persuaded me. I swear, he must be related to Saruman, the way he made wearing dressrobes make sense."
" Eddie, we are all related. We're of the brotherhood of the Wizards! We are sired by F-. Oh yeah, classified information. Anyway, we're related. Distantly of course, but related nonetheless."
" If Gabe is related to Saruman, you must be related to Gandalf, equally long-winded."
" Ah-hah! I see the flaw in your argument! Gabriel is an elf, the elder kind, not the couriers of the Valar. Let's stop squabbling. We're only supposed to squabble in front of people. So let's swap news."
The two venerable wizards sat down on two rocks that conveniently appeared. They chattered of things occult and of knowledge esoteric. They discussed matters mystical and forgotten and of the secret and dangerous art of frying a fish. Slowly, the topic turned to that of their fellow council members.
" How late do you think Gabe will be? Thirty years?"
" Nay, only fifteen years at the most. After all, she is an elf. We must allow for elvish foolishness. I assume she is off somewhere, tinkering in the woods, I wouldn't wonder! Now, Razz the Red, she's the one to teach you about turning up late. That time, when we were going to Numenor for Tar- Aldarion's coronation, she turned up a century late. We ended up going for his funeral instead."
" Hah! Typical! Just typical!"
The two wizards continued chatting about old acquaintances, looking like two talkative schoolgirls instead of mighty and wise wizards.
Thus fifteen years passed. Eddie acquired a green patch on the rear end of his hitherto spotless dressrobes. (That is to say, a spot that was no intended by the maker of the robe. The robes had a lot of intended spots, of every imaginable hue and colour.) Lucifer however, did not have a green spot anywhere. It was as though the moss had tired of growing on this hostile creature-that-kept-on-brushing-moss-away. Or in Lucifer's own words, " I'm Too Nasty For Moss To Grow On."
Silently, a shadow appeared on the ground. It was most lithe and black in colour, of the very deepest bruise-colour that could be found. The two wizards glared coldly at the owner of the shadow, a most beauteous elf- maiden-- if she was a little bit thinner. In her, one saw the beauty of the High Elves revived, her eyes were deep brown, the colour of fertile mud and contained the wisdom of the ages and looked as though she knew how to sharpen a pencil properly, a task which many would find hard and impossible, although her actions often gave the lie to this. She was endowed most generously, although some would argue a bit too generously.
" Hi! I think I'm late. Sorry, guys. But really, you don't have to look at me like that. I was only 3 hours late-" She faltered as she saw lightning flew from Lucifer's eyes. He grew, taking on a menacing look. The air crackled, tension running high.
" Listen to me, elf! You were 15 years late! 15 years!" He glared, then shrank back into his usually cranky self.
" Well, Satan and Gabe, if you two are done quarrelling, let's move it. We're got a coronation to catch." With those words, Eddie summoned his faithful Black Panther. The only problem was that the panther didn't want to move and wasn't inclined to be faithful and obedient and follow his master's orders. It feebly lashed its tail, growled half-heartedly and sank down to nap beside a rock.
Eddie's face was a picture to study, it's tone of mortification, anger and embarrassment would be hard to duplicate. In all, she looked as though some one had discovered she kept rubber duckys and sang to them in the bath.
His companions chuckled, laughing at his predicament. Lucifer clapped his hands. Then he sat back and waited for his dragons to appear. However, the dragons were disinclined to come out into middle earth. after all, their volcanoes were much more comfortable and they had just ransacked Lucifer's treasury, thus having a lot of gold to swim in. The dragons didn't want to come and ferry their master around, forgetting quite conveniently that it was their bound duty to obey their master. And the curious thing about middle earth is that once you believe in something and you have the will, that thing will happen. (P.S. that is how you do magic, you believe, you think and you make it happen through your belief. Enough about theories. Back to the dragon.) And thus, the dragons did not come. Lucifer scowled, staring at the smoky message written in the sky: Hi Master, we're kinda busy right now, so we shan't come. Love, your three lovable draclings. P.S. don't skin us when you return, please.
Gabriel smirked-( " Wait, I can't smirk, I'm too angelic to smirk." "Who says. This is my fic. You smirk. That's final.") " Ha, you two senile fools can sit here and wait for your mounts to come, I am walking."
Muttering darkly, the two wizards took up their staff and followed the skipping elf in front of them.
" Why is she so blastedly cheerful about plodding across half the world?"
" Because she is an elf. The crazy things run about all the time. But look, I see something that would dampen her spirits." He pointed to a few objects in the sky. Both wizards looked pleased and laughed.
Hearing the sound of laughter, Gabriel turned around. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the two snickering mages. " Satan, Eddie, I trust all is fine? You two had not be up to something or Valar help you!" She frowned, remember the time when Eddie had dumped a foamy tankard of ale on her head and when Lucifer had pushed her into a mud puddle.
Her frown deepened as she felt the wind blow rather violently. " It's going to rain. You two did this, didn't you?"
The two wizards contrived to look innocent. " Who us? Impossible. We're too angelic to do such a mean thing."
They were treated to a sight that few have seen before, an elf choking and turning purple in the face.
" Nice colour."
" Shut up."
" Really."
" I said shut up."
The elf frowned. Her eyebrows drew together, creating a forbidding expression. " I hate being caught in the rain."
" But you're an elf. You're suppose to like rain, you know, nourishing of your beloved forests."
" I don't like to be bathed by rain, thank you. I'm no ent or huorn."
Lucifer raised his eyebrows sceptically. " Really?"
Gabriel looked miffed. " Yes. My surpassing beauty and elegance. did I say something wrong?" She looked down at the two unconscious men on the floor. " It must have been something they ate."
Eddie raised his head. " No, it was what you said." As he had finished his comment, he fell back into his comfortable dead faint.
The elf scowled. " They are wasting time. My precious time. I could get some beauty sleep in a comfortable inn but noooooo, they had to faint here in the middle of nowhere. With a storm approaching. So much for friendship." She kicked moodily at Eddie.
" Ow! That was uncalled for! The storm was totally natural." Eddie yelped, rubbing the afflicted area.
Lucifer sat up, brushing the ants off his sleeves. " Let's go. We don't want Gabriel to melt in the rain like the evil witch of the north, right?"
" What the! Apologise immediately! And it's the evil witch of the west, idiot."
Eddie sighed. " Why do you two always quarrel? I mean, every single time you meet, you squabble. Can't you give me some peace to enjoy the rain?" As he spoke, the rain started falling, very heavily. Soon, Gabriel was soaked to the skin. As a contrast, Eddie and Lucifer were as dry as cookies in the oven.
Gabriel glared, " Why am I wet and you two are dry?"
Lucifer looked wise, " We are wizards, secrets of the trade, you understand?"
" No. take this!" She bent down, grabbed a handful of mud in her fair, lily- white hands and threw it into Lucifer's face. The effect was immediate. The mud flew back into her face.
" Why you measly pointy ears! How dare you dirty my white beard!" The two started to fling mud at each other. Some how, mud get splattered on Eddie's beard as well. It soon turned into a full-fledged mud fight.
That was why two ragged and muddy old men turned up at the 'Rusty Bucket' inn accompanied by a wet and muddy elf, not to mention grumpy.
I'll think about how to write the next part.
A/N: I just watched LOTR: Two Towers. It was SUPERB! Absobally the best! But if I hear more people blabbering about Legolas, I make sure something Bad happens to him in this fic.*is immediately stoned by hordes of rabid Legolas fan girls* BTw, this fic is dedicated to my friend, Eddie (Silhouette Panther) for her birthday. This story is going to be a rather short one that will be broken up into short pieces, unless inspiration strikes from Heaven above. Not much chance though. * looks at her birth cert* nope, definitely not much chance.
Disclaimer: I owe several copies of LOTR and the Hobbit, but sadly, I do not owe the VCDs.* editor shouts, " Out of Point!"* Fine. I'm not Tolkien, cos he's dead. So there.
The rather Bizarre and short and downright crazy adventure of Lucifer, Eddie and Gabriel
In the Shire
A lone figure paced the green hills, restlessly walking. It was an old man, garbed in robes of faded purple, with a beard of egg-white white frosted with green moss. He was muttering, " Late! I knew I arrived too early! Tis a tragedy that we mages never know how to be early! And Gabriel should know better! An elf none the less! Alas!" No one heeded his call, for the Tower Hills were silent as always. He stamped his feet, a rather childish act for one so venerable. " Gabriel! Eddie! May your footsteps be blighted for years if you do not turn up soon! I weary of waiting! It has been thirty years! Really! I know patience is a virtue but really!" Sighing exasperatedly, he muttered expletives under his breath while brushing moss away from his robes.
After a year, if Lucifer had bothered to look, there was a new patch of moss, on the hem of his tattered robes. However, his attention was occupied with a black dot on the horizon, which was slowly growing in size and stature. Lucifer stared, as the Black Panther leapt from hill to hill, coming nearer and nearer. The wizard seated on the feline waved, albeit rather dizzily. " Hi, Satan! Wow! You're early!" he shouted, wiping his face with a white handkerchief, reading a yellowed scroll while attempting to balance on his rather active steed. Unfortunately, wizards' minds and limbs are not suited for this type of multi-tasking. Thus, Eddie fell from the panther and landed rather painfully on the hill next to Lucifer.
Lucifer continued staring, as though nothing had happened. For something had happened which he had never seen before, Eddie in a dressrobe. The dressrobe had frilly edges that went ill with Eddie's white beard and wrinkled face. The dressrobe as a matter of fact, did not go well with Eddie at all. Lucifer thought, " By Merlin's beard! Wait, wrong fic. By Telperion of many names! (Eldest of trees, for the uninitiated) What possessed Eddie to dress in a dress robe?!"
Eddie smiled foolishly, not yet wholly recovered from his fall. " Hi Satan. My, you are early! How long have you been waiting?" He continued to babble, his face taking on a mossy-tinge. He shook his head, squinted at the constellations circling his head. "Hang on a tick, I thought there is no constellation that looks like a basketball?" he spoke to the stars. "Ow! What did you hit me for?"
" To preserve what sanity you have left."
Eddie frowned. " That makes sense. I think."
Lucifer rolled his eyes. " Eddie, are your brain scrambled? Why are you in a dress robe??? It ill becomes you. Well?" * tap tap went his foot *
Eddie looked sheepish. " Gabe persuaded me. I swear, he must be related to Saruman, the way he made wearing dressrobes make sense."
" Eddie, we are all related. We're of the brotherhood of the Wizards! We are sired by F-. Oh yeah, classified information. Anyway, we're related. Distantly of course, but related nonetheless."
" If Gabe is related to Saruman, you must be related to Gandalf, equally long-winded."
" Ah-hah! I see the flaw in your argument! Gabriel is an elf, the elder kind, not the couriers of the Valar. Let's stop squabbling. We're only supposed to squabble in front of people. So let's swap news."
The two venerable wizards sat down on two rocks that conveniently appeared. They chattered of things occult and of knowledge esoteric. They discussed matters mystical and forgotten and of the secret and dangerous art of frying a fish. Slowly, the topic turned to that of their fellow council members.
" How late do you think Gabe will be? Thirty years?"
" Nay, only fifteen years at the most. After all, she is an elf. We must allow for elvish foolishness. I assume she is off somewhere, tinkering in the woods, I wouldn't wonder! Now, Razz the Red, she's the one to teach you about turning up late. That time, when we were going to Numenor for Tar- Aldarion's coronation, she turned up a century late. We ended up going for his funeral instead."
" Hah! Typical! Just typical!"
The two wizards continued chatting about old acquaintances, looking like two talkative schoolgirls instead of mighty and wise wizards.
Thus fifteen years passed. Eddie acquired a green patch on the rear end of his hitherto spotless dressrobes. (That is to say, a spot that was no intended by the maker of the robe. The robes had a lot of intended spots, of every imaginable hue and colour.) Lucifer however, did not have a green spot anywhere. It was as though the moss had tired of growing on this hostile creature-that-kept-on-brushing-moss-away. Or in Lucifer's own words, " I'm Too Nasty For Moss To Grow On."
Silently, a shadow appeared on the ground. It was most lithe and black in colour, of the very deepest bruise-colour that could be found. The two wizards glared coldly at the owner of the shadow, a most beauteous elf- maiden-- if she was a little bit thinner. In her, one saw the beauty of the High Elves revived, her eyes were deep brown, the colour of fertile mud and contained the wisdom of the ages and looked as though she knew how to sharpen a pencil properly, a task which many would find hard and impossible, although her actions often gave the lie to this. She was endowed most generously, although some would argue a bit too generously.
" Hi! I think I'm late. Sorry, guys. But really, you don't have to look at me like that. I was only 3 hours late-" She faltered as she saw lightning flew from Lucifer's eyes. He grew, taking on a menacing look. The air crackled, tension running high.
" Listen to me, elf! You were 15 years late! 15 years!" He glared, then shrank back into his usually cranky self.
" Well, Satan and Gabe, if you two are done quarrelling, let's move it. We're got a coronation to catch." With those words, Eddie summoned his faithful Black Panther. The only problem was that the panther didn't want to move and wasn't inclined to be faithful and obedient and follow his master's orders. It feebly lashed its tail, growled half-heartedly and sank down to nap beside a rock.
Eddie's face was a picture to study, it's tone of mortification, anger and embarrassment would be hard to duplicate. In all, she looked as though some one had discovered she kept rubber duckys and sang to them in the bath.
His companions chuckled, laughing at his predicament. Lucifer clapped his hands. Then he sat back and waited for his dragons to appear. However, the dragons were disinclined to come out into middle earth. after all, their volcanoes were much more comfortable and they had just ransacked Lucifer's treasury, thus having a lot of gold to swim in. The dragons didn't want to come and ferry their master around, forgetting quite conveniently that it was their bound duty to obey their master. And the curious thing about middle earth is that once you believe in something and you have the will, that thing will happen. (P.S. that is how you do magic, you believe, you think and you make it happen through your belief. Enough about theories. Back to the dragon.) And thus, the dragons did not come. Lucifer scowled, staring at the smoky message written in the sky: Hi Master, we're kinda busy right now, so we shan't come. Love, your three lovable draclings. P.S. don't skin us when you return, please.
Gabriel smirked-( " Wait, I can't smirk, I'm too angelic to smirk." "Who says. This is my fic. You smirk. That's final.") " Ha, you two senile fools can sit here and wait for your mounts to come, I am walking."
Muttering darkly, the two wizards took up their staff and followed the skipping elf in front of them.
" Why is she so blastedly cheerful about plodding across half the world?"
" Because she is an elf. The crazy things run about all the time. But look, I see something that would dampen her spirits." He pointed to a few objects in the sky. Both wizards looked pleased and laughed.
Hearing the sound of laughter, Gabriel turned around. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the two snickering mages. " Satan, Eddie, I trust all is fine? You two had not be up to something or Valar help you!" She frowned, remember the time when Eddie had dumped a foamy tankard of ale on her head and when Lucifer had pushed her into a mud puddle.
Her frown deepened as she felt the wind blow rather violently. " It's going to rain. You two did this, didn't you?"
The two wizards contrived to look innocent. " Who us? Impossible. We're too angelic to do such a mean thing."
They were treated to a sight that few have seen before, an elf choking and turning purple in the face.
" Nice colour."
" Shut up."
" Really."
" I said shut up."
The elf frowned. Her eyebrows drew together, creating a forbidding expression. " I hate being caught in the rain."
" But you're an elf. You're suppose to like rain, you know, nourishing of your beloved forests."
" I don't like to be bathed by rain, thank you. I'm no ent or huorn."
Lucifer raised his eyebrows sceptically. " Really?"
Gabriel looked miffed. " Yes. My surpassing beauty and elegance. did I say something wrong?" She looked down at the two unconscious men on the floor. " It must have been something they ate."
Eddie raised his head. " No, it was what you said." As he had finished his comment, he fell back into his comfortable dead faint.
The elf scowled. " They are wasting time. My precious time. I could get some beauty sleep in a comfortable inn but noooooo, they had to faint here in the middle of nowhere. With a storm approaching. So much for friendship." She kicked moodily at Eddie.
" Ow! That was uncalled for! The storm was totally natural." Eddie yelped, rubbing the afflicted area.
Lucifer sat up, brushing the ants off his sleeves. " Let's go. We don't want Gabriel to melt in the rain like the evil witch of the north, right?"
" What the! Apologise immediately! And it's the evil witch of the west, idiot."
Eddie sighed. " Why do you two always quarrel? I mean, every single time you meet, you squabble. Can't you give me some peace to enjoy the rain?" As he spoke, the rain started falling, very heavily. Soon, Gabriel was soaked to the skin. As a contrast, Eddie and Lucifer were as dry as cookies in the oven.
Gabriel glared, " Why am I wet and you two are dry?"
Lucifer looked wise, " We are wizards, secrets of the trade, you understand?"
" No. take this!" She bent down, grabbed a handful of mud in her fair, lily- white hands and threw it into Lucifer's face. The effect was immediate. The mud flew back into her face.
" Why you measly pointy ears! How dare you dirty my white beard!" The two started to fling mud at each other. Some how, mud get splattered on Eddie's beard as well. It soon turned into a full-fledged mud fight.
That was why two ragged and muddy old men turned up at the 'Rusty Bucket' inn accompanied by a wet and muddy elf, not to mention grumpy.
I'll think about how to write the next part.